AN: Before I start this new hilarious story, I want to make it clear that any humor in here is meant to be that, humor. So don't fell insulted or offended by the content of this fanfic, although that is highly unlikely to happen. So, now that you can't say that I purposely offended you, let's get on with the story!
P.S: I don't own Naruto or any other stuff that belongs to anyone else in here. Note that is vague enough that in a court of law I can claim it to mean anything. Oh, and this disclaimer is probably the only one I will write in my history, that I can remember. So, for those who read this stuff, sorry for stalling with these somewhat funny rant, and time for the story! For real!
How to Defeat and/or Kill a High Class Ninja
Chapter One
Jiraiya
"Welcome to the hit new TV show, How To Defeat and/or Kill a High Class Ninja (HTDaoKaHCN)! I'm your host, the vicious, but dead, Zabuza!"
"And I'm his co-host, the equally dead Haku!"
"And to start this off, we'll explain the operation of this show!"
"Being dead, Zabuza and I have know a soul who can take over a ninja's mind or form a temporary body with any and all abilities, named Xenox!"
"Now, Xenox is currently on earth, looking for our target for today, while I explain to those new to the show what's happening. We went to Kami with the idea for the show, and he loved it! So he pulled a few strings, and gave us this channel! He also gave us the ability to rewind time a bit, so the ninja's don't notice, and we can show several different ways to defeat and/or kill the same ninja!"
"I just Head from Xenox that he's in position, so let's switch to the camera and watch!"
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Itachi was walking along when he suddenly went stiff. Kisame noticed and asked, "What's wrong Itachi?"
Relaxing a bit, he turned around and said, "I just remembered an order that Leader gave me to do alone. Go ahead and I'll meet you in town in an hour or two."
Kisame just shrugged and went on.
10 Minutes Later
Jiraiya felt a presence behind him, turned around, and saw Itachi straight in the eye. Before he could do anything, Itachi said, "Tsukuyomi".
When Jiraiya looked up he saw he was tied to the typical cross, and the red moon up high in the air. "Well, Itachi, what are you going to do, you know that the typical stabbing torture doesn't work on me!"
Itachi smirked, and said, "For the next 72 hours you will be raped by your former teammate Orochimaru!"
Jiraiya's eyes widened when hundreds of Orochimarus appeared, and screamed as vile acts that humanity shouldn't be exposed to occurred. Itachi smirked and said, "71 hours, 59 minutes, and 59 seconds remaining." Jiraiya just screamed louder.
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"Ouch, I'd hate to be Jiraiya, what do you think, Haku?"
"I think that Xenox overdid it, there is no way Jiraiya would ever be able to think straight again."
Zabuza sighed. "That means he wouldn't be able to write those great books either. Oh well, time to reset the time, and speaking of time, we're out of it! So until next time, I'm the dead Zabuza!"
"And I'm the dead Haku!"
"See you next time!"
