Bonding! With humans!

"So…" Asgore started, looking around in excitement and confusion, "…are these monsters too?"

Alphys snickered at that, looking at the former king with a sly smile on her face. "Oh, Asgore! That's so rude… furries aren't monsters!"

Undyne, who didn't say much since they left the house, nervously observed her surroundings. 'How did I get dragged into this?' she wondered. "Uh, Alphys… what did you say we were?" It was evident that she was feeling uncomfortable.

"Scalies, Undyne. We are scalies."

How did this happen? Well, since the monsters left the Underground they've been trying to act the same way humans do, but Alphys told them about this convention and "forced" Asgore and Undyne to accept after telling them that this was an excellent chance to bond with humans and get to know them better. But, as Undyne suspected, that was a lie: what Alphys wanted to do is show off the fursuit she was born with, and taking what she considered to be two really attractive monsters with her sounded fun.

A blue, pink and yellow anthropomorphic dog-fox approached Asgore, looking for a hug. The former king didn't know that furries say hello by hugging, but he liked hugs, and he also liked how this fluffy creature looked. "Okay, so… I'm not supposed to talk but your fursuit is so awesome! Where did you get it? It looks so real!"

Asgore didn't understand what that meant, but he heard the word "fur", and tried to think of an answer. "Uh, I was born with it…"

"Wow, you really are in character, huh? And I think you're my type too… what's your name?" The guy's interest in the seven feet tall monster was growing, and he didn't hide it at all.

"I'm Asgore Dreemurr, former king of monsters." He replied somewhat proud. 'I don't know what this creature is, but it's friendlier than your average human.'

"Uh-huh… well, I'll be at RedRusker's panel. Come around later if you wanna yiff…" The man winked under his mask and turned around, shaking his hips exaggeratedly in order to wag his tail. "Ask for Jeffrey the magic inu-kitsune…"

Alphys patted a very confused Asgore on the elbow (she couldn't reach any higher) and stifled a laugh. "Congratulations! You got yourself a filthy weeaboo!"

"Just like me then…" Undyne muttered, walking away.

The former scientist ignored her because she wasn't wrong after all.

"Okay… but can I buy one of those tails? Sometimes I think mine isn't big enough…" Asgore commented, looking in the direction that Jeffrey left.

At the end of the day, everyone was hugging each other, and yiffing, and drinking Capri Sun… but surprisingly there were no annoying dogs there.

Asgore bought a tail and a lot of comics that he didn't hide very well from his kids.

Alphys… Alphys bought things too… things that I'm not allowed to talk about.

Undyne just wanted to wash all these sins away. She thought that maybe fire would do.

Asgore and Toriel

It was your usual Sunday morning: rainy, depressing, filled with flashbacks and drunken children… but Toriel and Frisk couldn't care any less. They were watching one of those generic romantic comedies with Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson, comfortably seated on their couch, when a scene prompted the child to ask something.

"Hey, how did you and Asgore meet?" Frisk inquired, their eyes fixated on the screen.

Their adoptive mother uncomfortably rubbed her knees and looked at them somewhat embarrassed. "Why would you want to know that?!" She asked back, her words filled with distress.

"I'm a child, and I'm curious..." They responded, turning their head to meet their adoptive mother's ears. So floppy and polite…

"I… uh… we…" Toriel, knowing how stubborn determined Frisk was, decided to answer directly. She let out an exaggerated sigh and looked at her lap. "It was XX years ago, and my mother was once again pregnant. I was seventeen years old back then…" She stopped briefly to reminisce her youth and her exuberance. "Anyway, some time after, he was born."

Both of them remained silent for a moment. "What?" Frisk finally said, interrupting Owen Wilson's monologue.

"Frisk, Asgore is my younger brother."

"…" The minor needed a moment to assimilate this information. They took a deep breath and looked at the carpet, trying to understand how relationships between monsters worked. "You two are siblings…"

Toriel nodded and fidgeted in her seat. "Yes… but we don't have the same father. Mine died after some intoxicated humans took him for a lamb, and Asgore's was my mother's third husband."

"Wow… that's messed up…" Is all Frisk could say at the moment. Her words made them wonder many things, but they were too afraid to ask.

"DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME, MY CHILD! WHAT, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS?! I KNOW YOU MET THOSE DOGS FROM THE ROYAL GUARD, AND YOU DIDN'T CARE THEY WERE SIBLINGS! IN FACT, DO YOU KNOW HOW HEALTHY INBREEDING IS FOR MONSTERS?! OH, NO, OF COURSE YOU DON'T! YOU JUST-"

Frisk regretted everything and decided to LOAD.

The fanfiction!

The monsters were all gathered at Taco Bell, enjoying their vegan meals.

"Asgore," A very solemn Toriel started. "You're awful and you deserve no one's forgiveness, but since I'm a flawless character and everybody loves me because they think I'm the perfect mother, we'll get back together. Even though I love Sans. Yes, I love him romantically, because everybody knows that a male and a female CAN'T BE JUST FRIENDS. EVER. By the way, pie. Pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie."

"Oh," Asgore answered. "Thank you, because since I'm nothing but a sad stalker, my life is meaningless. I'm nothing but regrets and tea, lots of tea. I ejaculate tea. Does anyone want some tea? I kill children and drink tea."

"puns, puns, angst, puns, gaster, angst, puns." Sans commented casually.

"SCREAMS! WORDS THAT DON'T MEAN ANYTHING! MORE SCREAMS! WIDE VARIETY OF SILLY THINGS!" Papyrus whispered.

"Stutter, my relationship with Undyne, anime, guilt, lies. I'm unredeemable." Alphys exclaimed to no one in particular.

"Exercise, my relationship with Alphys, being very aggressive, groans, misperception of reality." Undyne said.

"Legs. Fucking legs. Nothing but legs." Mettaton sang.

"…" Frisk pointed out.

"MURDER!" Chara chirped.

"Even though I've been through a lot of shit, since I have a child's body again, I'm a naïve furball full of love." Asriel yelled.

"Hi!" The original character started. "I'm a relative of the Dreemurrs/the skeletons who was created by Gaster many years ago and has a hybrid soul. I'm not overpowered (wink), but I can use every power ever and I'm the strongest and if you don't like it you're a hater. I'm also half Uchiha, half saiyan, half gem, half Jedi, and half dinner table. I'm a great rapper. And, casually, I'm the idealization of how the writer thinks they are too. Everybody loves me!"

"This is perfect." The writer shouted.

Papyrus's advice

"I'm home!" Asgore exclaimed entering the house he shared with the rest of monsters you love. Since no one requested his gardening services, he decided to spend his many free days at a nearby park, but a few parents didn't like how he looked at their children and made him leave.

"HI, MR. EX KING!" Papyrus shouted from the kitchen. "IS ANYONE WITH YOU?!"

"Uh… no. I think we're alone." Fluffybuns answered, a little confused. He went into the kitchen, and to his surprise, the skeleton wasn't cooking. In fact, he was looking out the window, and he wasn't even wearing his usual 'LOVE ME, HUMANS!' t-shirt. He was holding his brother's mug, and for once, it was filled with coffee instead of mayonnaise. "Why did you ask?"

"To drop the act. I've decided you're the only one who should meet the real Papyrus since you know what real pain is. Anyway, care for some coffee?" His voice was way lower than the one he usually used. He turned around to meet the former king's bedazzled expression, and lifted Sans's mug as an offering.

Asgore shook his head, looking intensely at… Papyrus? "I'm more of a tea guy…" He got to say as he tried to process the situation.

"Right." The skeleton took a seat on the kitchen table and took a sip of his drink. The coffee was cold, but so was his soul. "Mind if we talk for a bit?" He asked casually, his eyes again on Asgore.

"Uh… sure…" The bearded monster imitated him and took a seat as well. He was nervous, he felt like the guy seated next to him was a stranger. "About what?"

"About you." Papyrus answered. "Look, I want you to know that I care about you, I really do. I know you shared part of your life with someone I know, and you remind me of him…" Asgore could only imagine who he was talking about. "…and I've seen what's going on between you and Toriel."

That was a topic Mr. Dad guy wasn't expecting. "What do you mean?" He inquired, his words sounding somewhat sharp.

The skeleton sighed. He might regret doing this, but he felt like he needed to. "You need to get over her."

"Excuse me?"

"Look, I'm aware of your situation: you want to get back with her because you've never known any better. You think she's the only one for you. You… you're like a little boy who's been eating nothing but rocks his entire life, and one day, his parents doesn't let him anymore rocks. The boy cries because he thinks he can't get anything else even though he actually can-"

Asgore interrupted Papyrus's metaphor, feeling a little attacked. "Papyrus, where are you getting with this?"

The aforementioned shook his head, "Please, let me finish." and continued. "The boy can eat ANYTHING else, but he thinks he wants to eat rocks because they're the only thing he's ever tried. He could try some soup, or maybe meat, or candy, but no, he sticks with the only thing he can't have. He ignores everything else even if it's better than rocks, because he doesn't want to try anything new. He doesn't want to take any risks, he doesn't want to advance, he prefers rocks even if they're not the best for him."

At this point, Asgore understood perfectly Papyrus's point, but that didn't mean he liked it… even if it was true.

"I guess you understand me. You are that boy, Asgore, and Toriel is the rocks. You want her even if she's not the best for you because you never had the chance to be with anyone else."

"What do you know?!" The former king yelled standing up, his booming voice echoing through the entire building.

Papyrus remained calm. "Please, calm down. I know about your past together, and honestly, that's one of the most toxic relationships I've ever-" Before he could realize, Asgore's trident was pressing against his ribcage. Usually, the former king was gentle and kind, but a few triggers made him change drastically. Papyrus poked one of them for too long: the idea of wasting his life with the wrong person.

Papyrus lifted his hands as to accept his defeat, but when Asgore was about to dismiss his weapon, he found himself engulfed in blue light and unable to move.

"I told you to let me finish." He placed Sans's mug on the table and focused completely on the burly goat. "But if you're this angry, I must be right… but I guess you don't want to accept it"

"You don't know-!"

Asgore was interrupted when the skeleton raised his voice. "I DO KNOW HOW SHE TREATED YOU! I ALSO KNOW THAT HAVING A CHILD WAS HER IDEA, THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T READY YET!"

The former king didn't say anything. After all, Papyrus wasn't lying.

"I also know that she had way more power than you did when you were our leaders… and I know that you're afraid you made a mistake when you married her."

"You're right, okay?! I wasted my life with someone who never loved me as much as I loved her! I was too scared to ever tell her not to do anything because I thought she'd leave me! And she…" Asgore had to suppress a sob when acceptance finally hit him, as two fugitive tears escaped his eyes and stained his fur. "She… made me feel like I was nothing without her…"

Papyrus finally freed him, and the one who once was the king of the Underground broke down crying on the kitchen table, almost falling on top of Sans's mug.

"I'm sorry, Asgore, but you need help… and I thought I could be that help." The skeleton patted him on his shoulder, his bony hand caressing the goat monster trying to comfort him.

"No… no, you're right…" The aforementioned muttered, trying to calm down. "I just… don't know what to do without her…"

"Of course you do!" Papyrus reassured him, gently squeezing his trapezium. "You just have to be a little more selfish, worry about what Asgore Dreemurr really wants. Come on, we're on the surface! You have to stop thinking about the past and focus on your future! Didn't we come all the way up here to start a new life?"

Asgore simply nodded, and his sobs came to a halt.

"Now tell me, what do you really want?"

"I want… to eat something. Something that isn't rocks… or spaghetti." The former king joked, lifting himself up from the table.

The skeleton giggled and patted his back. "You got it."

"And… I also want to know more things…" Asgore pronounced lowly, looking at his skeletal friend/therapist.

"It's fair… but we'll have to wait until our next talk. Frisk, Undyne and Alphys are here."

A few moments later, the three of them walked in to find their usual Papyrus talking to their usual Asgore about cars and stamps.


Yay.