The Creation of Life
A/N For the last few days I have been completely obsessed with Snape Sex Ed fics, so I'm going to take a stab at my own. Just because I have the severe disability of not being able to write a humorous happy story, this can be rather serious at times.
Chapter 1--- Snape Knows a Lot About Female Anatomy
~The Creation of Life~
"You can't honestly expect me to teach the girls Sex ed. class! It's bad enough teaching the boys. Why can't Minerva teach it?" Severus Snape was in a rage. Albus had broken the unwelcome news that he was to teach not only the male fifth years, but the female ones as well. He could barely deal with the dunderheaded remarks of fifteen year old boys! How was he expected to deal with girls who had the very dramatic changes? Not to mention the fact that, he cringed internally, Luna Lovegood would be in the class.
"Severus, I believe that you are fully capable to teach the class to both genders. And you know that Minerva is dealing with other business at the moment." Of course she is, he thought bitterly. He stalked from the office and back down to the dungeon to plan his least favorite class. Up in the library the girl he dreaded was busy staring off into space.
"Loony, wake up! You're never gonna finish that essay if you keep day dreaming like that. You haven't been testing my brother's stuff again have you?" Luna looked over at her best friend, Ginny Weasley, who called her Loony out of affection. She looked down at the potions essay that lay on the table in front of her.
"We start Sex ed. tomorrow." Luna started to doodle on the sides of her essay. Her curly handwriting looked almost fake, even to her own eyes.
"Ew, God! Don't remind me, Luna. I wonder who's gonna teach it. Can you imagine Trelawney trying to teach it?" Luna considered, adopting her usual dreamy expression.
"It would be interesting, but wouldn't it be more fun if it was a male teacher? Snape, maybe?" Ginny gave Luna a horrified look.
"I think I would be scarred for life. Loony, can you really imagine Snape teaching us about sex? That's almost as bad as imagining him having sex!" The red head was starting to turn a little green and Luna dropped the subject turning back to her essay. She had never told anyone that she actually rather liked Snape. Or that she thought it would be fun to see how a guy would react when talking about puberty with a girl. She lost herself in thought again and continued to draw mindlessly on her parchment.
~The Creation of Life~
Luna walked into the potions/sex ed. class room sleepily, after just waking from her afternoon nap. The class was always held here no matter who the teacher was. She took a seat in one of the corners next to Ginny. This was the one class where the students were separated by gender instead of house. Other girls filed in, some giggling nervously while others just looked ready to be sick.
Finally the room was full and the girls sat waiting for their professor. Bored, Luna pulled out a sketchbook and began drawing some of the faces she saw in the room, until a sharp voice came from behind her.
"Miss Lovegood, kindly put your artistic skills to rest." She turned around to smile at Snape. Around the room she heard girls yelp and cry out What the hell?
"Hello, Professor." She turned back around as he ignored her and watched him walk to the front of the room. He turned around again and surveyed the girls with a sour face.
"Obviously, I am going to be teaching this class. And I assure you, this is more uncomfortable for me than it is for you. I am the one who has to give this God forsaken lecture." Most of the room's occupants looked down, uncomfortable in their own skins. "I suppose since this is the female group we should start with the female anatomy. More specifically the changes it will go through–"
"You mean periods and D cups?" Ginny broke in causing a few of the girls nearest to giggle wildly.
"I would have phrased it differently but yes. Though I do doubt most of you will reach a D cup." He cocked an eye-brow and grinned evilly at the sore faces of the girls in the room.
"What if we already are?" A girl in the front of the room spoke up and Luna had no doubt in her mind that the girl was telling the truth.
"Then I strongly suggest you carry your wand and learn some good defensive spells. May I continue now?" The girls nodded. "There are more worrisome changes that you will, are, or have gone through. As Miss Weasley stated the monthly cycle, or period, is one of the biggest changes. Yes Miss Lovegood? What is it?"
"Is it bad if your period doesn't happen once a month?" The girls in the room looked back at her, uncomfortable with her touching upon such a taboo subject.
"At your age, it is quite common to miss a few or have a few extra, but if you are missing for a very long time I implore you to visit Madame Promfrey. Now no more interruptions." After an hour of breasts, vaginas, and a very uncomfortable Snape, Luna was bored out of her mind. She took out her sketchbook and pastels and began to work on a landscape of the Hogwarts grounds. Ginny passed her a note.
10 knuts say that Snape only knows this because he took the class.
Luna wrote her reply under her friends words.
I say it's experience. YOU'RE ON!
Ginny gagged slightly at her friends words, obviously trying hard not to think about Snape in the act.
"Does anyone have questions?" Snape looked tiredly out over the girls, taken aback as he saw Luna's raised hand. "Miss Lovegood?"
"Are you a virgin?" Mouths dropped all around.
"Miss Lovegood that is completely inappropriate! Ten points from Ravenclaw!" Luna wasn't going to give up ten knuts that easily.
"But you wouldn't be teaching sex ed. if you were, right?"
"Fine Miss Lovegood, no I am not a virgin. For a man my age, there would be something very wrong mentally if he was. No more questions, you are dismissed."
Luna jumped up held her hand out to Ginny. "You owe me ten knuts."
"Fine!" Ginny dug through her pockets and brought out the coins, dropping them into Luna's hand. Luna turned and walked light heartedly from the room.
~The Creation of Life~
Luna sat on the floor with Ginny, both laughing hysterically at the face Snape had when Luna had asked him her question.
"God, we need to do something like that every class."
"Next class is going to be about taking care of the female body," Luna supplied.
"Let's ask him if he prefers tampons or pads. That's an expression I have to see. Should we tell the trio?" Luna regained composure and took her seat back upon one of the wooden chairs. She began working on untangling her earrings from her blonde hair.
"I don't think so. They have enough to be worrying about. They would be worried to know that we are trying so hard to get to Snape."
"Wait, why are we trying?" Ginny stretched her legs giving some third years an interesting view. Luna was unusually at a loss. Should she tell Ginny? What would her friend think? "Loony, why did you bring him up yesterday? Nooo…you don't…?"
Luna nodded. Ginny looked at her friend, mouth open and eyes wide.
"Lu-na! How can you like him? He's a greasy old bastard!"
"He has nice hands." Luna pulled her hair back, a sure sign that she was nervous. She tied it up with a ribbon that matched her eyes.
"Oh, well that makes everything okay!"
"Ginny, you know me. He does have nice hands. And he's smart and funny and he can be nice sometimes."
"You're talking about greasy, old, ex-Deatheater Snape! When has he ever been nice to you?"
"On the anniversary of my mom's death in first year." Luna closed her eyes looking back to the particular memory.
"Talk in complete thoughts, Loony."
"I was in an empty classroom and he heard me crying. He came in and yelled at me a little, but when it didn't work he asked me what I was crying about. I couldn't talk so he cast some spell that made me stop crying and I told him. I jumped up and hugged him. He didn't take off any points so I kept holding on."
"Whoa! Wait a…holy fucking hell! You hugged Snape?"
"Yes, and he yelled at me until I felt better."
"How did him yelling at you help you?"
"He was hard."
"What?!" Ginny jumped to her feet.
"He was solid and stable. I liked that. And his hands were soft."
"How do you know his hands are soft? No wait, don't tell me, you held them."
"No, that's silly. He pulled me off before I could hold his hands."
"You are a piece of work, Luna Lovegood."
~The Creation of Life~
Luna and Ginny were sitting, waiting impatiently for the class to start. Luna soon lost interest in watching the girls file in and began to work on a new landscape in her sketchbook. She worked with the pastels, blending colours and making sharp lines. She worked and worked not paying attention to the chattering girls, and all of their nonsensical words.
"Miss Lovegood, no matter your talent, you do need to pay attention in class." Luna turned and put her book away.
"Hello, Professor." He ignored her as he had before and proceeded to the front of the room.
"Today we will be discussing how to take care of the female body while it is changing. Most of you should be familiar with the things covered today, so I will just begin. First as you all have most likely started your monthly cycle, I take it you know what these are," He gestured to a pad and a tampon. "Yes, Miss Lovegood?"
"Which do you like better?" Snape looked at her scathingly for a moment before collapsing into his chair and letting out an exasperated sigh.
"Miss Lovegood, obviously I am male. If not I wouldn't be having so much trouble WITH THIS CLASS! You will kindly refrain from asking such asinine questions. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Professor," Luna said brightly. The class was looking at Snape open mouthed again. The fact that Luna had come out of such a scenario with her head on and no detention was completely unbelievable. Luna secretly studied the older man watching as he rubbed his forehead in frustration. She picked up on his movements and expression, processing his mood. She looked over at her friend Ginny who was looking disappointed. Ginny wouldn't care that Snape was upset, she concluded.
"There are other ways to deal with your period though. Potions and spells exist that will limit the period to one day a cycle, and others that will limit it to one cycle a year. Today you will be brewing the first type. The instructions are on the board, you may begin." Luna worked quickly to finish her potion. Within twenty minutes she was done and portioning out a vile full of the ironically blood red liquid.
She moved to the front of the room where her professor's desk sat. He seemed to be working on a reply to a letter. Luna suspected that it was what was causing him distress.
"Professor what would you like me to do with this potion?"
"Keep it. You are going to test it later." Snape continued to look down at the blank piece of parchment.
"Professor, are you alright?" Luna kept her voice low, not wishing any of the Slytherins at the front tables to hear her.
"Excuse me Miss Lovegood?" Snape looked up and glared up at her.
"I believe there to be a nargle in this room," Luna lied. She knew very well that nargles wouldn't come near this room for the smell of it.
"Lovegood, please stop your gibberish and return to your seat." Luna turned with the small bottle in her hand and went back to her seat in the back with Ginny.
"What was that about?" Luna looked down at the bottle in her hands. She cared about Snape. She didn't want to see him upset. "Loony?"
Luna was a million miles away when she felt the first tear sliding down her face. She didn't want Snape to be hurting. She wanted to comfort and help him like he had done for her. His voice brought her back to the dark classroom.
"Miss Lovegood, for God's sake tell me what is wrong!" Luna looked up at him and started to sob harder at his frustrated expression. She didn't want to make things harder for him. "Miss Lovegood!"
"Yelling at her isn't going to do a damn thing! What's wrong, Loony? Did Snape hurt you?" Luna tried to calm down by taking deeps breaths, but it just made her chest tighter and she ended up gasping for breath.
"Lovegood, stop crying or I will give you detention." Through her tears Luna looked up at the dark man she adored, his arms crossed and his face stern, but not angry. Luna regained her breath and began to wipe the tears away. "Thank you, Miss Lovegood." Luna listened to the music of his voice and tried not to think too hard.
~The Creation of Life~
Luna sat with a Hufflepuff boy waiting for her potions lesson to begin. The news of her episode in sex ed. had spread to almost the entire school in just the day since it had happened. She was used to getting weird looks everywhere she went, but today it seemed that people were finding it hard not to look away when she walked into the room. Even her table mate couldn't bring himself to look in her direction.
"Everyone, pull out your books, turn to page 457 and begin the potion as instructed. When done bring a sample and leave it on the desk." Snape sat down at his desk and pulled out the same blank parchment he had had the day before. None of the other students paid attention to his mood, but Luna could tell he was still upset. She tried to ignore him, and failed. She was so distracted that she didn't notice that her neighbor was deep in conversation with the table next to them.
The boy had said something to her. What was it? She looked at him blankly.
"I said, is it true that Snape raped you?"
"NO!" Luna shouted from shock. The class went dead silent and looked back at Luna who had a horrified look on her own face.
"Miss Lovegood, detention! Now get out of my classroom, I am tired of your interruptions." Luna grabbed her bag and ran. And ran. And ran. When she stopped and caught her breath, she was in the Forbidden Forest. She leaned back against a tree and sank to the ground, her breath caught in her throat again.
She waited and waited until it got dark and then left the trees behind. She walked slowly up to the castle. At the front door she met an interesting scene. Snape, Flitwick, and Dumbledore were arguing heatedly.
"She has been interrupting my classes for the last week–" Snape was shouting over the tiny Flitwick.
"You lost my student!" Luna's head of house was beet red and refusing to back down to the towering dark potions master. Snape turned around to point out the door and his mouth went slack. Suddenly he stormed over to her and grabbed both of her arms, shaking her hard.
"Where the hell were you? We've been looking for you for hours, Lovegood!" Luna looked up at him eyes wide in terror.
"I–I was in the forest."
"Why? I told you to leave my classroom not the castle."
"I wanted someplace quiet." Snapes hands loosened around her arms, but didn't leave. "I'm sorry, sir. I just wanted to be somewhere quiet."
"Why did you shout in class?" She listened to his voice. Stern and soft.
"A boy asked me…something." He looked into her bright blue eyes and she reached her hands up to his. He broke his grip and crossed his arms defensively. Luna wished he would stop pulling away.
"What did they ask you?"
"If you raped me." Luna looked down as she heard the three men's sharp intakes of breath. She watched Snape's feet stumble back away from her.
"B-but why? I never- I never did anything to you." His voice was shaking hard and he continued to go back until he was well behind Dumbledore and Flitwick.
"My dear Luna, why would someone start such a rumor?" Luna looked up at Dumbledore's twinkling eyes.
"Because I was crying in sex ed. yesterday." Her eyes wandered to Snape who was now pressed against the opposite wall.
"Why were you crying in my class?" Luna tried to think of something other than the truth.
"I just couldn't stop thinking about my mom." It wasn't exactly a lie. She did think about her mom. It was convincing enough though because Snape came back over from his wall and stood next to Dumbledor.
"It's time for dinner. When you're done, report to my classroom for you detention." He walked off towards his rooms.
~The Creation of Life~
Luna knocked on the wooden door, while she levitated a mug of coffee and a plate of assorted foods and sweets.
"Enter," Snape called from inside the room. She pushed the door open and moved the cup and plate to her hand as she stepped inside. She walked over to her love and set the food down in front of him.
"What the…? Miss Lovegood?"
"You weren't at dinner so I brought you your favorite foods."
"Cauldrons." He gestured over to some of the biggest cauldrons Luna had ever seen. She thought grimly that she could probably fit inside of each of them. She walked over and took the cleaning solution and a large sponge, then climbed up into the first one.
She was right, she did fit inside them. When she went down to her knees there was a good foot above her head. She started to work and kept on going until she was done with the black surface. She stood up and found that the sides reached up to her thin waist. She turned around trying to figure a way out.
"Professor, I require some assistance please." She looked back over at Snape to see that he had gone through most of the food on his plate. He looked up at her, stifling a grin once he saw her predicament. He came over to where she stood in the cauldron and she held out her arms. He pulled her out with little effort and she ended up in his arms like a newlywed bride. They both looked at each other for a while. Slowly Luna leaned forward and brushed her lips against his. Faster than she could register he had put her down and pinned her against the large cauldron.
"I suggest you not temp me, Miss Lovegood." He picked her up again and put her inside the next filthy cauldron. She continued to work, choosing to levitate herself out of the shining cauldrons and into the disgusting ones. When she came to the last one she worked slowly trying hard to make time stop. She stretched her legs up just enough to see over the top of the rim. Snape was sitting with his head down on the desk, breathing softly and easily. Sleeping.
She rose out of the cauldron and walked over to him, quietly. She smiled at the beautiful sight of the man finally peaceful. She leaned down and kissed his cheek lightly. His hand covered hers where it rested on the desk, slowly rubbing circles with his thumb over the back.
"Good night, Professor," she whispered into his ear almost so quietly that he couldn't hear. She turned and left.
~The Creation of Life~
Luna packed her bag up extra slowly after the last sex ed. class of the week. She nodded her head towards the door when Ginny looked at her curiously. She watched her friend's eyes dart towards Snape, then both smiled knowingly at each other. After all of the students had gone Luna walked up to her teacher, who was in fact, still trying to write an answer to the mysterious letter. When she had been standing there for almost five minutes Snape looked up coldly.
"Shouldn't you be getting to dinner, Lovegood?" His eyes were tired. She thought back to the previous night for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.
"Do you want me to bring you dinner?" She loved how beautiful the older man could be when such a rare expression as confusion crossed over his face. She watched as comprehension cleared the puzzled clouds in his eyes.
"Miss Lovegood, while I do appreciate your care last night, it is inappropriate to make such a statement." Luna walked around to his back and he tried to turn around, but she placed her hands on his shoulders, stopping him. He turned back to his desk and she started to massage his tense muscle. She smiled to herself as the image of her doing this to his bare shoulders crossed her mind.
"What is that letter? It's making you very tense." Snape shifted under her hands, obviously uncomfortable with finally being comfortable.
"That is none of your business, Lovegood." His leaned back his head almost resting against her stomach. She worked her hands up to his head and began massaging his scalp. His wand flashed out and Luna heard the door click.
"I can't get you dinner if you lock the door." Snape's hair was surprisingly soft, despite the greasy appearance. She threaded it through her fingers it, listening to her potions master sigh softly.
"I'll have a house elf bring something here. What would you like?"
"Strawberry ice-cream." She longed to keep by him with her hands in his hair, but she backed away as he called a house elf and ordered their dinner. When the creature was gone she came back up behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders, both keeping perfectly still.
"I'm sorry, Lovegood." Luna barely caught his whisper.
"For what, Snape?" She risked addressing him unprofessionally, hoping he wouldn't notice. Or better that he would like it.
"Yesterday, I was…wound tightly? I should not have been so rash about what had happened." Luna was confused. She leaned forward, her long hair falling over his shoulders. He leaned back looking up into her bright eyes, his own dark and tired.
"It's okay. I was over reacting."
"Someone asked you if I had raped you. Personally I think you were under-reacting. I would have put them in the hospital wing." Luna chuckled softly. Snape glared up at her. "You don't think I would?"
"Of course. You would put them in the ground." A loud pop sounded in the room and she backed away hurriedly. When it was gone again, Snape conjured a chair up for her to sit in. She took the bowl of ice-cream and began to work away at it.
"Do you think I would kill?"
"Not as easily as you used to." He looked at her, a fork of salad half way to his mouth.
"Why do you think I've killed before?"
"You used to be a Deatheater." He put his fork down and looked away.
"I'm sorry that you know that, Miss Lovegood." He crossed his arms. Luna touched his shoulder, sensing his sudden change in mood.
"Unless you plan on telling me what that letter was about, stop apologizing."
"It was from an old friend. We aren't on the best terms." They ate in silence for a while.
"It's close to the day my mother died." Snape, also done eating, looked at her. She tried not to start crying and mentally slapped herself for bringing up that subject. For what felt like the tenth time that week she felt tears roll down her cheeks. Not thinking, she tried to stand from her chair, but her legs seemed to fail her. Her knees gave out and she fell, sobbing, into Snape's arms. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly to him. Through the tears she looked up at him and briefly she thought she saw something shine in his own eyes.
"I know."
