Oh boy! I already have so many stories to work on, but I just gotthis crazy idea that I had to do something with... Now I'm going to have to spend all my free time typing. Not like that's such a horrible thing! Anyway, I present to you... The Attack of Freddy Cougar!

-----

A single pale cougar twitched in the corner of a cage, one of the three only organisms – or at least vertebrates – in a very quiet room with plain whitish-gray walls. The floor was gleaming, probably made out of metal. It looked kind of slippery. Who knows just where this was? It must have been a laboratory of some sort.

The cougar's own living quarters weren't very impressive. It wasn't so much of a cage as a wildcat-sized jail cell, with three solid steel walls, one of which had a little barred window. The remaining wall was barred as well. The cage door.

Inside the cage were two dishes, one for food and the other for water, the latter of which was empty. And there was the cougar himself, who was very odd-looking. His fur was ruffled, he was somewhat skinny and small-bodied, and he had unusually long legs. He had small, thin paws with front legs to match. The cat's back legs were a bit longer, and they were almost kangaroo-like. You'd think he wouldn't be able to walk properly, as he was so strangely proportioned.

Shuddering slightly, the cougar looked through the window in the side of the cage at one of his neighbors. In the corner of the room was a large metal box. It had, in huge capital letters, the word "BEAR" on the side. A label below it read, "CAREFUL. IT BITES. I MEAN IT. REALLY." Through one of the air holes in the box, he saw a flash of reddish fur and the gleam of an eye. Despite the label, the occupant of the box had been pretty quiet.

Unlike the room's third inhabitant, a big black squirrel. It had been trying with all it might to pry apart the bars of its cage and squeeze between them. Now it appeared to have given up. The cougar let his eyes wander around the room until he noticed a motionless ball of black fur with a purple diamond on it lying on the floor of a birdcage hanging in a different corner. A bushy tail poked out of it, covered with black hairs that intermingled with pale violet. A dull green stripe twisted around the tail from the base to the tip. He figured the squirrel was asleep until he realized a face the same color as the diamond-shaped patch on its owner's back was staring right at him with deep purple eyes to match. For a rodent, it was rather powerful-looking.

All three animals jumped when they heard a loud click. They jerked their heads in the direction of the huge white door on the wall near the bear's crate other than the one it was up against. Someone was coming in, and the animals shrank back, absolutely sure of who it was.

Sure enough, a man in a lab coat burst into the room, flailing his right arm, which ended in a three-pronged claw. He had an insane, huge smile and an equally deranged look in the eyes. Both the green one and the red one. "So!" he said loudly, "How're you little furballs doing this beautiful afternoon? Beautiful afternoon... HA! Like you've actually seen what it's like outside since Tuesday."

He leaned over the box containing a bear. "You're looking just gorgeous today!" he proclaimed, though he was actually looking at the top of the crate and not the bear. "Thirsty at all?"

He pulled back one side of his lab coat, revealing he was carrying two water bottles on the inside. His steel claw closed around one, and he opened it and lodged it in one of the bear's air holes. There was the sound of water trickling down the side of the crate and the bear licking some of it up.

"How about you, Whiskers?" The scientist glided up to the cougar's cage. "Well, it looks like someone's had too much espresso while I was out of the room! Why didn't you save some for me?"

The man, just judging by his behavior, seemed to already be on caffeine. I mean, what other person would be constantly wearing a pink shower cap? Either way, he was referring to the cougar's bulging crimson-eyed – one of which twitched quite a bit – stare.

"But!" He raised his claw for dramatic effect. "Maybe you're still thirsty enough for some water." The scientist held up the second water bottle in front of the cougar's face. "Are 'ya?" The feline back up, his protuberant eyes opening even wider. "I guess I'll take that as a big fat yes!" The shower-cap-wearing madman reached into the cage and tilted the bottle upside-down over the empty water dish until it overflowed.

When he turned around and stepped toward the birdcage, the cougar crept forward and cautiously lapped up the water. But by the time the dish was almost half empty, he realized he had just made a big mistake. He looked straight down and noticed the strange purple tinge to the water. Something was rising in the back of his mind. Something that wanted to come out.

Maybe it was just a headache. Maybe it would go away when he focused on something. Instead, he turned his attention the birdcage. The scientist smacked the side of his claw into the cage, sending it swinging wildly back and forth, throwing the poor squirrel within against the sides. "Hello? You look sort of shaken, my black rat buddy!" He put a bit of emphasis on the word "rat." He cracked up for about ten seconds. "Shaken!" he repeated.

The rodent had a wild gleam in its purple eyes, like it was suffering from a terrifying case of déjà vu and desperately wanted to get out of that room. The cougar was pretty sure he knew why. With two talons, the scientist plucked a purple green-tipped hair from the squirrel's tail. "Tail as fluffy as usual! Now, I think I've got some water left for you..."

He emptied the last of the water into the squirrel's water dish, which had been full before the cage had been flying all over the place, splashing the walls nearby with the dish's contents. The squirrel cupped some of the water in its paws and sipped – quite unusual.

Well, the bear seemed fine after having an entire bottle to itself. Maybe the water was safe. But the cougar's head still felt strange. In fact, it was getting worse by the second. The cougar made a strange noise in his throat as the headache swelled. He shook his head, as if there was something in it and he was trying to dislodge it and get it to pop out through one ear. In only a few seconds, it started to feel like he had just banged his head against something sharp. Very sharp. It flared up, and then... it was completely gone. So it was just a headache! "Aha!" the cougar cried with a French accent and a cocky smile, standing up straight with his chest fur fluffed out, "You sought I vos gone for good! But no! I am back. You 'ave not learned your lesson. You have allowed zee enemy, zis pink-hat-wearing fool, to capture you!"

The cougar's smile vanished abruptly. He gasped and fell flat on his stomach, covering his mouth with his paws. "Oh, no!" he groaned, "Not you!" Then he realized what must have been in the water. "Wait a minute. That stuff was in the water."

He stood up again, grinning. "Oui. You certainly are slow."

The smile faded again, showing that the cougar was himself. He looked up and saw that the squirrel was biting down hard onto one of the mad scientist's claws. "Looks like the Psitanium's kicked in!" the scientist said, glancing at the cougar and then at the squirrel, "Maybe you need a nap to cool down." He stuck his gloved left hand into the inside of his coat and produced a syringe. The squirrel didn't have time to avoid the huge needle plunging into its side. It went completely limp and was shaken off of the claw.

Then the scientist looked in the direction of the bear, who could be heard mumbling while sleeping. "Oh, thank you, all of you!" the bear muttered, "Autographs will... be signed in the theater lobby."

"Looks like you're already getting your beauty sleep. Now how about you?" He wheeled to face the cougar, holding up the syringe, which was two-thirds full of some glowing green liquid.

The red-eyed feline sat down, pushing himself backwards. "He just overdosed that squirrel," he said under his breath, "Now would be a good time for you to do something."

His expression changed. "Ah, no! I am afraid zat 'ere, I cannot help y..."

That's were he was cut off. Yes, he had been meaning for his other side to actually be the one tranquilized. But the cougar himself was knocked out anyway.

-----

I'm pretty sure many of you know that Psitanium in Psychonauts is supposed to have the effect of turning non-psychics insane. If not, well, you now know. And by the way, I like praise and feedback is loved. No flames. As Raz himself said, "You could try to be a more constructive critic."