Gansey felt his heart pound against his rib cage. He felt his blood rushing to places he didn't want to think about, and yet couldn't help thinking about.

Blue's hands were placed lightly on his chest, one slid halfway under the top of his polo shirt, hot skin against hotter skin. Her eyes were closed, wet eyelashes sweeping the tops of her cheekbones. He wanted to kiss her eyes, her damp cheeks, her lips…

But he knew the rules. He knew that was out of the question. He pressed his cheek against hers and felt her breath tickle his ears as she exhaled.

She had whirled into Monmouth Manufacturing ten minutes earlier, eyes red and puffy, nose shiny and completely distraught. He tried to ask her what was wrong but she had just torn her sweater off and pushed him down onto his unmade bed and her lips had gotten impossibly close. He had felt her breath on his. He almost thought he had felt the petal soft skin brush his, but he had just imagined the feeling. And now his hands were wrapped around her, pressing into her back and all he could think was that there was too much space between them. He wanted to be close to her, he wanted to absorb her, absorb her pain. But she hadn't even looked at him yet.

"I need you." Her voice was a breath, hardly audible, she hadn't even moved her lips.

He wanted nothing more than to kiss her then. He wanted to taste her, all of her, devour her, really. But he knew she would never allow it. So instead he watched her, wondering what she wanted, what she was here for. The strap from her dress slipped off her bare shoulder, and though she was scarcely any more bare than she had been a moment before, that extra inch of exposed skin made her all the more tempting.

He brushed his hand up her arm, intending to put the strap back in its place and simultaneously calm the blood that was now rushing to regions he dared not think about with her straddled across him, but she stopped him.

She reached down and pulled the dress up and over her head, leaving her body terribly exposed and Gansey frozen with disbelief. He just stared at the bare skin just above the slight swell of her breasts, and swallowed hard. His own hands were limp at his sides.

She tugged at the hem of his shirt, and Gansey, too stunned to object, let her remove the piece of clothing and toss it behind her onto the floor. With the soft thud of cotton meeting hardwood, his mind came back into focus. Blue was here, half naked, on top of him.

"This isn't very sensible, Jane."

"I'm tired of being sensible, Dick."

And then she was pushing him back onto the mattress and fumbling with his belt buckle and Gansey was stunned for a moment before he realized what was happening. He placed his hands over hers, eclipsing them and stopping their trembling.

"Jane." Finally, her eyes glanced up, locking with his. They weren't shiny or brimming with tears like he had expected. They were clear and focused and wanting. Her fingers trailed up his stomach, leaving goosebumps in their wake, despite the fact that he felt hot all over. Gansey swallowed hard.

"Don't you want me?"

Her fingers laced with his, pinning him down, though he didn't mind. A sad smile lifted the corners of the lips he would never taste. She leaned down so that her head was nuzzled in the crook between his collarbone and his shoulder, the short tufts of hair tickling Gansey's chin. He could feel her pressed against him. He felt every curve and dip and swell of her body and he knew she could feel his answer.

"Just touch me, please."

And because she had asked, he allowed his hands to explore her body. He flipped her over so that he was kneeling between her bare legs, one knee pressed to her centre. He skimmed the side of her stomach up to her bra, the material thin and soft. It was nothing remarkable or ornamented, just a plain white thing, the cups small and very nearly sheer in this light. He traced the upper edge of the cup, delighted when he was the goosebumps rise on her pale skin. His other hand ran up the outside of her thigh, and he heard the faintest of moans escape her. He let his eyes roam back up to her face and saw her watching him intently. When their eyes met, she reached up and wrapped one hand around the back of his neck, and she pulled her down to him.

The entire motion was very quick, thought to Gansey it happened in slow motion. He realized what she was doing too late, despite the slowing of time.

But when his lips finally collided with hers, his eyes shot open, and Gansey was alone in his bedroom, panting, sweating and ashamed of what had just transpired in his subconscious.