AN: So I posted this on Tumblr already. It's at quincestiswincesttheta if you want to read it there. My Tumblr is quincestiswincest. Reviews, comments, etc ALL welcome here or there!
It was three and a half weeks into the semester, and Sara already felt like taking this class was a big mistake. She had done well enough in math in high school, but college classes are a much faster pace, and she could feel herself lagging behind. Perhaps it was the time gap that was causing the issue. Maybe if she had taken the math classes her freshman year, she would have been able to keep up. However, now that she was in her junior year, the formulas from her teens were long out of her memory, and the grades on her homework reflected this quickly.
Taking a deep breath, she walked down the hall toward her TA's office, looking at the numbers on each door. She stopped outside the one labeled 453, and her eyes slowly scanned the room from the open doorway. There were about six desks around the room, each with varying numbers of books stacked on top of them. More than six chairs filled the room, so students could sit when getting help. Her eyes settled on the back of the only person in the room: her TA.
The TA was wearing a fitted sleeveless t-shirt that went down far enough to reach the seat of her chair. Sara noticed a number of colorful tattoos on the TA's toned left arm and wondered if the right had some to match, but the TA's desk was in the far right corner of the room, so she did not have a view of that arm. The TA's choppy hair settled just past her chin, and Sara briefly wondered if she should turn around. Maybe it wasn't her TA. Maybe it was some other TA for another class. Maybe her TA was actually a very straight woman with blonde hair down to her waist and –
Sara chastised herself for being stereotypical about both straight and gay women. The woman in front of her did not have a rainbow flag draped across her, so there was no way to know her sexuality. And what did it matter? She was just here for help in math, not advice on her own feelings toward women.
She closed her eyes and inhaled, then exhaled when she opened them. Her hand softly rapped the door to her right. Immediately the TA looked up from whatever she was writing and they locked eyes.
Tegan heard a knock on the door behind her. Knowing that meant a student had come for help, she turned around to invite them in. Her breath stopped in her chest as she laid eyes on one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen. Not to be mistaken for someone who had never seen a pretty girl before, she only missed that first beat before greeting the student with a smile.
"Hi! Are you here for calc' one?"
"Uh... yeah. I... I haven't been doing so well on the homework. I think I just waited too long before picking it back up," Sara rambled with her eyes locked on the floor.
"No worries. That's what I'm here for. Come in and take a seat. Did you bring the homework with you?" Tegan watched as the student slowly made her way to a chair and dragged it toward her desk.
"Um, yes. I have it." Sara sat in the chair and pulled out her folder without making eye contact. Tegan felt the waves of nervousness radiate off of the student.
"Hey, don't feel bad. I failed calc' two the first time I took it. Now I have a bachelor's in math, and I'm working on a master's. Sometimes things don't click the first time. But like I said, that's what I'm here for. I wouldn't have failed if I had gotten help. And I'll help you so that you don't have to worry about making up a class like I did." Tegan enjoyed teaching and tutoring, but she knew how intimidating it was to ask for help, even if a person's job was for the purpose of helping; it was why she had failed that class herself.
"Really? You failed a math class before?" Sara finally looked up at her TA with wide eyes. "And they let you be a TA?" Sara felt her cheeks get warm when she realized that she had basically insulted the TA, but it didn't seem to faze her.
Tegan threw her head back laughing. "Yup! It just didn't click for me the first time. I got help, and I got through it. Some stuff clicks right away, and some stuff doesn't. That doesn't mean that you can't get it. Or teach it." She smiled at the shy student. It had taken a great amount of willpower to hold back the wink that she had almost given out of reflex. She never had a problem keeping professional with students before. What was this?
Sara couldn't stop the corners of her lips from raising up in response. Not only had the TA made her feel better before they even started working, but her smile lit up the room. At least I get some eye candy while I'm being forced through this math class, Sara thought. Wait, what? Sara didn't know why she just thought of the TA as eye candy. No. She did know why, but she didn't want to think about why.
"So. Why don't we get started?" Tegan geared the topic toward the task at hand. Focusing on the beauty of math seemed like a good distraction from the beauty in front of her. They shared some jokes and light conversation as they went over some of the problems Sara had missed on the homework, and Tegan figured out quickly that the student's biggest hurdle was forgetting things from high school. She could tell that she had no issues with learning the material. Once they got to the end of the second homework assignment, Sara looked at her watch.
"Oh no! I've kept you way past your office hours. I'm so sorry!" Her eyes widened as she started trying to gather her things. She had been here for two hours, and the TA was supposed to be done almost an hour ago.
"Don't worry! I don't have anything else today. I wouldn't have stayed if I had somewhere to be." Or if I had somewhere I'd rather be. Stop. Now. This is not appropriate. Tegan didn't let her thoughts show on her face as she tried to calm the student. "I'm here to help, and I have the time to cover the last homework, too, if you want."
Sara slowed and looked back at the TA. "Are you sure? I don't want to keep you. I'm sure this isn't how you planned to spend your afternoon," she managed.
"Absolutely sure. Teaching is actually my favorite part of being a TA, and I don't want you to –" leave yet "– get further behind what's covered in lecture." Tegan was kicking her own ass in her head for her thoughts. She really did want to help the student like she was supposed to, but she also really did want to ask the student out for coffee just to listen to her talk more. She knew she couldn't, because that was definitely a line that was not to be crossed as a TA. She could date other students, but not if they were in her class. There were way too many issues with the ethics of that, and there was even a policy against it at their college for that same reason.
But Tegan still felt drawn to the student. She was funny, smart, beautiful – she could go on, but she knew she shouldn't. I've just been single for too long. That's it. The definition of my type walked through the door, and I've just been single for too long. She knew that she would hit on the student if they had met in a coffee shop or at a bar, but they hadn't, so she couldn't. She just didn't want the session to end so soon today. Many students just drop the class this early in the semester if they're struggling, so she wanted to extend any time she had with her. It was for the student's benefit, or at least that's what she told herself.
"Well, if you really don't mind, I have the time." Sara slowly sat back down. She didn't know what to make of her thoughts. She really enjoyed listening to her voice, her passion about the subject, her personality. She thought maybe they would be friends if they weren't in this dichotomous situation. Just friends, though, because she needed to work more on figuring out what she was feeling and what she wanted before she would be willing to bring someone else into the equation. She wasn't even sure if the other person in that equation should be a woman. She never had any issue with other people being of different orientations, but she had no clue what her own feelings meant. However, this did not sate her desire to get to know the TA more.
They picked right back up on the third homework, but this one took another hour and a half to cover, because it was mostly new material. The sun was lowering in the sky as they finished the last problem. Tegan looked up at the student, satisfied that she would be prepared for the next lecture, but disappointed that she had no more excuses to keep her here today.
"Well, that seems about it. You seem to have a decent handle on what's been covered so far."
"Thank you so much. I feel a lot better now than I did earlier. I was actually thinking of dropping the course," Sara admitted.
A knot turned inside Tegan's stomach. She didn't want this to be the only time she would ever see the woman sitting next to her. "Well, I'm glad I seem to have changed your mind. From what I've seen, I know you can get through this class. And my office hours are posted on the website if you ever need more help." A conflict arose in her; she wanted the student to do well in the course, but she also wanted her to keep needing to come to her office for help. She had never wished a student to do poorly before, and the guilt of thinking that way ate at her insides. I don't want her to fail. I just want to be the one to help her to pass. Her reasoning helped deflect the majority of the guilt for now, but it only made her more worried about her feelings toward the student.
Sara packed her things into her backpack, and they both rose from their chairs. "Thank you again. Not just for explaining all that, but for staying, too. I know you didn't have to. I really appreciate it."
"Hey, it's no problem. It was a nice distraction from my own homework," Tegan chuckled. She hoped that the student thought she meant the material was the distraction, but if Tegan was honest with herself, she meant that the student was the distraction. "By the way, my name is Tegan. What's yours?"
"Sara. Nice to meet you Tegan," Sara smiled. "I should get going, though."
"Okay. See you around. Remember: I'm here."
"Thanks," Sara nodded and walked out of the room. Tegan's eyes were out of her control as they glanced over Sara's backside until she was out of sight. She sat back down in her chair, and her view settled on her own homework she had been doing before her afternoon took itself down a path she never thought it would. Fuck me. – No really. – No! Stop! Her thoughts were not letting her focus on anything productive, so she gave up on working for the night. After packing her bag, she closed the door behind her and headed home.
