Nights were long and cold. Normally I tried to sleep, sleeping wasn't needed but there was nothing else to do. So I would spend the night curled up to save warmth. Warmth wasn't needed but it felt better than cold. The metal would get extra cold at night. At first I tried to keep the metal limbs far from my skin, but then I started lying with the automail arm close to my body, cuddling it, trying to warm up the metal. I missed the other arm and leg, but they weren't mine. These weren't mine either. They'd been made for him. I'd image that somewhere my own limbs were waiting for me, maybe I could find them. But I knew they were lost and I couldn't never find them.
Lots of things were lost and gone forever. I lost Sloth-mommy- she was gone, in the air and then she died, back to the gate. Lust was gone back to the gate. I sent her myself. He was gone too, Edward that was what they called him. Gone somewhere, the gate or beyond, dead or not dead maybe but gone- the could never come back kind of gone. She was gone too, THAT woman, the woman who made me; the woman who tried to make me one of the lost. I was nearby when she went.
I didn't mean to be. I tried to go north, to go north during the days. Days were full of activity- always moving so I'd never sleep in the same place twice. I wanted to go far away. I guess the cold got to be too much; I turned around without realizing it and ended up back in that town where she lived. I saw her lying there in bed- didn't want to go near her house, didn't mean to go near- but my legs took me anyways. I saw her through the window lying in bed, I hope she didn't see me. She looked weak, but I couldn't go any closer, wouldn't go any closer. I ran away but I didn't leave town. Two days later I heard she died.
I watched the ceremony, funeral- that's what they call it, from a distance. I stayed till everyone left, the giant man lingered the longest. I went to her grave. I remembered the wrath I felt, I remembered my rage. She made me a monster. She tried kill me. She abandoned me. I remember feeling empty and alone. Once upon a time, she fed me. She clothed me. She rescued me. She hugged me. She had been a mommy, or could a have been a mommy- maybe someday, but she was gone now.
I left town traveled all day and night for several days, only cared about going far away (not north- too cold any other direction) walking non stop along on the road. I stopped eventually. I stayed in a shack for days, I don't know how many. I stole food sometimes, ate from the trash other times. I need to eat something, not much but something, have to be careful don't want to need more red stones. I left eventually. I got chased away by some kids, big kids with mean eyes. They called me a monster. They called me a freak. They were right.
I am a still monster. Not human, never was never will be. No more ladies with empty promises to make me so. No more Edward's life to take over and become human. Never would have worked. Becoming human is not a goal anymore because I know it's not possible. I have no more wrath. I have no more mommies. I lost them all. I'm always alone now. I keep traveling when I feel like it, moving from place to place, not really going anywhere. No place I will find will be home, no place I will find will be safe. There is no goal at the end of my journey. There is no end to my journey. I keep going on and on.
AN: I haven't been able to get any stories off the ground for awhile. Then this comes out of nowhere late and night and I end up staying up to finish it even though I had work the next day. I think my muse is finicky. I'll add more if inspiration strikes. Review please.
