A/N: Yeah, I got bored (again). For those waiting for TDS, for the last time, IT IS ON HOLD AND PENDING REWRITE. For those waiting for a TM update, a 3 chapter pack is on the way.

MAJOR 4th wall breaking. Like, Fus-Ro-Dah-I'm-comin'-in-whether-you-like-it-or-not level. XxD0v hS1ay3rxX is completely fictional and any resemblances to any other TESV OC or your own Skyrim character, whether in name or in action, are completely coincidental. Or not (muehehehehehe).

TESV is owned by Bethesda, as are the characters in the game. XxD0v hS1ay3rxX is MINE. The dialogue in this story is MINE. Guten tag!


Hadvar rolled his eyes for what must have been the umpteenth time since he and XxD0v hS1ay3rxX (what a weird name, he thought) had entered Helgen Keep.

"How long are you going to keep doing that?" he asked, as she raised her swords to strike him again.

"Until I make my One-Handed skill Legendary twice."

What that meant, he had no idea, only that apparently her Sneak skill was made Legendary thrice, and that her Destruction was Level 45. How and in what way this made sense, he did not know.

Hadvar cried out as the force of the dual-wield attack staggered him and drove him into the gate—again, "Why don't I just kill you and get out of this keep by myself?" he paused, considering something, before asking, "And why don't I seem to be dying from the—Argh!—amount of blows you are pelting me with?"

"Because you are an essential character, and also because you are scripted to lead me out of this keep and to Riverwood," she replied, as she sheathed her weapons to wait for her stamina to recharge.

Hadvar had no idea what that meant, but if Arkay had deemed that he shouldn't die, then that was more than fine with him. And strangely, even as a torrent of fire washed over him, he somehow didn't feel the urge to draw his blade an end the nuisance that was XxD0v hS1ay3rxX.

He then decided to, as the old Legate who trained him always shouted, "suck it up", and went along with the ridiculous "skill farming".

Outside the keep, a very bored Nordic God of Destruction roared, scattering a few of the numerous Stormcloak and Imperial bodies lying about in Helgen just a tad bit further, as Magnus rose over Tamriel on the 26th of Last Seed, 4E 201.