Blue Sargent couldn't recall a more eventful summer than the one that was currently unfolding. In a matter of weeks she had managed to break Adam's heart, make out with a dead boy, and give up on denying her feelings for Gansey. In addition to beefing up her romantic encounters resume, Blue had learned more about her father in that summer than she had in her entire life. Artemus. She had said, thought, and written his name countless times since learning it. At least, she had until the night of Kavinsky's Fourth of July party. The night she witnessed an impossible fight between impossible dream creatures. The night she and Gansey had searched through countless impossible white cars for Ronan's younger brother. The night Kavinsky met his impossible end. The night she had returned home to find her mother's impossible note. Impossible. Blue was beginning to think there was no such thing.
But impossibilities did exist, and Blue was reminded of that fact every time she thought of Gansey. Oh, how badly she wanted to kiss that boy. She now spent the majority of her sleeping hours dreaming of starry skies and pretend kisses that melted into nightmares of missing mothers and underground places. That is to say, she seldom slept. There was no peace in her dreams and there was no resolve in her days. There was only mindless amounts of time ticking by as she slipped deeper and deeper into an ocean of numbness.
Since waking his mother from her dream sleep, Ronan had been residing at the stables, leaving Gansey almost always alone as Noah was rarely able to stay put for more than a few minutes without Blue around. And Blue hadn't been around nice her mother's disappearance. Adam still had his little apartment above the church and when he wasn't there or at work he was with Ronan, trying to make it safe to enter the cave that had replaced the fish pool at Cabeswater.
Every so often Adam would stop by to see Blue and give her a status update. Though te status seemed to always be the same; Ronan was working on dreaming an entrance for them. There were "complications". That was never tell her. She was grateful to have Adam in her corner, especially after what had happened between the two of them. Still, she didn't exactly look forward to his visits. Blue couldn't be around Adam without thinking about Gansey. Why hadn't she heard from him? It wasn't a question she could ask Adam, and until they were ready to go mother hunting she had nothing else to talk about.
Blue was spending more hours beneath the beech tree than usual. Her shifts at Nino's and her dog walking gig occupied only so much time. So she sat at the base of her beloved tree and tried to forget about Gansey and her mom and their quests to find long-gone men in Cabeswater. It was hard not to resent Glendower and Artemus. They had both robbed her of something, though she knew they had not done so intentionally. It wasn't very sensible, to think this way, but Blue was finding that in the absence of Maura and Gansey, she wasn't really all that concerned with being sensible. Sometimes, she would let her mind wonder to places she knew better than to visit- places where she and Gansey were together, cautiously sipping on one of Maura's freshly brewed teas. At times she even thought she could hear the camaro idling nearby. She knew it was all in her head, but she allowed herself to be comforted by the hum of the pig's engine drawing nearer and then fading out as if driving out of ear-shot.
It had been ten days since Gansey had spoken to Blue. He spent most of his time re-building his cardboard Henrietta and placing calls to Malory. Without the company of his friends, Gansey was going stir crazy. Countless times he had called out to Noah, hoping for an apparition that seldom came. At least he had the pig to calm his nerves. Hours of aimless driving had taken place in the time he could never fill. More than a few times, he had found himself driving down Fox way, stopping for a moment in front of Blue's house, only to turn around and head back to the emptiness that awaited him at Monmouth. How will I ever be able to make this up to her? He asked himself, guilt eating away at his conscious.
For Gansey, the knowledge of Maura's vanishing was just as hard to swallow as his inability to locate Glendower. It had been his idea to enlist Blue's help in the search that lead them to Cabeswater. Look where it had gotten her. Worse still, he had gone to Maura for a reading. He couldn't help but think that Blue would still have her mother around if they had never met. He was sure Blue felt the same way. How could she not? And so, he resolved to leave her alone until he could return her mother to her.
Gansey and Adam hadn't agreed on much lately. They did, however agree on one thing- Blue. Both boys thought it best not to include her in their attempts to enter the cave until they were sure it was safe. As it stood, they were quite certain it was not safe. They had attempted to enter twice already and each time they were denied access by what could only be described as a dream thing. It was horrific. All fangs and talons. The dream thing waited in the dark crevice of the cave, never showing itself until there was an intruder. The first time Gansey had entered that cave alone and he had barely escaped with his limbs intact. There had been an emergency room visit that included twelve stitches on his left arm. The second attempt to enter was more tactile. Ronan had dreamt them a beast of their own and they sent it into the darkness in hopes that it would defeat the creature within. That plan faltered when their dream beast was cast out of the cave in pieces. Now the three boys were gathered around a table at Nino's making plans to try again.
"I think the key is to enter the cave in a dream" Adam told them. Ronan nodded in agreement but said nothing. He was busy counting the rings under Adam's eyes. When was the last time Parrish slept? He asked himself. Gansey made no comment either, he was searching the room for something. Eventually Ronan spoke up.
"I could try getting in but I wouldn't know where to look for Glendower once I got past the beast…"
"Maura" Gansey interjected, then added in a less frantic tone "We should look for Maura first."
Adam and Ronan shared a questioning glance. Since when was Gansey more concerned about anything than finding Glendower?
"No matter who we are looking for", Adam hesitated, he wasn't sure Ronan was going to be too happy with what he was about to suggest. He had to approach the topic with caution, "I don't think you'll be able to get in alone. I think we have to go together- all of us- Blue also" there he has said it. The repercussion was immediate.
"Fuck off" Ronan growled, at the same time Gansey insisted "That's not happening".
Adam understood Ronan's objection- he clearly didn't want any of them in his dreams. But what was up with Gansey? And why was he still only half there with them? He was sitting at the booth but his eyes were everywhere else.
"There's no way in hell I'm taking any of you into my dream" Ronan was on a tyrant, " I can go alone, just tell me where I'm supposed to look. And for fuck's sake Parrish, would you please tell Gansey where you just came from so he can stop scanning the room." Adam was confused now. Ronan knew that Adam had just been at Blue's house. What on earth could that have to with...oh.
"I went to see Blue" callousness seeped from Adam's voice. Adam was ninety nine point nine percent sure that Gansey was not allowed to take interest in Blue, as per the guy code. But sure enough, Gansey's eyes returned to the table at the mention of her name. He clearly wanted to ask about her, but Adam knew he wouldn't. How could he without giving away his dirty little secret? How long has this been going on, Adam wondered, suddenly losing himself to bitterness.
"She's not working today. In fact, she's quite busy being miserable." There. If Gansey was going to insist on being interested in Blue, Adam could at least make him feel like shit about it.
Adam couldn't stand to be around Gansey once he had realized the nature of his friend's current state. Wordlessly, he stood up from the table and walked away. Ronan's gaze followed him out the door, through the parking lot and into his beater. Stepping on the gas, Adam sped out of there thinking terrible thoughts about Gansey.
Gansey remained seated, with his head hung low and his heart heavy. Blue was miserable. Adam now knew that Gansey cared a little too much about her. He was a walking disaster. At least he still had Ronan. But no sooner than the thought came to him did Ronan start in on him.
"Great job, man. Just great. Parrish is not gonna let this go. You know that, don't you? I mean what the hell, Gansey?! Blue? You could have any girl in this town and you decide to go after the one Adam's already claimed…" Gansey shot Ronan a warning glance, but Ronan ignored it "Blue Sargent isn't even anything worth noticing. I don't know what the hell is wrong with either of you."
At that, Gansey leaned across the table and punched Ronan in the face.
After Gansey had landed his punch, Ronan stared at him in disbelief. In a fight between Gansey and Ronan, they both knew who the victor would be. Ronan had no intentions on beating his best friend to a pulp, but he couldn't just sit there either. He had to walk away to maintain his cool. He took off into the night in his BMW, wheels kicking up gravel as he sped out of the parking lot.
Not since wrecking the pig had Ronan felt this out of control. His best friend had just struck him. And for what? The honor of some girl named after a primary color? It made no sense. Why were Gansey and Parrish both so infatuated with her? Ok, maybe it made sense, if he really thought about it, for Gansey to take a liking to the daughter of a psychic. Gansey had always been interested in weird shit. But Parrish? Ronan couldn't wrap his head around it, and the harder he tried to understand it, the more furious he became.
In his state of agitation, Ronan thought it best not to go to the Barns. He was not in the mood to explain his swollen eye to Matthew ,or his mother, for that matter. He suspected that Gansey would be wallowing in self pity somewhere for the remainder of the night, leaving Monmouth vacant. There was a stash of liquor in Ronan's room that sounded like a damn good way to end the night.
When Ronan entered his room at Monmouth he froze. Adam was sitting on his bed, Ronan's flask in his hand.
Gansey was, in fact, wallowing. He sat in the pig for about an hour before putting the keys in the ignition. Where would he go? Monmouth was a silent jail as of late and there was no point in heading over to see Adam- he wouldn't want to hear Gansey's apology. He doubted Ronan would be sober enough to hear him out, so the Barns were out of the question as well. He could always drive around until he was tired enough to pass out in the backseat of the pig, though he knew better. He wouldn't sleep tonight. Not afer seeing Adam's face when he realized Gansey was into Blue. Or after punching his best friend in the face. As bad as those things were, what was really eating away at him were Adam's words; She's quite busy being miserable. When he drove out of Nino's parking lot he headed in the direction of 300 Fox Way.
Sitting outside of Blue's house, Gansey dialed her number on his cell. Orla answered after only two rings.
"Is Jane home?" he asked, realizing too late that he had used the wrong name.
Orla laughed into the reciever "Still refusing to use her real name, huh?"
"I'm sorry" he was backtracking, not wanting to offend "I meant to say Blue."
"Sure ya did" Orla was enjoying this. Gansey was not.
"Well, is she home?" He waited for a few drawn out seconds before Orla finally answered.
"Blue is here, sort of…" she sounded weary, as if she was unsure whether or not supposed to be talking to him. Gansey found himself worrying. Did Blue not want to hear from him so bad that she would refuse his call?
Before he could ask, Orla explained.
"She's not really been all that present since Maura vanished. But physically, she's here. Let me get her, oh hell I've got another call coming in, cant you just knock on the door? I know you're outside, your car isn't exactly subtle" and then the line went dead.
So this was it. Gansey was going to see Blue and it was either going to be the worst or the best part of the evening. He walked to the door and took a deep breath before knocking.
Blue had fallen asleep beneath the beech tree and was deep into a Gansey filled dream when Persehone opened the front door to find the real Gansey standing on the front porch. Together the two walked out to the back yard to find Blue propped up against the tree, her eyes closed and her lips parted in the faintest of smiles.
Pesresphone let out a sigh, then pressed her index finger to her lips indicating for Gansey to be quiet. She ushered him into the kitchen where she offered him a seat and a cup of tea. He declined the latter.
"She hasn't been sleeping much lately, I hate to wake her" Persephone explained. Gansey nodded in agreement. Persephone asked how the boys were doing in their search for a safe entrance to the cave and he explained about the dream thing and their failed attempts to get past it. Persephone pulled her tarot cards out, and was about to ask Gansey if he would pick one, when they heard Blue scream.
Gansey was on his feet as soon as he heard Blue's cry. Persephone quickly put her arm out to stop the boy from rushing to the back door.
"It's a nightmare" she told him, then taking in his alarm she released him. He needed to see Blue, and Persehone thought Blue needed to see him too.
Gansey threw himself out the back door to find Blue wreching in her sleep. Whatever she was dreaming about, he thought, she surely needed to be free of. So he lowered himself onto his knees and gave her a shake.
When Blue opened her eyes and saw Gansey she thought her dream had taken a turn for the better. She reached for him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"you're back" she whispered.
Gansey was frozen. Never had he imagined that this was how she would greet him.
"I am." he said.
Now it was Blue's turn to freeze. She knew as soon as he spoke that this was not dream Gansey. She was immediately horrified. Had she really just thrown herself at Gansey? She released him and drew back, so that they were face to face.
"I, uh, I thought" she stopped herself. She couldn't tell him she thought he was a dream without letting him know that she was dreaming about him. She recovered by saying "I thought you had left town. I haven't seen you in weeks".
Gansey realized that he hadn't actually thought of what he would say to her when he saw her. He rarely found himself speechless, but here he was without words.
"I've been wallowing" he admitted, and he was rewarded with a smile.
"Just how I like my men" she joked. Those were his words, from a time that seemed much simpler now.
He let out a soft laugh , "I try, Jane. I try."
Blue had been outside long enough, and her leg was tingling from being tucked under her while she slept. She lead Gansey through the house to her bedroom, and then shut the door to prevent Orla from snooping. Normal teenage girls, she realized, were most likely not permitted to have boys in their bedrooms with the door shut. Especially not boys that looked like Gansey. But Blue had never had to adhere to normal teenage rules, and even if she had, she happened to be without parental supervision at the moment.
Gansey was not sure where to look once he found himself in Blue's bedroom. There were dried flowers and paper trees stuck to the walls. There were words on the ceiling. And then there was the bed. Gansey was not sure what he was supposed to do in this situation. There was no chair. All that stuff and no chair. Surely he wasn't supposed to sit on her bed. Now he was being ridiculous. Why shouldn't he sit on the bed? She sat on his bed once hadn't she? Besides, sitting on a bed is not the same as laying on a bed. So he sat. And she sat next to him.
Blue had a million questions she wanted to ask him. How was the cave exploring coming along? Had he seen Noah lately? What happened to his arm? But the first thing that she asked him was the last thing she had intended to.
"Why haven't I heard from you, Gansey?"
He didn't know how to answer her question without sounding pitiful. He tried though.
"I didn't think you would want to hear from me, Blue." He used her real name. That was how she knew he was being serious. But she couldn't understand why he would have thought that. Was it something she had said? She tried to remember the last time they had spoken. She didn't think she had indicated wanting him to stay away. Gansey noticed her pondering his answer and was mystified. Had he been wrong to think that she blamed him? Was Blue really not angry with him?
"You know, most girls don't take too kindly to boys who rob them of their mothers. At least, I imagine they wouldn't. I haven't had much experience in the matter, until now that is" He was rambling. Blue very much liked this Gansey, who wasn't always prepared with a well thought out response. She looked him over as he spoke. He was wearing his boat shoes with khaki pants and a loose fitting white tee shirt.
"Collarless", Blue hadn't realized she had said the word out loud. She probably wouldn't have noticed it at all if not for Gansey' sudden silence. It didn't last long though, his silence.
"I hadn't noticed you noticing my attire, Jane" his tone was dangerous, in that it was flirtatious. Blue wasn't sure she could handle him flirting with her, her sensibility was not being fully intact.
"Well, don't beat yourself up. You couldn't possibly notice everything about me, Gansey. I'm a mysterious creature," now she was flirting. This was not good. And apparently she wasn't flirting correctly either, since he was now silent again. Figures, she thought, not trusting herself to even flirt properly.
"You would be surprised" he finally said, "how much I have noticed you."
Her move.
"Really? Then answer me this, Gansey," she paused, knowing that she was walking dangerously close to the line they had drawn, "how is it that you thought I wanted you to stay away, when what I wanted was the exact opposite of that?" And there goes the line, she thought, once she had finished her sentence.
Suddenly, Gansey edged closer to her, so that their legs were touching. He couldn't believe what she had just said. What a fool he had been.
"Blue?" they way he said her name sounded like a question. So she answered in turn.
"Gansey?"
"Would you mind if I broke our deal?" He placed his hand on her knee, unable to stop himself. He knew the rules- there would be no kissing. But that didn't mean he had to remain completely hands-off, if she wasn't objecting. And she wasn't objecting.
"What deal would that be?" Her eyes were locked on where his hand rested. She was happy that she was wearing shorts instead of jeans. The feeling of his skin on hers was sending the most delightful shiver through her entire body. He seemed to notice her reaction to his touch, as the corners of his mouth lifted into a pleased expression.
He leaned in closer so that she could feel the tickle of his breath on her neck as he whispered the answer to her question into her ear, "the one where we said it would be just that one time."
She knew exactly what he was referring to- they had said that they would pretend to kiss, just one time, and then they had agreed to never mention it again. It was a great plan, in theory. The only trouble was that neither of them was able to stop thinking about it since it happened. Blue knew in that moment that she was crumbling. This would not be the last time they broke their agreement. This was the beginning of the end of her. And it would be a glorious end, indeed.
Her answer was wordless. She placed her palm to his cheek and used her free hand to pull him down with her as she lay back on her bed. She giggled when he sighed, a look of sheer joy painted on his face. His hand moved slowly from her knee, up the side of her body. He was making his way from her hip, to her abdomen, fingers slipping under the hem of her shredded tank top. Leaning all his weight onto his other arm his face was just inches away from hers. She let out a gasp as he pressed his cheek to her collarbone.
The door swung open and Gansey jumped back, hands in his pockets and guilt on his face.
Orla stood in the doorway with the phone in her hand.
After Orla retrieved her jaw from the floorboards she tossed the phone in Blue 's direction.
"Jesus Blue," she said "a boy in your bed and another on the phone. What would your mother say?" Her mock concern was enough to make Blue scream.
"Ever hear of knocking, Orla?!" She shouted but the other girl was already headed down the hall, leaving Blue alone with Gansey... and the boy on the phone.
Blue knew who would be on the other end of the line. Adam was the only boy, besides Gansey who ever called her. All she could do was hope that he hadn't heard Orla's commentary. She looked to Gansey, holding her hand over the phone. He held his hands up as to say 'don't look at me'. So she didn't. She turned around to face the wall as if that would somehow make the situation less awkward.
"Hello" she said into phone.
"Hello Blue." It was Adam, alright. And judging by his tone he had, indeed, heard Orla.
"Hey, Adam" Blue tried her best to remain casual,"what's up?"
"What's up", he echoed, laughing harshly as he spoke "Well, I was calling to ask you a question. But I'm pretty sure your cousin has already answered it. Appears you have multiple guys pining for your fatal kiss. I assume that Gansey is the one you're currently entertaining in your bed."
Blue was shocked. She did feel guilty, of course, but that did not give Adam the right to speak to her that way.
"You listen to me now, Adam Parrish" Gansey could hear the rage in her voice and he wondered what Adam could have possibly said so make her so angry.
She was fuming, "don't think for half a second that you can talk to me like that just because your feelings are hurt!" She spun so that she was facing Gansey, who was suddenly reaching for the phone.
"Adam," he said as he pressed the phone to his hear, "look, man, I'm sorry..."
Blue shouted at him "Don't apologize to him, Gansey! You have NO IDEA what he just implied!" He gestured for her to be quiet, making a mental note about how hot she was when she got angry. He turned his attention to the phone, through which he was also being yelled at. Adam's voice came pummeling through the receiver.
"Yeah Gansey don't apologize to me. I don't give a rat's ass how sorry you are, you broke the rules, man" Gansey wasn't sure what rules Adam was referring to. He had broken lots of rules lately. But Adam wasn't about to give him time to clarify. He kept shouting, and the longer he did the clearer it became to Gansey that Adam was piss drunk.
After talking Adam into a less crazed state Gansey hung up the phone. He looked at Blue, who was sitting on her bed blinking back tears. It was difficult for Gansey to imagine an Adam who could hurt her. But then again, it had also been difficult to imagine an Adam who got drunk. Clearly, Gansey's involvement with Blue had set Adam into a non-Adam like spiral.
"Well, he's drunk" Gansey told Blue, as if it would take away the sting of what he had said to her.
When Blue didn't reply he sat down beside her on the bed. He took her hand in his and when she didn't pull away from him he felt an immediate relief. He hadn't realized just how much he hated for her to be upset with him until then. Still, she was upset, and he wanted to make it better.
"Now, now, Jane" he said, making his voice as light as he could, "you can't take anything someone says,when they're drunk, too seriously."
But she could. And she did.
"Appears you have multiple guys pining for your fatal kiss," her voice was shaky as she repeated Adam's words. She couldn't hold back the tears any longer, so she just let them fall as she said "I assume that Gansey is the one you're currently entertaining in your bed."
Anger rippled through Gansey. That was a low blow, and seeing the effect it had on Blue made him insanely upset with Adam. It was a good thing he hadn't known this bit of information when he had Adam on the phone. He would deal with Adam later. At the moment, he had a very shaken Blue to comfort. He released her hand and enveloped her in his arms. He wanted so badly to kiss the top of her head as he rocked her back and forth. Instead, he pulled away and wiped the tears from her face with his thumb.
Blue was amazed at how quickly Gansey was able to make her feel better. She had thought for sure, he would have been deterred by the words fatal kiss. But he hadn't been. Instead he stayed there with her for the remainder of the night, talking about anything and everything other than Adam Parrish.
When Gansey awoke he did so with a smile. It was the first night in a long time that he had actually managed to sleep for more than three hours. No doubt, thanks to the girl currently draped across his chest. He didn't want to wake her, but he had to use the restroom. He sat up, carefully placing her arm on the mattress where he had been. Despite his careful movements Blue woke up. She smiled at him, her eyes still half shut. He couldn't believe that this was his reality. That Blue was happy to wake up next to him. That he had managed to spend an entire night in her room without so much as a peep from Cala or Persephone.
"Good morning," he said. To which she said the same.
Blue lead Gansey to the restroom, which was occupied. He checked his phone which had gone off several times in the night, and he had ignored it each time. Blue could tell from the way his face changed as he read the texts on his screen, that Gansey was in for a rather ugly day. She was right.
"Christ," he muttered.
"Drunk texts?" She guessed. Right again. Gansey held out his phone so that she could read the messages.
Not coming home, eh? Fancy that. - Ronan 10:17pm
You should know that I'm breaking your no drinking in Monmouth rule. So is Adam. - Ronan 11:40pm
You're really not coming home? wtf? -Ronan 12:36am
Noah showed up. Did you know he made out with Blue? Guess she can kiss dead guys all she wants. - Adam 12:56am
Adam puked on your bed & I'm not cleaning it up. -Ronan 1:21am
Blue felt her face redden as she read the one about her kissing Noah. She felt the need to explain herself.
"I just, wanted to see what it was like" her voice was a mixture of apology and embarrassment. Gansey hadn't seemed to notice her talking, he was reading a text that had just come in, one Blue hadn't read. When he put his phone back in his pocket his attention was returned to the very pink faced Blue standing beside him.
"No need to apologize." So he had heard her. "I understand, Blue. You should know that I have kissed other girls, though not recently. And I wont be kissing any from this point on. At any rate, I can't hold anything you did before last night against you."
She nudged him with her shoulder and nodded in agreement. So it was settled. They were a thing now. There hadn't been a question- no awkward boyfriend-girlfriend proposal. It was just what it was. They were Gansey and Blue from this point on.
When he left, she watched the street until the pig was out of sight. She sat on the porch basking in the moment until she heard a buzzing in her ear- it was a wasp. And just like that Blue's joy was squandered. She had seen Gansey's spirit on St. marks day and had been certain it was her kiss that would kill him. Only now did she realize, that even if she refrained from kissing him, he could still die, and soon.
