Title: Family guy; We stand on guard for beer, eh?
Summary: Peter griffin changes his tone about canadians after he drinks their beer; while brian gets a job as a janitor at stewies daycare, and develops a crush on one of the daycare workers.
Rated: T for Teen (Censored Swearing, Violence, Sexual References)
Disclaimer: Family guy is Owned and created by the great Seth McFarlane
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Part one - Hockey game
The griffin family sat and watched the Quahog patriots play against the moncton hawks.
"hey! you canadians suck!" yelled peter griffin at the hawks
"Peter, they can't hear you." said lois
"Go back to your tee-pees and igloos!" peter yelled at the hawks
"Peter, Canadians don't live in Tee-pees and igloos!" lois exclaimed to peter
"what! Canadians don't live in houses lois, they've haven't figured out how to build
them yet!" replied peter
"They live in houses, peter. but they mostly live in trailer parks"
(cutscene)
"hey boys! have you seen my kitty?" asked bubbles
"no bubbs, i haven't seen him anywhere." said Ricky
"uh-oh boys, come look at this." said julian, pointing at the TV
"Hi, i'm Ron cherry, eh?"
"and i'm Cassie Wickenheiser."
"today we got a mr. fuk's rice box establishment in toronto, it's a beauty. we now go live to
asian reporter Tricia takanawa, who is on the scene, eh? tricia?"
"Ron, i'm here at mr. fuk's rice box where mr. Fuk is offering free samples of his new dish,
called Kitty-delight. mr. fuk, how are kitty-delights made?" asked Tricia
"i tell you, but i may have to kirr you! hahaha! no, i take kitty from trairer park in
mumpton. they cute, but they no match for my creaver!"
"Lahey! that bastard!" yelled Julian
"C-ksucker!" yelled bubbles
(end cutscene)
"Uh geez, i'm thirsty. at least they serve beer." said peter, walking off
"kids, are you enjoying yourselves?" asked lois to meg and chris
"yeah!" they said in unison
"i'm pretending the puck is like a big black poop and the players and beating it with their sticks!" chris laughed
"i'm so hot for that bellevue guy!" meg mispronounced the name. lois felt the need to
tell her something.
"aww, meg, one day you'll learn to lower your expectations, just like taylor swift will have to."
(cutscene)
Taylor swift is standing outside a dressing room for taylor lautner
"come on taylor, i love you so much! i can't eat, i can't sleep! i need you!"
"Yeah, just like you need every other guy thats been on the cover of tiger beat every week." replied lautner
"no! no! i should've said no!" swift began to cry
"and your songs suck! your acting sucks! you're a camera whore! you'll date me for a month, then dump me and make a big scene about it and get the camera pointed at you again!" said lautner
"no! i hate you!" taylor swift began to cry
then brian shows up with a drink in his hand
"hey babe, you, you're looking good." said brian
"really?" asked Taylor
"no, i'm just kidding, you look like a tranny." replied brian.
(end of cutscene)
"i wonder if peters up to anything up there." lois said to herself
peter was standing at the beer garden.
"uh, can i get thing of pawtucket beer?" asked Peter
"i'm sorry mister, we're out." said the bartender
"holy crap! no! how can you be out! it's our local beer!" said peter
"i have some molson canadian if you'd like." the bartender offered
"no way buddy, canadian beer sucks, and besides, i can't pay for it, i don't have any
canadian money." said peter
"Thats ok, i'll take american money for it." said the bartender
"still won't buy it." said peter
"what if i offered it to you at the price that canadians pay for it?" asked the bartender
"how much?" asked peter
"well, calculating inflation, the comparison of the canadian and american dollar, about a
buck." said the bartender
"holy crap! a buck for a beer?! no wonder canadians are wasted all the time, it's like a
dream come true!" said peter
"so are you a molson canadian drinker?" asked the bartender
"you betcha! cheers!" peter grabbed the beer and took a drink. all of the sudden,
he had a long epic pause.
"that...beer...was...incredible." said peter
"you want another one?" asked the bartender
"oh hell ya, buddy! i'm gonna be so drunk, like abraham lincoln when he freed the slaves!"
(cutscene)
"mr. president, i have a bit of news for you." said the secretary of state
"not now, i have a huge hangover. get tyrone to do it." said mr. lincoln
"tyrone can't do it, mr. president. you freed him last night." said the Secretary
"why did i free him?" asked lincoln
"you freed all the slaves, mr. lincoln. you were drunk, you dry humped the sheriff's wife, put an apple between your butt cheeks and got a horse to eat it, then you signed a paper that freed all the slaves, then you peed in the water bucket you've been drinking out of all morning." said the secretary
lincoln threw up all over the floor.
"I freed the what!?"
(end cutscene)
