He's been drumming his fingers on the table for a good twenty minutes. She's been staring at the obscenely huge pictures of him and his mother. So far, it hasn't been too fun.

"So… you sure Mama Crazy's asleep?"

"Shush! I'm trying to make sure!"

"Dude! If she was gonna find us and kill us, she would've done so already." He sighs. She sighs. He sighs again.

"So… now what?" he raises his eyebrows. What should he do with someone he thought he would never be with now that he was… well… with her?

He knows it's a bad idea… but he's tempted…

"Do you want to see my girlfriend list? You know… now that you're my girlfriend?" his smile is too big for her to turn him down, but that doesn't stop her from rolling her eyes.

"Didn't I see this already?"

"Yeah but maybe now…"

"I can cross off all the lame things I am not going to do with you?" he shrugs, knowing it's his best bet.

"Yeah, why not." And so he goes on the iCarly website and clicks on his most recent blog.

"Receiving text messages…" Sam smiles and picks up her phone. He waits, with a sly grin on his face until he hears a beep from his own phone. He picks it up and starts to frown.

"Butface… yeah, why would that ever change?"

"Keep going, Freddo, this is fun."

"Alrighty then." He scrolls down a bit.

"Canoeing… that could be…"

"No."

"Figured… yeah, I'm just gonna skip this one…"

"Aw, don't you want me to get you a pretty little basket from Bathroom Body Perks? Mmmm… cucumber melon… so manly…"

"Don't mock me."

"You asked for it."

"Going to the Groovy Smoothie."

"We do that every day you nub!"

"Yeah, but I always wanted to do that with my girlfriend!"

"Lucky you, your wish is gonna come true tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that…"

"Or, on one of those days, we could go canoeing…"

"Eh…"

"I know, I know. In my dreams. Should I even mention ballroom dancing lessons?"

"Mama doesn't get teached. Mama does the teachin."

"So you can teach me, then?"

"For a price…"

"Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not."

"M'kay. Moving on… tandem bike rides…"

"Barf."

"C'mon, Sam! I got a two-seater that I never got to use!"

"Boohoo. You are very demanding. And why would you even put this on the internet, may I ask? Did you want to embarrass yourself this badly?"

"I thought it would have common appeal, all right?'

"Yeah, common appeal for you and all the dweebs out there."

"Meh."

"Meh." He sighs once more before exiting his web browser, and then turns to look at her.

"Well that was fun. Thanks for tormenting me."

"Anytime, Freddipie, anytime." She picks up her phone again, and his phone beeps shortly after.

I forgot to tell you. I have a thing for butfaces, and I would probably do just about anything with a special butface, no matter how girly or stupid it is :)

His lips form into a pout, his eyes glimmering.

"Aw, Sam!"

"Yeah, yeah, you're lucky you attract me."

"So…" he pouts again, and this time she knows what it means. She sighs and surrenders.

"I'll buy myself a paddle…"