Now …
The shuttle's course was erratic over the yellow landscape, rising and tumbling as if the person at the controls was having trouble maintaining any kind of coherent flight plan. It skimmed low, just avoiding a clump of dead trees, pulling up at the last second to turn its nose to the sky and climb, the metal frame screaming in protest.
Suddenly there was a flash at the rear of the small craft, and the engines cut out. For just a second it appeared that the pilot would be able to glide the shuttle to the ground, but – as its designer had been fond of saying – a Firefly's shuttle had the manoeuvrability of a flying brick when in atmo and not under its own power. It started to dive, spinning as it went, air whining past the fuselage until it smashed belly down into the ground, throwing dust and debris into the air. It split like an egg.
Nothing happened for a long moment as the detritus came under gravity's impulse again, then someone climbed unsteadily out of the gash in the bulkhead. The figure staggered forwards, stumbling, trying to get as far away as possible before …
The shuttle blew, the explosion ripping it apart, curling the metal back on itself and hurling burning fragments high into the sky. The shockwave reached the lurching figure, caught like a puppet and tossed to the ground to lie still and broken as bits of shuttle rained down …
---
Then …
"This is hard," Mal said, staring at the screen.
"I know." His wife looked back, the image grainy since they were at the limit of visual range, even with the state of the art Cortex link at the Lazarus end. "Me too."
He'd tried to get back, to see her, hold her, but for once there was more than enough work, and with a growing family Mal knew he had to save as much money as he could. It meant that he hadn't been able to park Serenity and visit his wife, and even if he had they both knew it would be very painful leaving her again, saying goodbye … again … They knew they couldn't do it. So he took the jobs. Got paid. Kept flying.
"So how's Ethan?" he asked, trying to keep it light. "Getting over that cold?"
"He's much better than yesterday. Inara took him outside and let him help her with weeding River's garden this morning. It's amazing how much is growing now the snow's gone."
"He didn't get chilled, did he?"
"He was so bundled up he could hardly walk." She laughed, and the sound made him smile. "If he'd fallen over he'd never've been able to get up by himself."
"But he had a good time?"
"Inara said he was very enthusiastic."
"More'n I am. River's got me weeding too."
"But do you know the difference between a plant and a weed?"
"Nope. But I'm learning."
"Then Ethan takes after his father. According to Inara he pulled up the flower shoots too."
"Don't think I'll tell River that. It's bad enough she's moping around like a wet weekend on Regina. Following me everywhere like a raincloud."
"You certainly have a way with words."
"More'n just words."
"That too."
They paused, just staring at each other, feeling the ache inside that they couldn't touch, couldn't hold.
"How about my girl in there?" Mal finally asked, pointing towards about where Freya's belly would be.
She glanced down. "Making her Momma sick."
"You're throwing up again?" Instantly he leaned forward, concerned.
"Only a little. And Mrs Boden has been very kind, making sure there's crackers by the bed every night."
"You want to speak to Simon?"
"Mal, I'm fine. This is normal. Remember what I was like with Ethan."
"And that scared me half to death," he admitted.
"Don't be."
Again there was a pause.
"Wish I could rub your back for you."
"My back wishes you could too."
There was a further pause as they both imagined …
Mal spoke quickly. "How is Inara? Talking any more since yesterday?"
"Actually, yes. I think being outside with Ethan made her more relaxed. We had a long chat over tea."
"She break anything?"
"That was one time, Mal."
"A whole dinner service."
"Not all of it. I think there were a couple of plates left intact."
"I miss you," Mal said suddenly. "So much."
"Mal, I miss you too."
At first they'd tried watching as they touched themselves, but the climaxes they produced only made Freya cry, and left him more knotted up than ever, and after a few days they stopped. Now the need was more palpable, but almost bearable.
"You gotta come home soon. It's been nearly six weeks already …"
"I will. Inara's … opening up more. Soon, Mal."
"Well, if it's more'n a fortnight I'm coming for you one way or the other."
"I wish you would."
He reached out and touched the cold plexi, and she did the same. "Got us a job this morning, by the way. We're … we're heading towards Lilac, and Hank says we won't be back in visual range for about ten days."
"Ten days," she echoed, sounding so unhappy he almost ran to the com there and then and ordered his pilot to turn his boat around.
"Good gig, though. Lots of coin. Almost legal."
"Almost." She wiped at her nose with her other hand.
"Hell, you know me, Frey. Law-abiding to a fault."
This time she smiled a little. "Of course you are."
The image on the screen was becoming worse, and he moved forward, as if being closer would make it clearer.
"We're moving out of range, bao-bei."
She nodded. "I know."
He so needed to touch her lips, feel her skin warm under his hands, kiss the tattoo from the nape of her neck to the swell of her hips. "Tell Jayne to be good, and I'll talk to you when I can. Soon as we're back in visual, I'll wave."
"See that you do."
"And give Ethan my love."
"I will. He misses you."
"And I miss him." Her face blurred as the image wobbled. "Frey –"
"I love –" she tried to say quickly, but then there was only static.
Mal leaned his forehead on the screen, trying to calm the blood that was pounding through his veins.
"Sorry, Mal," came Hank's voice over the com. "That's it."
He crossed his bunk. "Yeah, figured that. Thanks for … you know."
"Yeah."
"If anyone needs me … well, just tell 'em to talk to Zoe."
"Sure thing, Mal."
Mal heard the faint click as the com closed, and looked around his cabin. So much of her was here, and not just the scent in the bedclothes that he now lay down on, picking up Ethan's toy rabbit and setting in on the pillow next to him as he waited for the ache to subside enough to function.
---
"Mama okay?" Ethan asked, looking up from the collection of small wooden animals he was organising by colour and size. Jayne had been busy carving, just to while away the time.
Freya pulled the door of the nursery half closed and sat down next to him. "Mama's okay."
"Talking to Daddy." He picked up a camel. "Makes Mama sad."
She smoothed his hair, which had a tendency to go into a cowlick at the top of his crown. "A bit. It's because Daddy isn't here, and Mama misses him."
"Ethan misses Daddy too," he said, turning his blue eyes on her.
Freya felt her heart skip a beat. He was going to look so like Mal it was uncanny. "I know you do."
The little boy put down the camel, placing it very carefully back in the row, then shuffled over so that he was sitting between her knees. He patted her belly, growing ever bigger. "Sister."
"That's right. Your little baby sister."
"When?"
"It'll be a while."
"When?"
"Another four months, round about."
He nodded, as if he understood exactly. "Four munfs."
"Months. Yes. Then you'll get to meet her."
Ethan put his head on one side, then leaned down. "Hello," he said to the bump.
Freya couldn't help smiling. "I think she said hello back."
"I'm Ethan." He patted his sister again, then grinned up at his mother.
It took an effort not to burst into tears. Mal was missing so much, and now his son had used a pronoun, properly, in the right way … "That's right," she managed to say. "And you're going to look after her, aren't you?"
He shrugged, and this time she had to smile. "'Spose." His eyes strayed back to his zoo. "Uncle Jayne making more?" he asked.
"Running out of animals, squirt," Jayne said from the doorway. He held out a carved animal. "Got this one done, though."
Ethan smiled so widely he nearly choked. Scrambling to his feet he ran to the big man, taking the toy. "Uncle Jayne?" He looked up in query.
"It's an elephant."
"Elefump?"
"Close enough. Only don't ask how I managed the trunk, 'cause that's about the third go." He watched the little boy go back to his row of toys and squat down, then looked at Freya. "You okay?"
"Shiny."
"Only you look kinda pale."
"Talking to Mal. Before they got out of range."
Jayne nodded. "Yeah, me too. To River, I mean." He sat down gingerly on the small bed. "She said Mal ain't been sleeping too good."
"Really?" Freya looked surprised. "He didn't tell me that."
"Don't want to worry ya, I guess."
"And you do?"
"Thought you'd be able to tell he ain't, on account of you being a mind reading genius like moonbrain." He twinkled a little.
"One, I'm not a genius." She ticked off her points on her fingers. "Two, I try not to read minds if I can help it. And three, he's too far away for me to do it anyway."
"So you can't figure what he's thinking?"
"No."
"Always figured you could."
"Well, we've not really been that far apart to find out." She lifted her knees so that she could rest her wrists on them. "Truth is, I can feel him, know he's there, but it's like –"
"Trying to swim through cotton candy?"
She was impressed by his metaphor. "Exactly that."
"'S'what River says sometimes. And I think she's feeling the same. Not being here with me, 'n' all." He looked down at his big hands. "When're they coming back? Pick us up?"
"Soon. God, Jayne, I hope soon." She watched him scratch the side of his head where the scar was just a thin line in amongst the hair growing back. Simon had shaved as little as possible, but it had been an eerie sight. Now, though, there was a line of white hair amid the dark. "Stop that," she said mildly.
He looked at his hand, then realised what he'd been doing. "Kinda got into the habit," he said sheepishly. He brushed the short hair flatter. "Kinda distinguished, ain't it?"
"River won't be able to keep her hands off you."
He laughed. "She don't now." Settling back he looked at her. "You know, Mal ain't the only one not sleeping well. You got bags under your eyes."
"Thanks."
"Well, if I don't tell ya, nobody else is gonna."
"I thought you were scared of me?"
"Nah. Least, not with the squirt here. You ain't likely to kill me in front of him."
"Mama kill Uncle Jayne?" Ethan asked, his eyes wide.
"Not yet, Ethan," his mother assured him. "Not yet."
---
"Cap, we need a new therm regulator." Kaylee was standing in the doorway of the dining area, wiping her hands on a piece of cloth already impregnated with oil.
Mal looked up at her from the accounts books. "I'll take it under advisement, mei-mei." He smiled and turned his head back to the figures, noting with satisfaction that more than usual seemed to be on the right side of the line.
"No, Cap'n." She stepped down to the floor. "I said we need one. Like, now. Otherwise we'll be dead in the water in four days."
He lifted his face and stared at her. "You're telling me something important on my ship is about to go, and you didn't tell me sooner? Two weeks ago and we were picking up parts left, right and centre for you –"
"Things go wrong all the time, Cap'n. The purifier, then the catalyzer was playing up –" She caught the slightly hunted look on his face. "Although that's fine now. But you fix one thing and something else goes. And, truth is, I didn't know." She sat down next to him, the faint smell of engine filling his nostrils. "The regulator quit today. No sign of it failing, just quit. I can coax her along, but … we ain't got a choice. Need a new one."
"Well, there ain't one. Not within least a week of here. And we got that job on Lilac –"
"Then we're stuck."
He stared at her. "You saying you can't make it last a week?"
"Nope. I don't replace it in four days the engine seizes up, and then there'll be nothing we can do. Serenity'll be dead."
"Kaylee, you're scaring me."
"Not trying to, Cap'n. Just telling the truth." Truth was, she was terrified, but she was determined not to show it. "Must be somewhere we can go, find the part."
"Is it expensive?"
"Not hardly. Just a little thing, but Serenity won't go without it."
"Then why can't you –"
"'Cause I don't have the workshop and I don't have the tools." She gazed into his blue eyes, trying to make him see. "There ain't no choice here, Cap'n."
Mal didn't respond, just sat back in his chair.
---
Zoe stared at her captain. "Sir, there must be an alternative."
"Can you think of one? We're pretty much alone out here. Even the inhabited moons within distance of us ain't that advanced." He tapped the star charts he'd laid out on the dining table. "You think they're likely to have one of those therm regulators?"
"I'm not saying that, sir, but –"
"And we do visit one of 'em, and they ain't. We'll be stuck."
"Can't Kaylee rig something? Even just to get us to somewhere she could –"
"I asked. She said no."
"But to go there, sir …"
"You think I want to?" His blue eyes flashed hard at her. "You think this is the place I wanna be right now?"
"I didn't say that, sir –"
"Right now I'd rather be back on Lazarus, holding my wife. But if we don't get this part it's gonna be a helluva long time before I see her again."
Zoe didn't speak for a long time. Then … "I'll give Hank the co-ordinates for Amnesty."
