Sheik

(I don't own Zelda or Mulan)

(When Zelda is trying to be a boy I will adress her as Sheik)

A Hyrulian painting of the Great Wall of Hyrule is slowly painted across the screen. The words CraZy Ember Pictures present and then Sheik and the dragon symbol appear. The painting becomes animated, and a Hyrulian soldier walks around his post. Suddenly, a bird of prey hits the back of his head ...

Soldier:

Ah! The hawk lets out a call. The soldier walks over to the edge of the wall. A hook comes flying up, followed by many more.

Soldier:

Running back to his post We're under attack! Light the signal!

The door opens, revealing a couple of Bezlis. The soldier climbs up the ladder.

Soldier:

lighting the signal with a torch, while staring at Ganondorf; other signals go on all the way along the Great Wall Now all of Hyrule knows you're here.

Ganondorf:

picking up a flag and toasting it in the signal fire Perfect.

The Hyrulian General and two soldiers walk into the King's chamber and bow.

General:

Your Majesty, Ganon's troops have crossed our Northern Border.

Humsau:

Impossible! No one can get through the Great Wall! He is silenced with a raised hand from the King

General:

Ganondorf is leading them. We'll set up defenses around your castle immediately.

King:

No! Standing up Send your troops to protect my people! Chi Fu!

Humsau:

Yes, your Highness.

King:

Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces. Call up reserves, and as many new recruits as possible.

General:

Forgive me, your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him.

King:

I won't take any chances, General. A single grain of rice can tip the scale; one man may be the difference between victory and defeat.

Zelda:

Using a stick to balance a grain of rice
Quiet and demure ... graceful, polite, delicate, refined, poised ...
she picks up a paintbrush and makes a mark on her arm ... punctual!
A Cucco crows Aaiee!
Blowing on her arm Little brother! Little brother! Little-- she glances down at a sleeping dog on the floor
Ah! There you are! The dog wakes up
Who's the smartest doggy in the world? C'mon, smart boy! Can you help me with my chores today? she ties a sack of Cucco feed to his back, complete with a pole and a bone attached. Little Brother immediately chases the bone, running promptly into a wall and then out the door, scattering grain everywhere.

Henshal:

praying Honorable Ancestors ... please help Zelda impress the Matchmaker today. Little Brother, followed by a herd of cucco, bursts into the family temple. Please, please help her.

Zelda:

God-Father, I brought you some ... Whoop! bangs into Fa Zu, he catches the tea pot on his cane while the cups hit the ground and shatter

Henshal:

Zelda ...

Zelda:

I brought a spare!

Henshal:

Zelda ...

Zelda:

Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning ...

Henshal:

Zelda.

Zelda:

... and three at night.

Henshal:

Zelda. You should already be in town. We're counting on you to ...

Zelda:

Uphold the family honor. Don't worry, God-Father. I won't let you down. Wish me luck!

Henshal:

Hurry! I'm going to ... pray some more.

In town

Woman #1:

Fa Li, where is your god-daughter? The Matchmaker is not a patient woman.

Kourein:

Of all the days to be late! I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.

Granny Fa:

How lucky can they be? They're dead. Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need. Holds up a wicker cage with a cricket inside. This is your chance to prove yourself. She closes her eyes and steps off the sidewalk.

Kourein:

Grandma! No!

Granny Fa walks across the street; vehicles crash, but she emerges unharmed.

Granny Fa:

Yup! This cricket's a lucky one! Fa Li sighs.

Zelda comes riding up on Epona, and hops off.

Zelda:

I'm here! looks at her god-mother What? But, Mama, I had to--

Kourein:

None of your excuses. Now, let's get you cleaned up.

Begin "Honor to us all"

Woman #1:

This is what you give me to work with?
Well, honey, I've seen worse.
We're going to turn this sow's ear
Into a silk purse. put Zelda in a bath tub.

Zelda:

It's freezing!

Kourein:

It would've been warm, if you were here on time.

Woman #1:

We'll have you, washed and dried
Primped and polished till you glow with pride
Just my recipe for instant bride
You'll bring honor to us all.

Kourein:

looks at Zelda's arm to find marks

Zelda, what's this?

Zelda:

Uh ... notes ... in case I forget something.

Granny Fa:

Hold this. Hands Crickee to Fa Li We're going to need more luck than I thought.

Woman #2:

Wait and see, when we're through

Woman #3:

Boys will gladly go to war for you

Woman #2:

With good fortune

Woman #3:

And a great hairdo

Both:

You'll bring honor to us all.

A girl can bring her family
Great honor in one way
By striking a good match
And this might be the day

Woman #4:

Men want girls with good taste

Woman #5:

Calm

Kourein:

Obedient

Woman #5:

Who work fast-paced

Kourein:

With good breeding

Woman #5:

And a tiny waist

put a corset on Zelda

All:

You'll bring honor to us all.

We all must serve our King
Who guards us from Ganondorf
A man by bearing arms
A girl by bearing sons

Woman #6:

When we're through,
You can't fail
Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale
How could any fellow say, "No sale"?
You'll bring honor to us all!

Kourein:

There, you're ready.

Granny Fa:

Not yet! An apple for serenity
A pendant for balance
Beads of jade for beauty
You must proudly show it
Now, add a cricket, just for luck,
And even you can't blow it!

they all push Zelda out the door

Zelda:

Ancestors, hear my plea,
Please don't let me make a fool of me
And to not uproot my family tree
Keep my father standing tall.

Scarier than the Undertaker,
We are meeting our matchmaker!
Destiny, guard our girls,
Help our future as it fast unfurls
Please look kindly on these cultured pearls
Each a perfect porcelain doll ...

Please bring honor to us
Please bring honor to us
Please bring honor to us
Please bring honor to us
Please bring honor to us all!

(song over)

Matchmaker:

Princess Zelda?

Zelda:

Present!

Matchmaker:

Speaking without permission ...

Zelda:

Oops ... They go inside

Granny Fa:

toKourein Who spit in her bean curd?

Matchmaker:

Too skinny ... not good for bearing sons.

Crickee hops out of his cage, Zelda frantically tries to put him back in.

Matchmaker:

Recite the Final Admonition.

Zelda:

Mmm-hmm-hmm ... pulls out a paper fan and spits Crickee out

Matchmaker:

Well?

Zelda:

Fulfill your duties, calmly and ... glances down at the crib notes written on her arm, which are smeared slightly respectively. Um, reflect before you ... snack. Act! Reflect before you act. This shall bring you honor and glory. She fans herself, the matchmaker grabs the fan and searches it for cheat notes. Finding none, she grabs Zelda by the arm (where the notes are!) and pulls her toward a table. The writing comes off in her hand.

Matchmaker:

This way. Now, pour the tea. To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity she rubs her hand over her mouth, and the ink rubs off with a squeak and refinement. You must also be poised. Mulan, staring at the Matchmaker, pours the tea but misses the cup, then regains her composure and quickly fills the teacup.

Zelda notices Crickee relaxing happily in the tea. The Matchmaker takes the teacup.

Zelda:

Um, pardon me ...

Matchmaker:

And silent! sniffs the tea Ah ...

Zelda:

Could I just take that back? One moment ... She grabs for the cup

The Matchmaker fights for the teacup, and they both fall back, the tea spilling all over the Matchmaker. Crickee hops down her dress.

Matchmaker:

Why, you clumsy! ... Oh! Ah! Woo! She trips over the fire-pot, spilling the coals and then sitting on them, the bottom of her dress smoking. Zelda desperately fans the burned spot, and it bursts into flames. The matchmaker runs around screaming.

Outside

Granny Fa:

hears the noise inside

ToKourein I think it's going well, don't you?

The matchmaker runs outside, screaming.

Matchmaker:

Put it out! Put it out! PUT IT OUT! Zelda throws tea over her, putting out the fire. Embarrassed, she hands the teapot to the Matchmaker and quickly walks towardKourein and Granny Fa.

Matchmaker:

furious You are a DISGRACE! You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor!

People start to walk away, whispering.

At the Fa farm

Zelda is greeted with a warm smile by her godfather, but, humiliated, she turns away and takes Epona to the stable.

Beginning of "Reflection"

Zelda:

Look at me ... I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter
Can it be?
I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were truly to be myself
I would break my family's heart.

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me
Why is my reflection someone I don't know
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am, though I've tried
wipes off makeup

When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am, inside?

Later

Henshal:

My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year. But look, this one's late. I bet when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.

Zelda smiles

Drums sound

Zelda:

What is it?

Soldiers and Chi Fu come riding over a hill.

Kourein:

Zelda, stay inside.

Granny Fa:

Ahem. points toward a low roof. Zelda runs over to it and peers over the roof

Humsau:

Citizens! I bring a proclamation from Hyrule! Ganon's troops have invaded Hyrule! By order of the King, one man from every family must serve in the Army. Reading from list The Chow Family! The Yee Family!

hearing about a war with Ganondorf, worried Zelda about Link… but she was going to start worrying about someone else

Son:

I will serve the Emperor in my father's place.

Humsau:

The Fa Family!

Zelda:

No!

Her godfather walks over to Chi Fu.

Henshal:

I am ready to serve the King.

Zelda:

runs out to stop her godfather

Godfather, you can't go!

Henshal:

Zelda!

Zelda:

ToHumsau Please, sir, my godfather has already fought for--

Humsau:

Silence! You will do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence.

Henshal:

Zelda. You dishonor me.

Humsau:

Report tomorrow at the Moo-Shung Camp. He hands Henshal a scroll.

Henshal:

Yes, sir.

Humsau:

Continues to read The Chu Family! The Chang Family! The Yong Family!

In Henshal's bedroom

Henshal yanks open his closet, revealing a suit of hyrulian armor, and unsheaths a sword. Zelda watches. He practices techniques, but his leg gives out and he falls against a pillar, panting.

At dinner

Zelda pours the tea, then sets her cup down with a bang.

Zelda:

You shouldn't have to go!

Kourein:

Zelda!

Zelda:

There are plenty of young men to fight for Hyrule!

Henshal:

It is an honor to protect my country and my family.

Zelda:

So you'll die for honor.

Henshal:

I will die doing what's right.

Zelda:

But if you ...

Henshal:

I know my place. It is time you learned yours.

Zelda stares at her godfather for a moment, then runs outside crying.

Zelda is sitting in a statue of a dragon, crying. It is raining. Through the window of her house, she can see her godmother and godfather talking. Henshal picks up the candle and blows it out. Zelda thinks for a minute, then makes her decision.

Zelda walks into the Family Temple and lights a stick, placing it in a hanging statue of a small dragon. She runs into her parent's room, taking the scroll and leaving her hair comb. Taking her father's sword, she cuts her hair short and puts on her godfather's armor, along with a cowl, and wraping all uncovered limbs with cloth. Going out to the stable, she mounts Epona and sets off for the army.

The eyes of a statue in the temple flash, and Granny Fa wakes up.

Granny Fa:

Zelda's is gone!

Henshal:

What? It can't be ... He runs outside Zelda! No ...

Kourein:

You must go after her. She could be killed.

Henshal:

If I reveal her, she will be.

Granny Fa:

Ancestors, hear our prayer. Watch over Zelda.

In the Family Temple, the characters on a tombstone light up, and they turn into the Great Ancestor.

Great Ancestor:

To the small hanging dragon statue Mushu, awaken.

The statue shakes and smokes.

Vagia:

I live! So, tell me, what mortal needs my protection, Great Ancestor. You just say the word, and I'm there.

Great Ancestor:

Vagia...

Vagia:

And lemme say something, anyone who's foolish enough to threaten OUR family, vengeance will be MINE! Grr ... arrgh ...

Great Ancestor:

Vagia! These are the family guardians. They ...

Vagia:

Protect the family.

Great Ancestor:

And you, O Demoted One ...

Vagia:

I ring the gong.

Great Ancestor:

That's right. Now, wake up the Ancestors ...

Vagia:

One family reunion coming right up. Okay, people, people, look alive! Let's go, c'mon, get up! Let's move it! Rise and shine! Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing.

Ancestor #1:

I knew it, I knew it. That Princess was a troublemaker from the start.

Ancestor #2:

Don't look at me, she gets it from your side of the family!

Ancestor #3:

She's just trying to help her father!

Ancestor #4:

But if she's discovered, Fa Zu will be forever shamed. Dishonor will come to the family. Traditional values will disintegrate!

Ancestor #5:

Not to mention they'll lose the farm!

Ancestor #1:

My children never caused such trouble; they all became acupuncturists!

Ancestor #2:

Well, we can't all be acupuncturists!

Ancestor #6:

No! Your great-granddaughter had to be a CROSS-DRESSER!

The Ancestors start to argue

Ancestor #7:

Let a guardian bring her back!

Ancestor #2:

Yes! Awaken the most cunning!

Ancestor #4:

No! The swiftest!

Ancestor #8:

No, send the wisest!

Great Ancestor:

SILENCE! We will send the most powerful of all.

Vagia:

laughs Okay, okay, I get the Jif. I'll go.

Laughter

Vagia:

Well, y'all don't think I can do it! Watch this here! Blows a tiny flame Ah-hah! Jump back, I'm pretty hot. But I don't have to singe nobody to prove no point.

Great Ancestor:

You had your chance to protect the Fa Family.

Ancestor #6:

Your misguidance led Fa Thang to disaster!

Fa Thang:headless

Yeah, thanks a lot.

Vagia:

And your point is?

Great Ancestor:

The point is, we will be sending a REAL dragon to retrieve Zelda.

Vagia:

What? What? I'm a real dragon!

Great Ancestor:

You're not even worthy of this thought! Now, awaken the Great Stone Dragon!

Vagia:

So you'll get back to me on the job thing. He is hit in the face with his gong.

Vagia:

Just one chance. Is that too much to ask? I mean, it's not like it'll kill you. To the dragon statue Yo, Rocky, wake up! You gotta go fetch Zelda! C'mon, boy! Go get her! Go on! C'mon! He climbs up on the statue, dragging the gong. Grr ... arrgh. Grr. Hello? Helloooo? HELLO! He hits the ear of the dragon with the gong, and it falls off. Suddenly, the entire statue falls apart. Uh-oh ...

Vagia:

Uh ... Stoney? Stoney ... Oh, man, they're gonna kill me!

Great Ancestor:

Great Stone Dragon! Have you awakened?

Vagia:

Holding up the head of the Great Stone Dragon Uh, yes, I just woke up! Um, I am the Great Stone Dragon! Good morning! I will go forth and fetch Zelda! Did- did I mention that I am the Great Stone Dragon?

Great Ancestor:

Go! The fate of the Fa family rests in your claws.

Vagia:

Don't even worry about it. I will not lose face. He loses his balance and tumbles down the hill, the dragon head landing on top of him. Ow, ah, my elbow. Oh, oh, I know I twisted something. He lifts the head off. That's just great, now what? I'm doomed, and all because Princess Man decided to take a little drag show on the road.

Crickee:

Chirp.

Vagia:

Go GET her! What's the matter with you? After this Great Stone Humptey Dumptey mess, I'd have to bring her back with a medal to get back in the Temple! Waitaminute! That's it! I make Zelda a war hero, and they'll be begging me to come back to work! That's the master plan! Oh, you've done it now, man.

Crickee:

Chirp.

Vagia:

running And what makes you think you're coming?

Crickee:

Chirp.

Vagia:

You're LUCKY? Do I look like a sucker to you?

Crickee:

Chirp.

Vagia:

What do you mean, a loser? What if I pop one of you antennae of and throw it across the yard, then who's the loser, or me?

Crickee:

Chirp.

Vagia chases him out of the yard and down the road.

The Bezli army comes to a stop by a marsh. Two Hyrulian soldiers are dragged out of a tree and thrown before Ganondorf.

Moblin:

Imperial Scouts.

Soldier #1:

Ganondorf!

Ganondorf:

Nice work, gentlemen. You've found the Bezli army.

Laughter

Soldier #2:

The King will stop you.

Ganondorf:

Stop me! He invited me. By building his wall, he challenged my strength. Well, I'm here to play his game. Go! Tell your King to send his strongest armies. I'm ready.

The two soldiers scurry off, one after the other.

Ganondorf:

How many men does it take to deliver a message?

bokoblin Archer:

One.

Zelda:

Okay. Okay, how about this: in a deep voice Excuse me, where do I sign in? Ah, I see you have a sword. I have one, too. They're very manly, and strong. She fumbles with the sword, dropping it on the ground.

Epona rolls with laughter, and is hit by a shoe.

Zelda:

I'm working on it! Oh, who am I fooling. It'd take a miracle to get me into the army.

Vagia:

covered in smoke, and surrounded by fire, all Zelda can see is his giant shadow. Did I hear someone ask for a miracle! Lemme hear ya say, "Aaah!"

Zelda:

Aughhh!

Vagia:

That's close enough!

Zelda:

A ghost!

Vagia:

Get ready, Zelda, your seventeen halation is at hand, for I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade! He glances down at Crickee, who is making finger-shadows of a dragon's head, and kicks him. C'mon, you're gonna stay, you're gonna work with me. To Zelda So heed my words, cause if the army finds out you're a girl, the penalty is death.

Zelda:

Who are you?

Vagia:

Who am I? WHO am I? I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Vagia. comes out of the smoke.

Zelda stares at the tiny dragon for a moment.

Vagia:

Ah, I'm pretty hot, huh? Immediately Epona steps all over him.

Zelda:

My ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?

Vagia:

Hey, dragon, dragon, not lizard. I don't do that tongue-thing.

does the "tongue-thing"

Zelda:

You're ... um ...

Vagia:

Intimidating? All inspiring?

Zelda:

Tiny!

Vagia:

Of course! I am travel-sized, for your convenience. If I was my REAL size, your cow here would die of fright. Epona tries to chomp him. DOWN, Bessy. My powers are beyond your mortal imagination. For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor.Zelda hits him Alright! That's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this. Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, dis-

Zelda:

Stop! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I've never done this before.

Vagia:

Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more. You clear on that? Zelda nods. Alright. Okey-dokey! Let's get this show on the road! Crickee, get the bags! To Epona Let's move it heifer!

At the Moo-Shung Camp

Vagia:

Okay, this is it! Time to show them your man-walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up, and strut! Two three, break that bone, two, three, and work it!

Vagia:

They pass men trimming their toenails and picking their noses Beautiful, isn't it.

Zelda:

They're disgusting.

Vagia:

No, they're men. And you're gonna have to act just like them, so pay attention.

Recruit:

Look! This tattoo will protect me from harm!

Xal:

Hmmm ... punches the recruit

Yeshe:

laughing I hope you can get your money back!

Zelda:

I don't think I can do this ...

Vagia:

It's all attitude! Be tough, like this guy here!

Xal:

spits What are you looking at?

Vagia:

Punch him. It's how men say hello. Zelda punches Xal; he slams into Wahuu.

Wahuu:

Oh, Xal! You've made a friend!

Vagia:

Good. Now slap him on the behind. They like that. Zelda slaps Xal.

Xal:

Woo hoo ... I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy.

Wahuu:

Picks up Xal Xal, relax and chant with me.

Xal:

errrrrgh ...

Wahuu:

nanuami tofu dah ...

Xal:

nonuamitofudaaah.

Wahuu:

Feel better?

Xal:

nrrgh. Ah, you ain't worth my time. Cucco boy.

Vagia:

Making it look like Zelda's saying it Cucco boy? Say that to my face, you limp noodle!

Xal:

Rrraaaaghhh! Grabs Zelda and punches; she ducks and he punches Yashe three times. Oh, sorry Yashe. Hey! reaches down to catch Zelda from crawling away, and Yashe kicks him into Wahuu, then attacks with a flying side kick. They start fighting, with Wahuu swiping to get them off. Zelda scrambles away.

Yashe:

Hey! There he goes! They chase Zelda through a tent, and the Gang of Three stop abruptly at the end of the food line. Wahuu knocks everyone over, like dominoes, and finally the pot overturns. Everyone gets up and advances on Zelda.

Zelda:

Hey, guys ...

Inside the Captain's Tent

General:

The Bezlis have struck here, here, and here. I will take the main troops up to the Tung Chow Pass and stop Gonondorf before he destroys this village.

Humsau:

Excellent strategy, sir! I do love surprises.

General:

to Link You will stay and train the new recruits. When Humsau believes you're ready, you will join us ... Captain.

Link:

Captain?

Humsau:

Oh! This is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience?

General:

Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques ... an impressive military linuage ... I believe Link will do an excellent job.

Link:

Oh I will! I won't let you down! This is... I mean... Yes sir.

General:

Very good, then. We'll toast Hyrule's victory in Hyrule Central. I'll expect a full report in three weeks.

Humsau:

And believe me, I won't leave anything out.

the General and Humsau leave the tent

Link:

Captain Link. Leader of Hyrule's finest troops. No, the greatest troops of all time. He steps outside to find the recruts fighting

Humsau:

Most impressive.

General:

Good luck, Captain! Yah! He rides off, followed by two lines of soldiers on horses.

Link:

Good luck ... Father.

Humsau:

Day one.

Link:

Soldiers!

Soldiers separate, revealing a cowering Zelda

Soldiers:

HE started it!

Link:

to Zelda I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp.

Zelda:

Sorry ... in a deep voice I mean, sorry you had to say that. But you know what it is when you get those manly urges ... just gotta KILL something. Fix things ... a cook outdoors ...

Link:

What's your name?

Zelda:

uh...um...uh...

Humsau:

Your commanding officer just asked you a question!

Zelda:

I've got a name ... and it's a boy's name, too.

Vagia:

Yeshe! How 'bout Yeshe?

Zelda:

(to Vagia) HIS name is Yeshe.

Link:

I didn't ask for HIS name, I asked for yours!

Vagia:

Uh ... Ah-chu!

Zelda:

Ah-chu!

Link:

AH-CHU!

Vagia:

Gesuintit! Hee hee ... I kill myself.

Zelda:

Vagia ...

Link:

VAGIA?

Zelda:

No.

Link:

Then WHAT is it!

Vagia:

Sheik! In that outfit you look like a Sheikah.

Zelda:

It's Sheik.

Link:

Sheik.

Zelda:

Yes. My name is Sheik.

Link:

Let me see your conscription notice. Zelda hands the scroll to him. Henshal? THE Henshal?

Humsau:

I didn't know Henshal had a son.

Zelda:

Er, he ... doesn't talk about me much. She attempts to spit, but relizess that she has a cowl on.Eww!

Humsau:

I can see why. The boy's an absolute lunatic! (Laughter)

Link:

Okay, gentlemen, thanks to your new friend Sheik, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. Tomorrow, the real work begins.

Grumbling

Vagia:

You know, we have to work on your people skills.

Inside Zelda's tent

Vagia picks up Crickee and uses him for an alarm clock.

Vagia:

All right, rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! C'mon, hup, hup, hup!

Zelda pulls the blanket over her, and Vagia pulls it off.

Vagia:

Get your clothes on, get ready! Got breakfast ready. Look, you get porridge! And it's happy to see you!

Crickee is resting happily in the bowl of porridge, Vagia uses chopsticks to fish him out.

Vagia:

Hey, get out of there! You're gonna make people sick!

Zelda:

Am I late?

Vagia:

stuffs porridge in her mouth No time to talk. Now, remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting, play nice with the other kids, unless, of course, the other kids want to fight, then you gotta kick the other kid's butt.

Zelda:

But I don't want to kick the other kids' butts.

Vagia:

Don't talk with your mouth full. Now let's see your war face.

Zelda looks at Vagia, her mouth full of porridge.

Vagia:

Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. C'mon, scare me, girl!

Zelda:

Rrrrraaaaarrrgggghhhhh!

Vagia:

That's my tough looking warrior! That's what I'm talking about! Now, get out there and make me proud!

Epona neighs frantically

Vagia:

What do you mean, the troops just left?

Zelda:

They WHAT? She rushes out of the tent

Vagia:

Wait, you forgot your sword! sniffs My little baby, off to destroy people ...

Humsau:

Order! People, order!

Soldier:

I'd like a pan-fried noodle!

Wahuu:

Sweet and pungent shrimp.

Humsau:

That's not funny.

Yeshe:

Looks like our new friend slept in this morning. Why, hello, Sheik, Are ya hungry?

Xal:

Yeah, cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.

Link:

Soldiers! You will assemble swiftly and silently, every morning. Anyone who does otherwise, will answer to me.

He takes off his shirt, and Zelda stares in awe.

Xal:

Ooh, tough guy.

Link:

Xal!pulls out a bow and arrow, everyone else steps back, and Link aims it at Xal, then at the top of a high pole in the middle of the camp. Thank you for volunteering. Retrieve the arrow.

Xal:

I'll get that arrow, pretty boy, and I'll do it with my shirt on. He walks over to the pole and prepares to climb up it.

Link:

One moment, you seem to be missing something. He pulls two giant medals out of a box. This represents Corrage. And this represents Wisdom. You need both to reach the arrow. He ties them around Xal's wrists, and all the soldiers after him, and none of them can make it to the arrow.

Link:

We've got a long way to go.

Beginning of "I'll Make a Man Out of You."

Link:

Let's get down to business
To defeat the Bezlis
Did they send me daughters
When I asked for sons

You're the saddest bunch
I ever met, but you can bet
Before we're through

grabs "Sheik" by the collar
Mister, I'll make a man
Out of you.

Tranquil as a forest
But on fire within
Once you find your center
You are sure to win
You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot
And you can bet before we're through
Mister, I'll make a man out of you.

Wahuu:

I'm never gonna catch my breath

Xal:

Say good-bye to those who knew me

Yeshe:

Boy I was a fool in school for cutting gym

Vagia:

This guy's got 'em scared to death

Zelda:

I hope he doesn't see right through me

Wahuu:

Now I really wish that I knew how to swim

(Be a man)
We must be swift as a coursing river
(Be a man)
With all the force of a great typhoon
(Be a man)
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

Sheik was behind the rest and collapsed, Link came over and took the thing she was carrying

Time is racing t'ward us
Till the Bezlis arrive
Heed my every order
And you might survive

Link was making Sheik pack up to go home
You're unsuited for the rage of war
So pack up, go home, you're through
How could I make a man out of you

Zelda looked up at the arrow and decided to try again she tried to reach it like she originally did but failed miserably, but then realized how to do it. Around the pole she wrapped the pendants together and used that to climb up there. As the sun was rising, the recruits that woke up stared in amassment, and by the time Link woke up he saw an arrow land down in front of him, he looked up at the top of the pole to find Sheik with the two pendants waving to every one. After this everything was better.

(Be a man)
We must be swift as a coursing river,
(Be a man)
With all the force of a great typhoon
(Be a man)
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

(Be a man)
We must be swift as a coursing river
(Be a man)
With all the force of a great typhoon
(Be a man)
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!

Every One:

YAH!

Ganondorf cuts the top off a tree. The hawk flies overhead and drops a small doll. Ganondorf jumps down from the tree and throws the doll to one of the minions.

Ganondorf:

What do you see?

Min #1:

Black pine ... from the high mountains!

Min #2:

White horse hair ... Imperial stallions.

Min #3:

Sulphur ... from cannons.

Ganondorf:

This doll came from a village in the Tung Show Pass, where the Hyrule Army is waiting.

Min Archer:

We can avoid them easily.

Ganondorf:

No. The quickest way to the King is through that pass. Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her.

Moo Shung Camp, at night

Vagia:

Hey, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?

Zelda:

Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.

Vagia:

so a couple guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell.

Zelda:

Jumps in the water Ah.

Vagia:

Okay, all right, alright, that's enough, now c'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff.

Zelda:

Vagia, if you're so worried, go stand watch!

Vagia:

Yeah, yeah.trys to imitate Zelda Stand watch, Vagia, while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits. Hygiene.

Three (naked) men flash by, laughing.

Vagia:

We're doomed! There're a couple of things I KNOW they're bound to notice!

Zelda ducks into the water as Yeshe, Xal and Wahuu jump into the water. She tries to hide herself with a lilypad.

Xal:

Hey, Shiek!

"Sheik":

Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were HERE. I was just washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.

Yeshe:

Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Yeshe.

Wahuu:

And I'm Wahuu.

Zelda:

Hello, Wahuu.

Xal:

And I am Xal, King of the Rock! And there's nothing you girls can do about it.

Yeshe:

Oh yeah? Well, I think Sheik and I can take you!

Zelda:

I really don't want to take him anywhere.

Yeshe:

But, Sheik! We have to fight!

Zelda:

No, we don't. We could just close our eyes, and ... swim around!

Yeshe:

C'mon! Don't' be such a ... OW! Something bit me!

Vagia:

poping up out of the waterWhat a nasty flavor.

Yeshe:

sees Vagia SNAKE!

While Xal, Wahuu and Yeshe are shrieking, Zelda whistles for Epona and sneaks away.

Yeshe:

huddled on the rock with Wahuu and Xal Some King of the Rock.

Zelda:

Boy, that was close.

Vagia:

No, that was vile. You owe me big!

Zelda:

I never want to see a naked man again.

A herd of naked men flash by.

Vagia:

Don't look at me, I ain't biting no more butts.

In Humsau's tent

Humsau:

You think your troops are ready to fight? Hah! They wouldn't last a minute against the Bezli army!

Link:

They completed their training.

Humsau:

Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the general reads my report, your troops will never see battle.

Vagia:

Oh, no, you don't! I've worked too hard to get Zelda into this war! This guy's messing with my plans!

Link:

We're not finished!

Humsau:

Be careful, Captain. The general may be your father, but I am the King's Council. And, oh, by the way, I got that job on my own. You're dismissed.

Zelda:

to Link Hey, I'll hold him, and you punch! ... Or not. For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain!

Vagia:

I saw that.

Zelda:

What?

Vagia:

You like him, don't you

Zelda:

Zelda blushed, last time she had ever seen him they where children

No! I ...

Vagia:

Yeah, right, sure. GO TO YOUR TENT!

Smiling, Zelda walks away.

Vagia:

to Crickee I think it's time we took this war into our own hands.

They rush into the tent as Humsau strolls out, dressed in a towel, a hat, and slippers.

Crickee types out a letter, like a typewriter.

Vagia:

Okay, lemme see what you've got. reads From General Lee. 'Dear Son, we're waiting for the Bezli army at the pass. It would mean a lot of you'd come and back us up.' Hmm. That's great, except that you forgot, 'and since we're out of popourri, perhaps you wouldn't mind bringing up some!' HELLO! This is the army! Make it sound a little urgent, please. You know what I'm talking about?

Crickee hops around typing out another letter.

Vagia:

That's better, much better! Let's go!

Vagia:

Eponey, baby. We need a ride. Epona squirts him off, and Crickee slowly backs off.

At the lake. Laughter

Humsau:

Insubordinate ruffians. You men owe me a new pair of slippers! More laughter And I do not squeal like a girl! He turns to see a straw soldier (Vagia and Crickee) riding a panda bear. Eeeeeeek!

Vagia:

In a deep voice Urgent news from the general! He holds out a scroll What's the matter, you've never seen a black and white before?

Humsau:

Who are you?

Vagia:

Excuse me? I think the question should be, who are you! We're in a war, man! There's no time for stupid questions! I should have your hat for that! Snatch it right off your head! I'm feeling gracious today, so ... carry on. Humsau turns, and the panda climbs up a nearby tree.

In the captain's tent

Humsau:

Captain! Urgent news from the general! We're needed at the front!

Vagia:

Pack your bags, Crickee, we're moving out!

Begin "A Girl Worth Fighting For."

All:For a long time we've been marching off to battle.
Xal:In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattlenerby cows moo.
All:Like the pounding beat, our aching feet aren't easy to ignore.
Yeshe:Hey! Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for!
Zelda:Huh?
Yeshe:That's what I said! A girl worth fighting for!

I want her paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars.
Xal:My girl will marvel at my strength, adore my battle scars!
Wahuu:I couldn't care less what she'll wear, or what she looks like!
It all depends on what she cooks like!
Beef, pork, chicken, mmm ...

Xal:To SheikBet the local girls thought you were quite the charmer!
Yeshe:And I bet the ladies love a man in armor!
You can guess what we have missed the most
Since we went off to war!
What do we want?
A girl worth fighting for!

Yeshe:My girl will think I have no flaws
Xal:That I'm a major find
Zelda:How 'bout a girl who's got a brain, who always speaks her mind?
Nah!
Yeshe:My manly ways and turn of phrase and sure to thrill her!
Xal:He thinks he's such a lady-killer!

Humsau:I've a girl back home who's unlike any other!
Xal:to SheikYeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother!
But when we come home, in victory
They'll line up at the door!

What do we want?
A girl worth fighting for!
Wish that I had
A girl worth fighting for!
A girl worth fighting--

The Hyrule army stares in horror at the charred and burning remnants of a small village. They walk through it.

Link:

Search for survivors!

Zelda picks up a small doll

Link:

I don't understand. My father should've been here.

Humsau:

Captain! (They turn to see a bloody battlefield full of dead Hyrule soldiers. Wahuu hands the general's helmet to Link.)

Wahuu:

The ... general…sir.

Link takes his sword and sticks it in the snow, then places the helmet on the hilt and says a prayer.

Zelda:

I'm sorry.

Link:

mounts his horse The Bezlis are moving quickly. We'll make better time to central Hyrule through the Tung Show pass. We're the only hope for the King now. Move out!

The army slowly walks away. Zelda places the doll by Link's sword and joins the others.

As the Hyrule Soldiers slowly walk through the mountain pass, a rocket in the wagon attached to Epona suddenly goes off, shooting into the sky. Zelda looks at Vagia accusingly.

Link:

What happened? You just gave away out position! Now we're-- an arrow hits his shoulder, throwing him off the horse. Bezlis appear on a cliff, and arrows shower down on the soldiers. Get out of range!

The pitiful Hyrule army struggles to get away from the Bezlis, but are intercepted by another group of Bezlis up on another cliff.

Link:

Save the cannons! The soldiers pass the cannons from the wagon to each other. The wagon gets hit by a flaming arrow, and Zelda cuts Epona's reins and mounts him. The wagon explodes, sending Vagia and Crickee flying. Zelda falls off the horse.

Vagia:

Oh, sure, save the horse. Zelda grabs Vagia and her sword and runs over to the other soldiers.

Link:

Fire! The soldier lights the cannon, and it explodes on the mountain. More follow. Fire! There is no sound from the Bezlis, who are no longer on the cliffs. Hold the last cannon.

Suddenly, a horse appears on the hill. Ganondorf is soon joined by hundreds of his soldiers.

Link:

Prepare to fight. If we die, we die with honor. The Bezlis charge the Hyrule Army. Xal. Aim the cannon at Goanodorf. Xal aims the cannon.

While glancing at her sword, Zelda notices a glacial overhang. She grabs the cannon and runs toward the Bezlis, aiming at the overhang.

Link:

Sheik! Sheik, come back!

Frantically, as Ganondorf draws nearer, his sword raised, Zelda fumbles with the match.

Vagia:

Okay, you might want to light that right about now, Quickly, quickly! Zelda is attacked by Ganondorf's hawk, and loses the match.

Xal:

C'mon, we gotta help! The Gang of Three run toward Zelda, swinging their swords.

Zelda uses Vagia to light the cannon fuse, and it shoots off toward the overhang.

Vagia:

You missed! How could you miss! He was three feet in front of you! The cannon hits the overhang with a bang, and causes an avalanche that rains down on the Bezli Army, burying in them. In fury, Ganondorf roars and hits Zelda in the side with his sword blade. She quickly runs away from the avalanche, pulling Link with her. Epona runs toward them, and Zelda gets on and tries to give Link a hand, but he loses his grip and is dragged into the snow.

Vagia:

riding down the snow in a hubcap Zelda! Zelda! Zelda? He pulls a Minion's head out of the snow. Nope. Zelda! He reaches down and pulls out Crickee. Man, you are one lucky bug.

Zelda and Epona break out of the snow and race toward Link, who, unconscious, is sliding on the snow toward a cliff.

Zelda:

Link! She pulls him up onto the saddle.

Wahuu:

holding up Xal Do you see them?

Xal:

Yes! He fits an arrow, which is tied to a length of rope, and shoots it toward Zelda. Perfect! Now I'll pull them to safety! The rope slips through his hands.

Vagia:

sliding near Zelda and Link Zelda! I found a lucky cricket!

Zelda:

We need help! The arrow flies near them, Zelda grabs it and ties it around Epona.

Vagia:

to Crickee Nice, very nice! You can sit by me! They climb up onto Epona, and notice the cliff. Aaaugh! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! No way we survive this! Death is coming! Zelda shoots the arrow up as they fall off the cliff.

Xal:

crying I let them slip through my fingers ... looks surprised as the arrow, complete with rope, lands in his hands. He is dragged toward the cliff edge, soldiers jumping on top of him. Finally Wahuu walks over, picks all the soldiers up, and walks backward, pulling Zelda, Epona, and Link up onto the ground.

Vagia:

I knew we could do it! You the man! Well, sort of.

Yeshe:

Step back, guys. Give him some air!

Link:

breathing heavily Sheik, you are the craziest man I ever me!. And for that, I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust.

Yeshe:

Let's hear it for Sheik, the bravest of us all!

Xal:

You're King of the Mountain!

Cheering

Zelda tries to stand up, but collapses to the ground, gasping.

Link:

Sheik! What's wrong? Zelda moves her hands to reveal blood. He's wounded! Get help! Zelda sinks into unconsciousness. Sheik, hold on. Hold on.

The doctor emerges from his tent and says something to Link, who looks disturbed and rushes inside. He looks at Zelda, who sits up in bed, her side bandaged. Link stares at her, recognizing her as a girl. Zelda realizes her mistake and pulls the blanket back on.

Zelda:

I can explain!

Humsau:

So it's true!

Zelda:

Link!

Humsau:

yanking Zelda out of the tent and pulling her cowl off I knew there was something wrong with you! A woman! Treacherous snake!

Zelda:

My name is Zelda. I did it to save my godfather! And…looks at Link

Humsau:

High treason!

Zelda:

I didn't mean for it to go this far!

Humsau:

Ultimate dishonor!

Zelda:

It was the only way! Please, believe me!

Humsau:

Captain?

Link walks over to Epona and takes out Zelda's sword. The Gang of Three start to rush over to her, but Humsau stops them.

Humsau:

to the soldiers holding Epona Restrain him. to the Gang of Three You know the law.

Link walks over to Zelda and throws the sword in the snow in front of her.

Link:

A life for a life. My debt is repaid. to the soldiers Move out!

Humsau:

But you can't just ...

Link:

to Humsau I said, 'Move out.'

The Hyrule Army sadly walks away, leaving Zelda, Vagia, and Epona in the snow.

Vagia:

I was this close. This close! To impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf, in entourage ... man. All my fine work. He uses the tip of an arrow to roast a piece of food over a tiny fire.To Zelda Hi…

Zelda:

I should never have left home.

Vagia:

Hey C'mon. You wanted to save your father's life. Who knew you'd end up shaming him, disgracing your ancestors and losing all your friends. Y'know, you just gotta ... just gotta learn to let these things go.

Zelda:

Maybe I didn't go for my godfather. Maybe what I really wanted was to prove that I could do things right. So that when I looked in the mirror (she picks up her helmet) I'd see someone worthwhile. But I was wrong. I see nothing.

Vagia:

Hey, that's just cause this needs a little spit, that's all. He spits on the helmet. Let me shine this up for you. I can see you, lookit you, you look so pretty!…Sigh… The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me; they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions.

Crickee starts to cry

Vagia:

What do you mean, you're not lucky! You ... lied to me? Crickee nods. Vagia turns to Epona. And what are you, a sheep?

Zelda:

I'll have to face my father sooner or later. Let's go home

Vagia:

Yeah. This ain't gonna be pretty. But don't you worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together and that's how we'll finish it. I promise.

The shadow of a hawk flies overheard, and around a bend. Ganondorf climbs out of the snow and looks around. He lets out a roar. Soon he is joined by five of his soldiers. They start down the path toward Central Hyrule. Zelda watches them, grabs her sword, mounts Epona and turns after Ganondorf.

Vagia:

Uh, home is that way.

Zelda:

Not my REAL home! Besides, I have to do something.

Vagia:

Did you see those guys? They popped out of the snow! LIKE DAISIES!

Zelda:

Are we in this together, or not?

Vagia:

looks guilty Let's go kick some Honey Bunch! He and Crickee jump on Epona, and they ride down the mountain, whooping.

In Central Hyrule…

The Hyrule citizens watch happily as they celebrate Hyrule's victory with a parade.

Parade Leader:

Make way for the heroes of Hyrule! Link, the Gang of Three and the other soldiers follow glumly behind, and behind them is a large Hylian dragon.

Zelda comes riding up beside Link

Zelda:

LINK!

Link:

Zelda?

Zelda:

Ganondorf is alive, and so is his army! They're in the city!

Link:

You don't belong here, Zelda. Go home.

Zelda:

Link, I saw them in the mountains! You have to believe me!

Link:

Why should I?

Zelda:

Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Sheik. Why is Zelda any different? Link rides around her. To the Gang of Three Keep your eyes open. I know they're here. Yah!

Vagia:

as Zelda dismounts Epona Now where are you going?

Zelda:

To find someone who will believe me! she hurries off into the crowd.

The Hyrule Army climbs the steps to the Great Palace, followed by the Hyrulian Dragon. The King meets them.

King:

My children! The goddess smile down upon the Hyrule Kingdom! Chin will sleep safely tonight, thanks to our brave warriors!

Zelda:

to a citizen Sir, the Emperor's in danger!

Man:

Huh!

Zelda:

But Ganondorf is HERE! to another man Please, you have to help!

Man:

Eh!

Zelda:

to Vagia No one will listen!

Vagia:

Huh? Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something?

Zelda:

Vagia ...

Vagia:

Hey, you're a girl again, remember?

Link:

Your Majesty, I present to you the sword of Ganondorf.

King:

I know what this means to you, Captain Link. Your father would have been very proud.

Ganondorf's hawk swoops down and grabs the sword. It flaps up to the roof, where a line of stone gargoyles are resting. One of the gargoyles moves and takes the sword. Bezlis jump out of the Hyrulian Dragon. One of them grabs the king and takes him into the palace.

Link:

No!

Xal:

C'mon! They run up to the palace, but the Bezlis close the great doors. On the roof, Ganondorf laughs.

The Hyrule Army uses a statue to try to break into the palace.

Zelda:

They'll never reach the King in time. She looks around, then at the tall pillars by the side of the palace. She whistles to them. Hey guys! I've got an idea! The Gang of Three looks at each other and then follows Zelda, dropping the statue.

They all take off their equipment, and put on dresses and makeup, and they use the silk belts around their waists to climb up the pillars. Next to them, Link takes off his cape and climbs up.

Inside the palace, on a balcony, Ganondorf held the King. Ganondorf sticks his head in the king's face.

Ganondorf:

to the King Boo. to his soldiers Guard the door! to the King Your walls and armies have fallen. And now it's your turn. Bow to me.

Outside, Zelda and the Gang of Three prepare to get past the guards.

Zelda:

Okay. Any questions?

Xal:

Does this dress make me look fat? he's slapped Ow!

The four "girls" walk near the guards, giggling.

Guard:

Who's there?

Guard #2:

Concubines.

Guard:

Ugly concubines.

An apple rolls out of Yeshe's dress. One of the guards picks it up. The hawk notices Link hiding, and tries to call out, but Vagia breaths fire and torches him.

Vagia:

Now that's what I call Mongolian barbeque.

The guard hands the apple to Yeshe, but the Gang of Three all pull fruit out of their dresses and attack the guards with fruit.

Zelda:

Link! Go! Link runs up the stairs and into the room where Ganondorf and the King are.

Ganondorf:

I tire of your arrogance, old man. Bow to me!

King:

No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.

Ganondorf:

raising his sword Then you will kneel ... in pieces! He swings the sword; Link rushes in and blocks it. He is swung around a pillar, and then kicks Ganondorf in the face.

Zelda:

Wahuu, get the King!

Wahuu:

Sorry, your Majesty. He picks up the King, and, using his silk belt, slides down the cord paper lanterns are strung on.

Ganondorf:

No! He picks up Link and smashes his head against the wall. Zelda winces, then looks down at the ground, where Xal and Yeshe are waiting.

Xal:

Come on!

Zelda looks back at the unconscious Link, and at Ganondorf who is approaching him. She pulls Ganondorf's sword out of the pillar and cuts the cord. People below cheer.

Ganondorf:

No! He turns to Link, who is now conscious. You! You took away my victory! He is hit by a shoe.

Zelda:

No! I did. Puts a cowl on.

Ganondorf:

The soldier from the mountain! Abandoning Link, he chases after Zelda, who is putting on her shoe. She slams the door shut, and he rams his fist through the wood. Zelda is joined by Vagia and Crickee, riding the feather-less hawk.

Vagia:

So what's the plan?

Zelda:

Ummmmm ...

Vagia:

YOU DON'T HAVE A PLAN?

Zelda:

Hey, I'm making this up as I ... go ... as they pass a window she notices a pile of fireworks and two men. Vagia--

Vagia:

Way ahead of you, sister! C'mon, Crickee! They jump onto a paper kite decoration and float across to the tower. Ganondorf attacks Zelda, and she shinnies up a pole. Ganondorf cuts down the pole, and Zelda and the pole go through the wall. Zelda jumps up and grabs onto the roof and pulls herself up. She looks across to where Vagia and Crickee are gathering ammunition.

Vagia:

Citizens. I need firepower!

Citizen:

Who are you?

Mushu:

looking fierce Your smallest nightmare. The two men jump off the tower.

Man:

Look! On the roof!

Zelda backs along the roof, mesuring the distance with her hands. Ganondorf crashes through the roof and raises his sword. Zelda pulls out a paper fan.

Ganondorf:

Guess you're out of ideas. He stabs the sword through the fan; Zelda turns it around and readies the sword.

Zelda:

Not quite. Ready, Vagia?

Vagia:

with a rocket strapped to his back I am ready, baby! He breaths fire on a stick and hands it to Crickee. Light me!

Zelda kicks Ganondorf in the face, then trips him and pins his shirt to the ground with the sword. Crickee lights the fuse, and the rocket slams Ganondorf straight into the firework tower.

Zelda:

picking up Vagia Get off the roof, get off the roof! As the fireworks explode, she jumps, catches a lantern and swings down the cord, then drops onto Link, who is running down the stairs. Ganondorf's sword and Vagia land nearby.

Mushu:

Ahahahahahaha! He catches Crickee You are a lucky bug!

Humsau:

That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it! What a mess! Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting.

Link:

She's a hero!

Humsau:

She's a woman. She'll never be worth anything!

Link:

Listen, you pompous ...

King:

That is enough!

Link:

Your Majesty, I can explain! The King raises a hand and the Gang of Three move to the side, revealing Zelda.

King:

I know a great deal about you, Zelda. You stole your godfather's armor, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonored the Hyrule Army, destroyed my castle! And you have saved us all, my daughter.

every one is shocked, SHE is the Princess Zelda!

The King bows to her, and row by row, every person in Central Hyrule bows to her.

Vagia:

Our little baby is all grown up and saving Hyrule! To Crickee Do you have a tissue?

King:

Humsau!

Humsau:

Your Excellency?

King:

See that Zelda comes back to the castle, to be Princess.

Humsau:

What? There is no more room in the castle , your Majesty!

King:

Very well. You can have his room.

Humsau:

Wha? ... My? ... He faints.

Zelda:

With all due respect, father, I think I've been happy with the way you desided to raise me, with my godfather. He's probably worried.

King:

Then take this he hands her a pendant, so your family will know what you have done for me. And this he hands her the sword of Ganondorf so the world will know what you have done for Hyrule.

Zelda takes the gifts, then hugs the King

Xal:

Is she allowed to do that? Yeshe, Wahuu, and Link shrug.

Zelda steps away and hugs the Gang of Three, then walks over to Link.

Link:

Um ...Do you ... You fight good.

Zelda:

disappointed Oh. Thank you. She mounts Epona.

Zelda:

Epona, let's go home. As she rides away, everyone cheers.

King:

To Link The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.

Link:

... Sir? ...

King:

You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty! He puts on his crown and walks away.

At Zelda's house

Zelda approaches her godfather, who is sitting under the cherry trees. She kneels in front of him.

Henshal:

Zelda!

Zelda:

Godfather! I've brought you the sword of Ganondorf. And the Crest of the King! They're gifts to honor the Fa Family. Her godfather drops the gifts and hugs her.

Henshal:

The greatest gift in honor is having you for a goddaughter. I've missed you so.

Zelda:

I've missed you too, godfather.

Granny Fa:

watching them Huh. She brings home a sword. If you ask me she should've brought home a ma…

Link:

Excuse me, does Princess Zelda live here?

Granny Fa and Kourein point, dumbstruck.

Link:

Thank you.

Granny Fa:

Woo! Sign me up for the next war!

Link:

Honorable Henshal, I-- Zelda! Unnn ... you forgot your helmet. Well, actually it's your helmet, isn't it, I mean ...

Zelda:

Would you like to stay for dinner?

Granny Fa:

Would you like to stay forever?

Link:

Dinner would be great.

Vagia:

to Great Ancestor Who did a good job? C'mon, tell me who did a good job.

Great Ancestor:

Oh, all right. You can be a guardian again.

Vagia:

AAAAAHHH-HAAAAAAAA! Whoohoohoohoohoooo!

Crickee rings the gong; all the ancestors come out.

Vagia:

Take it, Crickee! Crickee plays a set of drums, and all the ancestors dance.

Ancestor #2:

You know, she gets it from my side of the family! (Vagia swings on a chain, yelling. He falls off and goes sliding out the Temple door.

Great Ancestor:

Guardians.

Zelda:

Thanks, Vagia. She kisses him on the forehead. Suddenly, Little Brother, followed by a herd of cucco, bursts into the Temple.

Great Ancestor:

VAGIA!