Here is the next most requested story.
The Refund
I don't really have alot to say about this right now though, so...
Enjoy!
It was evening, and Lucy Heartfilia's apartment was empty and quiet, until Erza, Cana, Natsu, Lucy, and Wendy all walked into the living room. Every single person was complaining about their day.
"Worst Day Ever!" they all shouted at once before sitting down on the couch.
The couch's legs then broke, unable to hold up their combined weight, causing them all to grunt in annoyance.
"Cana, you make dinner! The only thing I feel like serving up right now is a knuckle sandwich!" Erza said, slamming her fist into her palm.
"Natsu, you make dinner!" Cana said.
"Why?!" Natsu demanded.
"Because I'm too drunk to think of a valid excuse!" Cana replied before taking a swig from the bottle in her hand.
"Lucy, make dinner!" Natsu said.
"Why me?" Lucy asked.
"Because-" Natsu then hissed at Lucy, momentarily looking more demonic than Mirajane in her Satan Soul.
"Wendy!" Lucy shouted.
Wendy said nothing, but simply backhanded Lucy across the face.
"Look, we've all had a difficult day." Cana said, "What we need is a balanced meal with meat and vegetables."
"I'm thinking tomatoes and ham served on a bread base for a slow release of energy with melted cheese on top because dairy products are good for growing children's bone structure. It should minimize dish washing, and be round in shape, negating any sharp edges to avoid oral injuries." Cana explained.
"Oh yeah...Pizza." Everyone else said.
"Ah, dammit!" Cana said, realizing that she had indeed just perfectly described pizza.
"I thought I just invented a new food. I was gonna call it "The Circular Half-Sandwich With Stuff On It". She sighed.
"I guess my greatest invention will remain to be "The Potato Sticks Fried in Oil." she said, not realizing that French fries had already been invented.
Erza walked over to the phone.
"Okay, then we'll get some delivery." she said.
She then began punching the phone, trying to dial.
"Um, Erza..." Wendy said, taking hold of Erza's arm.
"I think you're still a little tense. I think it's best if you don't touch anything for a while and let Cana do it." She said as Erza breathed heavily, looking like she was about to explode.
"Okay, you got it?" Cana asked over the phone.
"Yes. We have one family sized pizza with one-fifth Margherita, one-fifth vegetarian, one-fifth surf, one-fifth turf, and one-fifth mega meat. None of the fifths will be cooked in the same oven, but must be at an identical temperature on delivery." Said Max Alors, who was currently working at the pizza shop.
"With strawberry cake as desert." Cana said.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. We don't serve strawberry cake." Max said.
"And strawberry cake as desert!" Cana repeated sternly.
"I guess I can run by the cake shop. Your pizza will be there in forty-five minutes." Max said.
Cana's stomach growled loudly.
"I don't have forty-five minutes! Faster!" she said.
"Fine. If I skip my break, I can be there in half an hour." Max said.
Cana's stomach growled again.
"Fine! If I run the red lights I can be there in fifteen minutes!" Max snapped.
Cana's stomach growled again, but this time in a low tone, as if approving.
"That is acceptable." She said.
"That will be ten Jewels, and would you like to add a tip?" Max asked.
"Mmm...I don't know. Does it taste good?"Cana asked.
"No ma'am. I mean do you want to pay a good utility, for service and in compensation for the half-hour order you just made?" Max asked.
"Do I have a choice?" Cana asked.
"Always ma'am!" Max replied happily.
"Great! Then no!" Cana said before hanging up.
"We're getting a pizza, and I saved us money! This day just got twice as good!" Cana said as she sat back down.
Outside Lucy's apartment, Lahar was seen driving into her trashcans, then driving away.
Back inside, the group was still waiting for their pizza, bored.
"Ugh! This is taking forever!" Natsu groaned.
"Be patient, Natsu. It's only been sixteen minutes. Let's take our minds off it." Erza said, switching on the TV, showing the news.
"Good evening. Our biggest story today is of course the sudden spike in random aggression in Magnolia. To illustrate the situation, here's a pie chart." The newscaster said, pointing to a pie chart.
Natsu's stomach then growled.
"Turn it off! Pie charts make me hungry!" he shouted. Erza switched off the TV.
"You know what? Why don't we all tell each other about our day, and why we got so upset in the first place. I'll go first. I was on my way back from my latest job." Erza said.
Erza's 4-Wheeler, which had broken down by the side of the road, was being checked by a repairman.
"Well, the damage is only superficial." Said Max Alors, who was currently working as a mechanic.
"So it shouldn't cost more than 10,000 Jewels." He said, closing the hood.
"10,000 Jewels?! Are you kidding me!?" Erza snapped, slamming her fist down on the hood, breaking the headlights in the process.
"Better make that 20,000." Max said, wincing.
"WHAT!?" Erza snapped, her voice shattering the windows.
"Uh...50,000?" he said nervously.
"WHAT!?" she shouted. The whole 4-Wheeler then fell apart.
"75,000..." Max said in a hushed, frightened tone.
"Before I do what I'm about to do, I want you to know that this is not your fault. You're just doing your job, but someone has to suffer for what happened, and unfortunately, you're the only one around." She said.
Erza then inhaled and requipped into her Purgatory armor.
"YOU ARE A WORM! YOU ARE A THIEVING, BOTTOM-FEEDING, MONEY-GRUBBING FIEND! PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE SQUEEZING THE VERY LAST JEWEL OUT OF HARD-WORKING MAGES! YOU ARE THERE REASON ICE CAPS ARE MELTING AND BABY POLAR BEARS ARE HOMELESS!" She shouted.
She then requipped back into her Heart Kreuz armor, sighing in relief.
"I think that was all there was. Here." She said, handing Max the money.
"Uh, would you like to add a tip?" Max asked.
"Sure, a little extra twelve percent." She said.
She then inhaled again and requipped back into her Purgatory armor
"YOU ARE A WORTHLESS MAGGOT! A POINTLESS LITTLE-"
"Anyway, I feel much better now." Erza said.
She then saw Cana fearfully holding up the table in front of Erza, separating her from the rest of the group, who were currently cowering behind Cana.
She then looked down and saw that she had unconsciously requipped into her Purgatory armor as she was telling the story, and was also being surrounded by an aura of viciousness, making her look even more frightening than she already was.
"Oh, sorry. I got too into the moment." She said, requipping back into her Heart Kreuz armor.
"Ugh! Where's the pizza!" Natsu groaned.
"I'm so hungry that I'm starting to digest myself!" he said, lifting up his shirt, revealing a miniature black hole on his stomach that was slowly sucking him up.
Outside Lucy's apartment, Lahar's 4-Wheeler once again passed by, only this time it was on fire.
Back inside, the group continued to wait.
Cana sighed, then saw that no one noticed.
She sighed again, this time louder, but still no one paid attention.
She sighed even louder.
"Alright, fine!" Erza snapped, "Cana, how was your day?"
"I don't wanna talk about it." Cana said, scowling.
"Cana, you obviously want the attention." Erza said.
"Fine, if you all insist." Cana said. She then looked at them patiently.
"Come on, insist." She said.
"Just tell the story already!" Natsu snapped.
"Alright alright. So, I was at the bar..." Cana started.
"Five barrels of beer and twelve bottles of wine please." Cana ordered.
"Ma'am, please!" said Max Alors, who was working as the bartender.
"You just had 200 liters of alcohol an hour ago! I can't in good conscious serve you another drink before you sober up!" he said.
"But I have sobered up!" Cana said. Max then leaned in close.
"Ma'am, I saw you. You just walked outside, pulled out a barrel of liquor from your 4-Wheeler, drank it, and walked back inside." he whispered to her.
Cana sighed dejectedly before walking away, only to suddenly run back, jump over the counter, and started chugging all the bottles she could grab.
"Ma'am, stop that!" Max said as he pulled Cana away, who still had some bottles in her hands.
"Ma'am, you need to leave! You've had enough!" he ordered.
"I'll tell you when I've had enough!" Cana slurred, already very drunk but still drinking.
"Ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you to pay for that!" Max said.
Cana, still drinking, then threw a handful of Jewels at his face. Max sighed.
"I'm sorry, but its company policy to ask...would you like to add a tip?" he asked.
Cana then stopped drinking, walked over, grabbed all the straws from the dispenser, ripped off parts of their wrappers, stuck the straws in her mouth, and blew the remaining wrappers at Max.
She then ran out of the bar.
Max sighed again.
"Well, the customer is always right. So even though you were so very clearly in the wrong, you were in the right." Lucy said.
"Ugh! WHERE'S THE PIZZA!" Natsu shouted.
He then turned to Lucy, but instead saw a giant sausage with Lucy's face on it.
"What?" she asked.
"I'm so hungry that I'm starting to hallucinate." Natsu said, drooling.
Lucy shook her head and turned to Natsu, but instead saw a giant handbag with Natsu's face on it.
"I'm so hungry that I can't even hallucinate right." she said sadly.
Ice-cream Erza, Hamburger Cana, Handbag Natsu, Sausage Lucy, and Cupcake Wendy all sighed.
Outside Lucy's apartment, Warren screamed as he ran from the biker gang chasing him.
Behind the house, a large explosion went off.
Back inside, the group continued to wait, completely oblivious to the chaos outside.
The lights then flickered.
"Well, since the pizza still hasn't arrived, I might as well tell you why we're in such a bad mood." Natsu said.
"So, earlier today, we went to the video store..."
"That's exactly what I'm saying, Luce!" Natsu said as he, Lucy, and Wendy waited in line.
"These days, the trailers show you the whole thing, apart from the end credits." He said.
"Yeah! What's the point of watching the whole movie when you already know what happens in it? It's like going up to this guy..." Lucy said, turning to the man waiting behind her.
"...and saying "Oh, you know that one about the pirate boy? Well, at the end of the movie, his brother gets killed by the Admiral!" she said to him.
The man angrily slammed his DVD down and walked out.
"Or like that one with high school student working as the Grim Reaper who turns out to be the cousin of the man his boss accidentally killed." Wendy said.
The man who was now behind him then ripped off his hair and screamed in anger before leaving.
"Yeah! Or at the end of the fairies versus demons one where you realize that the main character was really the villain's little brother!" Natsu said.
An overweight man who was behind them fell to his knees.
"You bastards!" he shouted "Goddamn you!"
He then tried to get up, but failed, so instead rolled away.
"Guys, please! You're killing my business here!" said Max Alors, who was working as the store clerk.
The trio looked behind them and saw that they were the only ones there.
"Dude, there's no one here." Natsu said, not realizing that it was his fault.
"You need to rethink your financial motto. No one rents DVDs anymore." Wendy said.
"Then what are you doing here?" Max asked suspiciously.
"Supporting my favorite store!" Natsu said happily, handing Max twenty Jewels.
"Well, how 'bout a tip?" Max asked, holding out the tip jar.
"Oh, sure! Thanks! Oh, look, a twenty!" Natsu said, pulling out the same amount of money he had just given.
"GET OUT OF HERE!" Max snapped.
"What kind of store bans its own customers?" Natsu asked angrily.
They all sighed again.
"Worst day ever!" They all said.
Wendy then realized something.
"Wait...do you know who really had to worst day ever?" she asked.
"Me!" Everyone else answered at once.
"No, guys!" She said, "Who really suffered all day?"
"Me." They all answered again.
"No! Who always puts up with us without ever getting any respect or gratitude?" she asked.
"Oh! Me!" they all answered, thinking they understood.
"NO! Who's the person who's probably spitting in our pizza because of how we've all treated him?" she asked.
They all thought about that one for a moment.
"You?" they answered.
"NO! MAX! It's Max, guys!" Wendy snapped.
They all mumbled to each other.
"The guy that does every job in this town." Wendy said.
"Ohhh...Mark!" Natsu said, forgetting his name.
"I always thought his name was 'Marty'." Erza said, also forgetting his name
"Wait, Mary is a man?" Cana asked, forgetting his gender.
Wendy sighed and facepalmed.
"I think that man deserves an apology." she said.
She then pulled out the phone and dialed the number.
"Welcome to Magnolia Pizza! Unfortunately we cannot take your call right now, because..."
Max then began to break down.
"Because I can't take it anymore! I have only one thing to say to you, Magnolia. Try our family deals for five dollars!" he said, sounding normal again for a moment.
"Goodbye, Magnolia. I quit!" he said before hanging up.
All the electricity then went out.
Erza, Cana, and Lucy looked around nervously as the sound of a siren was heard in the distance.
The siren, however, turned out to be Natsu wailing.
"We're never gonna get our pizza!" he cried.
"No, this is really bad! This town doesn't function without Max!" Wendy said.
"Let's not panic. How bad can things get in fifteen minutes?" Lucy asked.
She then walked up to the window and drew the curtains, looking outside.
Her eyes went wide as she witnessed total chaos and anarchy.
Kinana ran from a horde of rabid dogs, while 4-Wheelers crashed into one another again and again.
As Wakaba ran, a tiger could be seen pouncing on him.
Lucy closed the curtains.
"Okay, I think we'd better apologize to Max." she said.
Outside, the group were sitting in Erza's 4-Wheeler, which was refusing to start.
"Someone siphoned down all the gas!" Erza said.
"I think they took a little more than that." Cana said.
The entire 4-Wheeler then fell apart.
All the parts were then stolen by various citizens before anyone could blink.
"Well, I-I guess we'll just have to...um..." Erza said.
Erza pretended to start up the 4-Wheeler, and they all ran off.
"How could things get this bad?" Lucy asked as they ran through the total wreckage that used to be Magnolia.
"This is what happens when Max goes on strike." Wendy said.
As they ran, they saw Gajeel stealing a television.
"Wait! Think for a second!" Lucy said to him.
"Stealing TVs in the middle of the apocalypse? Can't you see how wrong and stupid that is?" she asked.
"Yeah...you're right. There's no TV signal!" Gajeel said.
He then grabbed a DVD player and some DVDs.
"Thanks, Lucy." He said before running off, only to be tackled by Lahar.
"Woo!" cheered Natsu.
"Go Rune Knights!" Cheered Lucy.
"I'll take that, thank you very much." Lahar said, cuffing Gajeel and grabbing the equipment the Dragon Slayer was trying to steal.
"Wait! Aren't you supposed to fight crime?" Wendy asked.
"Max Alors also worked as the Rune Knights accountant. I haven't been paid so...to hell with all of you." Lahar said.
He then jumped into his 4-Wheeler and drove off, only to drive into the store next to the one Gajeel was robbing. He then broke the window and jumped inside.
The group then turned around at the sound of another alarm and saw that Cana was now stealing several items and throwing them into a shopping cart.
"Cana! What do you think you're doing?" Erza asked.
"I'm getting provisions for our life in the broken world. You'll thank me when you're sleeping in your comfy canoe!" she said, throwing a canoe into the cart and pushing a mattress next to it.
"Can't we just sleep on the mattress?" Natsu asked.
"No way! That's our emergency raft in case the town floods!" Cana said, not realizing that the items could be easily switched.
"Oh, come on! We don't have time for this! We have to find Max before things get worse!" Lucy said.
"How can they get any worse?" Wendy asked.
"How 'bout a plague of locusts?" Natsu suggested.
"A what?" Wendy asked.
"LOCUSTS!" Natsu shouted, pointing to a large swarm of locusts flew past them.
The group ran away and hid behind a wall as the locusts flew by.
"This is turning apocalyptic!" Wendy said, on the verge of panicking.
"No, it's just that Max was in charge of the town's pest control." Lucy explained.
She then saw a familiar face lying face down on the ground near them.
"Guys, look, its Laxus! I think he's hurt!" she said, pointing to him.
She then began slowly approaching him.
"Laxus...are you alive?" Lucy asked, getting closer.
Natsu's Dragon Slayer hearing then began picking up the sound of movement around them.
He then saw the shadows of several people moving around them.
"Laxus?" Lucy asked.
"No, Lucy, stop! It's an ambush!" Natsu shouted.
Laxus then suddenly stood up, scaring Lucy. His clothes were torn, and he had red paint on his face.
"I am no longer Laxus. I am...the Dragon of the Stoooorrrm!" he howled.
Several of their guildmates, who were now twisted and changed by the chaos, then emerged from the shadows. Like Laxus, their clothes were torn and they had paint on their faces.
"Ah! What do you want?!" Natsu shouted as their twisted guildmates began approaching them.
The sound of a megaphone was heard above.
Standing on a tall pile of wreckage was none other than Mirajane Strauss.
Even she had been changed by the anarchy, for she wore a make-shift chestplate, had red paint of her face, and, for some reason, an eyepatch over her right eye.
"This is our territory, and you are now our prey!" she said to them through the megaphone.
"What?! Are planning to eat us?!" Lucy asked.
Mira then jumped from pile to pile until she was in front of the group.
"Yes." She said nicely, "We completely blew through our provisions, so you guys aren't on any antibiotics, are you? If I'm gonna cannibalize, I want it to be organic."
The group gasped.
"Are you serious, Mira?!" Lucy asked.
"Sorry, guys, but it's Survival of the Fittest now." Mira said.
"Good, then you won't mind me doing this." Erza said.
She then grabbed Mira and threw her into Elfman and Lisanna, knocking all three out.
She then grabbed Evergreen and howled as she used Ever as a human mace to knock out Freed and Bickslow.
She then punched Laxus away without even looking at him.
The group then approached her.
They all howled in victory.
Somewhere in the war-torn town, Max sighed sadly as he stared at his empty tip jar and sat on the undelivered pizza.
He then saw Erza, Cana, Natsu, Lucy, and Wendy standing in front of him.
All of them wore torn clothes, make-shift leather and/or metal armor, and war paint.
"Why are you guys here? And why are you dressed like that?" he asked.
"Because," Erza said dramatically, "It's the Apocalypse, and because..."
"Well...yeah...it's the apocalypse." She said normally, shrugging.
"Society collapsed as soon as you resigned." Wendy said.
"But that was barely twenty minutes ago." Max said.
In the distance, a large explosion went off, creating a giant mushroom cloud.
"Yeah...and that's all the time it took for us to realize our mistake. We needed to be reminded of how important you are. So, this is for you, Marvin." Natsu said, his mistake unnoticed as he gave Max a hundred Jewels.
"A hundred Jewels? Thank you..." Max said tearfully.
"Yeah, don't get too excited. Without you, there is no business and since nothing was being bought, which ruined the economy and forced up inflation, these hundred Jewels can probably just about get you a rat burger or a kick in the teeth." Natsu explained.
"Still, it came from the heart...but in that case this pizza now costs nine thousand Jewels." Max said.
"Do you mind if I write you a roadkill check?" Erza asked, pulling out the skin of some animal.
"Sure! We now also accept payment in uranium, antibiotics, and melee weapons." Max said.
He then accepted the check, but then looked it over, wondering if it really was acceptable.
"And here's your tip." Cana said.
Max flinched when Cana handed him several live rats.
-The End-
Ugh, the harder I work on my serious story, the more I lose confidence in it.
People, be honest with me, if I do write and publish this story, would you even read it?
Would you want have a story with a detailed plotline with lots of action, drama, and tragedy (it's a pretty angsty fic and centers around Erza a little)
Or would you rather have more of these Fairy Tail/Gumball parody fics?
Check out my profile to vote! (The way I phrase the question makes it seem like a loaded question, doesn't it?)
-Johanna
