The day after everything changes, Ben is certain that he dreamt it all.
After nearly being killed by several alternate versions of himself and having to reset the entire multiverse, he's expecting something to be different when he wakes up the next morning.
It's not.
His room is the same. Same messy clothes on the floor, same faded posters that he put up by hand when he was twelve, same dreamless sleep that always ends with him tangled up in his sheets.
Breakfast is the same eggs and bacon that his mom always cooks. School is just as dull as it's always been. Soccer practice after the final bell fails to hold his attention, as usual.
The monotonous nature of his plain existence leaves a hollow ache in his chest. Just like every other day.
The only difference is that now there's an insistent empty ring around his left wrist there to match it.
"What do you think I should do?"
A part of Ben can't believe that he's resorted to talking to himself for advice. The other part of him is relieved every moment that his alternate self is in his line of sight. That's proof that he didn't imagine everything that happened. Proof that, somehow, he can be more than just another citizen of Bellwood.
He almost wants to take a picture of the two of them together, to remind himself that this is real when his rational moments tell him how ridiculous it all is. He doesn't, though. A picture feels like too much. Ben wants this to be real, but not that real. Not yet.
Prime gives a little shrug, reclining on the bed with his arms crossed behind his head. His eyes are closed, his position relaxed. He looks like he belongs on that bed, so much so that Ben can almost forget that this is himself from an alternate dimension.
'A better dimension,' he reminds himself bitterly.
"You could join the Plumbers," Prime suggests. "I've only had basic training, but I bet they have a way for you to specialize if you want to stay on Earth or visit other planets instead." He pauses. "Have you talked to Gwendolyn recently? She has pretty good advice."
The question catches Ben off-guard. "Gwendolyn?" He can't keep the surprise out of his voice. "Why would I talk to Gwen? It's not like we're close."
The look on Prime's face is enough for Ben to promise to call her sometime soon. For the first time in his life, he finds himself willing to go out of his way to get in touch with his cousin.
Somehow, the idea of a universe where he's friends with Gwen is harder to wrap his mind around than the fact that he casually passes the time by talking to his alternate self.
Grandpa Max promises that he can join the Plumbers when he's older.
"For humans, the age for enrollment is sixteen," he explains. "You're old enough Ben, but the training center is in space. You should think about it for a few years to be sure that this is what you want before you leave your parents for several years. Full training isn't finished overnight."
He's right. Ben understands that. His parents would never let Ben leave for years at a time when he's still underage, anyway.
That doesn't keep him from being restless. It doesn't keep him from lying awake at night with his racing thoughts. It doesn't keep his leg from bouncing and his fingers from taping against his thigh every time he's forced to sit still.
School holds so little of his interest that he doesn't do his homework for weeks.
He misses a soccer game for the first time in his life.
His friends stop calling him and he stops wishing that they would — nothing that they talk about is interesting anymore, anyway.
He tries to chat with Gwen, but can't bring himself to call her number.
23 isn't really Ben's favorite alternate version to hang out with. He's the most similar to Prime, but he's also a lot more self-absorbed.
Well, he is when they're around other people, anyway.
In public, Ben can pass 23 off as his younger brother or a cousin if anyone he knows asks about him. They're practically twins anyway, save the age difference and 23's unnaturally deep blue eyes. He's loud and eye-catching and eats attention up like it's the finest ambrosia, but Ben finds himself amused by the whole thing nonetheless.
When it's just the two of them in Ben's room, lounging on whatever they deem comfortable, 23 is a lot more likable.
Jokingly, Ben tells him this, once. 23 is quick to reply that he likes himself better when he's alone, too.
Ben doesn't know how to feel about that.
He knows himself well enough to know that Prime wears his carefree attitude like a second skin more than a mask, but with 23, that mask is all too easy to take off. When they're away from the public eye, 23 doesn't make a single mention of his fame, of his money, of his endless fans — none of that.
Instead, he talks about his relationship with his Gwen. He talks about Sumo-Slammers, admitting that it would be embarrassing if anyone is his dimension knew that he liked it. He tells Ben about the adventures he's had with Prime. He laughs about how conceited they all are, being best friends with themselves, and Ben ignores the distinctly pleased feeling in his chest at the idea of 23 seeing him as a best friend. He leans his head on Ben's shoulder and tells him about his first encounter with Vilgax in a quiet, horribly subdued voice.
He talks about Grandpa Max.
"I'm sorry—" Ben finds himself saying, only for 23 to shake his head.
"It's fine," he says, though there's tone in his voice that makes Ben want to hug him. He doesn't. "I mean, it was hard to learn to control the watch without Grandpa around, but I'm okay. Really." It seems like he adds that last part for Ben's benefit.
He lets the subject drop.
That night, after 23 finally heads home, Ben gathers up the courage to call Gwen.
The internet has a lot of resources for "everyday heroes."
Ben tries a lot of them. He convinces his parents to adopt a highway. He volunteers at national parks, at animal shelters, and everywhere from food pantries to local libraries. He throws himself into his school work until every B and C is an A and his parents and teachers are singing his praises. He gets a job at a nearby fast food place and works as many hours as he can cram into his schedule just to donate every last penny.
He does the meaningless things, too. He cleans the house top-to-bottom, until his fingers ache, and tries to be pleased when his mother praises him for it the rest of the day. He buys coffee for people waiting in line ahead of him. He tries to be positive always, encouraging strangers on the street who look a little down and classmates who got a B instead of an A on that test. People thank him. They tell him what a good person he is and how a little kindness made their day so much better.
None of it is enough.
He's restless. Nervous. Anxious. The back of his left wrist has started itching, insistent no matter how long he spends scratching it.
"You should take a break. If you keep going, you're not going to have the energy to keep getting out of bed," Gwen jokes one day. Ben doesn't answer. She frowns, concerned. "Ben, are you okay? You've been so restless recently. Aren't you doing enough?"
Rather than answer her, Ben sighs. "Gwen, do you believe in fate?" He asks.
She arches an eyebrow but decides not to question his intent. "No," she says after a moment. "Only you can control your life, Ben, not some mystical force."
He lays face down on his bed long after she's gone home and tries to convince himself that she's right.
"It's just a gadget!" Prime shouts to be heard over the roar of countless realities being torn apart. "Be the hero!"
But he can't. He doesn't know how. Ben tries to explain. He tightens his hold on his alternate self, ignores the burning in the backs of his eyes, tries not to think too hard about the unfamiliar weight on his wrist, but it's not enough. The light feels like little more than a breeze passing over him, but the echoing scream that Prime makes is still ringing in Ben's ears long after he jolts awake from the nightmare.
He lays in the darkness of his room, panting like he just ran a mile. He's shaking — actually shaking — and no amount of deep breaths makes it stop.
"Be the hero."
How could he be a hero? He's left terrified, unable to move, over a stupid nightmare and he's supposed to be a hero. Except Ben isn't like the others. He doesn't have an Omnitrix and he wasn't dealing with these sorts of things regularly from the time he was ten years old. How do they all deal with it so well?
He shoves his sweat-soaked sheets off and grapples for his phone. It's on the nightstand where it always is when he's sleeping, and his shaky fingers are dialing the number before he can convince himself not to.
It rings five times. "Wha— hello?" Gwen's groggy voice fills the line. "Ben?"
The words are stuck in his throat. Suddenly, Ben feels ridiculous for calling. What could she do? How can she help erase the image of the greatest hero he's ever known dying in his arms? He hangs up without saying a word.
Gwen doesn't call back.
He doesn't sleep for the rest of the night.
The scratching finally becomes enough to break the skin. Ben wraps a bandage around his wrist to try and help himself ignore it. He doesn't want it to scar and he gets the feeling that constantly itching in only one place is unhealthy.
Gwen would know for sure.
He doesn't talk to her about it.
"Dude, you need some sort of stress relief," Prime says. His tone is light, but the look on his face is exactly like the one Gwen keeps giving him when she thinks he's not looking.
"Well, so do you," Ben snaps back, impatient. "I mean, you died. I know it was only for a few minutes from your perspective, but you were wiped from existence. I am you, so I know that keeping yourself busy is a good distraction, but maybe you should be worrying less about me and more about seeing a therapist."
When there's no immediate answer, Ben turns to look at his alternate self. To his surprise, Prime has his Omnitrix off. He holds it out for Ben to take, his expression expectant. "Let me tell you all you need to know, dude. We look the same, so no one has to know. It'll be a good break. For both of us."
It's that last sentence that makes Ben's trepidation disappear.
"Are you going to start telling someone about how you actually feel?" Ben asks even as his fingers close around the object that's haunted so many sleepless nights. He can't keep himself from getting excited, and something horrible in the back of his mind whispers, "finally."
Prime doesn't answer him. Ben doesn't care. The feeling of the Omnitrix resting over his bandage makes the insistent itch he's been dealing with for almost a month finally die down.
Gwen would probably be able to tell him about that too, if he asked her.
He doesn't.
Prime's universe is fun.
Ben can't stop smiling. He's a hero in this universe. The cameras and autographs are a little unnerving for him, but using the Omnitrix feels as natural and easy as breathing air. Knowing that he's helping people is therapeutic.
Being a hero makes the itch go away. The energy he's been building up finally finds an escape.
He almost doesn't want to give the Omnitrix back.
Even if his little test drive ends with Rook finding out that he's not really Prime, it's still the most exhilarating experience he's had since the day he met Prime and ended up saving the multiverse. Prime says that Rook is his best friend. Ben can see why. He wonders if there's a Rook in his universe.
He wonders if they would get along.
"So, how was it? Really?" Prime asks the next time he visits. "I mean, I already know it went well since Rook gave me the rundown after he chewed me out for a good hour, but did it help you at all? Mentally."
Ben doesn't bother with a lie. He can't keep anything secret from himself, after all. "It was amazing," he admits. "I wish that I had my own Omnitrix like the rest of you. I always felt like something was missing from my life, but I never thought that it would be a magic watch that makes me into an alien." He tries to make it a joke, but it falls flat. Ben can't muster up much of a smile, anyway.
Prime only nods. "I thought so. I mean, you are Ben Tennyson. Being awesome is kind of what we do." The smile he gives makes Ben relax despite himself. "You can be a hero without the Omnitrix, you know."
He's right. Ben knows that he is.
Still, he doesn't make eye contact, futilely attempting to scratch his left wrist through the bandages. "Yeah, and you can be a normal person with the Omnitrix. I bet Rook would help you out with that if you would just talk to him and open up instead of acting so cocky all the time."
There's no response to that. When Ben looks up again, Prime is gone.
Neither of them brings it up again.
On his seventeenth birthday, Ben demands that Grandpa Max lets him join that Plumber Academy.
"You didn't see those other Bens!" He snaps, because no matter how many times he swears up and down about the amazing tales that Prime and 23 tell him, Grandpa never believes him. "They've been saving the universe since they were ten! What's the worst that could happen at the Academy?"
He isn't happy about it, but Grandpa relents. Ben is scheduled to leave for basic training in space once the summer begins.
For dealing with his parents, Ben spins an elaborate lie about going off to college early. And he could. He has enough credits to graduate now, thanks to cramming so many extra classes into his schedule before and after school that he barely has time to go home and sleep. But college is the last thing on Ben's mind.
In front of his parents, Gwen backs him up. Her testimony that they'll be going to the same college is the only thing that makes them finally cave in and agree to let Ben go.
Gwen's decided to try again for an early college course with another program. When Ben asks her why she's trying again after she pulled out of the last one, she just shrugs. It's as good an answer as any. And while it's not the same as going to college at sixteen, seventeen is still impressive, Ben thinks.
He tells her so.
Alone, Gwen doesn't believe any lie that Ben throws her way. She puts her hands on her hips, stares him down, and when she speaks, her voice is sharp enough to cut steel. "What are you actually planning, Ben?"
He tells that to her, too.
With summer rapidly approaching, Ben almost forgets about the other versions of himself apart from 23 and Prime. They don't visit as often anymore. Ben forgets to ask why and tries to just enjoy their company when the three of them have the time.
He gets a sharp reminder when 23 shows up one day in the company of a Ben sporting a mohawk. He reminds Ben of that movie, "Mad Max," from the 1970s.
Truthfully, Ben doesn't want to know what alternate Hell-hole spawned a version of himself with tanned skin, an edgy mohawk, and an Australian accent. At least the war paint from the first time they met is gone. Still, he raises an eyebrow. "Didn't you try to kill me once?"
Max crosses his arms, a scowl on his face as he glares hotly at the corner of the room. "Jeez, you try to kill an alternate version of yourself one time and you never hear the end of it…" He sulks.
23 gives him an odd look. "Uh, didn't you try to kill me and Ben a second time, too?"
To this, he gets no response.
Ben isn't sure how he feels about having someone who tried to kill him lounging in his bedroom, but 23 assures him that it's perfectly fine. Max has a clamp around his wrist to keep him from using his Omnitrix and, when Ben asks him about it, he only mutters something about Rook and "that abnormally large stick up his ass," so Ben wisely drops the subject.
He isn't sure why 23 brought him along, to begin with, other than a dismissive remark of, "his ex-slaves don't want to hang out and he keeps bugging me." Still, Max eventually starts hanging around on his own. Ben shows him how to calculate the area under a curve, and in turn, Max demonstrates all the weak places on the body to induce everything from paralysis to unconsciousness. Ben translates Shakespeare for him, and Max teaches him insults and curses in alien languages. Ben teaches him the rules for soccer, and Max shows him how to incapacitate someone with a spoon. Despite his appearance, Max treats Ben's homework and textbooks and the daily hum-drum like the most fascinating things he's ever had his hands on.
Ben gets the feeling that that's because they are.
He chooses not to ask about it, and Max never brings it up.
Eventually, he tells the other Bens about Plumber Academy in the summer.
Prime is happy for him — of course he is. He congratulates Ben and hugs him and promises to check in whenever he has the time.
For his part, 23 seems mostly uninterested. He asks Ben to take lots of pictures, claiming that it will help his movie trilogy about that time he saved the multiverse if there's a degree of "realism" to the sets.
Ben thinks that that's just his way of saying that he's going to miss hanging out.
When he tells Max, he rolls his amber-colored eyes. "Hate to break it to ya mate, but if the laws of time and space didn't stop us from buggin' ya, I doubt that bein' on a space station is gonna do much for your privacy, either." He laughs. "'Sides, you're loads betta' than that whiny version of us with too much eyeliner."
And that's probably true. Well, that part about the laws of time and space, anyway. Ben doesn't mind it. Life wouldn't be the same if the other Bens weren't stopping by to pester him.
Gwen doesn't believe that he has alternate versions of himself that can become multiple different aliens, but that's fine. He's taking it steps at a time. She's gradually warming up to the idea of Ben going to a space station for a few years, at least. "Just be safe," she tells him once he finally shares the big news. "I don't want you getting blown out the airlock because you thought it was the bathroom, doofus."
He hugs her for that.
It takes a long time for them to let go.
Being at Plumber Academy 2814 makes the itch worse than ever.
Sure, he's learning to be a proper officer of the law, and all of the courses are fascinating, but it only makes him more and more eager to get out and do something. In Marksmanship, his hands are shaking so bad that he doesn't hit the target even once. In History of Intergalactic Law, his foot is tapping so much that the teacher makes him jog twice up and down the hallway to get the extra energy out. From learning to assemble and disassemble his blaster to being taught basic survival on an unfamiliar planet, Ben is anxious.
He wants to get out on the field. He wants to be somebody.
Because here, he's not special. He's not even excellent in his classes. He's not Ben Tennyson, Savior of Earth and renowned Hero of the Universe. He's Cadet Tennyson, a rookie who's more likely to end up cleaning the floor of his barracks with a toothbrush than he is to actually get any action.
But he manages. He passes Basic Training with a 95. Ben isn't sure where that ranks in the Plumber Academy, but it's enough to get him to the next to becoming a full Plumber.
Magister Hulka assigns them all a partner for the next part of training. It's supposed to teach teamwork and unwavering loyalty to each other as well as the Plumbers.
When he calls out the room assignments, Ben isn't at all surprised to hear Rook's name.
"What's Rook like in this dimension?" Prime asks, a little bit too eager, Ben thinks.
Max does his best to look uninterested. Ben remembers that his Rook was the one who locked him out of his Omnitrix for the first year or so that they knew each other. He doesn't have the lock now. Funnily enough, Ben can't recall when it came off. He's never seen Max use it. Not even when Black is hanging around at the same time. The two of them get angry just by being in the same room.
Ben thinks that they mostly just want someone to fight, though.
In response to the question, Ben shrugs. "I mean, he's a lot shyer than yours. He told me that it took him years to work up the courage to enroll here. He didn't explain why, but I got the feeling that it's—"
"Daddy issues," Prime and Max finish at the same time. They give each other a wary look but soon relax. They aren't smiling, but they aren't trying to kill each other, either. And that's progress.
They're both sitting on Rook's bed while Ben lounges on his on the other side of the room. Rook is working with one of his instructors to improve his blaster, so Ben knows that he has about an hour before he has to kick his alternate selves out. At least the rooms are only for two people instead of a whole group, the way basic training was set up.
Heaving out a sigh, Max gets to his feet and flops down onto Ben's bed instead. It's still weird to have himself laying on top of him, but Max looks different enough that Ben isn't too weirded out by it. "So," he draws the word out so that it takes a whole breath, "what's it like, chum? 'S the Academy everythin' ya dreamed it'd be an' more?" His words are teasing, but it's leaps and bounds better than the taunts that Ben used to get.
And Ben thinks about the question. He really does. He thinks about what it's like to spar with Rook and he remembers the pleasing thrum of adrenaline that accompanies each victory. He's learned to speak two alien languages in the time he's been here — languages that he's certain none of his alternate selves are familiar with. He can disassemble and reassemble his blaster blindfolded and with one hand. Now that his other selves are here for comparison, Ben finally takes notice of how much muscle he's put on compared to them.
Helplessly, Ben finds his gaze drawn to his empty left hand.
The bandages aren't there anymore. He can't remember when the itch stopped, but there's no longer any hint of a cut on his pale skin. It still feels empty. Sometimes, if Ben closes his eyes and really concentrates, he can feel the long-gone ghost of what the Omnitrix felt like, resting on his wrist and thrumming with an energy as if it belongs there.
He'll probably ask Gwen about that the next time he calls her. He's been asking her a lot of things lately. It hasn't helped the nightmares stop, but at least he isn't waking up in the middle of the night terrified anymore.
"Not really," he settles on finally, relaxing. "But it's a start."
A/N: I feel like most of them were self-explanatory, but in case I made it too confusing accidentally:
Max = Mad Ben (since I used "Grandpa" for Grandpa Max)
Prime = Ben Prime
23 = Ben 23
Emo = "that one with all the eyeliner," or Nega Ben
And "Ben" is just No Watch Ben, of course.
It's 2018 and No Watch Ben still deserves appreciation and more fanfics about him.
