Disclaimer: If I was JK Rowling, I would not be writing on a fan fiction site. I own nothing, except those things you don't recognize from the books/movies. Also, I am American, so I apologize for any 'Americanisms' that don't fit in with British culture.
Dear Fred,
Sometimes, I think Ron suspects. He gets a certain look about him and seems to struggle, as if warring with himself. I think he has almost said something on multiple occasions, but he always refrains. I think he might be scared of the answer. Either that, or he convinces himself he is making it all up. The problem is, even after 19 years, he's not.
Of course, I told him about my feelings for you before we got married. I wanted him to understand why I cried out your name in the night. He told me he did understand and that we could work through our pain together. We both thought that our pain could bring us closer to each other. Unfortunately, Ron has no idea what it's like to lose that one person you have given your heart to. Don't get me wrong, he tries.
I have tried to get over you. It seems every time I get close, I dream about that night. The one where you took my innocence. It's still so fresh in my mind. Ron and I had been fighting about something stupid (as usual) and I was in my room crying. You heard me and sat by me. Then you just held me. You seemed to understand that jokes would not help the situation, and so you stayed silent. That night was beautiful, the best night of my life.
I haven't told Ron about that night, in case you are wondering. Fortunately for me, he was so preoccupied in himself and his feelings on our wedding night that he didn't notice my lack of pain. I'm glad I didn't have to explain, because I want that night to be special, just for you and me.
I feel bad about Ron. I really wish I could love him the way he loves me and deserves to be loved back. I have come to discover that in each person's heart, there is a certain capacity for love. You can love many people, but only one in the way that Harry loves Ginny, Ron loves me, and I love you. Once that space is filled, you can't replace those feelings with someone else.
Not only that, but I don't even have that part of my heart any more. I can't give it away, because it's buried in your grave with you. You see, it broke off when you died and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't put it back in place. It just wouldn't heal and every time I tried, it ran away. It was easy to find again. It always ran to you. I finally understood that it wouldn't leave your side and so I buried it. I'm sure you have it up in Heaven with you. Please take care of it for me. I will want it back when we see each other again. Or maybe I'll just give the rest of my heart to you when that time comes, and you can put it back together again.
I love you. I wait for the day when you come to take me into your arms again.
Until then, my love.
Yours forever,
Hermione
