1. Tell him that Rosalie wants her last name back.
2. Leave a banjo at his door.
3. Use the banjo to sing, "Old McDonald" in an annoying Southern accent.
4. When he walks in the room, lick your top lip sensually and say, "Oh, HALE, yes…"
5. If you sit next to him in class, grab his worksheet, erase the "PER" in his name and replace it with an extra "S". Do him a favor and turn it in for him.
6. Tell him that you know what he did with Maria.
7. Run a lap around the Cullen house and go up to Jasper screaming, "DUDE! CHECK OUT MY KILLER PULSE!"
8. Make the whole Cullen family watch "Titanic"… With Jasper in the room.
9. Ask him if you could use his Confederate uniform as a Halloween costume.
10. Stuff his pillows with raw meat.
11. Scream in his face, "OH MY GOD, A PAPERCUT!!"
12. Watch "Dangerous Surgery Procedures" on TV and scream, "JASPER! DUDE, YOU GOTTA SEE THIS! THEY'RE AMPUTATING HIS LEG!"
13. Girls: PMS. 'Nuff said.
14. When Jasper looks like he's in pain, ask him if that's his sex face. Rawr.
15. Nicknames he would most likely (not) enjoy: Jazzybear, Jazzsters, JayJay, J-Dawg, Jasperrrrr, Jasper the friendly vamp, JC, Jay-Cull, Blondie, J, Jay, Jazzybaby, Jay-Z, Jay-C, Japsper, Alisper, Jaspice, etc.
16. Drag Bella to Jasper and tell him that you brought him a snack.
17. Point at a scar on his neck and shriek, "DAMN, THAT MUST'VE BEEN SOME HICKEY!" Then give Alice a thumbs-up.
18. When you hear… noises… coming from Jasper and Alice's room, bang on the walls and scream, "Sounds like a HALE storm!! WOOT!"
19. Make a thong for Alice using the Confederate flag. Trust us. Jasper will thank you later.
20. Sneak up behind him and scream, "ATTENNNNN HUT!!!!" as loud as possible.
Ya just gotta love Jazz, don't you?
