Title: Used
Author: D.R. Ward\Hollowshirosaki413
Date Finished: 8-12-12
Warnings: Depression\Angst, Hurt\Comfort.
POV: Ichigo Kurosaki

Summary: I'm used. I know this. But…I can't bring myself to care. I'm too far deep for any return, and quite honestly…I don't want to.
Extra Thoughts: You'll like the ending. Yup. That's all I'm saying.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't know anything anymore, it seems. Light, it's dull to me. Darkness, it's more welcoming than ever. What is going on?

I know he's using me, I knew from the start. I knew it from the point of that sickening grin that had me putty into his hands. I knew from the point when he fucked me senseless, the point from where his eyes pinned me to the floor, and the point from when he labeled me as his toy.

I don't know, anymore.

I cry, sometimes, you know. I cry myself into that numbing sleep that I'm sure some of you have done; doesn't it make you feel better? It doesn't help me. I'm too far deep. My heart, my life, my body, it belongs to him now. I don't…I don't own it.

I don't want to, either.

When he ravishes me, takes advantage of me, and uses me, I can't help but feel a sense of need. He needs me for sex and sex only, but…It doesn't matter to me. I belong to him. He owns me – and I'm fine with that.

Or, at least…I thought I was.

XxX

(Three Years Later.)

My body couldn't take it anymore. My body, nor my mind, could take the pain, the hurt, the hate anymore from the man known as Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. It…I couldn't take it when he didn't look at me, when he doesn't even glance at me once, when he doesn't…Meet eye contact. It pulls at my heart. It makes me cry, when I'm alone, to think about it. Why?

So. There was only one option in my mind, one that could very well change my life once and for all. It may even determine the fact between life and death, I knew this. But…It has to be done.

I confronted him.

"Grimmjow?" I asked him. We just finished another round of sex, and he was getting ready to leave, and he wouldn't look at me, again. My fingers clenched into the sheets.

"What?" he asked gruffly. He didn't bother looking at me, like I was a parasite. Was I a parasite?

"I can't…I want to stop this." I said shakily, my voice coming out a lot softer than I hoped it would. My eyes were moist, but I refused to let any tears tumble over. Weakness, I remembered. Grimmjow didn't like weakness.

"Why?" The blue-haired man growled out, a lot angrier than imagined. I bit my lip, my eyes trained on the back of his head. His back was still turned to me.

"I-It's too hard to do this anymore, Grimmjow…" I murmured. When silence was given to me, I continued. "I know you don't love me, that I'm a thing to you, and for the longest time, I didn't care!" I began. "I really tried not to care, thought to myself that this was good enough…But, Grimmjow, my body and mind won't take it anymore." I grit my teeth. "You broke me. Feel happy, rejoice, and you can…find another person to fill my spot, Grimm. I've gotten past the point of liking you, and I fell in too deep; and now…"

"…Do you love me?" was the only reply I got. I licked my lips, shocked a bit, and confused that he didn't shut the door on me yet. I closed my eyes. His back was still turned to me, his face still unseen.

"…Yes." I whispered. "I do love you, Grimmjow, so please…Just, don't hurt me anymore…"

It happened to quickly for me to register.

He turned on me, and before I had the time to protect myself, his fist came flying across my cheek. An awakening pain engulfed my whole face, my body now sprawled on the bed, my face buried into the sheets. I stayed there, not daring to move.

"I…" Grimmjow said to me, for once, at loss of words. "No one can replace you…You can't leave me!" The blue-haired man yelled. "You can't abandon me!" he yelled again. He sounded broken. Ever so slowly, I pulled my body up into the sitting position again, and finally, I let my eyes rest on the sight of a crumbling Grimmjow.

His body, it looked weak. No matter how many muscles he sported, his body, it was shaking, like a fragile little doll, it looked weak. His face, it was contorted into something keen to anger, hate, sorrow, and utter…It…It was broken. I was at loss of words. That was good, because he continued.

"You can't break, dammit!" Grimmjow yelled at me as he collapsed onto his knees; his eyes, for what seemed like forever, connected with mine, a new emotion curling and taking ahold of his smoldering blue orbs. "No one…I don't want anyone to replace you, you…You fucker!" Grimmjow, the man I thought was a storm of cold ice, wept, his hands bleeding because his nails dug so far deep into his palm. He punched me again, but this time it was in the thigh, and it didn't hurt. He punched again, and again, and again, until it seemed he got tired.

I found myself cringing at the sight of him unraveling. I didn't expect it to go this far…And…He was using me…

Right?

"Goddammit, Kurosaki, you fucked everything up!" Grimmjow hissed as he placed his left hand on his mouth, trying to contain the sobs he was letting out. "You…I…You can't abandon me, like fuckin' everyone else!" the blue-haired man snarled out as he released his mouth, a now scary-looking look on his face. I couldn't bring myself to be scared, though. I couldn't. "You…You fucking love me, you do? Do you know what that really entitles?" Grimmjow bellowed again. He took a deep breath as I only stared. "No one…No one was supposed to love me…No one did. I'm a master of destruction…No one can love…A master of destruction…"

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words could reach the tip. I stared at him, in silence, wondering, wondering how lonely he felt…To not be loved. How much pain…Why was the pain so bearable to him?

I was trapped. I knew it. But was I being…used?

"Fuck you, Ichigo Kurosaki!" Grimmjow hissed as he began his pitiful punched fit to my legs again. It was more like pounding them, not meaning for actual hurt, but he didn't know how to hold back. I couldn't help but flinch a bit; he didn't notice.

"Grimmjow…" I murmur as I lift a shaking hand. The blue-haired man looked up to my eyes. My stomach clenched. My heart pounded. I bit my lip. My heart stopped. "I…Love You." I whispered to him as I placed a hand on his baby blue locks. His hair was as soft as ever, like a baby's, but it was one of the most beautiful manes have ever seen. I remember; it was the one thing that attracted me to him first when we met. That - and that damned smirk….Where was that damned smirk now? Why is it gone? How did he keep that smirk up, how did it stay…When he felt no love?

"You're not lonely anymore, Grimm. I love you, Grimm. I love you so much." I cooed to him as I pull him up onto the bed. It was awkward, but I cradled him into my arms as he cried. He cried so hard, and it may have been the only time he has ever cried, but he did. I couldn't bring myself to mind. He was there, and he was opening himself to me.

I don't think he's using me.

"Fuck…you." Grimmjow muttered into my shirt as he resulted into sniffling into my shirt. I smiled softly as I continued to stroke his hair in a soothing motion.

"Sorry, Grimm, I'm not cut out for that. That's your job." I couldn't help but jab. Grimmjow chuckled softly as he continued to sniff. "I'm not going to leave you, Grimmjow." I say once more as I kiss the top of his head. My cheek was throbbing, but I did my best to ignore it as we continued in silence.

"You can't. You can't leave me." He said.

"I'm not."

Grimmjow looked up as his hand feebly made its way to my damaged cheek. My eyes, not breaking contact with his own, bore into his orbs, digging for any loose emotions stocked up. My cheek was nullifying with pain now, and it felt better than before.

"Sorry." He murmured. I sat, once again, shocked as his apology. This time, a goofy smile spread across my face.

"It's okay, Grimm. I'm not mad." I lick my dry lips once again. Kissing him upon his forehead, I then press my own against his, another sign of comfort.

"Ice." He grumbled.

"It can wait." I said as I pushed him onto the bed.

"Mine."

That's how Grimmjow started the night.

(A year Later)

We plopped on bed after yet another round of mind-blowing sex. Immediately, I snuggled up to Grimmjow, knowing now that he wouldn't leave out that door. We were panting, both of us now sated for the night.

My eyes grew heavy with sleep.

Grimmjow tightened his grip on me as he was also about to fall asleep. This time he kissed my forehead, granted not as soft as it was supposed to be, but he was working on it.

"I…" Grimmjow spoke as he shut his eyelids. "I love you, Ichi…" He said as he finally drifted off. A grin engulfed my face.

I wasn't being used.