A/N Lately, I have been reading lots of soul-mates fics and I didn't really like how everything seemed set in stone. As in, people were more concerned about seeing an image or words on someone than actually finding their soul-mate. So I decided to create something a bit different. And here it is- my gift for Valentine's day. And yes, I know, angst? For Valentine's day? But this couple is just asking for it and soul-mate marks? How could I pass. Enjoy!
If My Love Was Enough You Would Have Lived Forever
Haku had yet to see a more beautiful Mark than Zabuza's. The design was simple, a star resembling a shuriken, each blade like a wing of a bird, yet there was something in it, in each curl, that mesmerized the boy.
He could still recall the first time he asked his master about it. He was still young then, too curious for his own good and even braver. He still hadn't met Zabuza's dark side. Hypnotized by the unknown symbol on the older man's chest, right above his heart, the raven outstretched a hand to caress it.
The response was almost immediate.
"What the fuck do you think you are doing," Zabuza yelled, slapping his hand away.
It was the first time the older man raised his voice, but certainly not the last.
When he grew older he learned the truth, from old shopkeepers with loud mouths and victims that begged him to spare them so they could meet their soul-mate. Although, he tried not to think of the latter.
The Mark appeared on your 16th birthday and its only purpose was to help you find the person you'd be the happiest with, the one who completes you. Your soul-mate. It was the most treasured possession of some and perfectly useless to most. As the Mark was not a silly little tattoo shared between those whose souls were connected, but a symbol of what your soul-mate would be for you, it required a previous relationship. You had to spend time with this person, get to know them to even realize it was them.
Haku quite liked the implication. It meant they were not slaves of destiny, that you could spend years with someone, completely disregarding your Mark, only to glance at it one day and think,
"Oh."
It was around that time Haku asked his master about the Mark for the second time. He was afraid, the memories of the anger in Zabuza's eyes still fresh behind his eyelids, but far more curious.
"It's nothing but a fairytale." Zabuza laughed, loud and piercing. He was in a better mood, Haku had made sure to wait for such a moment, but there was still some harshness in his eyes, hiding behind thinly veiled amusement.
"Don't think about this, boy. You probably won't even meet them. Not in our line of work." His master ruffled his head and walked away from the fire. It was winter, Haku remembered how he stood on the same place for hours watching as the fire engulfed the snowflakes and feeling the same was happening with his dreams.
That night when he finally went to bed, tears already dried on his face, his dreams of having a Mark that corresponded with Zabuza were replaced by nightmares of seeing the man he loved the most burn. His skin was melting, snow white bone peaking underneath. The only place untouched by the flames was his mark, glowing in bloody red as if someone had carved it on the man's flesh. Haku screamed, partly out of fear and partly- to deafen the voice, screaming,
"You will never meet your soul-mate."
When he woke up, Zabuza was watching him intently, something akin to worry in his eyes, but neither said anything and the memory was put behind them.
Haku never did ask about the Mark, again, though. And, sure enough, he killed those who tried to use it to plead for their lives almost instantly, without any remorse.
He was 14 when he remembered it again, when he recalled that yearning and the emptiness that came with it. When he felt that bone-freezing terror that he would never know his soul-mate. And the hope that maybe...
He was 14 when Zabuza kissed him.
They were ambushed, 5 against 2 but they would have made it, hadn't they been on their way from another mission. Hadn't been Zabuza injured. Naturally, Haku fought with all his might. Tried to kill them all and defend his master. He was still too young, though, far too tired and with, if he didn't know any better, a broken rib. He was injured.
Next thing he could remembered, he woke up in a room, with Zabuza by his side. The man yelled at him, threatened him, was even on the verge of hitting him, yet all Haku could do was try to contain the smile threatening to shine on his face. Because the man he loved was alive and nothing else mattered, not even the deep dash right across his chest that made it hard to breathe.
"Never do this again," Zabuza warned and Haku hurried to nod his head, hoping it would be enough for the older man to finally relax.
And he did, tumbling down on the chair, placed near Haku's bed, face turning white as sheet. His master reached for his hand, squeezing it lightly and Haku wondered if he was still asleep. Or if he had died?
"I thought I would lose you," the man mumbled, hand leaving the other's grasp and sliding across bandaged chest, finally resting above Haku's heart. Zabuza's eyes followed that path, then lifted. There was a certain gleam in them, something that told the younger boy he knew something he didn't tell him. However, before Haku could even try to mull over this new information, his master was dipping down, chapped lips sliding over his own. It was over before it started and when Zabuza straightened up and walked away without another word, Haku was ready to believe he had dreamt it.
And he would have, hadn't it been from those glances Zabuza started throwing his way, sad and something else, something... hopeful. It crossed the young boy's mind his master might be regretting his actions, might have been too engrossed in the idea of having to separate with a valuable tool, but he wasn't one to give up easily.
2 months later he tried kissing him again. He almost expected to be pushed away and hit or less likely, mostly as a fantasy than a possible outcome, to be drawn in that strong embrace and devoured. Neither happened. Haku couldn't even kiss Zabuza, it was as if the man could read his thought and had a hand pressing against his chest before he could even make his move.
"You deserve something better than me, boy," he said.
Which was ridiculous, because there was no one better than Zabuza. Zabuza was his life, his purpose.
He was his everything and Haku didn't hesitate to tell him that much. The older man's response was a humourless laughter and a shake of the head.
They never mentioned it again.
The more Haku was nearing his 16th birthday, the more he wanted to slow down time. He was terrified of what could happen, of the Mark that would appear and would or wouldn't match his relationship with Zabuza. He didn't know which outcome was more terrifying. Which would be easier to live with? Knowing the man you loved wasn't for you or seeing the confirmation he was but being reminded he didn't want you anyway?
Zabuza, however, acted like nothing of importance was about to happen and maybe for him it was just like that. A lot of time had passed since Haku was 14 and Haku would dream his master would share his feelings. Albeit better and more equal, their relationship was still one between a master and a tool and those dreams were far gone.
Except, a month before his birthday, Zabuza brought it up. In one night he managed to shatter Haku's illusions that he didn't care and make the younger boy wonder if he had perhaps hit his head somewhere. Because his master, Momochi Zabuza, the Demon of the Mist, proposing to him to quit their job was nothing short of wondrous. Like a dream come true, the man before him painted a picture of a far more peaceful life, just for the two of them.
Not that Haku hated what they did, it had always been what Zabuza wanted and he was more than willing to follow him. But there were risks and losing the other man, it was the only thing that could scare him. And lately it was the thing that kept him awake at night, wide eyed and staring into the other's relaxed form in fear tomorrow it would be gone.
He agreed, nodding eagerly, itching to hug the other man but afraid he might cross some invisible line they had placed after their first kiss.
"But only after you turn 16, is that understood?" Zabuza tried scolding him, but the upturned corners of his lips gave him away. "I want you to be sure about this."
Momentarily forgetting his facade, the older man drew the other in his embrace, holding him tightly. Pressed against his chest, Haku couldn't help but smile. They had just one more mission to complete and they would be free.
Everyone had a reason for their actions, that was the first thing Zabuza taught him.
Greed, lust, pride, there was always something driving people to do unthinkable acts.
"Beware of those who seemingly have no ulterior motives," his master had warned," they are so skilled at fooling others they have fooled themselves."
For so long, Haku couldn't quite understand the meaning behind those words. Then he found it, his purpose in life, and everything became so much clearer, the reason people would act the way they did.
He accepted his place beside Zabuza, welcomed it even, eager to give his everything to protect the other man.
It was no wonder why, then, he jumped in front of the raikiri that day, shielding the man he loved with his body.
Everyone had a reason for their actions, that was the last thing Zabuza taught him.
And as Haku was slowly dying, the image of a green field and a little house settled behind his lids, a fantasy that he could have had but instead got only in his dreams.
He should have felt sadness or even anger towards Zabuza for ripping that dream from him, but only contempt enveloped his body. That had been his purpose in life, after all, in the end he had been nothing but his master's tool.
Zabuza's weapon.
Oh.
A/N The summary was actually supposed to be "And that Haku never did see his own." but after some scolding from my best friend I decided I shouldn't ruin the surprise. However, now I can't stop thinking, if Haku hadn't died what would have his Mark been? Thoughts?
