TITLE: You Make Me Feel
AUTHOR: Vid Z.
PAIRING: Mulder/Reyes
TIMELINE: a day or two after Empedocles
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show X-Files are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I've been a Mulder/Scully shipper since the pilot ep, but had to admit that there was some major chemistry between Mulder and Monica, completely natural and genuine, not the fake and forced kind, IMHO, they had her have with Doggett. Because there was a definite, unexplained, coolness in his relationship with Scully, this attraction and chemistry was even more obvious. Hell, they were practically identical. This had caused me to become a Mulder/Reyes shipper. There is such a shortage of MRR fics so I've decided to write one. Hope you like it!
SUMMARY: Mulder and Monica finally have the long-overdue conversation and some interesting discoveries are made.
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"I love Scully. She loves me. Deeply on both counts." Mulder explained.
Monica listened to him raptly, until just recently they had not spent any amount of time just by themselves. It was thus the first time Mulder had spoken to her about his private life.
"But we are friends and that's all we'll ever be. While I am sad because of it, it's a good friendship and I glad to have it."
This intrigued Monica as there was much more to this relationship than just friendship.
"But how can you accept it if you love her? What about the baby? Doesn't it deserve a real family?"
A sad smile appeared on Mulder's lips. "I'm going to tell you something no-one else knows, so I would appreciate it if you tell no-one, not even Doggett."
"I swear, Mulder, you can trust me." she saw him search her eyes for a clue if she was telling the truth and seconds later he appeared appeased.
"2 years ago, Scully and I tried for a baby with an IVF. It didn't take."
"Then how?"
"Contrary to the water cooler talk, Scully and I have never been lovers. In all these years we have made love but one time. That one time was all it took, it seems."
"So, how do you know about there being no chance for more between you two?"
He pointed to a plaque on the wall. "I've put my Oxford diploma to work. Scully has been sending me clear signals even at the time of the IVF that there would be nothing more between us. I would've been more of an Uncle to the baby than Daddy, had it succeeded." he said it completely calmly, without bitterness or resentment.
"Still, that doesn't mean anything. Signals can be misinterpreted." it was obvious to Monica that Mulder had given up, yet could not fathom the reason, because she didn't know Mulder and Scully's relationship good enough.
"Reyes, I told her clearly that I love her. I've told her that she's my touchstone, my one in five billions. I have never told that to any other woman. Scully didn't react to any of these clear declarations, except for saying 'Oh, brother' when I told her I loved her. Hell, I even kissed her several times. That's pretty clear to me. Had she wanted anything more between us, she would have reacted appropriately to one of the numerous times that I've tried."
"I guess you're right. Yet, is that enough of a proof? Do you have anything more to solidify this theory with before you make a decision that you won't be able to change later on?"
Mulder sighed and leaned back in his chair, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly.
"Scully is not the marrying type. Okay, that was a little harsh, but I have facts that support that theory. Before the cancer Scully had never even thought of having children, never once seriously in all the years we have known each other. At Christmas, the same year, something's changed."
Monica looked puzzled for a while, until recognition showed on her face. "The little girl she wanted to adopt? The one that was supposed to have been her daughter? I've read it in her file before I was transferred here."
Mulder nodded. "That's the one. Emily. She was an alien-human hybrid, created with the help of Scully's ova, harvested while she was missing for those three months. She wanted to adopt her, but she wanted to do it alone. Yes, she called me to help her in some matters, but she made it clear that she would be adopting Emily and taking care of her on her own. I was welcome as a friend, but nothing more. The same was with the IVF. She asked me to be a donor. That's big, I know, but it's not everything. After having known her for 7 years at that point, I read what she meant to say. I would be the donor, but only an uncle to the baby. Maybe the baby would even know I was it's father, but it would've been more of the type of relationship divorced fathers have with their children. Time with the baby only over the weekend and so on... I would never have been allowed to be a real Daddy and a life partner to Scully. I've made my peace with it, doesn't mean I'm happy about it though. I still have our friendship and access to the baby and I know she'd never take that from me. A husband just never was part of her plans for life, children lately yes, but not a husband."
"I always had the impression that she was fiercely self-sufficient and that she rather wouldn't tie herself to a man than lose that independence." mused Monica.
"I don't think it's that. Scully is Catholic and I think that's her way of rebelling against her mother, her upbringing, the Church,... You know what religious parents and the clergy want... married, dutiful, obeying sheeps that have a serial production of new subjects/sheeps for the Church. It's not as bad as in the history, especially in Europe, where the Church took a very large part of a person's income regularily. There are known examples where monasteries and chapels, even female-order monasteries, were such exploitors, squeezing everything out of their subjects, that their subjects rebelled. It happened quite frequently. Many examples are known of peasants rebelling against the taxes that the local clergy took from them in the former austrian empire, especially in 16th and 17th century. Churches, monasteries were land owners of large expanses of land, ruling them with as hard a fist as any other landlord. Look at the Vatican, where do you think the Church got so much money from for such grand buildings, art, expensive clothes, jewelry, furniture,... There were even many examples of when a priest was called to give a man his Last Rite that the priest convinced the dying man to write a Last Will in which he gave everything he had to the Church. Even though she was a loyal subject most of her life, in the last years Scully seems to have rebelled against what she'd been taught and having a child without marriage, or even a man, is a manifestation of it. But don't take my words for law, I'm just speculating. Scully and I have this strangely functional dysfunctional relationship that consits of things being read between the line, things not being given voice to, silent communication,... and you know how reliable all these ways are..."
Monica chuckled. She sure knew all right, her relationship with John was the same.
"What about you? We've never had much chance to talk to each other privately, without the other two."
Monica blushed, though she had to admit she had anticipated such a question, since they were talking about this topic.
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