Author's Note: Because there just isn't enough fanfiction with the pairing that I'm including in this. Hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the song that inspired me.
/OO/
Loud, angry yells echoed down the hall of a large house made cold by the icy winter's breath. The yells had only begun minutes before, but already their volume had grown so loud that the only occupant of the house that kept his screams in his head was covering both of his ears with his hands to try to block out the words they shouted. Despite the frigid temperatures throughout the house, the room that the yells were occurring in was almost hot from the raw anger coming off of the two adults inside.
The boy, silent save for the quick breaths that left his quivering lips, sat cross-legged in a bedroom made cold by the winter wind that seeped through the crevices of the house. He was hunched over in the middle of a bed covered in dark blue sheets with various planets and stars on them. The boy was dressed in a pair of olive green cotton pajamas, the last button on the shirt undone from his fingers nervously toying with it at the start of the yells coming from down the hall. A midnight blue blanket was draped around his shoulders, the protection it offered against the cold useless against the rage of his parents.
The boy's teeth were clenched together, a slight pain his jaw from the pressure he exerted. His eyes, a bright azure color, were tightly squeezed shut behind a pair of thick, square-framed glasses. Despite his attempts to block them out, the yells he'd grown to despise over the past few months still reached him, swirling around inside of his mind in a seemingly endless stream, and scratching at the inside of his head with sharp claws that he was powerless to stop.
"Am I just not good enough for you?!" The words were yelled in a voice that rang out through the house with frustration and sorrow, hurled by his mother from the room down the hall. "You always put your stupid research before anything else, and I'm goddamn sick of it! We're your family, but all you seem to care about is whatever you get up to down in the basement!"
"I told you from the start that my research was my life!" his father shot back, his voice lacking all emotion save for a slight hint of annoyance. "If you didn't believe me all those years ago, then it's your own damn fault for choosing to get involved with me, you stupid woman!"
The boy flinched as he heard a slap echo from his parents' room, practically able to feel the outrage behind it. "How dare you call me that!" his mother shrieked. "How dare you! You are a bitter man, Andonuts, and I hope that some day, someone teaches you how to truly care about someone!" The boy heard the door to his parents' room slam open, quickly followed by the sound of his mother's hurried footsteps as she ran from the room to the front door of the house.
"Where do you think you're going?!" his father yelled, his heavier footsteps quickly following the lighter ones of his mother as he left their room behind to go after her.
"Away from you!" the boy heard his mother respond, the sound of the front door being unlocked reaching his ears before he heard it being throwing it open. The bitter, icy wind rushed towards the boy's mother, making her shiver, but she continued on into the winter night despite it. She took a few steps, then turned around to stare at the man she'd married. "I used to love you, Loid!" the boy's mother yelled, less fury in her voice, and more anguish. "Now, you're just..." Tears welled up in her eyes as she paused for a moment, another shiver running down her spine. "Y-you're just a heartless man that doesn't know how to love anymore! I won't ever be able to forget all the pain and loneliness you've put me through for the past few years every time you turned me away, or chose your research over your own family! I may as well have been living on my own!" With that, she turned around and began running.
"Marie!" the boy's father yelled, running forward after his wife. The sound of car keys unlocking a door faintly reached the boy in his room, followed by the door opening and quickly slamming shut. After that, the car made the clicking sound it always did when the doors were locked from the inside. It came to life as the keys were inserted in the ignition and turned to the side. A few moments passed before the boy heard the car pull out of the driveway, the snow chains on the tires crunching over a mixture of ice and snow before it was on the road. His mother drove away, leaving silence and tire marks in her wake.
The boy in the room across from his parents' sat completely still in his bed. His eyes were open wide, staring at the wall before him in disbelief. His mind struggled to make sense of all that he'd just heard. Out of all the times he'd stayed up listening to his parents fight, neither had ever run from the house. But his mother... His mother had just...!
The boy threw his blanket off of his shoulders, uncrossing his legs before jumping from his bed to the cold wooden floor below. He flinched a bit as his bare feet came into contact with the low temperature of the floor, but quickly recovered and moved towards his bedroom window. He parted the pale green curtains and leaned forward, spreading the blinds open with his fingers just enough to look out onto the front lawn.
His mother, Marie, was nowhere to be seen. Her car, gone from its usual spot next to his father's, left an empty space in the driveway that just seemed wrong to look at. His father stood next to where it'd been, his head down and his fists clenched at his sides. Suddenly, his head lifted up, and he began to yell in anger and pain at the wind. "Damn you!" he screamed, his face cherry red from both the cold and the anger at himself he felt boiling his blood. "Damn you for coming into my life! Damn you for leaving me!" His father's head lowered once more, and said something so quiet that the boy couldn't make it out from where he stood. "Damn me for making you go."
The boy continued watching from the window for a few more minutes, tears filling his eyes at that thought of never seeing his mother again. After watching his father stand out in the snow, the man's head now lowered once more, he stepped away from the blinds, one foot getting caught on the other, and fell on his backside. A whimper left his mouth, and the tears in his eyes began spilling down his cheeks, unable to be contained any longer. The boy pulled his glasses off, rubbing at the salty liquid that streamed down his pale face. Though he tried to keep silent, he couldn't hold back the flood of sadness inside him. The boy's lips quivered, parting themselves open as his head tilted back, and let out a wail of despair.
/OO/
The sound of the the front door closing echoed through the large, freezing house. Loid Andonuts dragged his feet as he walked down the hall to his son's room, his heart feeling as cold as the air the open door had let inside. He kept his mind purposefully blank as he moved, trying desperately to ignore the throbbing pain in his chest that pulsated with every step he took.
He paused outside of his son's room, dreading the thought of having to explain to the boy, only seven years old, what had happened between him and his wife. He knew without a doubt that his son had heard all of their fights so far, but this one...
Loid shook his head. Later. He'd cross that bridge later. For now, he needed to check on the boy to make sure that he was alright for the time being. He reached out a hand and turned the doorknob, opening his son's bedroom door and walking inside. Without needing to turn on the lights, he spotted his son's silhouette with the help of the faint moonlight coming in through the window.
His son lay curled up on his side, facing away from him and appearing to be asleep. He shivered every few seconds, his small form shaking on the floor before becoming still. Walking over to his son, Loid moved his arms underneath the child's knees and back, easily lifting him up into the air and holding him close. Turning to the bed, he took a few steps towards it and set his son down on it, making sure to cover him well with the blue blanket his son loved so much.
In the faint moonlight that illuminated the room, letters on the blanket caught Loid's eye and made his heart clench painfully. On a part of the blanket near the top right corner was his son's name, Jeff, sewn into the blanket with white thread. Turning away from the name and the painful memories it brought to the surface, he walked over to where Jeff had been sleeping and grabbed his son's glasses from the ground. The lenses glinted in the light, and he sucked in a sharp breath before quickly walking over to his son's bed once more and carefully setting the glasses down on the table beside the bed. He stared at them for a few moments, then turned around to exit the room.
/OO/
Jeff awoke from his sleep the moment his father picked him up from the ground, being the light sleeper that he was. He didn't want to let his father know that he was awake, however, so he kept his eyes closed. He had no idea what to feel about him now. He was scared of the man he called father. Scared of his anger and his yelling, though it had never been directed at him. Jeff had seen what it could do, and deep in his heart, he was terrified of it happening to him. Terrified of being on the receiving end of that anger, and terrified of maybe becoming like him, being the one dealing it out. He'd always thought that when people loved each other, they were happy. Jeff's parents had showed him otherwise. They'd been anything but happy for almost a year, and now... 'Now my momma's gone,' Jeff thought sadly.
Jeff's thoughts were interrupted when he felt his back meet the cool sheets of his bed. He felt the start of a shiver begin to move down his spine, but forced himself to keep still so he wouldn't tip off his father to him being awake. Shortly after being set down, Jeff felt his soft blue blanket covering him up from the biting cold air of the house, and felt a smile tug at the corners of his lips. This, he controlled as well, and kept himself from changing the blank expression on his face.
Footsteps moving away from his bed caught his attention, and he risked opening one of his eyes a sliver to see if his dad was leaving. To his disappointment, Jeff saw that his father was only picking up his glasses. He quickly closed his eye before his father could turn around and see it open, and shortly after heard a gasp. 'Did he see me?' Jeff wondered. 'Does he know I'm awake?' He waited for some kind of sign that his father had caught him, and tensed up slightly as he heard his father's footsteps approaching.
Much to Jeff's relief, he heard his father walk away from his bed shortly after nearing it. The footsteps paused near what he guessed was the door to his room, and he opened his eyes just the tiniest bit to see why his father had stopped.
His father was staring at the wall just to his left, his eyes shining in the faint moonlight coming from the window. 'Are those tears?' Jeff thought curiously. 'Why is he crying? Wasn't he mad earlier?' Jeff continued watching his father stand there, staring at something on the wall. Then, after what felt like an eternity to Jeff, but was in reality only about three minutes, his father turned away from the wall and left the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.
Jeff laid there in bed, staring at the door his father had left from. He listened as his father's footsteps moved down the hall, holding his breath as he pictured him in his mind walking to the room his parents had shared. He faintly heard the sound of his their bedroom door closing, then let out the air he'd been holding in, throwing the blanket off his body before getting up from bed.
His soft footsteps on the wooden floor of his bedroom seemed as loud as the high heels his mother would wear on a night out with her friends to him as Jeff walked over to the wall his father had been staring at, his body tense with apprehension. Lifting his head up, his eyes caught sight of a very blurry image. He squinted, then rubbed at his eyes with one of his hands to try to clear his vision. Pulling the hand away, Jeff blinked a few times, then realized that he wasn't wearing his glasses.
Mentally hitting himself in the head for his foolishness, Jeff turned around and saw something glinting where his glasses were usually placed at night. Scurrying over to the table, he picked the glasses up with a gentle hand and placed them on the bridge of his nose, shivering while adjusting them a bit. Turning back around to the left wall, Jeff took a few steps forward, looking up once more.
The left wall of Jeff's room had a shelf lined against it, close to the door of his closet. It held few items, one of which being a plastic model of a rocket. The fins on the bottom were a bright red color, while the body of it was mainly white with a few red, yellow, and blue stripes near the nose of the rocket. The sight of it brought both a smile to Jeff's face, and a few tears to his eyes. 'Dad bought me that when I was a baby,' he thought. 'It was my first toy.' His father had gotten him interested in outer space at the young age of three with talk of the planets and the stars, how the universe was endless, and how there was no limit to the discoveries that could be made in space. After that, the rocket became something he'd play with every day, fantasizing about going into space and exploring a planet, or finding a new star while he did. Sometimes, his mother would even play with him.
Moving his gaze away from the rocket, Jeff looked at a framed picture that hung on the wall beside the shelf. The picture inside the frame left no doubt in his mind that it was what had brought his father to tears. The picture had been taken just a year ago, and showed him in-between both of his parents. All three of them smiled at the camera, though his father's smile looked more like a grimace. 'I remember this day...' Jeff thought. 'Momma took us out for ice cream after the picture was taken by the fancy photo people.'
Looking at the picture of himself and his parents made Jeff want to cry the way his father had. He knew that there'd never be another picture like it now that his mother had left. It'd always be a reminder of how they'd once been together as a happy family. Jeff's vision became blurry once more, this time with tears that threatened to overflow. He lowered his head, taking his glasses off with one hand so he could rub at them with the other. "Momma..." Jeff quietly whispered, a flood of emotions suddenly overtaking him. "Why did you have to go?"
The picture gave no answer in response. Unable to look at it any longer, Jeff placed his glasses back on his face so he could make it to his bed without tripping. He pushed them up the bridge of his nose with his right index finger before letting out a sigh full of longing, frustration, and grief. Longing for his mother to return and envelope him in a warm, loving embrace, and tell him that everything would be alright. Frustration for the way his father had made his mother feel, and for how he kept pushing her away and making her sad until she couldn't take it anymore. Grief for the hole he could feel forming in his heart, a hole that could only be filled if his mother returned, made up with his father, and they became a happy family once more.
Wrapping his arms around himself in a futile effort to preserve the heat in his body, Jeff turned his back to the painting and walked back to his bed. He climbed in, eager to get to sleep and escape the memories the night had cursed him with. Pulling his blanket over his body, Jeff took his glasses off for the final time that night and set them on his bedside table before quickly tugging the blanket up until everything up to his chin was covered. He sighed, looking at the blue blanket that'd keep him warm while he slept, and was suddenly hit with a memory.
/OO/
A slightly younger Jeff sat in-between his mother's legs, moving a model rocket through the air while she hummed happily, her fingers moving with practiced ease as she carefully moved a needle through a piece of midnight blue cloth. There wasn't very much of it, but in about a week it'd be the perfect blanket to keep her baby boy warm at night.
After a few minutes, Jeff put the rocket down, and looked up at his mother. "Momma?" he asked, his eyes wide with child-like curiosity. "What are you humming?" His mother had been humming the same tune for a while now, and he wanted to know just what it was.
Jeff's mother smiled down at her son, setting the fabric down and bushing back long, blond hair, lit up by the sunlight streaming in through the window just behind her. From where Jeff sat, his mother looked like an angel. "It's a love song, Jeff," she said. "It's one I used to sing to myself after your father and I got together."
"A love song?" Jeff asked. "What's that?"
"It's a song you sing when you feel like you're in love," Jeff's mother said. "They're always about love, which is why they're called love songs."
"Oh... Okay," Jeff said, going back to playing with the rocket he'd been holding.
"Would you like me to teach you it?" Jeff's mother asked, picking up the fabric she'd been sewing once more.
"Sure," Jeff said, looking up at his mother with a wide smile on his slightly chubby face.
Jeff's mother smiled back at her son, then opened her mouth and began to sing.
/OO/
Whimpering as the memory ended, Jeff pressed his face into his pillow to muffle the cries that left him, his mind conjuring the words that his mother had sang to him that day. He tried to stop crying, turning his head so his face wasn't pressed into his pillow, and opened his mouth to sing in the hopes that the comfort the song had once brought him would be enough to make him feel alright. A force seemed to grip Jeff's throat, making it impossible for any sound save for a few faint whimpers he produced to escape.
'I... I can't do it,' Jeff thought as he began sobbing into his pillow once more. 'That was momma's song, and she took it away with her. I can't sing it anymore, or any love song ever again. Without momma, I... I just can't sing about something that isn't here anymore.'
Though his mother's blanket kept Jeff's body warm while he cried to sleep, the hole in his heart his mother had created by leaving seemed to remain as cold as ice, even after the child drifted off. Finally achieving the sleep he desired, Jeff reached not a place where good dreams were born, but instead a cold, dark place where his mind would be plagued with nightmares of endless snow and loneliness.
/OO/
Author's Note: Wow. I haven't worked so hard on any of my previous fanfictions the way I have with this one. Though I've had the idea of this for quite some time, it ended up far different from what I had planned out, and far better, in my opinion. Once I sat down and started writing, I just couldn't stop myself from going, and things just kept changing until I came up with what you've just read. This has gone through several revisions, and I feel that it's a much better finished product because of it. Well, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this little creation of mine. See you next update!
