"Dear Santa,
For many years now I have peered in through your windows on lonely, cold winter days... watching you as you toil to prepare for this year's Christmas..
Your jovial laughter warms my icy, black heart. And the way you scratch at the bald spot on your head when you've discovered I've purloined your undergarments as mementos of my forbidden conquest for your heart makes me smile.
Those times when inspecting your reindeer you were suddenly pelted with snowballs and couldn't discover the culprit... that too, was me.
Oh, how often have I considered just leaping out from behind your house and confessing my love for you, but alas.. our love is forbidden.
I confess my feelings for you to my friends, but they only make fun of me, Santa. They don't believe, not like I do. Oh, I hope as you read this your heart is warming up to the idea of accepting me in it. How I've longed to make that delectable, cholesterol-ridden heart my cozy home.
My master wants your big murmuring heart for other reasons, reasons I care not for. I only want your juicy beating heart for my own, to pet and sleep beside and hold in my hands as I remember the good ol' days.
Days when you would slip and fall and it would be awkward as I grappled between coming to your aid and watching you squirm on the ground, pretending that I was over you and we were at play. But alas, as I have said before, our love would be frowned upon.
Days when I'd watch you climb into your sleigh and wish everyone a good night. I, Santa, would always be that voice that wished you a good night too. I have welcomed you every Christmas and always anticipated your arrival.. but I must be on the naughty list for not one single Christmas have I ever gotten what I want..
And then one day, my closest friend said to me that you enjoy receiving letters.. so I thought, why not a love letter. And on Valentine's Day, too. After all, how many people write you a Valentine's Day card. Despite our unrequited love, you know in your heart that I am better than all those that only write to you out of thoughts for themselves. On today, this loveliest of lovey days, my thoughts think of only you...
Sincerely and forever, yours,
Ice Titan.
