Disclaimer: Charas not mine. Situation is. The song Yohij sings in "What's Your Fantasy" by Ludacris. TV studio is mine. (I'm renting it out real cheep, too!) Yohji's leather is mine too! ::drools::
WARNING: insanity! HUMOR. YAOI…..um…I don't think any lemon or lime, but we'll see in the later parts, ne?
(NOTE: I just didn't feel like finishing this ficcie all at once. The parts are labeled A, B, …ext… because once it is done, I will join the parts together to get the full story. Don't hate me. If you have any hentai ideas, I'd love to hear them. Maybe I'll even be able to use them! Send ideas.
Yo-tan's Laws for Seduction (Part A)
Ray-Chan: Ohayo mina-san! ^_~. Get ready to be seduced, cuz here comes the Lord of Lube! The Sultan of Smut! The…
Audience: GET TO THE POINT!!!
Ray-Chan: All right! All right! He'll knock your socks and get 'em whiter! Heeeeeeeeere's YO-TAN!!!!!!!!
(Audience screams wildly)
(Yohji walks onstage in leather pants, sleeveless jacket and knee high bitch boots.)
Yohji: ::wielding a leather riding crop:: Hi there folks! ::waggles eyebrows at screaming audience:: Welcome to "Yo-tan's Laws for Seduction!" The show where I put the moves on anything that breathes! ::waggles eyebrows::
(One voice is heard above all others in the audience)
???: Seduce me, Yo-tan!!! I wanna be seduced!
Yohji: ::smooth sultry smile:: You have to wait your turn, Omi. Don't worry. There's enough lovin' to go around. ::sways his hips erotically::
(More audience screams. Security makes rounds through the stands dragging unconscious bodies from their seats to make room for more Yo-tan worshippers.)
Yohji: Well, let's get started. This first move is one of my favorites. ::grins:: But to demonstrate, we need the perfect uke. Hey, Aya! Get in here!
(Aya walks in with a scowl, ignoring the screaming hentai fans.)
Aya: What the hell do you want?
Yohji: ::ignores Aya turning back to the audience:: Now Aya here is going to act as our ideal uke while I demonstrate—
Aya: NANI!?!?!? I am NOT and UKE!!! Drag Omi's scrawny ass up here.
Omi: ::from audience:: I'll do it! I'll go! Seduce me, Yo-tan! ::drools::
Yohji: ::ignoring him:: Now this move on ole Aya is one of my specialties. Really helpful for calmin' down yo bitch when it's that time of the month and she's suffering from massive PMS.
Aya: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU IMPLYING?!?!?!
( Yohji grabs Aya around the waist and pulls him into a crushing hug)
Yohji: You gotta "woo" them with the sweet words of love! ::singing off key:: "However you want it lover, lover gonna tap that ass soon! See I cast 'em and outlast 'em and I past 'em get a tight grip and I grasp 'em! I flash 'em, and if it ain't good then I trash 'em while you stash 'em! I'll let 'em free, and they tell me what they fantasy! Like up on the roof roof, tell yo boyfriend not to be mad at me!!!"
Aya: O,O;; …Oh…..my……GOD!!! ::struggling to pull away::
Yohji: ::still singing:: "How 'bout on the beach with black sand? Lick up your thighs and call me Pac Man. Table top, or just give me a lap dance!" ::waggles his eyebrows suggestively at Aya::
Aya: Noooooo! No! No! NOOOOOO!!!!!! AARGH! HENTAI!!!
Yohji: Ya know it, baby! ::grinds hips against Aya's and squeezes said man's ass::
Omi: (from audience) I'll give you a lap dance, Yo-tan!
Yohji: ::singing…(or trying to…):: "In the back row at the movie, you can scratch my back and rule me! You can push me or just pull me. On hay in middle of the barn (WOO!) rose petals on silk sheets, uh! Eating fresh fruit, sweep yo man right off his feet!"
(Audience mega drools as Yo-tan begins dancing with a very unwilling Aya.)
Yohji: Now you add the kick for the grand finale! ::singing like there's no tomorrow:: "I wanna get you in the back seat, windows up! That's the way you like to fuck, fog up, all alert! Rip the pants and rip the shirt! ::Rips off Aya's clothes leaving out kawaii bishounen dressed only in his Pikachu boxers, blushing as red as his hair::
Aya: Y-Y-YOHJI!!!!
Audience: ::chanting:: GO YO-TAN! GO YO-TAN! GO! GO! GO YO-TAN!!!
Yohji: ::waggles eyebrows at yaoi freak audience:: ::singing:: "Rough sex! Make it hurt! In the garden! In the dirt!"
Aya: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!! ::chibifies and slips away from Yo-tan::
(Yo-tan gets evil gleam in his eyes before sprouting twin pointy ears and cute little whiskers and tail. He grins showing sharp rows of teeth. Kitsune Yohji chases Chibi Aya on all fours howling insanely)
Kitsune Yohji: ::pulls out leather riding crop and silver plated handcuffs:: ::singing:: "What 'bout the candy 'sto?!? That chocolate, chocolate make it melt! Whips and chains! Handcuffs! Smack a little booty up with my belt!!!!!"
(Kitsune Yohji jumps into the air and pounces on a fleeing Chibi Aya. Both go tumbling offstage behind the curtain. Sounds of a squealing chibi most likely being violated by horny fox/Yohji.)
Yohji: (from backstage) Grrrrrrr……Go to commercial!
~-~-~-~-~ Commercial 1 ~-~-~-~-~
(Short dark-haired boy walks in)
Heero: Hi! I'm Heero Yuy. And you know, as a gundam pilot, I need my space! So when regular shorts just aren't enough, I go for…
(camera zooms in on label)
…"Yuy brand Spandex Space – Platinum!" ::grins:: The ONLY way I transport my gundam!
(Reaches into his spandex and pulls out Wing Gundam)
Heero: Get your pair today!!!
???: HEEEEEEEEEERRRRROOOO!!!!!
Heero: What the…? ::peers into spandex:: RELENA!?! What the hell are you doing in there?!?!? Get out!!!
(Violently pulls Relena from his "spandex space")
Relena: ::looking slightly rumpled:: Oi, Heero! You saved me! ::glomps him::
Heero: Ack! Duo!!!
(Deathscythe Gundam flies out of Heero's spandex space and frys Relena like a tater tot.)
Heero: ::smiles at Duo:: Remember that name! "Yuy brand Spandex Space – Platinum!" Get yours now!
~-~-~-~-~ Fade Out ~-~-~-~-~
