We begin our story aboard the leading ship of the Irken armada, the Massive, at such a time when the Almighty Tallest had decided it wise to send out some of their reserve soldiers to each planet currently housing an Invader, so that they could evaluate their progress (basically it was a way to determine who was lying on their status reports and who wasn't). Plus they were wondering of what had become Invader Tenn, who they had last heard from after the planet she had been assigned to, planet Meekrob, became mistakenly swamped with dysfunctional SIR's, and the last transmission anyone could remember had ended in a blood-curdling scream. Which, Red noted to himself as he thought on the matter, was not the most convenient thing she could have done.
Red was now lurking at the point where the Evaluators had been instructed to gather, and watching (with fast deteriorating interest) two of the maintenance soldiers struggle to put up a banner at least ten times bigger than the two of them combined. At a short yelp from one of them as he fell backward off the hoverboard he was perched on, dragging both the banner and his friend down with him, Red had turned away bored and headed off in search of Purple.
"He should be here by now - he knows the Sending's in an hour," Red consulted with himself, slightly confused by his partner's lack of attendance as he turned the corner and headed for his quarters. "Maybe he's sick. Or maybe. Maybe he's faking!" He thought the latter was more likely, especially as he'd been tempted to do the same that morning, but he knew that during the invasion it was crucial they kept a high profile. "Well he's not getting out of this one. Ooh! I know - I'll take him by surprise!" Red sniggered as he considered this and came to a stop outside the doors of Purple's sleeping quarters. He keyed the access code into the digital display and poised himself ready to leap into the room and make as much noise as possible. The interlocking door panels whisked apart almost instantaneously and he sprung in with the first noise that came to mind - a loud howl.
Purple leapt up simultaneously with a short yelp before blinking sleepily at Red's fuzzy figure framed in the doorway. A second Irken had also jumped up at the disruption, and peered worriedly round at Red with two bright blue eyes. "Have you ever heard of knocking?!" Purple demanded irritably as Red paused in mid-howl, surprised by the other Irken.
Purple frowned at Red uncertainly when he didn't reply yet remained in his strange mid-howl stance, before following his gaze to the smaller Irken beside him. "Ah. Well now, you see-" Purple began awkwardly before Red cut him off.
"Who is that?" Red whipped from his mid-howl stance to a suspicious one, squinting at the other Irken in a slowly debating manner.
"I'm Viy!" she piped up cheerily, and as Red's expression remained suspicious she continued, "I'm the uh. Bed inspector! Yep." She gave the mattress a few prods here and there and then bounced once before nodding as if satisfied - "Good and soft, perfect for an Irken leader to relax on! .Okay, well I'm done. Uhm, bye!"
Red blinked in surprise as she leapt out of bed hugging a pillow around her and dashed out of the room as fast she could, only pausing to snatch up a small pile of clothes as she did. "Viy," Purple nodded sagely, "Bed inspector."
Red squinted thoughtfully now, "I never knew we had one of those. Do you think she'll check mine too? There's a nasty lump in the bottom corner-"
"I'll let her know," Purple cut in, eager to change the topic. "So what was with the whole jumping and the howling and all?"
"Oh yeah!" Red smirked, "I thought I'd surprise you in case you were trying to get out of the Sending."
Purple arched one eyebrow sceptically before sighing, "Oh goodie - that's today?"
"Well of course it's today, and maybe if you weren't having your bed inspected you'd remember," Red responded in a slightly haughty tone, failing to observe the brief amused grin that flitted over Purple's face.
"How long till it begins?" he asked instead, stretching and rubbing one eye sleepily.
"Eh, about an hour or so," Red replied dismissively. "So are you coming or what?"
"I'm coming," Purple consented, "Just give me five minutes to get ready."

"All Irken soldiers involved in the Sending, please make your way to the designated area now. I repeat, all Irken soldiers involved in the Sending - you know. That thing where you get to go and spy on the Invaders and. such." the voice on the intercom paused for a moment before resuming matter of factly, "Please make your way to the designated area for the beginning which was due five minutes ago." Viy pushed away the microphone on the control panel and settled back in her chair with a contented sigh.
For an Irken she was small, which is quite an achievement as generally speaking all Irkens are small. But she was among the smaller of the small. However, while shorter Irkens were usually teased about their height, she found this rarely happened to her. Whether it was that she would undoubtedly not have been nearly as cute had she been taller, or that she generally had such a likeable personality that no one would have dreamed to insult her is something yet to be determined.
Alternatively it could have been that with strangers they assumed she must be a lot younger than she was if she was that height, and so they let her be. Either way, Viy's height had never troubled her. She had even attracted Purple's attentions - true that it had been when he had tripped over her, not spotting her before hand on account of her height. She had instantly rushed to apologise, fearing she would find herself in a lot of trouble and probably banished to some far off planet as a result, but as the first thing he had seen were a pair of radiantly blue eyes peering down at him he had instantly been smitten. True when he had got to his feet and it was apparent that he was around four times taller than her the idea had seemed comical, but in the debate of her height or her eyes, the eyes were what had ultimately triumphed.
Viy had always attracted attention for her eyes; unlike the vast majority of Irkens who had red, purple or green tinted eyes, she was one of the few whose eyes had crossed that fine definition of a bluey-green to a pure radiant blue, which matched the panels on her PAK quite nicely. They were certainly her crowning feature, sparkling electrically whenever she was happy, and glistening softly when she was sad. If other Irkens didn't notice her for her height, they noticed her for her eyes. She had also found they were very useful for getting what she wanted, but she rarely resorted to that unless she was desperate.
And now she was far from that as she sat dwarfed in her large squishy pilots chair, twiddling absentmindedly with one of her curly antennae. It was only an hour later, but she was now dressed in her purple pilots uniform which involved a long robe that hugged her waist and neck before stemming up into a high collar that hid the lower half of her face, the traditional black boots and gloves, and a radio band that clipped round the back of her head which was constantly reeling off status reports on the Massive's progress.
The other pilots were dressed similarly, although their robes varied in colours, and were also relaxing. The ship was temporarily at a standstill for those selected for the Sending to depart in their own ships - the small Voot Cruisers which had become very popular among the Irkens, although they did seem to have a weakness for small things landing on their windscreens in mid-flight. Taking that into consideration, an upgraded version had been built especially to suit the Evaluators, although it still had a few test runs left on it so it was going to remain snugly parked in the docking bay for this mission.
Viy's neighbour, Dorm, now leaned over to her with a partially amused expression on his face. "'Thing where you get to go spy on the Invaders'? Nice touch," he grinned. He was probably about half as many times taller than Viy, and like the majority of Irkens had dark red-tinted eyes and backswept antenna. "So, we now have about an hour and a half (or so) to sit around idly making sure no rabid killer space bunnies decide to approach the armada - What're your plans?"
Viy shrugged, "I dunno. Spy on the Sending maybe? Or see what others are up to." She indicated to the video screen on the dashboard that was flitting through various security cameras in the engine levels.
Dorm frowned uncertainly, "You know. When you're spending your break seeing what others are doing on their break, it's. well, maybe hinting that you need a new hobby." He cupped his chin in one hand thoughtfully before brightening, "Hey, why don't you join our Pain Piggy tournament?"
"How are you having a tournament?" Viy shot him a questioning look. "We don't have the consoles on board."
"Nah, but Merf uploaded it to the Massive's database the other day. We can use our piloting controls like a console!"
"Uh." Viy paused as she considered this. "You mean to say you turned the Massive. into a giant games console.?" she squinted at him questioningly.
"Pretty much," Dorm shrugged.
"Wouldn't that be kind of bad if something were to go wrong?" she suggested sceptically. "You know. Just suppose."
He considered this for a few seconds before waving one hand disregardingly, "Nah. So, you wanna play?"
"I think I'll pass," she twiddled her antennae once more thoughtfully. "I know!" She whipped out a videodisc from behind her and beamed, "I'll catch up with my soaps!"
"Uh huh," Dorm nodded with a sceptic gaze, "I'm sure that will be very stimulating for your mind."

"But Lib just proposed to Tang, but Tang's secretly dating his twin brother Lub!! And Squit just crashed his ship into a moon," she replied earnestly, her eyes widening at the thought. "Can you just imagine??"
Norm blinked blankly before narrowing his eyes slightly in confusion. ".Yeah."
"Well at least mine won't doom us all if rabid killer space bunnies do attack us," she shot back grudgingly, although Norm knew her well enough to detect the teasing tone in her voice, so he simply shrugged and watched with mild interest as Viy clambered up onto the console in front of her and flicked off the camera feedback before inserting the videodisc into the slot below the screen.
"Let's just hope our security guys aren't doing the same thing," Dorm sighed with an amused shake of his head, turning back to his own screen to join in the tournament as Viy hopped back down into her chair cheerfully and propped her head up on the balls of her fists with her elbows planted firmly on the dashboard below her in preparation for an hour and a half (or so) of the popular Irken soap.

About an hour and a half (or so) later, Red and Purple had slunk back to the cockpit looking decidedly bored. So bored in fact they'd failed to note the mass panic as the other pilots scrabbled to switch back to the Massive's operating systems, or Tey's scream of "No!!! I was three points off the all time high score in all Irken history!!" which had then been concluded by a fit of violent sobbing.
"Well. At least it's over with," Purple had commented benignly, disregarding the chaos around them as they collapsed back into their chairs. "Now we get to stare at space again. for hours." He frowned thoughtfully, trying to detect where the good part of this was.
"At least there's one highlight to the day," Red responded. "And that is that Zim hasn't bothered us once yet."
"Mmm, maybe some horrible accident befell him," Purple commented absentmindedly, and the two paused to exchange hopeful glances.
The cockpit set back down into a relative calm now and there was a faint blast of the ships boosters firing up as the pilots now resumed diligently typing commands into the restored Massive's control system. The silence was only broken in fact by the bleeping of commands being send, and Tey still sobbing quietly somewhere in the background - that was until a loud siren blared throughout the cockpit.
".What's that?" Red asked uncertainly, opening one eye as all the pilots involved in the tournament exchanged panicked glances.
"I hope it's pizza." Purple responded absentmindedly, failing to note Red's sceptical look, "I could do with some pizza."
A small light on Viy's dashboard was also flashing insistently and she scrambled up now to investigate. Having quickly whipped the videodisc out as the Tallest had come in (and regretting it as it now meant she had to wait till her break to find out if Squit was going to wake from his coma or not) she had been in the process of wrestling it back into its case, and was still attempting to do so as she blinked down at the small light curiously. Pressing the button next to it with one foot, she regarded the coding that instantly flashed up on her video screen before turning to where the Tallest were reclined and called "Incoming message from Earth."
Two groans greeted this announcement followed by Red's call of "Tell him we're out!"
Viy glanced back at them uncertainly before Purple sighed in resignation, "Okay, put him on." A large screen flickered up in midair with a steadily clearing image before Zim became recognisable amidst the fuzz.
"Ah, greetings my Tallest!" Zim began, his antennae perking slightly at seeing them. "I figured today was a good day to drop in a report as you're due to send out the Evaluators today-" The two instantly jumped to attention.
"How did he know?" Red groaned to Purple who simply shook his head and shrugged.
"I am sure when whoever you've sent me arrives they will find everything in running smoothly and ahead of schedule!" Zim continued confidently.
"Uh. Yeah. Zim? We haven't exactly sent you an Evaluator." Purple began, gazing up at the screen in front of him in a disinterested manner.
"What?" Zim blinked in surprise.
"Well. You see," Red intercepted, rubbing the back of his head briefly before coming up with a suitable lie that he could guarantee Zim would believe. "-We figured you're obviously doing such a good job on Earth that you don't need an Evaluator!" He shot a grin at Purple who was busy sniggering faintly.
"But. But." Zim began, "You must send me an Evaluator! Who's going to bring me all the latest Irken technology if you don't?!"
"Truth be told Zim you've already got all the latest technology," Red continued, easily spinning the lie out with supporting nods from Purple. "The new technology the other Invaders will be getting will be what you already have. What with you being so competent and all. We'll be sure to let you know though if there's anything new due to be sent you. Okay? Bye bye-"
"But my Tallest!" Zim protested, "Even if that's so, I still would like an Evaluator sent here. There's nothing I can say to prove to you the levels of filth that are this planet - and therefore how superior I am for countering it - I must have an Evaluator to prove how amazing I am!!!"
"Zim, most Irkens hate Evaluators." Purple responded in a slightly confused manner, squinting up at the flickering image of Zim's determined face.
"Most Irkens aren't like me," Zim concluded swiftly, not hearing Red's grumble of "Yeah, no kidding."
Purple gave a defeated sigh, realising they weren't going to get any peace until they agreed. "Fine Zim, we'll send an Evaluator over as soon as we can," he conceded in an impatient tone. "Okay?"
Zim made a silent 'Score!' motion before nodding triumphantly, "Thank you my Tallest, I can assure you this Evaluator will not be disappointed." And with that the window flickered and died.
"Aw now what'd you go and do that for?" Red demanded unhappily, turning to Purple. "You know we don't have any other Evaluators."
"We'll have to find someone, but he wouldn't have shut up otherwise," Purple responded with a shrug.
"Maybe we should change the ships radio contact wave," Red considered, drumming his fingers absentmindedly, "That'd keep him from bothering us. But where are we going to find another Evaluator?"
Purple shrugged. "It doesn't need to be a real Evaluator, just someone to pretend for a bit. Maybe they could sabotage Zim's radio transmitter while they're there too." The two brightened at this thought, and the thoughts of all the other horrible things this fake Evaluator could do, before a voice distracted them.
"You know you two really are too harsh on Zim." Viy was looking up at them sceptically, her pilots mask now drawn down around her neck to reveal her whole face.
"Well he's very very annoying," Purple smiled down at her, attracting Red's attention to the correct place as he had been glancing about uncertain as to the origin of the voice, having never thought to have looked that far down.
"Hey!" Red grinned, recognising her, "What're you doing up in the cockpit?"

"I pilot the ship," Viy responded uncertainly, wondering whether it was a trick question.
"You pilot the ship too? As well as inspecting the beds? Wow! Now that's impressive." Red nodded approvingly as Viy shot Purple a look as if to say 'Is he for real?' before shaking her head. "I still don't think it's fair - if neither of you have the courage to stand up to him that's not his fault."
"Are you forgetting the time he took remote piloting of the Massive?" Purple stressed. "It was horrible! .I wonder how he did get away from that brain parasite?" he added, turning to Red who'd been glowering darkly as he'd remembered it all, but now allowed a faint smirk to flit over his face.
"Yeah." he tapped his fingertips together in consideration. "The brain parasite was good."
Viy paused to consider this also, the recollection of that day obviously making her feel that much less favourable to Zim, but she was unwilling to back down now so she simply folded her arms in front of her and stated, "Remote piloting or no remote piloting, it's still mean."
Purple regarded her stubborn expression with amusement before brightening. "Ooh hey! I have an idea!" he announced suddenly, sitting up. "Why don't you go?"
"Come again?" Viy arched one eyebrow questioningly.
"Well you can pilot a ship right?"
"One assumes so as I'm a pilot," Viy replied with a trace of sarcasm, but she masked it beneath a falsely cheerful smile. "But I'm still not going."
"Oh come on - You'd be perfect! And you're due a holiday," Purple encouraged.
"Yes. holiday. Which will be spent watching soaps, getting a tan, maybe checking out the guys." Viy listed them and trawled off, ignoring Purple's hurt expression at the last item. "I'll certainly be doing the latter when I returned if you send me to Earth to follow round an egotistical power-mad Irken."
"Aww come on, you'll probably have a positive influence on him! He may actually become bearable." Purple noted the last bit in a mutter before looking as appealing as he could. "Please? Pretty please? Please with sugary goo on top?"
Viy glared at him wordlessly in impatience as he smiled in his most charming manner. "I'll get you all those tapes you're missing from your soap?"
"Ooh really?" her eyes lit up in an instant before she frowned again. "I dunno."
"Please please please please please pleeeeease?"
"Oh alright!" she growled irritably, "Now I know how you guys feel when Zim nags you-"
"Which is why you should go, to spare us from that horror," Purple noted, his eyes widening slightly as he nodded.
"I said I'd go," Viy arched one eyebrow before asking, "But what about my job? What about my 'bed inspecting'?" She fixed him with a quizzical look and felt a sense of satisfaction as a slow look of realisation dawned on him as if he hadn't thought of that before.
"We can get someone else to take over until you've come back," Red suggested cheerfully.
"What?" Viy blinked in surprise before remembering that Red still actually thought of a bed inspector as an actual job.
"I'm sure someone round here won't mind," Red shrugged before glancing round. "Hey - it's Dorm isn't it? Yeah, Dorm! How'd you like to be an honorary bed inspector?"
"Bed. inspector.?" Dorm blinked uncertainly as Viy gave a groan and sunk her head into her hands.
"What?" Red blinked in surprise as he registered Purple's cringe.
Viy shook her head with a sigh. "On second thoughts, maybe a holiday would be good."

"I got a present for you," Purple smiled suavely as he found Viy busy inspecting the new model Voot Cruiser, docked, waiting for the launch.
As all the standard Voot Cruisers had already departed (with hastily painted capitol 'E's on their sides just in front of the Irken logo), the only one remaining on board for instant departure was the one that had been intended for the Evaluators initially. Viy had been dubious about this at first, despite the appeal of having an entirely unique ship which was (supposedly) faster, more powerful and with greater agility than the usual model. And so after the last tests had deemed it space-worthy she had decided to give it some final checks ...At Purple's entrance however she forgot all this, looking up from tapping uncertainly at the plexiglas dome shielding the cockpit.
"Ooh, a present?" Viy leapt down weightlessly and beamed up at him cheerfully. "Whatcha got me?"
"Well. I figured if we were sending you off to Earth and all with only Zim for company, you might need a little something to keep you sane, and help guide you around too of course," Purple nodded.
"Ooh!" Viy exclaimed gleefully, her eyes lighting up, "You got me a puppy?!"
"A puppy?" Purple frowned uncertainly.
"I've been doing some Earth research," Viy nodded, "Apparently puppies are very popular companions for humans."
"Really?" Purple blinked in surprise before shrugging, "Well, it's not a puppy but hopefully it will be a good companion."
"Ooh, neat-o," Viy beamed cheerfully. "Let's see!"
"You say 'Ooh' too much," Purple pointed out with a sly smile, before bringing out a large parcel donned with a large bow and placed it in front of her.
"Aww, you wrapped it yourself," Viy smiled up at him, her eyes sparkling as she recognised Purple's slightly unorthodox method of wrapping - any flat sheets of any material he could find tied round it with an unusually large amount of string. Purple watched contentedly as Viy proceeded to peel back the layers of paper and plastic and fabric (and string) before she got to a metal box, from which two robotic arms unfolded from the boxes sides and lifted the two top flaps to open it. A second later a small shape sprung out with a cheery 'Eeeeeiii!' and two seconds later Viy found a small robot clinging to her tightly and gazing up at her with two bright blue eyes that mirrored her own.
"Are you my new master?" the robot asked cheerfully.
"I think so." Viy blinked in surprise.
"Yay!" she let go of Viy and hopped back with a delighted smile.
Purple nodded, "This is Viy - she'll be your master while you're on Earth. And after that too I guess." He scratched his head thoughtfully and turned to Viy, "This is our upgraded version of the SIR. She's a General Evaluation. Machine. thingy." he frowned as he grasped for words, "Well we call her 'GEM' anyway."
"Gem? How cute!" Viy beamed.
"We've installed her with all the data transferred back to us from the Invaders so far, so she should be pretty well prepared. And they're programmed to automatically retrieve new data the SIR's retrieve, so she should be constantly getting smarter."
"Yep! I'm smart," GEM gave a small giggle, "Don't you think Boro's a funny name? Invader Spleen is busy running away from him."
Viy blinked in surprise and squinted uncertainly. "Boro.?"
"Focus on Earth knowledge Gem," Purple explained, at which the small robot frowned thoughtfully.
"There's not very much of that. I'm seeing some sort of. scary monkey?" she gave a shrug and beamed. "Hey, it's quite good!"
"Okay maybe that wasn't the best plan," Purple frowned thoughtfully, before turning to Red as he came in to check up on them.
"The ship's all ready for your launch!" Red announced before lowering himself slightly to address the smaller Irken in a friendly manner, "Have you got everything Viy?"
"I think so," she nodded.
"Hey, you got Gem!" he smiled, "Well you'll never get bored with her around, she's quite a talker."
"I like talking," GEM cooed.
"We know," Purple raised one eyebrow with an amused smile. "Oh how we know. Anyway Viy! You take care - If Zim annoys you or anything I suggest using Earth water."
"Yes, our sources say he dislikes that." Red sniggered slightly.
"Okay." Viy frowned uncertainly before brightening, "I'm sure I'll be fine. Come along Gem!"
"Coming!"
Purple gave a slight sigh as he watched them hop into the Voot Cruiser, "She doesn't know what she's let herself in for."
"Yeah. Hey!" Red exclaimed, turning to him with the hint of a grin, "Wanna take bets on how long it takes Zim to drive her insane, and how long it takes her to destroy him?"
"Sure!"
And with that the Voot Cruiser raced from the Irken fleet at full speed, fast vanishing into the inky black of the surrounding space so only its rear boosters were visible glowing amidst the stars briefly as it sped towards its predetermined coordinates on that far off planet we call 'Earth'.