It Is Illogical, But It Is Love

(AN: My first Kirk/Spock, and my first Star Trek Slash in general! Going to be a chapter fic; see end AN for more information.)

When Kirk was 'nursing a grudge,' as the good Doctor liked to say, usually Spock was left alone on the bridge, and alone at night. Their relationship had only recently taken on a…intimate quality, but Spock had become used to Jim's body next to his, even if he did tend to steal the bedspread. It was their first major altercation since Doctor McCoy had come looking for Kirk and found him with a mouth full of Spock, and then proceeded to broadcast it all over the ship. Kirk had been relieved; Spock had been darkly angry (he hadn't felt this bad since pon farr). He'd tried to explain, in as few words as possible, while searching for Doctor McCoy – who refused to come to the bridge when Spock called him – that Vulcans were highly private creatures, and that he did not enjoy having his private sexual matters in the public domain, as it were. That had led to Kirk nearly going into hysterics, accusing Spock of not loving him enough, because he didn't want anyone to know. Generally, before and after their budding relationship, Jim would cease his inane ramblings at one eyebrow raise, but when Spock tried it, Jim had simply spun around and left. Spock had headed up to the bridge, where he finally caught and chastised Doctor McCoy, to check that everything was in order. He left the com to Sulu and went to look for his Captain, only to find the door locked, and him not answering calls. That night, he slept alone for the first time in several weeks, and refused to give name to the feeling in his stomach, and the fact that he couldn't fall asleep for a very long time. Spock had been pleasantly surprised when Kirk had opened up his door the next morning and acted as if nothing had happened. Spock had been possessive that night, and Kirk loved it.

!*!*!*!

But this was different. Their fight had been silly, really – inane at best. Kirk wanted Spock to move all of his things into his bedroom, and to stay, even though he still slept there every night they weren't fighting. Their tumultuous relationship was too young for full on commitment yet, and Spock's excuse was that he needed a private space – he was perfectly willing to share Jim's bed, and he didn't want that to end, for all of his feigned indifference that Kirk saw right through, but he needed a place of his own. Kirk had immediately flared up, hurt, and had tried to fall asleep without talking to Spock any longer. When Spock had questioned him, Kirk had done his best to throw Spock out, naked as he was. Thankfully, he had waited until the Vulcan had dressed to order him out of his room and slam the door in his face.

Spock knew that Jim's anger was best left to dissolve in peace, so he left the corridor for his own room, where he again had the unpleasant feeling of the empty space next to him, and the shakiness of his own stomach.

The next morning, his Captain was on the bridge, despite Spock's doubts otherwise. However, he seemed to still be upset, for when he saw Spock coming, he deliberately turned his head. Spock inclined his, and moved away. The Captain left him the com with an impersonal tone, and stepped into the elevator with dignity.

Spock took a seat in the Captain's chair, noting with displeasure the crumbs on the seat – a sure sign that Jim had been eating here again. He made some quick questions, and everyone's answers were short and average.

Doctor McCoy, who, when he had no work to do, often migrated up to the bridge to poke fun at Spock and chat with Kirk, did indeed appear. Spock had, for the most part, forgiven him for his large part in the publicizing of his relationship with the Captain, and the two were back to their old selves – in other words, teasing one another with insults not meant to hurt.

McCoy leaned against the railing behind Spock. "What's got Jim's knickers in a twist?"

"I can assure you that I have no idea of what is upsetting the Captain."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Spock, if you didn't have anything to do with it, then I'm not a doctor."

"As you are not in the sickbay, I would question your medical status, Mr. McCoy."

McCoy refused to rise to the jibe. "So, what's up with our dear Captain, then?"

"The Captain is in a bad humor this morning."

"I know that, you pointy-eared son of a bitch, but why?"

"Doctor, I don't know if that is any of your business."

McCoy leaned closer. "Listen up, you…"

"May I suggest not wasting your breath with any more insults about my Vulcan heritage?"

He growled slightly at Spock's raised eyebrow. "Listen. You hurt Jim, I hurt you. That's all I've got to say."

"Doctor McCoy, if I may add something."

The Doctor shrugged and leaned back.

Spock raised one eyebrow and lowered his voice. "I can assure you that I have no interest in hurting Jim. He and I had a slight…altercation last night, and the Captain has not forgiven me yet."

"What about?"

"That's private, Doctor."

"I might be able to help."

Spock raised both eyebrows. "I don't believe so."

"Come on, Spock. I'll just go ask Jim, and he'll spill the beans anyway."

Spock sighed. "If I must, then I will not say it on the bridge." He stood. "Mr. Sulu, you have the com."

Spock and McCoy got into the elevator, and Spock asked for the deck with the Captain's quarters. He then turned to McCoy. "Jim wished that I move all of my things into his room, and presumably board mine up. I mentioned that I needed a private space, and I may have alluded to the fact that we fight quite a bit, and that I did not wish to have to sleep on the bridge when he kicked me out. Upon which, he kicked me out."

McCoy chuckled slightly. "Spock, for such a genius, you can be so stupid sometimes."

"Doctor, there is no need for insults."

"You unemotional Vulcan…just move in with Jim already. For God's sake."

"I don't understand, Doctor."

"Go get your stuff right now. Knock on Kirk's door. Put it in his room. Kiss the bastard. Sulu's got the com; you two can have some time." McCoy greatly enjoyed the darkening green of Spock's face as they stepped out of the elevator.

"What assurance is there the Captain will even open the door?"

"Spock, I don't know how you miss it, but Kirk watches your every move. You knock on his door, he'll let you in, fight or not."

"Perhaps, Doctor. Now, you ought to get back to the sickbay."

McCoy rolled his eyes, but stepped back in the elevator. "Sickbay."

Spock stood for a moment, and then headed down to his room.

!*!*!*!

He made an interesting sight, holding a large bag in each hand and trying to buzz the Captain. He was greatly relieved when Kirk opened the door.

Kirk immediately went back inside, but he left his door open, so Spock followed him. He set his bags down and shot a look at Kirk, who had sat down on his bed with his hands over his eyes. Spock sent a disapproving glance at the bottle of amber liquid, which on closer inspection, was brandy.

"Jim, you know what brandy does to you."

He groaned. "What are you doing here?"

"As you can see – or perhaps not, because you are covering your eyes – I've brought my bags."

"McCoy talked you into it."

"Captain, I assure you that McCoy has no authority to force me into doing anything."

"Don't call me Captain."

"Jim, this conversation is going nowhere." His Captain continued to cover his eyes.

Spock sighed. "Jim." He sat down next to his lover. "Do you remember…the time you had a sore back and Yeoman started rubbing it, and you thought it was me?" Jim groaned. "What about the time you and Doctor tried to teach me to sing campfire songs? I know you remember 'Please, Captain – not in front of the Klingons.'" Jim turned over. Spock's voice softened. "What about when I died?"

Kirk sat up. "Don't talk about that."

"What about when you nearly died?"

"Which time?"

"With Miri."

Jim sighed, and leaned back against his headboard.

"What about when I nearly married T'Pring, and nearly killed you in trying?"

Jim opened his eyes. "I remember, Spock, now what are you getting at?"

"Two people who have gone through so much together…have a special bond. Perhaps I'm not the best at showing that bond. I apologize."

"Spock, just say it."

"Captain, there is no doubt-"

"Don't say Captain."

"Jim, there is no doubt in my mind that I…that I do…love you."

Jim's smile was worth the awkward moment. "I love you too, Spock." He sighed, but he was starting to sound happier. "I appreciate you saying so. I know it's rough."

"On the other hand, Jim – it may be the truest thing I have ever said."

When Kirk leaned up to Spock, Spock hurried and beat him to it – he captured Jim's lips softly. His Captain pulled the Vulcan closer to him, and Spock let him. Jim seemed almost desperate.

"Captain, relax. I'm not going to disappear."

Jim pulled away from Spock for a minute, already flushed and nearly begging. "Who's got the com?"

"Sulu."

"So we've got a few minutes?"

"I think they can avoid a crisis without us for once. Besides, I'm sure the good Doctor is telling everyone what's going on." Kirk got up for a drink, and tripped over Spock's bags. "Perhaps this time would be better spent unpacking. Our tryst can wait till tonight."

Jim drained one glass of brandy and handed Spock a tube. "Screw that. I won't make it that long."

"I wouldn't dare make you wait, Jim."

"You wouldn't make it either."

"Likely not."

Kirk sat back down in front of Spock. "I'm sorry for going crazy the other night."

"It's alright, Captain."

"I didn't mean to push you."

"I understand." Jim's shirt rode up as he stretched, and Spock swallowed heavily. Kirk noticed the look, and grinned.

"Perhaps talking ought to be saved for later."

"I couldn't agree more, Jim." Spock pounced on Kirk, who let himself go. "We'll have to work on not fighting anymore. I…can no longer sleep alone."

"I didn't get a wink of sleep last night." Kirk twisted under Spock's hands.

"I don't suppose you'd like to sleep instead?"

"Sleep?" Jim was breathless and shirtless and reaching up for Spock. "Spock, there's time for sleeping – this is not one of them. Stop being such a tease."

"Captain, I can assure you that I don't know what you're talking about."

Jim felt Spock in every cell of his body, and Spock wasn't even shirtless yet. "Get on with it, Spock."

Spock paused in the middle of lifting his shirt over his head. "Captain, you don't want to savor it?"

Jim was breathless at the sight of the few inches of Spock's chest. "Spock, there's times for savoring and times for fucking me as hard as you can!"

Spock thought as he undressed. When he had been speaking of a bond earlier, he meant it. He – and Jim, he presumed – knew that they wouldn't be happy without their other half. It didn't mean they wouldn't fight, but it did mean that they were obviously meant for each other. To make Spock aroused took something that Jim had – to make him fall in love took something more, but Jim had that too.

As Jim captured his lips again, Spock's stomach finally stopped flipping, and he calmed down.

!*!*!*!

Kirk knew every inch of Spock's body, but he never got tired of it. When the two of them began to dress, he watched all of that wonderful green skin be covered up, and he commented on what a shame it was to hide it. He greatly relished the green blush that spread over the back of Spock's neck.

"Captain, what would the rest of the crew say if I stayed undressed on the bridge?"

"I'd never get any work done, for one thing. And neither would the girls."

Spock raised an eyebrow, and waited for Kirk to dress. He knew that body just as well as Kirk knew his. Before Kirk could pull his undershirt on, Spock stopped him – he touched one bite over Kirk's heart. "Perhaps I was too rough."

"We were both out of our minds, Spock – it's called love."

!*!*!*!

(AN: I imagine that this story will have other chapters – short ficlets that are the same universe as this story, but that don't have a particular story arc. It's just my story of Kirk and Spock in love. For the people who liked this, and want to see the next chapters, here's a little preview: crossdressing!Kirk. I also imagine it'll get more M rated. I hope you enjoyed! Please read/review/add to alerts/watch for new chapters! Tell me what you thought!)