Ive been hanging on to this story for a while and finally decided to put it out there.
I want to give a huge thank you to DJMeep for reading over this.
Let me know if I should continue.
I own nothing.
Maura once asked me, "How can you love someone, and not be able to be with them?" It's my turn to ask that question, but I know I never will. Maura seems happy with the way we have things set up. She's not one to change.
We have a secret, Maura and I. I thought Maura was secretive about Ian, this is much bigger. Maura wanted it this way, she's afraid of what her parents will think, of what my family, and friends will think.
Honestly I don't care. I want the whole world to know that I am married to Maura Isles, no, Maura Rizzoli. Legally that's her name now, has been for six months now. Six months actually... today.
I would have loved to have done something special, but then that would have broken the rules. Maura made these rules. I remember when she brought the rule thing up, I thought she was joking, turns out she wasn't. The very next day she came over, and started out on these rules; one: never spend too much time with each other; two: only two nights a week at each other's places; and most importantly never tell anyone. When she told me these rules, I stood in the middle of my kitchen with my mouth hanging open, and the only thing running through my mind at that moment was my mother's voice "Shut your mouth, Janie, before you swallow a fly." I did just that. I wanted to protest these rules, but I didn't, I left my mouth shut. It's not that I don't mind doing this, because I don't. If it makes Maura happy, then I'm happy. I just wish we could be open with everyone.
These thoughts run through my head while I'm sitting on my couch nursing my second beer for the night. My cell phone is on the coffee table; I reach out and grab it. I find Maura's number, and start a text.
I wish I was there with you, I love you.
My finger hovers over the send button. I close my phone, without sending the message. I lean my head onto the couch, and close my eyes. Why can't this be easy? I open my eyes again."No one ever said love was easy," I said aloud.
I picked myself off the couch, put my shoes back on, grabbed my keys and cell phone, and left. Maura may get mad that I showed up, but she doesn't have to know I came to see her, I'll just say I'm there to see my mother. I pull up to her house, and instantly feel like I'm home. My apartment is not like it used to be. Home is where the heart is and this is where my heart is .I go around back hoping my mother is in the main house. I knocked on Maura's guest house. No answer. As I made my way to Maura's back door, I was smiling to myself the whole time. I knocked, and it only took a few seconds for the door to open, and my wife to appear. She looked surprised and a little pissed.
"Jane?" she said.
"Maura." I breathe while grabbing her by the waist, knowing that my mother was too busy with the dishes to pay us any attention, to get close to her if only for a minute, and then moved her out of my way. so I could get in. A look of surprise crossed her face when my hands made contact. I knew my mother wasn't watching, so I had to touch her, if only for a second.
I continued on into the house, while Maura stood at the back door longer than usual. That stupid smile was back on my face when I entered the kitchen. I grabbed the towel that I assumed Maura had been using to dry the dishes, just as soon as my mother got done washing them.
"Hey Ma." I said, while starting to dry.
"Jane, what are you doing here so late?"
"It's not late, Ma. I wanted to come see you," I said defensively.
Maura made her way back in the kitchen, and leaned against the counter. I'm pretty sure she's pissed.
"Is something wrong? Is it guy problems?"
"Gross, Ma. Really? Do you really think I would come to you for that?"
"A mother can hope," she said wishfully.
"Why don't you ever get into Frankie's love life? I'm sure you might make some progress in that direction."
I looked back over at Maura; she was smiling, so maybe she wasn't as mad as I thought. I smiled back. It wasn't the only thing I wanted to do, but it's all I could do at the moment. In this exchange, my mother was still going on about guys, but I was ignoring her, something I learned to do in my teen years. Before I knew, it she was silent again and I continued to dry. The silence was calming.
I wanted to stay longer, but once the dishes were done my mother was leading me out the back door, she said something about Dr. Isles needing her rest, and then I was back in my car on my way back to my apartment. I was back on my couch when my phone buzzed.
1 new message. I opened it, and it was a text from Maura.
Thanks for coming by, I was starting to miss you.I love you. The grin returned, and I replied.
I love you too. Sleep well, beautiful.
I went to sleep that night curled up next to Maura's pillow. I was feeling somewhat better about this whole situation. The next day, work was hectic. All I wanted was just one moment alone with Maura, but that didn't work out. Each time I thought it was going to work out, something came along to mess it up, and it was frustrating. Finally at the end of the work day, I was able to get down to the morgue. Maura was in her office. I watched her for a minute. She was sitting at her desk with her lab top open. I stood in the doorway for a moment, just looking at her.
"You buying new shoes?" I asked to get her attention.
She looked up from the screen with a smile on her face. "As a matter of fact I am."
I walked in and shut the door. I didn't bother asking her what kind, or what they look like. Shoes are really not my thing, Maura looks wonderful in them, but I didn't want to hear about it. I sat at the edge of her desk where I was facing her. "What's wrong Jane?" I gave her a smile. She always knows when something's wrong.
"How long are we going to do this Maura? Isn't keeping this secret killing you? You can't keep secrets."
"Jane, a secret will not kill you."
I cut her off when I leaned down and kissed her. "I know." I said when I pulled back. "You can't lie, so how is this not bothering you?"
"I'm not lying, Jane, no one has asked me if I'm married, so technically we are not lying."
I closed my eyes. "You are so frustrating at times," I whispered. I open them again to see Maura staring at me.
"I do need to talk to you Jane, about some stuff."
"What is it?"
"I was hoping I could come by your house tonight, and talk to you there."
I smile. "Of course, you can, Maura." I go to take her hand, but she pulls back, and then I hear Korsak's voice. Great… The old man interrupted our conversation.
"There you are, Jane." Korsak said while walking in, not bothering to knock.
"What is it?" I said through gritted teeth, which only reminded me of the time Maura was looking at my toe, and Ian. That was not the thought I wanted.
"Frost and I wanted to see if you wanted to go to the Robber with us tonight?"
"No thanks Korsak, I'm really not in the mood." I said without giving it any thought.
"What about you, Doc?"
"No thanks Vince, but thank you for the offer."
Korsak turned to leave, and then turned back around. "Are you two, ok?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't we be?" I answered, so Maura didn't have to lie. Korsak shrugged his shoulders then walked out the door. I waited until he was in the elevator, and then asked Maura what time. When I left that night to go home I was nervous, I had no idea what Maura wanted to talk about; maybe she was ready to tell everyone. When I got home, I started to clean. Before I never cared what Maura thought of my apartment, but if we were ever going to live together I wanted her to know that I could keep it clean. I had enough time to finish cleaning, take a shower, and put something besides work clothes on before Maura was knocking on the door. I opened the door with that stupid grin on my face again. "You don't have to knock."
"I didn't want to just walk in. What if you had company?"
"Maura you're my wife, you should never have to knock on my door." Maura walked in, I shut the door. She didn't take her coat off like she normally would. I walked to her, and put my arms around her, and just held her close for a few minutes. She tensed up at my touch, so I pulled away. I looked at her, just really looked at her. Something was wrong I could tell by the look on her face. "What's wrong?" Maura walked away from me, she had her back to me when she started to talk.
"This isn't as easy as I thought it would be."
"Of course it's not Maura, but we are doing the best we can with what we have."
"I don't think I can do it much longer." I walked to her, and turned her around so I could look at her again.
