A/N: These rants do NOT express the views of the author.

0000000000

OK. Hi, I am Eric Cartman, I am 9 years old, and I will rant about people on this episode:

OK, look, some people are just fucked up! Does everyone agree with that? Some people are just annoying bitches, like Wendy or Britney Spears.

But you wanna know what gets me? OBAMA. It's not that he's black or anything, it's just that he said "Change.". Where the fuck is your change, Obama Bin Laden?

Look, now, McCain was shit. Palin was shit. Biden is shit and Obama is King of Shit!

Look at it this way, when Lars Ulrich (drummer for Metallica) first came to America, he was a tennis player. In Denmark, the name "Ulrich" made you royal, made you "King O' Tennis", he comes to the U.S and his "King O' Dog Shit"!

That's like Obama, in the politics he was a regular guy and now… "King of Shit"!

Wasn't Obama found looking at porn on the internet? Pervert. Like Kenny, only black and fucked up a little bit more.

Whatever. I'll do like a double episode for politics because I could go on.

Let's talk about… Jesus… Guitar Hero! No… Fuck… I guess that's the end of our first episode!

More to come before 3 am!