Horizon hit her hard. It hit her incredibly hard. Seeing all of those people get taken away, knowing how many people she didn't save haunted her. This wasn't a victory. Human lives were still lost. And it didn't help that she finally reunited with Kaidan after all this time and he gave her such a sour reception.

I loved you, Shepard.

Loved. Past tense. As soon as she heard that, part of her swelled up inside. It manifested within her and not in a good way. It had been two years. He had moved on. He had changed. But even still, she wanted him to look at him and fuck everything else and go with her. She wanted Kaidan by her side for the suicide mission. She wanted to be with him.

And the fact that he couldn't or rather wouldn't join her just stung. It stung. She felt rejected.

Commander Emily Shepard had died once. She had died and seen her whole life flash in front of her eyes. She saw her friends. She saw the faces of her deceased family who had been killed on Mindoir. She saw the faces of her deceased squad who died back on Akuze. She saw glimpses of things she hadn't thought about in years and most of all, she saw Kaidan and her biggest regret was not being able to spend more time with him.

To have him reject her like that...it just made her feel cold...

Shepard had always been one to try and preserve life. She had seen so much death. She had seen her friends and family die to slavers on Mindoir and her entire team get killed by a thresher maw on Akuze. Her life was filled with death, so she usually tried to preserve it.

But she just couldn't handle it. The first mission they went on after Horizon, she seemed off. They were chasing after an assassin by the name of Thane Krios. Of course, nothing ever goes right, and Shepard and her squad had to fight themselves up a building of mercenaries and security mechs.

She had never enjoyed killing things more. She loved getting her stress out. She loved biotic charging at things even for no goddamn reason. She needed to work out her stress, but like hell she was going to let her squad know that. To them, she was just being a little more aggressive than her typical aggressive biotic charging self.

She had taken Kasumi and Garrus along for the trip. Both of them were in good humor and she knew would lighten her mood if it was possible. She really needed a laugh, if she could possibly laugh at all.

But both of them took notice that something was off about the Commander when she threw a mercenary out the window. She hadn't been thinking. She hadn't thought about the consequences. She just pushed him outside and walked away.

Garrus sighed, whispering to Kasumi, "I think the Commander's a little off today, don't you?"

"It's guy issues. Don't worry about it, I'll talk to her later." Kasumi retorted back. The thief could always since exactly what was wrong with the Commander. That was one thing Shepard both hated and loved about her.

The whole time they spent searching for the assassin, Shepard was growing increasingly infuriated. Why couldn't this be easy? Why couldn't she just run in and pick him up like she did with Kasumi and Zaeed? Why did everything have to be so fucking complicated?

Why did Kaidan reject me?

The thoughts kept ringing through her head. All the mercenaries and mechs in the world couldn't distract her from them.

Commander Shepard burst into Nassana's office, hurriedly pointing her gun at the asari. She has expected the assassin to have taken her out already but he wasn't there. She waited and the more she waited, the more she wanted to shoot. The more she wanted to shoot as to overwhelm her mind and not hear the thoughts running through her head.

But in a blink of an eye, the assassin appeared. Shepard stared at him, his green skin reflecting in the fading sunlight as he swiftly ran from person to person – executing each in the blink of an eye.

She stared at him. The thoughts in her head were calm. She couldn't hear anything.

She felt at peace. She felt something that she hadn't felt in ages.

I loved you, Shepard.

I loved you, too, Kaidan.

Maybe she could move on. Maybe she could move on just like him.


A/N: I hope to make this into a Thane x Shepard x Kaidan love triangle fic. More chapters hopefully coming soon. Idk.