Disclaimer: I do not own supernatural. (sigh!)
Secrets of the father
Why does Sam have gifts that Dean does not? John knows why.
John Winchester had two secrets. One was his, the other was not. The only other person who knew about them was gone. She died over 20 years ago. One of the secrets was hers and he didn't know how to tell his boys. They could answer so many questions for both of them but, could just as easily destroy them and above all he couldn't let that happen.
He loved his boys, both of them. He always had. It's why he went to so much trouble to make sure they were prepared. He trained them in every way he knew how. They were both proficient at hand to hand combat, weapons, escape and evade techniques and every other skill he could think to teach them. They were both trained medics. He passed on everything he had learned in the Special Forces.
Then he learned more skills and he taught those to his boys also. They could both pick a lock in under thirty seconds. They knew how to disable most alarm systems and how to hot wire cars. They could hustle a mean game of pool or even poker and both of them were exceptional con artists.
Dean could take almost anything apart, fix it and put it back together. He was especially good at fixing cars, almost as good as his father. He was also an exceptional medic. He had patched up himself, his brother and his father so many times that John was sure that in another life he could have become a doctor.
Sam was exceptional at research. He was so smart it was sometimes scary. He took to book learning like a fish to water. Before he was ten Sam knew the words for the most common exorcism rituals they knew in Latin and pronounced them perfectly. He was quickly becoming a master at picking out patterns and finding hidden clues for the hunts.
What John couldn't teach his boys was the softer side of life. John didn't know how to be soft. He didn't know how to express his love. If things had been different, if Mary had not died, maybe… Maybe he could have learned enough from her to teach the boys. But, he had no idea how to instill the love and tenderness that the boys needed when they were growing up. He was afraid all he had to offer was heartache and pain, so instead he offered nothing. He taught nothing.
He had hoped and prayed that someday someone would come into each of their lives to teach them how to love, how to laugh. And it did, for Sammy… but it was taken away so quickly and replaced with the same heartache and despair that John knew. So now he hoped and prayed that neither of them ever found someone who could love them like that. Because with that love, came pain and destruction. It came for Sammy the same way it came for John. And John had learned that it was something he couldn't protect his boys from.
The worst part of it, the worst part of everything, was that it was all John's fault. His Secret had caused so much pain and suffering. He never should have married Mary. He never should have loved her. She was dead because she was his wife. He should have believed when his father told him the men in his family were cursed. The men in his family had gifts, gifts that he had passed onto Sammy. Gifts that were not really gifts at all but were instead magnets for evil. John had thought, that since he had not received these gifts that his family would be safe. He was wrong. How do you tell your son that he is cursed because he is your son?
Dean was safe from the curse. He was blessed because he would never have the gifts that his brother had. But that was the other secret the one that was not really his secret but now, with Mary gone he had to take on the burden of this one also. Now he had to decide if he should share her secret with their boys, because he couldn't tell his secret without telling hers.
John loved his boys, both of them and they were both his boys. He had always loved and wanted them both. But how do you tell your son that he was the product of the rape of his mother? How do you tell your son that he is not really your son at all?
You didn't. And because he couldn't tell Mary's secret his would also remain forever a secret.
A/NPlease review and let me know what you think. Is it possible the brothers are only half-brothers?
