I wasn't sure how long I had been lying here. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered to me anymore. now that she was safe, the rest of the world meant nothing. Nothing but her.
I was fearing the time when she would wake up and banish me from her company. I would go, certainly. But that didn't stop it from being incredibly painful.
At least she was safe.
As she slept so soundly, I could do nothing but watch her. My arms were wrapped around her, and the warmth coming off her skin was so calming, so beautiful.
I barely felt the burning in my throat. There was nothing that could make me ever hurt her again. I shuddered as I realised that I would always have to end that sentence in again. I had hurt her, and badly. I had seen it in Alice's thoughts in Volterra.
She had been cut deeply. And I was the idiot with the knife in my hands.
The guilt stung. But it was enough for me to just be here with her. To watch her sleep, to allow her to dream peaceful things before she had to wake up and face the harsh world.
If only I could have protected her for all those months. I should have come back.
No, I should never have left.
My only hope now was that she would not throw me out immediately. Every second I spent with her was so precious.
I let my lips gently brush over her forehead. Her scent was intoxicating, but I liked it. I had lived as long as I could possibly stand without it.
How much more time would I have to lie here? I didn't want to even glance at the clock. There was nothing that could make me take my eyes off Bella's face.
Bella. It was the one word I had not permitted myself to say or think for months.
Bella, my only love. She didn't even know that I loved her.
I remembered that day in the forest. Telling her goodbye.
I didn't want to, but I could not control the replay that started in my head.
You don't want me?
No.
And then my mind took me through the part that had nearly killed me to say.
I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed.
As if I'd never existed.
If vampires could cry, that's what I'd be doing now. I felt my face contort with the pain of the memory. I stopped the soud rising in my throat, afraid that it would wake Bella.
And then she stirred. I remembered this, back from when I used to be with her.
She did something else that I remembered. She spoke.
"Jacob..."
That bothered me. The werewolf, and she was thinking of him.
She said his name.
"Edward..."
It was as if she had sensed my discomfort, and was trying to soothe me.
But what if this wasn't the sort of murmur that it used to be?
My mind flashed back to that first night. Edward... I love you, Edward...
No, I couldn't let myself remember her saying those words. If she sent me away now, those memories would only worsen the hurt.
She stirred more now. Moving. She was awake.
"Gahh!" she cried out. Her fists flew to over her eyes.
Now was the time to see if she would hurt me the way I hurt her, the way I deserved.
