Chapter One

Suburbia in the summer, perhaps the closest anyone in Michigan might get to paradise. It may not be a Greek island or a villa in South Africa; but for the two friends, Lincoln and Clyde, they were comfortable regardless. Reading comics underneath the cool shade of a tree, that perfectly balanced out the burning sun, was what made them happiest in life.

Everyday, after lunch, the pair made their way to any tree, that could provide shade, and burned all of their time away. It was the secure and easy life of happy, though mildly spoilt, children that had nothing but time. Up until the last day of summer, this had been their daily lives.

In the back of his mind, Lincoln had known that, ever since school had ended, it was just a matter of time until Lori made her trip to college in the state over. The one that just so happened to be the very same college that her boyfriend was planning on attending. Now that such a time had finally come, the blissful days of Lincoln and Clyde absorbing bundles of comics was over. In their wake was; for one, Clyde crying profusely, as he had an unresolved baby crush on Lincoln's oldest sister, then there was also the ungodly amount of planning around Lori, as her disorganised lifestyle and lack of planning made a mountain out of a molehill, and finally, every member of the Loud family was adapting to the new situation in their own way and that too added mayhem to those once breezy days.

Luna, Luan and Lynn, took it in stride, but Leni and the younger sisters were finding it a lot more difficult to adapt to a change that plainly spelled out the future for all of the Loud siblings, they wouldn't always be together.

In the middle of September, the first of the Loud siblings was all packed up, ready to leave, and saying her final goodbyes to her sisters and brother. "I'll miss you, Lori." Leni blurted out through her sobs, a sight that made Lori roll her eyes. "Leni, I'm not literally going away for ever, I'll be back during every break." She explained calmly and pulled Lori into a hug, a hug that became much more prolonged after Leni tightened her grip and refused to let Lori go. Eventually Lori broke free, and after wiping Leni's tears off of her right shoulder, she said goodbye to each of her siblings in order of age. At first she made an act of skipping Lincoln, prompting him to shout in dismay. Yet, after a little more joking around, she pulled him into a big hug. "See you soon, Lincoln." She said softly, only to huff when all of the loud sibling gathered for a group hug; crushing the two of them. "Auggh, it is literally still too hot for this!" Lori exclaimed, she pat the two siblings, and genius Poindexter, on the head, kissed Lilly and made a dive for the sweet spot in the van. Lynn Loud Sr. had been sat in the drivers sit of the van and blubbering the whole time. He managed to mumble a quick "bye kids" before reversing out of the driveway and setting off on the way to Lori's new home. The ten remaining siblings watched the van until it disappeared round a bend.

A heavy huffing broke the silence and the Louds turned to see a very exhausted Clyde stumbling in front of the group. "Did I make it in time to see Lori?" Clyde heaved out, before gasping for air.

"Just missed her." Lincoln said dryly.

"Oh, er, see ya, Lincoln." Clyde responded and then ran in the opposite direction of the van. Shouting, "hey Lori! Wait up!" Soon, Clyde also disappeared, though who knows when or where he might reappear. Nevertheless, one by one, the Loud family made their way back inside their home and, though different, life in the loud house continued.


Six months later, any of the Louds that hadn't already aged up were one year older than they were prior. Lisa, the aforementioned Poindexter, refused to celebrate her birthday on the belief that she wasn't three only to suddenly turn four the next day. Little had physically changed for the Louds, but anyone who knew better, their mother Rita for example, could see the beginnings of change. Leni was becoming less of a stick with oranges tied to her chest and was starting to get closer to having the body of a model, albeit one that didn't starve herself. Luna and Luan hadn't changed much, though it was apparent that they had grown a couple of inches, Rita could tell that they'd soon be needing a new wardrobe for their growing hips. Lynn, however, had changed the most. At fourteen, her daily exercises were paying off and the early onset of defined muscles were beginning to show. Right now Lynn's biggest problem was deciding what build she'd want for the rest of her life. She played numerous sports and most of them could be hampered by having too much or too little muscle. The rest of the Louds, on the other hand, had only grown a little taller. Lincoln had barely changed at all, for a man with a plan, Lincoln, compared to his sisters, was rather unfocused when it came to the future. He only ever planned ahead a day or two and that was something that came back to bite him endlessly.

As had become routine, Lincoln and Clyde were making their way home when Clyde started sniffing loudly. "Clyde, are you crying again?" Lincoln asked, not so much surprised but flabbergasted that Clyde still could not put his puppy love down. "I'm sorry Lincoln. But, when I remember the good times." Clyde sobbed. "You mean, the good times like when Lori was your pretend girlfriend at the fair?" Lincoln quizzed.

"Yes!" Clyde shouted and started moving his arms in swift chopping motions. "That day was the best of my life."

"You were barely conscious for it." Lincoln bemused out loud.

"That just shows how well me and Lori fit together." Clyde said in a dreamy voice, ignoring the snot hanging underneath his nose.

Once they arrived at the Loud house, Clyde burst into tears. Lincoln, a little perturbed by the display, pulled out a handkerchief and forced it into Clyde's hands. Clyde nodded in acknowledgement and the two parted ways.

Upon entering, Luan made a leap and landed in front of Lincoln for a well-timed punchline. "Isn't it a crying shame he blue all over you?" Luan exclaimed as she pointed to the tear marks on the side of one of Lincoln's arms. "Luan, that joke is wrong on so many levels." He grumbled as he walked up the stairs.
"Ha! Now you're getting into the swing of things." Luan said cheerily, just before Lincoln set off a trap and was yanked into the air by a rope. She gave the now tied up Lincoln a playful push and then laughed as she made her way back to her room. "It's good that Clyde is your friend." Lucy said in her usual monotone voice, as she made her way past the tied up Lincoln. "If Lori ever goes missing, we'll know who to blame." Lincoln wanted to make a comeback, but Lucy was already halfway down the stairs and so he decided he had better things to waste his energy on. Such as undoing the knotted rope around his ankle. "Here comes Lunatic Lynn!" Yelled the resident jock, causing Lincoln to groan as a flash of red pounced on him. Snapping the rope in an instant and causing the two to fall on top of each other. Lynn hit the ground first, with Lincoln on top, allowing him to make a speedy recovery. "Knock it off Lynn, shouldn't you be begging Lisa for help with your homework?" Lincoln griped as he got off of Lynn and made his way to his room. Lynn blushed, but forgot about the ordeal in an instant and jumped down the whole flight of stairs.

Once inside, Lincoln, wanting the most of his time, tore off his clothes and landed on his bed in his underwear. He reached for the nearest comic, only to be intruded on by Lana. "Hey, Lincoln, can I have-" She started, only for Lincoln to interrupt her. "Oh, no, you don't. I'm twelve now and that means I can do this." The moment the words had left his lips, Lincoln lifted Lana up by both hands, as if he was holding a bomb, and marched into her's and Lola's room. Lola, closed the diary she was writing in as she watched Lana being carried into their room. Lincoln put Lana down gently and then marched straight out, closing the door behind him, only to drop to the floor panting. "Not worth it." Lincoln groaned.

"Hey Lincoln." Lola called out in a dark voice. "Just remember that I'll get you back for striding about my room in your tighty whities." Lincoln huffed, releasing his stress into the air.

"Woo, another one bites the dust." Luna called out, before sitting next to Lincoln. The didn't say a word to each other; as Luna strummed her guitar, trying out different tunes and styles. Eventually Lincoln was the first to speak. "Okay, I need to get up now." He muttered to himself, as he heaved himself onto his feet. Luna quickly responded, "don't go just yet, I wanted to capture this moment." Lincoln ignored her and slammed his bedroom door behind him.

A mere hour later, Lincoln still hadn't read a single page of any of his unread comics. There could have been any reason for this, but Lincoln blamed fatigue and that meant that he indirectly blamed his sisters. Lincoln laid down on his bed and yawned, there had to be something that he could do. It paid to have a plan, but he couldn't plan every day for who knows how long. No, there had to be an all-encompassing plan that would always allow him to move through the house undisturbed. He didn't mind his sisters, but he decided that they were taking a toll on his free time and something had to be done about that.


A couple more hours later, Lincoln had hatched a plan that would continuously work in his favour. So long as nothing went wrong, nothing would ever go wrong again. With nine sisters in the house, that was a tall order, but Lincoln was confident it would go his way. It had to. With a dramatic slam of his finger, a movie disc popped out of his laptop. It was a previously blank disc with a terrible movie now burnt onto it; 'Attack of the really annoying aliens that really hate football!' This would take care of Leni and Lynn. As for Luna and Luan, he didn't have to 'take care of them' so much as redirect them. Thankfully, for this, cadet Clyde was on the job. A loud explosion shook the house, nearly breaking Lincoln's train of thought. Lisa wasn't a problem if she was working, however, when she's not, she was instead patrolling the house; in search of a test subject. Luckily Lana would help Lincoln with this one and that just left Lucy and Lola. Luckily, Lincoln had just the thing for those two. Lincoln sighed. He went over the plan again. Once more. And again. Trying to iron out the creases in his plan before he enacted it. Happy it was as good as it was going to get. He left his room and entered the belly of the beast.

Lincoln started by knocking on the door of the bedroom that now solely belonged to Leni. Truthfully, Leni hadn't caused Lincoln any fatigue, but she was an unknown variable and that made her just as dangerous as any other sister. "Oh, hey Lincy. Have you come to model for me again?" She asked sweetly as she carefully aimed a cerulean thread for the eye of the needle. "Better! We're going to watch a movie." Lincoln said with way too much false excitement.

"Ooh, is it a movie about fashion?" Leni asked in a cheery manner.

"Er, um, it has clothes in it?" Lincoln stammered.
"Yay! I love clothes." Leni shouted as she jumped to her feet. Quickly following behind Lincoln.
"Hey! Lynn, get your butt over here!" Lincoln yelled towards Lynn and Lucy's door.
"This better not be something stupid again, I was in the middle of my push-ups." Lynn gripped, after she opened the door to answer Lincoln.

"You can do push-ups and crunches during the sports movie."
"Lincoln, I thought we were going to watch a fashion movie." Leni moaned, causing Lynn to give Lincoln the stink eye.

"No, I said there'd be clothes. But, that's besides the point. Did you not know that sports attire can be fashionable? For shame, Leni." Lincoln weaved his web of deception even tighter, not realising that he might have gone to far; until he saw Leni's lower lip tremble. "But now's the perfect time to educate yourself. Always learning right?"
"Nice save, Lame-o" Lynn muttered in the background as Leni returned to her bright self.

"I wasn't just talking about Leni, you and me can learn a lot from this. A lot of the actors are played by real athletes. You've got to understand your heroes to beat your heroes, am I right?" Lynn shrugged and followed Leni and Lincoln downstairs.

Upon setting up the DVD player, giving time for Leni and Lynn to sit down, and pressing play, Lincoln suddenly exclaimed "crap, I forgot something, be right back" and rushed upstairs. Lynn wasn't the slightest bit convinced, but had already sat down and thought that chasing Lincoln would be more trouble than it was worth. Leni, however, hadn't even noticed, as she sat with her eyes glued to the TV.

Lincoln rapped his doors against Lana and Lola's door, calling out Lana in particular. "Yeah, what is it Lincoln?" Lana asked with a sharp edge to her voice.
"Say, Lana, don't you think it's all a waste?" Lincoln asked in his sweetest voice.

"Think what is a waste, Linc?" Lana asked, getting a little fed-up with Lincoln bothering her.

"Well, what do you do with your animals when they need to go?" Lincoln questioned.

"I let them outside, like a normal person. Which clearly you ain't." Lana jested, though trying to show how annoyed she was and Lola, like Lynn prior, was giving Lincoln the stink eye. "Yeah, you see, Lisa thinks that's a waste."

"What!?" Lana barked.
"Her words, not mine." Lincoln said as he walked into his room.

"Hey wait a minute!" Lana called out after him, but he had already closed his door behind him.


The next day, Lincoln was walking back home with Clyde again. He was doing a lot better this time. Unfortunately for him, that was about to change. "So Clyde, how are you feeling about coming over today?" Lincoln inquired.
"Great, I-" Clyde began, only to be interrupted by Lincoln.

"Great!" Lincoln exclaimed and tugged on Clyde's sleeve, getting him to run back to the Loud House.

Upon entering the Loud house, Lincoln took a small button out of his pocket and pushed it. The gargled sound of the aliens, from the awful movie that Lincoln had gotten Lynn and Leni to watch, droned on throughout the house. Following this, there was two loud door slams, signalling that scaredy-cat Leni and superstitious Lynn had run into their rooms to hide. Two down, six to go. "Luna!" Lincoln called out and the eager rocker girl ran out of her room and came downstairs. "Yo! Bro! What's up?" Luna yelled, at the top of her lungs no less, as she swung her axe. "A little, 'man with a broken heart music' please." Lincoln said with a triumphant smile.

"Weird. But alright, you got it Bro!" Luna barely took time to even question the request before she started to play a heavy bass line that caused Clyde to burst into tears. "I just miss her so much." He blubbered. Lincoln took the opportunity to make a mad dash for Luna and Luan's room.

"Hey! Luan, ready to add the comedy bank?"
"I, er, what?" Luan mumbled, clearly confused as she was in the middle of refilling her whoopee cushions.

"Clyde's trying to sing while he's crying buckets!" Lincoln exclaimed, having whole heartedly thrown his best friend to the wolves.

"Oh...oh. Oh, wow! That's going to go viral." Luan, slowly, but surely, realised what was up and managed to get into the right mindset as she grabbed her camera and ran for the first floor.

Lincoln followed Luan, only to slip away into the dining room. Upon spotting Lucy, he dipped a finger into her open book and led her back up the stairs, this time towards Lana and Lola's room. With only Lola inside the room, Lucy was easily lead into. "Ehem." Lola coughed.
"Brought you a sister to play tea party with, enjoy! Okay, bye now!" With that said, Lincoln left the room before she could say another word. Before he entered his room, Lincoln pressed an ear to Lisa and Lilly's room. Inside, he could hear Lisa going off on what sounded like a long speech about animal excrement. That made eight and Lilly wasn't yet at an age to cause Lincoln any undue stress, so that, in truth, made nine. Abandoning Clyde, Lincoln finally entered his room with the intent of relaxing, with his comics, for a long time.


Barely an hour later, Lincoln found that he still couldn't read much into his comics. He knew he wasn't fatigued, a little tired perhaps, but reading his comics helped with that. Yet, for some inexplicable reason, he just couldn't get into them. With a slight sigh, Lincoln decided that all he needed was a change of scenery. Taking the comic he wanted to read most, Lincoln made his way to the bathroom. He opened the door and immediately froze at the sight of what he saw. Sitting on the lid-closed toilet; was a naked Luan, with her fingers poised over her Labia, while her other hand clenched her developing right breast, all while her mouth was agape, clearly she had been panting just a second prior. Lincoln, though in far less precarious situation, was always sharing in the embarrassment, as he stood in nothing but his boxers. This moment may as well have been frozen in time, as Lincoln and Luan stared at each other. Eventually, Lincoln was the first to break, as he backed away and slowly closed the door.

Lincoln was almost brain dead, his body acting purely on the last command from his brain, he walked backwards until he tripped and fall onto his back. He didn't know what to do, common sense dictated that these things happened and Lincoln should just get over himself. But all logic and reason and just been thrown out the window. After a few moment of lying there, Luan's voice called out to him. "Lincoln?"

"Yeah." His voice was strained and forces, very much unlike the usual Lincoln.

"I thought I was the only one left in the house." Luan explained in a quiet, reserved voice.

"I didn't notice anyone leave." Lincoln stammered.

"Well they did." Luan stated and then, after a brief pause, she said "I'm coming out now." The door opened and a very normal and regular Luan exited the bathroom, though the awkward atmosphere had only grown and had enough tension to threaten to choke the life out of Lincoln. "Everyone got left because they got bored and you were acting weird." Luan explained, trying to drive the topic elsewhere.

"I see." Lincoln muttered.

"Is that all you can say? You yutes." Though Luan scolded Lincoln, he was happy that he was talking to a side of Luan that he personally knew a lot better.

"I'm sorry." Lincoln apologised and did so sincerely, knowing that his plan had backfired in his face like one of Luan's pies.

"Let's just forget this ever happened, okay? I'll forget that you manipulated us, and Clyde, and you forget what you just saw. Alright?" After Luan explained the plan going forth, Lincoln nodded with a solemn look. "The others are your own problem to fix. They aren't happy either." Luan said this last part with a stern face, but gave a smile and patted Lincoln and the shoulder. "The toilet's free by the way." She joked. Lincoln gave a forced half-smile and did his best to put the whole even out of his mind. "Actually, if you don't mind me asking, how did you all find out about the great lengths I went to?" Lincoln asked, hoping to tie up this one last detail. A niggling question in the back of his mind. "Honestly, Lisa did and then told us." Luan said with a half shrug and Lincoln laughed in response.
"I've been a complete idiot today, haven't I?" Lincoln inquired.
"Yep. You sure have." Luna replied and they both shared a short, awkward laugh together.