REVIEW if you want me to continue this story. If i dont get enough reviews, i will not be posting more chapters on this story.

So this is just something I'm trying out! Wanted to see if I could do it, maybe it will turn into something more? This story contains lots of adult themes. And of course lemony goodness ;) Hope you like it. Also deals with drugs, cutting, depression, sex, language. Again ADULT THEMES! The characters do NOT belong to me. They belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyers.

Also I would like to say that I do not mean to offend anyone with anything that happens in this story. Anything that's said does not mean that I think that way, it's just made up!

Another note, before we start :P Sorry bout this folks. The song that Edward sings in this chapter. Is entirely original. Made it up on the spot, myself. I know its horrid and he would write songs soo much better, but I am not a professional. But if you like, please let me know :)

CHAPTER 1: Breakup.

BPOV

"Fuck this shit! Fuck you, fuck everything we had! You want to fucking end it this way? GO AHEAD!" ugh I was pissed! I was screaming at my douche of a boyfriend. Well ex boyfriend now-Laurent. Ass wipe. He thinks he can come into my life, screw it up. Have sex with my cousin after a party and think I'm going to forgive him? LIKELY! I couldn't believe him.
"Bella, baby! Please! I'm sorry! I won't do it again! I Promise!" he almost whined. I smirked. No. I wasn't going back to him; I wasn't giving him another chance.
"Fuck you" I sneered and walked away.

Okay, so let me tell you about myself. I'm Bella Swan. A short 5 foot 3", small figure. Unnaturally pale, plain and boring. I've lived in this Plain town of Forks, Washington since I was born. Haven't moved away. Nothing. I live with my mother and father. Renee and Charlie. They split up for a while there. But then they got back together after that idiot of a guy Phil, broke my mom's heart. Of course, Charlie being the nice guy he is. Comforted her. I had been dating Laurent for two years, we were great together. Or so I thought. That is until one day he saw me looking at the school hottie. Edward Cullen. Gawd that guy is hot! But that doesn't mean I'm going to fuck him. I was just enjoying the view! After that, Laurent turned jealous and possessive. He wouldn't let me be alone. I wasn't going to cheat on him. I'm not like that. And even if I wanted to date Edward. He doesn't date. I don't know, he is very hot. But he just doesn't date. He doesn't want to settle down.

Another thing about me, I've been battling severe depression for two years. Started around the time Laurent and me got together. I just realized the coincidence. Except he doesn't give a shit. He always treated me like shit. Not caring weather I was upset. But back to the present day. I ran into the house balling. Thank gawd no one's home. Dads the police chief of Forks, mom works as a party planner. I had the house to myself. I ran up to my room slamming my door, even though no one's home. I run to my sock drawer. Searching frantically for what I need. I may seem tough and no one cares on the exterior. But it hurts. He hurts.

I loved him. Sighing in relief when I find what I need. I knew I shouldn't do this. But this was the only thing I could think of. My mom has caught me last time. She was terrified. Sent me to therapy, took away all my knifes. It was only one cut. One was now going to be two. I remember the feel of the knife on my skin. The physical pain to dull the mental pain. I needed that. This was like my drug. I didn't care if it was bad, I needed this. No one is going to love me anyways. I'm plain. Laurent proved that. Depression leads to a lot of things. This is where mines going.

I quickly clean the blade, not wanting to get it infected and slice. Screaming out in pain and dropping to the floor.
"FUCK!" I screamed. Deeper then I meant. Hurts like a bitch. I run for the bathroom rinsing off my arm. Grabbing band-aids and gauss. I had my own bathroom adjoined to my room, and I was thankful for that. I quickly bandaged it up; cleaning up the mess I left on the floor. I felt better. My arm stung, but I could think through this pain. Fucking Laurent. He was my everything and now he would be the cause of my hell.

I started crying again, collapsing onto my bed. I didn't want this. I didn't want this. Why me? That's all I can think about. But all I care about is how much my arm hurts. Not my homework that has to be done for English tomorrow, not how I'm going to hide this from my mom. Just the pain. Just how I wanted it. I got up and went searching around my room. Pulling out a long sleeved top to wear tomorrow, and then going in search of my wallet. It was only three in the afternoon. The store would be opened. I guess it was time to invest in some wrist warmers….

***
"Belllllaaa! Are you even paying attention to what I'm SAYING!" Alice whined in my ear. I groaned internally. Alice. Better known as my annoying best friend. Very pixie like, very hyper, very loud. Just about all the things I hated, but I loved her. Call me crazy.
"Alice, leave her alone. She's obviously sick. Look at how pale she is!" Angela said, coming to my rescue. My other best friend. The sincere thoughtful one.
"Oh my gawd! BELLA! Are you okay!" Alice yelled through my car window. They had come out to meet me at my car before school. I was working on my English. The English I never got done over the weekend.

"I'm fine, just tired. Didn't get much sleep after me and Laurent broke up yesterday" I explained. They both nodded. Knowing how much of a dick Laurent was.
"Finally!" I exhaled. English was done. No need to worry anymore. I got out of my black Mustang and packed up my books. I had the nicest car in town. I'd also been saving up for it for years. Ever since my sixth birthday. I used my allowance at first to put into a big fund. Then when I started babysitting for people, and then when I started getting part time jobs. Let's just say all that little money adds up, so I had a very nice car, everyone admired it all the time. One of the nicest they said. Except for the cars the Cullen's had, or the Hales. But that didn't matter. Alice's boyfriend Jasper and his sister Rosalie were the Hales. Totally rich, Jasper was pretty nice, a good friend of mine too. Rosalie looked like your cold hard bitch. She was amazingly pretty and didn't talk to many people. But she wasn't that bad. She was dating Emmett Cullen. Who was brothers with Edward Cullen. Mr. Good Looking.

Emmett was HUGE, he was muscular and loud. He was your average guy you saw and wanted to run away from. I didn't really talk to him. And I didn't know a lot about Edward. He wasn't really around much, and when he was he was quiet. He didn't talk to everyone, he was super smart though. He was my partner in Chemistry. But we'd never talked before. I know he smoked, and that makes you think bad boy don't you think? That's what I thought. I wasn't sure yet though. He was extremely smart, but he also some rumors going around about sleeping around with a couple different girls. Maybe he was the silent but bad boy? I couldn't tell you.

I started walking towards the school, dreading going to English and listening to another lecture on where to put commas and where to put periods. I noticed Edward leaning against the wall casually, smoking a cigarette. Looking so hot. I had to stop myself from drooling. As I went to walk past into the door something caught my arm. I almost fell back but strong sturdy arms caught me.
"Oup" a sexy musical voice said. I straighten up and turned around, blushing.
"Sorry" I stammered. He laughed lightly.
"Don't worry about it. I went to grab your arm to ask you a question. Totally my fault. The least I could do is catch you" he said lightly. I just wanted to sway. Hearing his voice, ohh I could feel myself getting wet. I laughed.

"Oh, so what do you want?" I asked. I thought I heard him mumble 'you' but I must be hearing things.
"The Chemistry work, can I copy your answers?" he asked. I was kind of taken aghast. He needed to copy my answers? He ALWAYS had his work done. Hmm.
"Yah sure. Now or in chemistry?" I asked. He put his hand up to his hair and yanked it a little.
"Uhm, now if I could…" he said. I pulled it out of my bag and handed it over. "Thanks" he mumbled.
"Anytime" I said feeling the blush rising to my cheeks. So I quickly dashed off.

I ran inside the school, running straight into Laurent.
"Baby…" he mumbled putting his arms around me. I quickly pushed him away.
"Do not touch me Laurent. And don't call me baby! I'm not your baby, I'm Bella to you and I do NOT want you touching me" and with that I stormed away. I heard him calling my name after me but I didn't care. I had to get away from him before I started crying. My arm throbbed at the memory of yesterday. And the pressure my books were putting on my arm. I was wearing a long sleeved top, and my new black wrist warmers. I loved wearing black, it made me feel better. So I got black wrist warmer. And there were so many choices and I realized I didn't want to wear the same ones all the time. So I had bought at least fifteen different pairs. Different colors, designs. That should be enough.

I slowed to a walk when I knew I was an okay distance away from Laurent. Sighing in relief. Then someone's hand grabbed my shoulder. I quickly turned and wailed him in the face with my fist.
"I told you to fuck—" I stopped. It wasn't Laurent. It was Edward Cullen. Shit! "I'm sooo sorry!" I exclaimed. "I thought you were Laurent…" I tried to explain. He put his hands up.
"Its okay, don't worry about it. I should stop trying to grab you" he laughed and put his hand on his cheek. "Ow. You sure got a punch to you" he mumbled. I laughed.

"Why are you talking to me anyway?" I asked aloud by accident. He laughed this time. Shit, I shouldn't have asked that. I might have blown my chances of him ever talking to me again.
"I don't know, were chemistry partners, we should get along" he said shrugging my shoulders. I had a feeling there was more to it, but I didn't say anything about it.
"Oh okay," I said back. He looked at the clock on the wall in the hallway.
"Shit, I have to get to class. I'll talk to you later" he said sweetly before walking away. What the fuck is this about? Last week he wouldn't be caught dead talking to me, and then this week he won't stop trying to talk to me. I looked around the hall. Everyone was staring; I quickly diverted my head down, blushing and rushing into my English classroom.

English was uneventful, hardly paid any attention. People kept staring at me, and I just looked forward and tried to pay attention to what my teacher was saying. I needed to know this stuff, English was one of my best subjects, but that didn't mean I didn't forget stuff from last year. I couldn't fail this. I wanted to get into great colleges or universities. But I was caught up on thinking about the way Edwards gorgeous green eyes stared so sweetly at me this morning. I couldn't help but get wet at the thought of those strong hands with such long piano looking fingers touching me… shut it mind! I chastised myself. I can't be thinking about him. I just broke up with Laurent yesterday! And he will never be with a girl like me; guys like him didn't go for the plain girls. Especially ones that cut themselves. I realized I was going to be late and rushed out of the English room, running in to another person. I really had to start watching where I was going! I bounced back and almost fell and arms caught me but that was right before I fell, pulling the person along with me to the floor. I felt a strong muscular, amazingly smelling body on top of me. Man I never wanted him to move. I opened my eyes to find myself staring deep into sexy green eyes. I realized Edward Cullen was lying on top of me.

I broke out of my trance and realized that I just brought Edward down with me to the floor.
"Sorry!" I apologized again to him with that felt like the hundredth time today. He just smiled and laughed.
"It's okay. Man you sure are clumsy" he said in a sexy voice. I almost moaned. I looked around. People were staring. I realized this was probably awkward.
"Uhm... People are staring" I whispered. It looked like he just realized where we were. I wanted to laugh at him. Edward Cullen, Mr. Perfect getting all out of shape and forgetting where he was. Oh Jeeze, he's so hot. He helped me up with ease. Strong too.

We quickly brushed off, I blushed. For the third time today around Edward. Everyone slowly started dispersing after realizing nothing was going to happen between us. Then it was left with just Edward and me standing facing each other in the English hall, no works coming from our mouths. Just staring. I heard the bell ring, but didn't bother paying attention. I could stare into his eyes all day long. They made me want to melt. How come I never realized how amazing this guy was before today? His hand slowly came up and his thumb gently touched my cheek. I felt a blush rise to my cheeks and stepped away. He finally snapped out of the trance. Coming back to reality.

"Shit, I have to get to class. I wanted to walk you to your class…" he said trailing off. I smiled.
"It's okay. I can get there myself" and I quickly dashed off in the direction of the art room. I crept in, careful not to disturb the class. My teacher glared but didn't stop what she was doing. Art was fun, drawing pictures of scenery. And I quickly went to my locker that I hadn't put my stuff in today. I grabbed some money out of the stash I had in there, and went to the cafeteria. I went and sat at my usual table where Alice and Angela were sitting at, Jasper was there too of course, because he was Alice's boyfriend and Angela's boyfriend Ben was there. Usually Laurent sat with us too, but he knew better. So I felt like an odd person out. So I just sat quietly eating my lunch, and pulled out my phone. I started going through my texts and deleting the unimportant ones. I went to my contacts list and deleted Laurent's number. I didn't want him in my life! Lunch went by slowly, I just wanted to get to last period where I had chemistry, and sat with Edward.

Stop! You cant like him! He's perfect! He's playing with you, you dummy! Can't you see! He probably got dared to talk to you! Don't let him in! You got hurt last time you let someone in! My mind screamed at me. I finally realized. He was TOO perfect. My head was right for once. I couldn't let him in. I had to turn stone cold. Keep him out. I can't let anyone in, to hurt me. I can't. I went to my third period class. Math and put all my focus into working on the algebra questions the teacher gave us, so I wouldn't think about Edward. I couldn't. As much as I wanted to. I couldn't. He wouldn't like me. For one I was so plain and two if he ever found out I cut myself. He'd be so repulsed and he would probably tell the whole school. He wasn't the nice guy he was acting like today. He had a reputation of sleeping around and he usually never got into anything serious. He was your typical bad boy. Wouldn't surprise me if he did drugs too. I finally stopped thinking about him by the end of Math and braced myself for chemistry. I got my stuff and walked into chemistry with my head held high, not going to talk to Edward at all.

"Hello" his musical voice said as I sat down. I almost caved right there. I craved this guy with everything I had. But I couldn't do that. I pulled out my notebook, staring down at it and starting to draw. I heard him huff and mumble something about girls. I tried to ignore him, drawing on a page in my notebook, I heard the class start. But I didn't look up; in fear I would look over and catch his beautiful green eyes looking at me. I would snap. I could feel my arm throb and I wanted nothing more than to pull out a knife and slice my arm. I felt tears threatening my eyes. I wanted to do this! I reminded myself. I needed this. I couldn't let anyone in anymore. When the bell rang, I grabbed my stuff and ran out of the room as fast as I could without tripping and right to my car. I couldn't have Edward stop me.

I drove away and straight home. I ran to my room in tears not stopping to see if anyone's home. Shutting my door and using the deadbolt to lock it. I run towards the bathroom blindly because of my tears. Searching the countertop for where I left the knife yesterday afternoon. Finding it and feeling the tears stop, pulling off the wrist warmers staring at the bandage on my left arm. I take the knife in my left hand and slice my right arm, not as hard at my left. I couldn't scream out because of the deepness today. It was a shallow cut, but still hurt like a bitch. I muffled a scream into a towel beside me. I felt tears pouring down my face again. But I didn't care.

I could hear my mom knocking on my door asking if everything was alright, but I couldn't bring myself to answer. I quickly stopped the bleeding with pressure and used the new bigger bandages I bought yesterday to cover up the cut. I sat there for a minute catching my breath and clenching my teeth in pain. My mom couldn't know. Cleaning up the mess of blood and walking to my bed in a haze of pain, lying down and falling asleep…

The next couple days passed in a haze. I didn't eat unless I had to. Which was only about once a day. I didn't want to. I cut myself every night, to cope with the pain of my mental pain. Laurent kept trying to talk to me. I just ignored him. I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't want to. I sat outside the side of the school against the wall staring at the sky everyday for lunch. My friends kept asking if I was ok. If they weren't so oblivious they would notice NOTHING is okay! My arms constantly hurt. But my parents hadn't found out yet, thankfully. I didn't think I had the energy to put up with a shrink. Days were all the same. I woke up, I tried to eat breakfast and couldn't stomach it, I want to school. English class was boring, art was stupid, lunch I sat alone outside, math was easy, and chemistry I spent all my time doodling on my notebook trying to listen to what my teacher was saying without talking to Edward.

I'd seen him around a lot and he seemed to be sad. I didn't know why. Maybe the girl he liked didn't want to be with him. I don't know. He didn't date though. I'd seen him outside the school smoking at lunch every day. I saw him, but I don't think he ever saw me. He looked so upset all the time, I wanted to run over and hug him. But I stopped myself. Saying he was a jerk that wouldn't ever like me, he was probably planning on using me. I couldn't let him do that. Laurent hurt me enough, I didn't want to let another guy in. I was fine on my own. Me, my knife and my own mind. That's all I needed.

Every day Edward would say hi to me when I walked in during class. Every day I would ignore him then run out at the end of class crying and run straight to my car. It had become a routine. A routine I hated, because I wanted nothing more than to be with Edward. When I got home I didn't talk to my parents. I didn't come out of my room all night. My parents would knock on the door for hours trying to get me to come out. For me to talk to them. But when I woke up in the mornings I was alone in the house. The only time I enjoyed. I was lying in my bed right now, looking at the clock. It read five am. I could hear my mom up getting ready for work. My dad left about twenty minutes ago. I got up and went to the bathroom. Turning on the light and covering my eyes for a minute until they adjusted.

I looked in the mirror. I looked ill. I was pale, and my cheek bones were easy to see. I had huge bags under my eyes and I looked like shit. I looked down at my bare arms. Today was Friday. I'd lasted a week. The weekend started tomorrow, and I would have to spend all my time in my room. I made a mental note to grab some snack foods and water and stock up my room for the weekend this morning when my mom left. My mom had weekends off, and my dad had Sundays off. I didn't want to face them; they would know something was wrong. I looked down at my arms. I grimaced. I didn't realize how bad they looked. I took the bandages off last night. I had three on my left arm and three on my right. Then the one from a while ago, it was healed so it was a light pink. The others were a dark red and scabbing over. They looked ugly and so bad up against my pale skin. I closed my eyes. I didn't want to look at them. I quickly went to my room going to the drawer I kept my wrist warmers in. I grabbed out my purple pair and threw them on. I looked out my window next, watching my mom drive away.

I quickly got dressed. Deciding to wear a tank top today. The wrist warmers covered up my arms, and everyone had seen the wrist warmers by now, so I didn't care, and I was sick of wearing long sleeves. I hated them. I went downstairs grabbing snack foods out of the cupboards and a whole package of bottled water, carrying it all to my room. This should be good. If not I can sneak out of my room while they're sleeping. I then got dressed for school, taking my time because it was still early. I hadn't been able to sleep very much lately. I grabbed my cell phone and checked it. I hadn't really paid attention to it lately. I groaned. 30 missed alerts. I started scrolling through them. Alice, Angela, and an unknown number. Hmm. I read the texts from my friends first. Asking if I was okay, asking me why I wasn't around, why I wasn't answering them. I deleted the texts. I didn't care. Then I read the ones from the unknown number.

I got this number from Alice, hope it's alright-E

Please answer me, I shouldn't have touched you on Monday, I promise I won't-E

I miss having my lab partner, ur so distant lately. Please talk to me-E

And there was many more, begging me to talk to him. They stopped yesterday though. I hadn't gotten any today. I went to put my phone away when it beeped telling me I had a new text. I checked it.

I'm sorry. Bella, I miss who you were on Monday. I don't know what happened, are you sick? You look very ill. I hope you will talk to me today. I hope I didn't do anything wrong-E

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. He thought he did something wrong? No. he didn't. It's my fault. I guess I should answer him.

You did nothing wrong. My fault. Yup, im sick. Didn't want to get you sick. Sorry-B

I decided to text him. Knowing that was a big fat lie, and I couldn't lie worth shit in person. I couldn't have him knowing the truth. Maybe that will keep him off my case, at least for today. My phone beeped again and I read the text.

Oh. Hope you feel better :) Sorry for bugging you with all the texts, im worried about you… You know. Because I need your help on the chem project-E

I laughed. That's why he was being so friendly. He just wanted me to do the whole project. Figures, bad boy doesn't want to do his homework. I looked at the clock. 5:45am. I didn't have to leave the house till seven. I quickly powered up the computer. I started working on the chemistry project, loosing track of time completely. I looked at the clock. 7:25am. Shit! I was going to be late. But I was finished the project. I quickly hit print gathering all my stuff and running out the door, stopping just long enough to lock it. Getting to school just in time for English I ran in breathless.

EPOV

I got out of my car and started walking towards my first period class. Music. I was upset. Smoking a cigarette to ease my mind. Bella has been ignoring me! I didn't know what I did. She finally answered my texts this morning, saying she was sick. I didn't believe her. Sure she looked sick. But on Monday she was so sweet and she kept blushing whenever I was around, and then by chemistry she was a totally different girl. I put out my smoke and walked into the class. I sat down at the piano and placed my hands on the keys. Class didn't start for a while. Not very many people were even at school yet, but my music teacher. Mrs. Burskey told me I could come in here and play anytime I wanted. So I let my fingers take over and I started playing what I'd been playing in my head the past week. It was a song for Bella. Oh the beautiful Bella. She had me going crazy!

Ohhh crazy for you.
Crazy for you.
Don't know how it happens
But I fell and hit my head for you.

Bleeding and screaming,
as you just walked away.
I thought you were into me.
Don't go and say…

BPOV

I cursed my way walking up the hall. I fell getting out of my car and got mud on my jeans. I didn't want to be here. Edward would be around and expecting me to act normal. I couldn't act normal. I had to hand in my arm project so I started walking down the arts hall, with the drama rooms and music rooms. I was humming to myself and then I heard it. A beautiful song. I stopped and looked around. Listening for what room it was coming from.

Ohhh crazy for you.
Crazy for you.
Don't know how it happens
but I fell and hit my head for you.

Bleeding and screaming,
as you just walked away.
I thought you were into me.
Don't go and say…

That you don't want me,
That I don't phase you,
Your face tells me…
So what your sayings, not true.

I need you!
I want you!
Please don't go away.
Don't tell me
That it's too late,
I need you to stay.

I realized it was Mrs. Burskey's room. I walked to the door and peeked in. and there, sitting playing the most beautiful song and singing to it, was Edward Cullen. I watched in awe as he sang and played his heart out. Such a beautiful song. It was definitely original. I watched as he stopped. Looking at the keys in concentration. He must be just writing this now. That thought made me smile. I leaned against the door frame, but missed and fell with a thump. I managed to save my painting but I landed hard on my arm.
"Fuck!" I hissed. I looked over at Edward and his head snapped up. At first he looked shocked, then angry, then worried. He got up and ran over to me. Id managed to get myself sat up by that point and stared into his eyes.
"Such a beautiful song" I murmured. He smiled at me.
"How's your arm?" he asked. I moved it. It stung like a bitch. I ground my teeth together.
"It hurts, but I don't think it's broken" I said. He seemed pleased with that answer.

"Come on; let's get you up, Miss. Eavesdropper." He said with a chuckle I scowled at him.
"Hey! I was coming this way and I heard a beautiful song. I wanted to know where it was coming from"
"Well you could have told me you were there"
"Nawe. I just got there anyways. But you wouldn't have continued playing"
"Your right. I wouldn't have" he agreed. I smiled at him.
"Told ya. So who's that song for?" I asked, curious.
"Song for? Nobody" he said quickly. I let it drop. But I knew that wasn't true.

EPOV

Here she is. Falling and making me care for her, and as I'm being nice she starts questioning me about the song. I realized it was coming from the moment I saw her standing there. But I didn't think so soon. I also didn't think she would believe me when I said no one. But she seemed to have. This girl drove me crazy! But I wouldn't want it any other way. I continued walking with her, holding onto her waist so she wouldn't fall. I opted for her waist instead of her arms, she seemed protective of them, holding them against her body all the time. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. I helped her into my car- a Mercedes Benz. My precious car. And drove off in the direction of the hospital. She didn't say anything, I was getting worried. She didn't even say anything when I had my arm around her waist. She seemed too hostile the past week and now she seemed to enjoy being in my company. This girl was going to drive me to the point of no return. But I think she already has. And I didn't want to go back.

Well that was the first chapter people :) Hope you liked it ! Pleeaseeee read and review ! I'd love to hear what you have to say, any ideas for further chapters? Comments on how it's going. How you want Bella and Edward to turn out? Atm I do not know how long this is going to be. I'm going to write until I can't think of anything else. Sound like a deal? Hoopee so :)

Sincerely, Kyla.