A/N: I usually don't put up author's notes, but I would like to say that this was series was actually inspired by an e-mail from a relative of mine entitled: If I Was An Evil Overlord... I forgot to say that in my first of, hopefully, many oneshots. HP characters are not mine, nor are some of the taunts Harry shouldn't say. I borrowed them from The Original Naked Quidditch Match. Don't yell at me!

Harry's Dark Wizard Battling No-Nos

Harry, after completing Voldemort's List, decides that, he too, should have a set of rules. Enlisting the grudging help of Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange, Voldemort, and getting an un-asked for appearance by Hermione and Tonks. Voldemort demanded to go first, and he snickered as he wrote evilly...

1 Harry should commit sucide

2 Harry should kill himself

3 Harry should kill Dumbledore, the rest of my enemies, and join the Dark side

4 Harry should–

Voldemort's writing broke off abruptly as James and Lily's ghosts made a brief cameo at Grimmauld Place to chase him into the library, where the freshly liberated Sirius Black was waiting with a baseball bat and a crowbar. Lucius, put on a great show, and began his list...

1 Harry should become a house elf

2 Harry should kill himself, painfully

3 Harry should–

Sirius ran in, bloodlust coloring his eyes red, and chased Lucius after his once-more half-dead master. Bella waited for Sirius to return, and said, "Sit, Padfoot. Heel." Sirius immediately sat in a chair and dropped the bat and crowbar. Bella turned to Harry and whispered, "Sirius was a hard cousin to live with until Regulus let us in on his secret. Your dad spelled him stuck as a dog and sent him to obedience school." Then, Bella sat down and wrote out...

1 Harry should actually follow Hermione's plans

2 Harry should train Sirius again, he's rusty

3 Harry should learn to arm and contact his parents' ghosts, they're bloody scary

4 Harry shouldn't get cocky

5 Harry should pay attention in class

6 Harry should learn that women are complicated, and try to keep from offending them

7 Remus Lupin should go to obedience school with Sirius, and when they come back, even Dementors wouldn't stand a chance

8 Harry should stop being a stupid hero, and LISTEN TO HERMIONE

Glancing one last time at the list, Bella handed it to Harry and said, "Give me more notice next time and– Hermione, just the girl I wanted to see. The other day, Harry here was over at Riddle Manor. The boys are on with those lists again. Tom wanted me to see if you could add anything Harry forgot off the top of your head?"

Hermione took one glance at Harry, took the offered list from Bella and instantly said, "Tom should never put any object on the tallest pillar, in the deepest ravine, across the driest desert, in the furthest land from here. It should be in a safety deposit box in the London Bank. He also shouldn't cackle maniacally. Villains throw their heads back, and can't see the hero escape. Oh, and anything that applies to boys in general should be on there as well. That's all I can think of, off the top of my head."

Grinning, Bella scribbled furiously and nodded, "Thanks, Hermione. Um, the next time we won't be fighting is the Big Discussion, right?" Hermione nodded, and Bella continued, "Alright then, don't let the guys kill you. And if you live, I'll see you next Friday."

"Bye, Bella. Oh, and don't forget to warn Mrs. Longbottom. Stay remotely sane, and don't you get killed either, you're the only intelligent girl left." Hermione grinned, and then pushed Bella out the door.