ASUKAS OFF DAY


THRASH: HI ALL I WENT TO THE DENTIST that guys grate except this fucking anesthetic numbed up most of my mouth it feels like shit god well wile Dr. evil was applying it and doing his dentist thang I decided to brainstorm for Asuka's off day so here goes

Message to
The daydreamer

You didn't begin anything buddy


On with the fic


Shinji woke up earlier than usual one morning feeling ... normal (how did youe think he would feel odd? It is ASUKAS off day) he tried to sleep more but couldn't so he decide to get up. He did his usual routine brush teeth comb hair kick pen pen.

SHINJI: thinking pay a bitch!!! Hahaha

After that he got into his normal shy sweet nice guy mode and went to the kitchen to hear cooking

SHINJI: thinking ohhhhhhhhhhhhh shit one of themes cooking again

And so our hero (Shinji for those that haven't paid attention) takes a deep breath sighs and goes into the kitchen. To find Asuka wearing nothing but panties and an apron. That's rite cooking IN HER UNDERWERE her long read hair falling at her waist her shapely legs supporting her perfect body she turned around showing her well developed bust for a fourteen year old clad in an apron (you drooling yet guys).

SHINJI: thinking oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit I'm in for it now

Shinji backed away in fear of LOOSING A LIMB OR HIS LIFE

SHINJI: uh ... Asuka I.... Uh I didn't... um uh ... guh, guh, guh

ASUKA: Shinchan you're awake

Asuka went over to the extremely frightened boy and hugged him

ASUKA: flirtatiously I made a special breakfast just for you

Shinji's body stiffened (this ones for you kimbo) all of his body *stiffened* and Asuka apparently felt *it*

ASUKA: hee, hee, hee oh my aren't we excited today!!!

SHINJI: uh um

ASUKA: well we can fix that hee, hee, hee

The beautiful red headed girl garbed Shinji by the hand and led him to her room you can guess what happened



THRASHES "OFICE"

THRASH IS OUT AND REI IS DANCING AROUND

REI: do a little dance make a little love get down yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa get down tonight



BACK AT THE APARTMENT

Shinji is all smiles while eating his breakfast and watching Asuka dress for school in front of him

ASUKA: ok lets go to school



AT SCHOOL

When Asuka got to school the first thing she saw was rei (Shinji went with the stooges)

|ASUKA: HEY GIRLFRIEN!!!

REI: ...

ASUKA: C'MON GIRL LETS GIRL TALK

REI: girl talk...

ASUKA: YEA!!!

REI: I do not understand

ASUKA: YOU KNOW: GUYS, FAKE ORGASMS, ... YOUR'E ALWAYS SO COLD REI!!!

Even the most calm girl in the whole school (universe) looked surprised (she got called her Rei not wondergirl)

REI: what did you call me?

ASUKA: rei isn't that you're name oh you want a nick name ok ... SHANANA!!!

SHANANA: Asuka please

ASUKE: ohh I want a nick name too I'm SHANTAI!!!

SHANANA: are you not mad at me about yesterday

Even rei smiled warmly fondly remembering the day before it was perfect...

SHANANA: thinking kooooooolade, koooooooolade!!!

SHANTAI: uh shany?

SANANS: uh please call me Rei

SHANTAI: ok Rei can I still be Shantai

Rei was starting to get annoyed by this stupid banter

REI: YES, YES WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST GO AWAY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Rei starts panting

SHANTAI: (looking all shocked) OH NO YOU DID NOT!!! LOOK GIRL I DON PLAY THAT GAME I GET RESPECT YA HEAR THAT SISTA!!!

SOME GIRL: word up!!!

Rei is now fully annoyed

REI: Grrr

SHANTAI: AND SECON ALL!!!

Rei jumps the window lands on two feet and desperately runs back home to take a shower. After the whole ordeal Asuka turns around to find the whole class staring at her. And swiches from gheto mode to sweet mode.

ASUKA: hi everybody!!! I love all of you, you guys are so special to me!!!

Now we go back to Shinji and his friends

TOUJI: what the hell is up with her

KENSUKE: she's not herself,... when did it start shin-man

SHINJI: this morning

TOUJI: did she do anything weird

SHINJI: blush

KESUKE: you didn't

SHINJI: blush harder

TOUJI: you did

KENSUKE: tell us all the details how was she!!!

Kensuke and Touji kept bantering Shinji to tell them and Shinji kep refuseing but lets go to everyones favorite rep. Hikary had seen all that happened when Asuka went all gheto girl on rei and than got all nice on the whole class

HIKARY: ... I need to go to the library

Back to "the three stoges"

TOUJI: c'mon

SHINJI: NO

KENSUKE: tell us

SHINJI: NO

TOUJI: please

KENSUKE: pleas, ... cmon, cmon

TOUJI: please

SHINJI: NO

TOUJI: please

SHINJI: NO

TOUJI: please

SHINJI: NO

TOUJI: please

SHINJI: NO

TOUJI: please

SHINJI: NO

TOUJI: please

SHINJI: NO

TOUJI: please

SHINJI: NO

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SHINJI: awwww would you look at that it's the bell got to go to my seat damn

Shinji runs over to his seat and sits down while the teacher enters the room. Seeing the teacher inside Asuka runs over to him

TEACHER: oh shit she finally lost it

ASUKA: teacher I missed you

Asuka gives the teacher big ol hug and kisses him on the cheek

ASUKA: hi, hi, hi

TEACHER: uhh....

ASUKA: hey Prof. I really enjoyed the homework I just loooooooooooooooooooove jr. high school!!!

TEACHER: are you ok Asuka

ASUKA: off course what ever makes you say that

TEACHER: Asuka um maybe you should go see the nurse...

ASUKA: what ever you say teach

TEACHER: yea

The teacher try's to go over to scribble the pass when he finds that he cant move

TEACHER: uh... Asuka

ASUKA: yes?

TEACHER: could you let go of me

ASUKA: ok

Asuka lets go of the poor man and he gives her a pass

TEACHER: sigh I see Rei's absent again...



NURSES OFICE

the school nurse is jumping wildly listing to satanic sounding music with a cup of "lambs blood" (koooooooooooooooooooolade) and wearing dark robes

NURSE: singing like Marilyn MansonMOTHER FUCKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER DIEEEEEEEEEEEE SATAN BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD SOMEONES GONNA DIE WHEN YOURE SPEEKING TO ME D-D-D-D- DIE, DIE, DIE!!!

BEEB

INTERCOM: were sending in Asuka

NURSE: ASUKA! but she's crazy

INTERCOM: look who's talking Marilyn

NURSE: sighs send her in

The nurse dejectedly turns of the music finishes her "blood" takes robes of and puts a stethoscope around her neck. (She was wearing her uniform under her robe). Asuka walks in side

ASUKA: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupppp

NURSE: thinking oh yea its gonna be a lo...o...o...ong day




a few minutes later Asuka is sitting on the bed thingy they have at doctor offices and is chatting with the nurse


ASUKA: heydoyoulikensincthairsoooooooooooooooooocuteijustwannahugemalllll

NURSE: good for you Asuka please go back to class

ASUKA: oky dokey

NURSE: thinking if I hear the words funny bunny one more time I'm gonna quit


Asuka walks out of the nurses office and goes back to class



CLASS

Rei is back and is normal sitting in her seat staring out the window.



LIBRARY

Yup, it our favorite rep reading the evil books again

HIKARY: spell works best with human sacrifice hmm... didn't I

Hikary looks behind the librararien's desk to find her there the librarian looks happy to see her thinking she was gonna be set free

HIKARY: hi



SECRET ROOM in nerv

Gendo is sitting in his desk being his usual scary, intimidating self. And Ritsuko is talking to him

GENDO: so the first and second child are acting strange

RITSUCO: yes yesterday it was Rei, and now Asuka

GENDO: what have they done to make you think they were acting strange

Ritsuko explains the whole story of what happened to Rei the day before.

GENDO: yes this is very odd lets wait and see what happens and if anything weird happens we will look into it more closely now BRING IN THE DANCING LOBSTERS

Like in "the Amanda show" I bunch of guys in lobster out fits come in and start dancing around

GENDO: yes all is in order... get yo fweek on



THE HALL

Rei is walking back to class when she turns around to use the rest room but sees Asuka turn a corner

REI: thinking she hasn't seen me yet how do I get away... hmm

Suddenly Rei remembers something she saw with Shinji on the discovery channel rei presses herself against the wall and starts to concentrate

REI: THINKING she cant see me

ASUKA:in a very sweet, and innocent voice watcha doing Rei



LIBRARY

HIKARY: SATAN I COMAND YOU!!!!



CLASSROOM

Shinji needed to use the bathroom so he slowly raised his hand

TEACHER: yes Ikari

SHINJI: may I use the bathroom

Normally the Teacher wouldn't let anyone go during class but he was fond of Shinji "such a nice politer young man" he always said.

TEACHER: yes you may Shinji

SHINJI: thank you

Shinji takes the pass and walks out the door into the hall to see Rei pressed against the wall and Asuka is standing in front of her

ASUKA: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah

Shinji seeing this goes up to them

SHINJI: hey Asuka the teacher needs you

ASUKA: oh Shinchan

Asuka walks over to Shinji kisses him on the cheek and runs back to class. Shinji notices Rei pressed against the wall

SHINJI: Rei what are you doing

REI: I do not understand it worked for them

SHINJI: why were you up against the wall

REI: I was trying to hide from her

SHINJI: Asuka

REI: yes

SHINJI: but you're out in the open

REI: remember when we saw that show on the Discovery channel

SHINJI: uh the one on the chameleons

REI: yes and guess what

SHINJI: what?

REI: IT DOASN'T WORK!!!

Rei walks back calmly to class. Leaving Shinji standing alone in the hall

SHINJI: I gotta take a piss


LIBRARY

HIKARY: I offer the blood of a virgin to you

LIBRARIAN: still gagged ei ot a igen

HIKARY: what

LIBRARIAN: I a ot a igen

HIKARY: you're not a virgin?

LIBRARIEN: orry

HIKARY: a crappy poo




CLASS

Shinji is back and is chatting with Kensuke and Touji

G.I Joe: Asuka is acting weird

Dumb Jock: ooh genies boy figured it out

Shy guy: yea she's not being how can I say it

G.I Joe: an asshole

Shy Guy: well... yea

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Lunch time



LUNCH

the three stooges are eating together under a tree that's about it

TOUJI: I swear if she asks me if she's fat I'm dropping out of school



LIBRARY

Hikary and the librarian are sitting around in the library

LIBRARIAN: we need a virgin

HIKARY: but where can we find one



LUNCH

Asuka is skipping around looking for Hikary so they can have lunch together

ASUKA: where could Hikary be

Asuka comes across the three stooges (why do I call them that well I'm to lazy to type Shinji, Kensuke, and Touji but look at that I already typed a lot... crap)

ASUKA: Hi Touji!!!

TOUJI: uh...hi

ASUKA: hey do you think I'm fat

TOUJI: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Touji runs to the office to drop out of school forever.

ASUKA: what's up with him guys... um guys

Asuka looks around to see no one is around



LIBRARY

Hikary are in the library and have a pantograph on the floor with a green haird girl in the middle of it.

HIKARY: leaves the body of Asuka incubus

(A/N: whatever tomorrow brings ill be there)

GIRL: uck ou

HIKARY: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!



LUNCH

Asuka is well um you know what I'm out of jokes and out of plot better make the lunch bell ring

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ASUKA: lunch is over lets got to go to class weeeeeeeeeee



LIBRARY

HIKARY: OH SHIT could you finish this

LIBRARIEN: yea sure whatever

HIKARY: thanks



CLASS

Class was normal the rest of the day



The next day Shinji wakes up and goes into Asuka's room. Asuka is dressing for school when she feels something around her waist she looks down to see Shinji's arms around her

ASUKA:... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE

SHINJI: I thought you aaah Asuka put that down no wait

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fin