A/N: I was inspired to do this story by Long Live the Pickles.

Dedication: This story is dedicated to Long Live the Pickles.

Disclaimer: I am not J. because if I were the following statements would be true.

Start Here

If I ruled Hogwarts:

Ginny and Harry would be together forever

Ron and Hermione would be together forever

Ginny would hex Cho Chang with something far nastier than the bat bogey hex

Voldemort would wear make up and a tutu

Harry would not be friends with Ron and Hermione

Harry would hate Dumbledore

Dumbledore would be dyed pink at be bald

Cedric would be dead much earlier

Hogwarts would be introduced to electricity and more importantly mobiles and ipods

Robes would be out of fashion and everyone would where normal clothes

Hogwarts would be introduced to muggle music

Especially Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry

Everyone would know the lyrics to Stronger by Kelly Clarkson

Voldemort would be called Moldyshorts

Arianna would be alive

Draco would be normal and hexed into next week

Crabbe and Goyle would be permanently be transfigured into the dung beetles they are

Hogwarts would be called A Magical School for Those Who Aren't Muggles or Squibs

Bellatrix would be a squib

Dudley would be transfigured into a Hippo permanently

Vernon would be called Vermin and be transfigured into a Whale permanently

Petunia would be transfigured into horseradish and sprayed with weed killer

Pettigrew would be caught in a mouse trap

Lily and James Potter would be alive

Sirius would be alive

Sirius would not have gone to Azkaban

All death eaters (with the exception of Snape) would be eaten by dementors

After eating the Death Eaters, all dementors would disappear forever

Snape would turn into a bat permanently

Millicent would die

Pansy would die

McGonagall would die by cat e.g. scratched to death

Hermione would own hair straightener

Molly Weasley would be divorced by Arthur and cast out of the family of Weasley