one

There she is.

She's crazy, but in a beautiful way.

Clumsy, but cool.

I love the way her blonde hair glistens in the light.Oh. She's putting on a purple wig. .

Wait...she can't see me. Not just yet.

She's perfect for the plan.

And her annoying BFF. She's got to go, celebrity or not...

Not for the first time Captain Jack Harkness sensed a wrong in the world.

Literally.

He'd been awakened from a fitful sleep. Except for the pterodactyl screeching, everything was quiet at the Hub. Even Ianto was gone. God, how I miss him. Gwen was home at her apartment with Rhys, Owen was probably, no, definitely trying to pick up a one-night stand, and as for Toshiko, God only knew where she was. If He existed.

Torchwood scanners showed no UFO detections.

Obviously, something else has come through the Rift.

But what? Not Weevils, or even Cybermen. The A.U. versions and their Earth converts had all been taken care of. The Telosian Cybermen would try two more attempts in this century, but towards its end, so it wasn't them. Besides, an earlier incarnation of the Doctor would turn up to thwart them. Jack got dressed and decided to call in his crew.

The concert went well. Hannah Montana had just performed to a sold out crowd at Hammersmith Apollo. English fans seemed even more pumped up than their Yankee counterparts. "Thank y'all for coming," Hannah said. She exited the stage and joined Lola Luftnagle in the dressing room. Roxy, Hannah's bodyguard, stood close by. She had her eye on them.

"This wig itches," Lilly Truscott bitched in a faux British accent. She started scratching her head vigorously.

"So does mine," Miley Stewart replied in her own faux Brit accent "At least we won't have to wear them for the next two days."

"Are we gonna take in the sights of London?" Lilly asked.

"I don't know," Roxy replied. "You've got to get ready for the Millenium Stadium concert at Wales."

"Aww, come on, Roxy, just a little sightseeing. Please?" Miley begged.

"Wow!

Lilly enjoyed the sights, despite the fact her enthusiasm wasn't shared by some of the locals.

"Watch where you're goin, you stupid twit!" a punker snarled. He quickly fled at the sight of Roxy.

Most people fled at the sight of Roxy.

"See what I mean?" she chided. "If I wasn't here..."

"We get it," Miley said. She'd heard enough from Robby Ray about 'I-told-you-so'. Even though both girls were now sixteen...

"Anyway, it's time we got back," Roxy reminded the girls.

MILLENIUM STADIUM, WALES

"I don't know what all the bloody fuss is about," said the guy wearing the black leather coat. His hair was peroxide blond. "Skinny little girl with the shampoo-commercial hair becomes overnight pop sensation. It's manufactured!" he shouted as loud as possible. "Whatever happened to good music like the Sex Pistols?"

"Sir," said a Stadium Security woman. "You need to shut it or I'll have to ask you to leave."

"Bollocks!" Spike said with a wave of the hand.

Hannah Montana came on stage and started singing "Best of Both Worlds". Like she knew what living in two worlds was, not to mention the fact that you belong to neither. And what exactly am I doin' here, when I could be getting pissed? Oh, right. Bloody Cap'n Forehead said something about a Hellmouth or somethin' having opened up here. Some giant devil on the loose. Where's Godzilla when you need him?Right. Japan. Angel even got to see that. And Wolfram & Hart's Japanese Branch didn't want him around. Godzilla, that is.They were scared of him, much like the L.A. Branch had been scared of Illyria. Only G was much scarier and more ancient than a scary Old One, in spite of Angel's opinions.

By the time Hannah started singing "Life's What You Make It" Spike found himself clapping to the infectious music along with the rest of the crowd.

"Thanks, guys," Hannah said backstage. Once again, she and Lilly took off the wigs and changed clothes. Then it struck from nowhere. An anthropomorphic shape knocked Miley down and grabbed a squealing Lilly.

Squeal all you want, little girl. You're mine.

Roxy rushed into the room and found an almost invisible hand grabbing her by the throat, lifting her from the floor, and throwing her into the wall. Before Roxy's and Miley's eyes Lilly seemed to vanish right through the wall.

"Special Ops," Gwen Cooper said.

She, Jack, Toshiko,and Owen went backstage to where Miley Stewart and her bodyguard were.

After listening to their account, Jack said "Tosh, check CCTV."

An American with British Special Ops? And what's with the hardware on his wrist?

Must be Interpol or something, Miley thought. And all with accessorizing bluetooth attachments. Anything to help find Lilly.

Tosh was already on it, so to speak. Looking through the video, Jack noticed a somewhat familiar looking person sitting in the audience.

Turning to Security he said "Make sure no one leaves."

Spike was getting extremely pissed.

He and everyone else were being held prisoner, like that bloke in that movie "Shadow Puppets". Imagine his surprise when a fist found his face.

"What are you still doing here?" Jack said.

"What the hell... Angel?"

Not.

"Who the hell are.." Spike was punched again.

"I'll ask the questions," Captain Jack said.

"Ask this," said a newcomer. Angel punched Jack in the face, Jack returned the favor.

Spike threw a lucky punch before Gwen shot him.

Torchwood's Stun Gun had little effect.

You stupid bitch.

Spike went 'Weevil' on Gwen. Angel attempted to stop him and both found themselves trapped in some kind of blue force field.

"Are you alright?" Jack asked Gwen.

"I'm fine. What the hell is he?" Noticing Angel she added "They? "

"She seems to be alright," Owen said. Miley hadn't suffered any major damage, and neither had Roxy.

"What about Lilly?" Miley asked. "What was that thing that..."

"We've apprehended two suspects," Gwen said.

"Apprehended," Jack teased. "Why can't you say caught?"

"Well?" Roxy said.

"We have two suspects," Jack continued. Turning to his team he said "As for Lilly, make the necessary arrangements in case worse comes to pass."

"Just what does that mean?" Roxy asked. She was rapidly losing her patience with these "Special Ops" people.

"It means that your friend may have become a statistic, " Owen said. Under his breath he muttered "Not if I can help it."

"Is there anything we can do?" Miley asked.

"Nothing, for the moment," Jack said. "Including no contact with her parents."

"Why not?" Miley asked. Roxy rose from her seat and got right up in Jack's face.

"Lissen here, trenchcoat man, those girls are under my care. I'm responsible for them and you won't let us call her parents?"

"Until we find out what happened to Lilly, you're not contacting anyone. That could put her in further danger."

"Danger from what?" Roxy asked. What, and not who, was right.

That was the precise question nagging at Captain Jack Harkness. Time for some answers.