SURVIVING AFTER MAN

CHARLES WEDGWOOD'S ALL ENCOMPASSING TRAVEL GUIDE TO THE WORLD OF THE FUTURE

Contents:

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Chapter 1: Voyage of the Time Beagle

Forward:

Hello, dear readers, this is Treecko's Awesomeness speaking. Call me TA. A few of you may know me from my Pokémon fanfiction The Nova Travels on Serebii. Before you ask, no, I don't plan on posting it here. This is a story based on Douglas Dixon's After Man: A Zoology of the Future. It will be in the format of a regular story with a field guide page at the beginning of each chapter. The field guide entry will contain information on one of the animals or other aspects of the story. The story will follow the humorous adventures of the author of the guide, Charles Wedgwood, as he and his team travel through time to explore the world of the future. For the record, it will be rated K+ for infrequent mild violence and coarse language.

CHAPTER ONE: VOYAGE OF THE TIME BEAGLE

The Time Beagle: a vehicle designed to travel not only through the first three dimensions that we are familiar with, but rather through the fourth dimension of time. It can also travel long distances through the air, permitting its occupants to access different parts of the world.

The Time Beagle is an enormous vessel at one hundred meters long, fifty meters wide and fifty meters tall. It is built in the design of an ancient wooden watercraft, although this is merely aesthetic. In function, it is much more like a hovercraft, using anti-gravity devices to lift itself off the ground, and it is made of painted metal rather than wood.

Named for the ship of the ancient scientist Charles Darwin, creator of the theory of evolution, it will serve a similar purpose, as learning about the creatures of the future will revolutionize what we know about the world.

The first time machine is one of the greatest inventions of mankind, and its maiden voyage will begin soon. Electing not to kill Hitler for fear of creating a temporal paradox, we will travel to the distant future, to a time we could never imagine. We will go to a time after man.

I put down my pen and my notepad as I looked out the window (or rather, porthole) of the Time Beagle. Such a stupid name for such an amazing vehicle. When I had received news that I would be accompanying the team as the primary log keeper, I was thrilled. The sponsors of the expedition had read my writings on convergent evolution, and had seen me as the most qualified candidate for the job. Or maybe I was just the best candidate who would work for just over minimum wage. Either way, I was overjoyed at the opportunity. Low pay aside, the benefits were wonderful. The lodging and food were free, and I got full publishing rights to my guide. I was renting out my house while I was gone, too, so I still might make quite a profit off of this trip.

"Hey, Chaz!" said the captain. "Buckle down your books and get up to the bridge. We're heading out."

"I told you before," I said as I put my notepad and pen into a drawer. "My name is Charles, not 'Chaz'." I stood up and walked out of my quarters, heading down the hall and towards the control room. While the outside of the vehicle resembled a Portuguese caravel, the inside was completely modern. Fluorescent lights lined the ceilings, illuminating the dials and switches that adorned the shining steel walls. We didn't want to bring contaminates into the future or the present, so the entire ship and crew had been sterilized, and the crew had been in quarantine for the last month. These people had been my only companions for this time, and they were already getting on my nerves. I could only imagine how much they would annoy me during the six months we would spend together in the future.

I stepped through the door to the control room and saw three other people, including sitting in front of holographic displays, as well as another nine standing nearby, looking lost. The sponsors had wanted to keep the expedition team as small as possible, so we only had a few people on the team, and most of them served several positions. I, due mostly to my inability to handle anything more technologically advanced than a bicycle, was assigned kitchen duty. I still had to be present during the activation, though. It was just a formality, but I was rather curious to see what fifty million years flying past a window looked like.

"The ship's heading out in sixty seconds," the captain said. "Hold on to your butts." He pushed his finger into one of the holograms, and a countdown started, numbers starting at 00:60 floated in the air. I looked at the clock until it read 00:05, at which point I turned to watch the world outside through the window. It was then that I saw something, or rather, someone, out of place. A young woman who I didn't recognize stood in front of the window.

"Stop the countdown!" I shouted. "There's a stowaway!"

Panic broke out and the captain shoved his entire arm into the hologram, stopping the timer. "What? Where? Who?"

"Her!" I shouted pointing at the woman. "Right there!"

The panic stopped, and everyone stared at me. "Charlie," the captain said, "That's not a stowaway. That's Catherine, our evolutionary biologist. She was just appointed today, as the sponsors didn't feel that we had enough coverage in that area. She was rushed through the sanitation process, so please, don't ask."

Catherine blushed and looked down, obviously embarrassed and somewhat angry at the outburst.

"Now, then, if there aren't any more interruptions," said the captain, "maybe we can finish the countdown."

"Yes, sir," I said, even more embarrassed than Catherine, if that was possible.

"Thank you," the captain said. He put his hand once again into the hologram, resuming the countdown. "Four," he said. "Three. Two. One. Here we go."

I stared out the window, and the world swirled into a blur of shapes and colors. It only lasted for a moment, though, and once it faded back into coherence, the world outside was completely different. The city was gone. The ship floated over an endless expanse of grassland. I couldn't see anything moving nearby, but I was certain something was there.

"Captain," said one of the computer users, "I've launched the satellite. We should receive local map data within three minutes and global data within four hours."

"Good," the captain said. "After that, we'll shut off the power. We don't want the reactor running any more than it needs to. Let's set up camp outside. Remember, if you come in contact with any animal life, talk to the biology nerds. You'll probably find them ogling over some grass."

I scowled. I hated it when he called me that. That was when I realized that he said 'nerds', not 'nerd'. Who did he say Catherine was? Crap. She was another biologist. I would have to work with her. This was going to be awkward.