Misunderstandings, Hurt and Truths

Ianto stepped into Jack's office. "I'm going home now, need anything before I go, sir?"

Jack snapped out of his reverie and looked over at him. "No thanks, how about dinner tonight, my treat?"

"I can't," Ianto said simply, turning to go.

Jack gazed at him, something was not right. "Is there something wrong, you don't have coffee for me?"

Ianto muttered something and all Jack caught was: "Figures."

Jack smiled. "It was just a joke, Ianto."

"I'm not laughing," he said darkly.

Jack was suddenly worried. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not going to tell you if you can't figure it out, Jack."

"Ianto please, what's wrong?" Jack stood up from his desk.

"Everything," Ianto replied bitterly, regretting having those two drinks of scotch. He was going to end up saying something he regretted later, but that didn't stop him. "I was wrong, and I fooled myself into believing…y'know never mind, it doesn't matter."

Jack took a step towards him. "No it does, tell me."

Ianto sighed; fine if he wanted to know then he'd lay it all out. "We had that wonderful night together; you told me how you wouldn't change things. And that you loved people that you would've never met, and I believed you! I thought you needed me, for once things felt right. I thought, he's changed. He's not just using me anymore, it's no longer just a game, but that was a lie. Because nothing's changed has it, Jack? I'm just your second choice, the guy who gives you coffee and lets you fuck him whenever you want; you made that painfully obvious today during that scene with Gwen," Ianto said angrily, spitting out the words as all his anger was released.

Jack took a step closer. "Ianto that's not true! Please believe me, I can explain."

Ianto glared at him, if looks could kill Jack would've lost another one of his lives. "Why should I? Did you even notice I nearly died today? Did that matter at all to you? How could it when you told me to go after the same man that held a gun to my head?!" Ianto raged, fists clenched.

Jack grabbed him roughly by the arms, now angry himself. "I get why you're upset about Gwen, but god dammit do NOT think I didn't care about you nearly dying! Because I did, I wanted nothing more than to walk over and hold you rather than send you after that bastard. But who else was there? Gwen 

was as I knew she would be jeopardizing everything for Rhys, Owen was tending to the creature, Tosh wouldn't have been able to deal with them and I…" Jack trailed off, trying to reign in his emotions.

"You what?" Ianto said quietly.

"I wouldn't have hesitated in killing him for almost taking you from me!" Jack nearly cried; anger deflating quickly and his hold on Ianto loosening. "Though that bastard is going to have an enjoyable time reliving through puberty as an adult." Ianto gave him a questioning look. "I may have given them a few extra doses of Retcon."

"You didn't."

"Oh, I did. First they tortured an innocent creature and then they messed with you. No one gets away with that on my watch."

Ianto looked down losing some of his anger at the confession. "Do you really mean that?"

Jack moved his hands down to Ianto's wrists, Ianto unclenched his fists. "Yes, and I was so proud of you today. You were so strong and brave, managing to get yourself untied and putting yourself at risk for the team while fighting him. And then you handled the rest of them stopping three men with just a stun gun. That is impressive." If Ianto wasn't upset, Jack would've added how sexy it was to see the fighting, kicking, stun gun machine Ianto had turned into when they had been in danger. It was quite exciting to see that side of him. And if he got the chance, he'd tell Ianto that later.

Ianto bit his lip, he wasn't about to give in that easily, he still needed to know where they stood. "While that makes me feel slightly better it doesn't change how hurt I am."

Jack gazed at him. "Then what I can do or tell you to make it right?"

"The truth, tell me what that fight with Gwen meant to you, cause to everyone else you looked like the jilted lover who didn't want lose her."

Jack sighed, suddenly understanding, he had unintentionally hurt Ianto and he had to make things right. "I was angry with her, she's always fighting me. And I was disappointed in her, upset about her disloyalty and resentful. She threw this big fit about Rhys being put in danger and telling me I couldn't let it happen earlier, yet every day I have to let you go out and put your life on the line and it kills me. But that thought didn't cross her mind. Then her idiot fiancé cocked things up by going undercover, we could've gone in there like I planned that first time and none of this would've happened. You wouldn't have gotten taken hostage because of his blunder. Instead now he knows about Torchwood, and we have to make sure he doesn't let out any of our secrets and put any of you in danger if he does. And have you seen his friends?"

"One of them is named Banana," Ianto huffed in agreement.

"My point exactly! But that isn't what you wanted to know, is it?"



Ianto shook his head, finding it incredibly hard to be angry with Jack looking at him and finally telling him the truth. "No, though I'm starting to understand, I just wished you had talked to me."

"I am now. I love Gwen like a friend, and I would notice if she was gone just like I would if you, Owen or Tosh left. I can't lose any of you, this is my team and we're only strong together. She has a chance to help protect this planet, keep her family safe and instead she'd throw it away to let him keep his memories," Jack said, clearly frustrated.

"She just wanted someone to share this with; it gets to be too much when you're alone," Ianto replied not having the faintest clue as to why he was defending her.

Jack nodded. "I know that which is why I gave in. That and Rhys knows if he says anything he'll only put Gwen's life in danger. And I trust her. If she says Rhys will keep quiet, then that's good enough for me. Although it wouldn't hurt to monitor the phone lines again, just for a month. Maybe two." He paused, realizing he was once again he was going off topic. Why was it so hard to tell Ianto what he was feeling? "I'm sorry, Yan, honestly. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Ianto finally looked at him. "She's really just a friend; you don't have feelings for her?"

Jack rubbed Ianto's wrists, and he winced. Jack looked down to see rope burns, and winced himself. "No, I don't. I care about her, and she means a lot to me. You all do, you've all changed me for the better. But there is only one person I'm in love with and I'm an idiot for letting him doubt it." He lifted each of Ianto's hands to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the raw flesh.

"Who would that be?" Ianto asked, wanting to him say it rather than dance around it.

Jack looked deep into Ianto's eyes as he cupped Ianto's face in his hands. "You. My handsome Welshman, with a sexy accent, a stopwatch and most importantly my heart. I meant what I said that night, Ianto. I love you, and I wouldn't change that for the world. Contrary to what she said, I know it's not all darkness and loneliness because I have you," Jack confessed, a shy smile crossing his lips.

Ianto pressed a tender kiss to Jack's lips. He thought his heart would burst, it was beating so hard. Jack loved him. Jack really loved him. "I love you too and I'm sorry for misunderstanding. I was just having a bad day. I was so scared earlier and I was hoping that at the end of the day you'd hold me and make things right, but then I saw you and Gwen, and it tore me apart thinking you didn't want me. I lost it, because you're everything to me and I didn't want to lose you…"

Jack pulled him into a hug and held him tightly. "You won't ever lose me, I promise. I do need you, so much so that the thought of losing you tears me up. I pick fights with Gwen, stew, and curse the fact that I can't live the rest of my life with you. That was what it was really about. My world literally stopped today as I watched him pull the trigger. I wanted to scream but I was frozen. I saw an empty life ahead of me without you, going back to just being alive rather than living because the pain would be too great," Jack whispered, fighting back tears.



Ianto fought tears of his own as he ran his fingers through Jack's hair. "Why didn't you tell me that?"

"I was planning on it, I was going to make you dinner, give you a massage and then make love to you before holding you all night and keeping you safe in my arms until tomorrow."

"I'm an idiot," Ianto said so quietly Jack could barely hear him. "I knew I shouldn't doubt you but I let my jealousy and anger get the best of me. I'm sorry if anything I said hurt you."

"You have nothing to be jealous of; you're the only one I want. And I'm an idiot and sorry as well. I should've told you sooner so you didn't doubt how I felt. Forgive me?"

"Always, forgive me?"

Jack kissed him deeply. "Always, now how about that dinner?"

Ianto smiled. "My place it is then. I really like your plan for the night."

"I thought you might," Jack said with a smile. "I just want to take away your pain and make things better for you."

"You already have," Ianto replied truthfully.

Jack ran his fingers across Ianto's cheek. "Good, but you're still getting that special treatment because I intend to show you how much you mean to me."

Ianto gave him a rare smile, the one he only shared with Jack. "I'm finally starting to know how much, Jack. You've given me what I've always wanted."

"What's that?"

"Just you."

"I'm all yours," Jack said with a suggestive grin.

"Likewise," Ianto kissed him passionately, taking away Jack's breath as they clung tightly to each other. Jack moaned before pulling back.

"Let's get out of here before we can't."

Ianto laughed lightly as Jack pulled him out of his office. Things had gone from awful to wonderful so quickly that it made his head spin. Not that he was complaining, not in the least. He had the love of Jack Harkness and he wouldn't change that for the world.