I guess you could say this is a crack fic... Basically I had this weird dream (can't remember most of it), and... well it's where this girl Katrina wakes up in the rain and runs to shelter, and finds a castle annnnd, ROLLING!


Katrina's POV

"What in God's name-?" I gasped, waking up from a sleep. It was pouring rain! "Ohhhhh!" I growled, stumbling to my feet on the cobblestone road and peering through the rain to look for shelter. And there I saw it!

"A castle!" I shouted in delight, running up the steep road towards it. I had no idea how I got here... I could barely remember my own damn name! I took my anger out on the door, banging on it furiously.

It opened to reveal a male with strange slate purple hair covering half his face, blue eyes, or eye, for all I knew, and... he was wearing a suit? "Oh, wow, a girl... Hold on one moment, please." He said, picking up a small metal knob type thing and placing it in his ear.

I raised an eye brow, then realized, is was a blue tooth.

"Yes, hello? Yeah it's a girl... I don't know, let me ask." The male sighed, and then looked at me, "What's your bra size?" He asked in such a serious tone... I thought he was... being serious!

"Ugh! You don't ask a girl that!" I scoffed, covering my chest with my arms crossed over it. "Mmmm, she says it's not our business. Let her stay? Damn you're in a good mood!" The male pouted slightly and then tossed the blue tooth somewhere I could not see.

"This is the Nobody Estate, address, 13x14, Nobody Lane. Zipcode, 14131, feel free to... Oh if I finish the last part I'll be sued, come in, I'm Zexion!" The male smiled and opened the door wide enough for me to walk into the castle and out of the rain.

"I am, Katrina." I awkwardly remembered my name. "Impressive set, Katrina..." Zexion had been looking at my breasts. "Do you mind?" I scoffed, slapping him.

"Calm down. Sooo... Implants?" He asked casually, looking at me in the eyes. I gasped, insulted. Zexion gave me a harder stare, prying for the answer. "P-padded push up!" I admitted, feeling my face heat up.

Zexion closed his eyes and nodded, continuing to walk, "See, I knew that. I mean, you're obviously too poor to afford cheap implants." Zexion stopped and turned around again, a smile on his face, "Then again, the only sluts who get the cheap ones are the ones with actual money! Hahaha! Gosh and you're not stuffing them because honestly you are way to gorgeous to stuff them!" He said, continuing to walk.

What was this man's problem? "You pervert!" I scoffed. "Oh, I'm not a pervert. I'm happily married. My wife is flat chested! Soo... Axel said to make her get implants but honestly, she's not cheap enough for that! Besides, natural is better. And besides, compared to her you're an ugly beast!" Zexion mocked me cheerily.

"Oh my god you're so mean!" I complained. "I'm a happy little virgin in his twenties and is actually dying to get laid. My wife is such a bitch about these things, so, I spend my time doing this, and chatting it up with Larxene because she's always complaining about my wife so I join in and damn I sound sooo, gay!" Zexion laughed, turning around once he started saying 'and damn I'

"Are you insane?" I asked. Zexion's face dropped, "No. And I'm not gay either, god Lexi would killlll meeee! Lexi is my drop dead gorgeous wife who has more family than those black bare-backing man-hoes! Hahahahaaa! Then again those aren't in-laws those are out-laws! Ohhhh! I am just on a roll today! HA!" Zexion was holding in his laughter as much as possible.

"Get away from my plants! MY PLANTS! Get, away!" We heard shouting from down the white hallway.

"Ooooooh, Demyx has been messing with Marly's pond again... Poor boy, he's such a retard when it comes to his water-obsession." Zexion sighed, shaking his head.

"Oh, so you don't have an obsession?" I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

"I guess it's a hobby I do all too much... I undress and touch all over the bodies of my dear wife and her family. Even the kids." Zexion sighed.

"Y-y-... You're a pedophile!" I gasped, stumbling backwards a little. "God I hate that word! It's not like they told me to stop or anything! And I'm a virgin! I didn't rape the poor little things!" Zexion growled, putting his hand on his forehead and sighing slightly.

"Listen, you want a whore, go see Marluxia when he's in a good mood. He'll give you fifty bucks for one night with him." Zexion growled, turning around and starting to walk away.

"H-Hey! I'm not a prostitute!" I yelled. Zexion stopped and turned around, "Then why the hell are you here? All girls here are either used, abused, or they actually work." Zexion called back.

"Wh-what!" I gasped. Did I wake up in a world full of child molesters and women slaves? "Women in this world are treated like animals if they don't work. So that's why only two women work in this whole place, and the rest are just to occupy the perverts or do chores." Zexion explained bluntly.

I whimpered, "I don't want to be a slave!"

"Who's she?" I saw a male about the height of Zexion, but he seemed younger! "Roxas, this is Katrina. Twenty-one, black hair, blue eyes, pale skin, bra size B, underwear size- oooh, not wearing any, annnnnd, she's got amnesia... Teach her how things work around here before she does something stupid. Oh and by the way... keep her away from Lexi." Zexion explained.

"Which one?" Roxas asked sheepishly. "MY WIFE!" Zexion shouted, thumping Roxas over the head with a gloved hand and storming off.


Do... you want me to continue?