(AN: This story is based off of the episode "Unfinished Business" which really made me realize just how complex Kara and Lee's relationship is. I wrote this from Starbuck's perspective. All the speculation is my own, but all of the dialogue and part of the actions are directly from that episode. This story got kind of long so I thought I'd try splitting it up into a few separate chapters.)
"Unfinished Business"
I would say it all started at the groundbreaking. But it didn't. This, all of this, started four years ago when Zack first introduced me to his brother, Lee. I didn't know then that it would end like this. How could I?
Maybe if Zack were still alive this never would have happened. But it's a little too late to think about that now. So even though it didn't start at the groundbreaking, that is where this story starts. Everything important happened between now and then, over a year later in this boxing ring.
The groundbreaking was Baltar's idea, a way to celebrate "Building a Better Tomorrow!" on New Caprica. We all knew it was bullshit, but as Lee's arm candy Dee pointed out, there was free booze, and that was enough to get Anders and I to show. Oh Anders, my innocent victim. He's been ensnared in my net every since we met back on the real Caprica. He does what I want for the most part and lets me string him along. I'd almost feel sorry for him if the whole thought of it didn't make me sick of myself. I don't know where this cruelty inside me stems from, but I wish I could give it all back.
These were the kind of thoughts that kept marching though my mind that day and into the party that night. It was not a good time for me. I knew there was something wrong with me, there had to be, because even when I was up dancing with Anders I couldn't take my eyes off of Dee and Lee. They were sitting by the bar and she was leaning towards him, smiling her innocent smile, staring up at him with her huge soulful eyes. He was laughing, clutching a glass in one hand and placing the other gently on her arm.
I wanted to slap them both. What did he see in her? She was so placid. Her heart was like a sheer glass sculpture prone to tipping. She was such a gentle, quiet little thing and she wasn't meant for the rough-and-tumble life Lee loved. But who was I to talk? Anders was like a starving puppy, always begging for scraps of my affection. Every once and while I'd throw him a piece, but never the full meal. I wasn't ready to share myself with him.
That night, I wanted to forget. I didn't want to think about how frakked up my life was at the moment. The alcohol helped. When I wasn't dancing, I was drinking. And so was Anders, following at my heels. Sitting at the bar I caught a glimpse of the Admiral, lying down on the sand with his arm around a woman who appeared to be the President. I was happy for him. Sure, a relationship between the two of them would get a lot of bad press, but I knew she made him smile. He deserved to smile and enjoy, especially after all the years of pain and worry Zack, Lee and I had put him through. I knew he was a smart man, a good man, like his sons.
I looked back at Anders, swaying woozily in front of him after too many hard drinks. He was a good man too, but more and more, not just in my melancholy moods but in my happier ones as well, I was beginning to realize he wasn't the right man. He was classically handsome. Tall, broad shouldered, long straight nose and an endearing smile. Handsome and nice and one of the very rare people willing to love me.
I watched the alcohol hit him. I laughed drunkenly as my boyfriend slid from the chair to the floor, passed out cold. Just one more case of him trying to catch up to me and falling behind again.
I'm not sure how long I sat there after Anders kicked it. A few minutes, a full hour – I honestly didn't know. I was looking at the coarse sand, technically "alluvial deposits", beneath my feet, then the dark mountains looming in the distance and finally the big full moon above me. I remembered what my mother, ever superstitious, used to say about nights like these. She'd call this a "witching moon," when the gods were bound to play tricks on us hapless mortals. I knew it wasn't the same moon as the one circling the real Caprica, but it I half closed my eyes and squinted, I could pretend.
In my mind it was five years ago and I was sitting on a moonlight beach with Zack on Python and I had no idea what it felt like to lose everything and live as a battered, broken human hunting robots. I had no idea what it felt like to want something yet repel myself from it at the same time, to feel trapped and desperate and bruised, inside and out, day after day.
Oh, I could pretend.
But I had to face reality eventually. It was late. The alcohol was well settled. Sam was out and would probably be just fine lying there until morning. It might teach him to better hold his drink.
I stood up from my chair and walked back towards the dance ring. I took a seat at the side and listened to the slowing music that was gently dying around me. A few couples still swayed back and forth, but most had abandoned the dance in search of other pleasures.
And then Lee was there, appearing at my side as if my errant thoughts had called him to me. He held two drinks in his hands, the pale liquor sloshing gently in Baltar's cheap plastic cups.
"I bring offerings," he said, swinging around next to where I was perched on the edge of the floor.
"Just in time," I smiled, taking the proffered glass and sloshing the drink around gently. He didn't need to know I was talking about him and his timely appearance rather then the drinks. I threw my other glass on to the sand and watched it roll away.
"Wow. Look at that," Lee laughed, pointing back towards my mess of a boyfriend. "You literally drank Anders under the table." I detected a subtle note of pride in his voice.
He started it. He brought Anders into the conversation. So I had no choice but to ask. It was only fair.
"Where's Dee?"
He shrugged. "She, uh, packed it in… to go pack." He laughed a little at his own pathetic joke. He'd been hitting the bar too.
I smiled. He was a goof.
"I guess it's just you and me then." Like it always used to be, I added silently.
"Yup. Just you and me," he repeated, staring over at me. I smiled. This was how it was supposed to be.
I stood up slowly. My head spun a little, but nothing I couldn't handle.
"Walk with me?" I knew his answer. He nodded and we set off without preamble. I set the pace, two steps ahead of him, leading us up over the dunes and away.
I'd explored New Caprica on my own before. I knew just where to take him. We walked comfortably a few clicks from the party, just far enough that no sound traveled and the night was clear, I stopped. I showed the little sandy clearing in the woods that had enchanted me earlier. Surrounded by reedy little plants, the clearing was moderately sized and flat. I gestured proudly.
"Check it out. It's a great place for a house." We walked further in and he looked at me skeptically.
He asked the question that my mind had been trying to avoid. "So you're really gonna give up flying?"
I put my hands on my hips and stared out at my "home". "Flying's gonna suck now anyway," I replied, "Lots of training, endless caps… War's over. So's all the good stuff."
He raised an eyebrow at me. I knew what he was thinking. Training Officer Starbuck – addicted to flight, obsessed with the kill. He'd been my CAG for a long time. He knew how I ran. I needed that drive, that push that kept me moving through all odds. I was born to fight.
He knew and I knew very clearly in that moment that the new warless Galactica would bore me and that civilian life on New Caprica would suffocate me to death. Either way, I was screwed.
Eventually Lee broke through the dreary silence. "Give me a tour," He commanded, "of the future life of Kara Anders." I gave him a funny look, shaking my head slowly.
"I'm not getting married." He seemed a little surprised. We began to circle each other, pacing the clearing.
"Well then… What's the point, Kara?" My heart skipped a beat. What exactly was he asking? "You love him, right?" Lee continued with an edge to his voice.
I kept my voice calm, kept pacing. "Where are we going with this, Lee?"
"Now that's the question, isn't it?" His voice was a strange mix of triumph and pity. "Where are we going?"
I couldn't answer. I didn't know. Fortunately, he didn't seem to expect me to know. He continued without my encouragement.
"I mean, what if this is it?" he gestured vaguely, encompassing all of New Caprica with one swing of his arm. "The rest of your life, Kara." He'd dropped all flippancy. He was serious now. He broke our pacing and walked towards me instead. "Is this how you want to spend it? Is this who you want to spend it with?"
My throat was dry. I was speechless. I was standing there naked, all pretense stripped away by his words. I couldn't believe that now, finally, he was confronting me about Sam. After months of me being with him, years of Lee standing silent, watching and waiting, playing the friend. I couldn't believe it. This was it.
He stepped closer. Two, three steps, each one making its own little crunch in the sand. We hovered, our faces inches apart for three whole seconds. I was struck by how he was the perfect height for me. Anders was too tall. He had to bend too far to reach me. Lee was just right.
His lips brushed mine and I closed my eyes. I'd dreamed of this. I'd dreamed of him before while kissing Sam. But this was real.
Lee was gentle yet passionate. He cupped his hands to my face and pulled away for a moment, gauging my reaction. I smiled.
(AN: Please review! I'll post more soon.)
