Ranger24: I would like to introduce my personal parrallel to lord Mandolore's "Why the Covenant lost the war". So with out further adue I present! "Why Humanity won the war!"

This story is narrated by my Ocs Rolo'mono, the elite, and Seamus, the irish, spartan armor wearing robot. Enjoy.


Chapter 1: Marines: Pvt Do-nothing to Pvt Kicks-Some-Ass.

Disclaimer: I do not own halo or Lord mandolores awesome story of how the covies lost the war.

Rolo'mono: Marines. There your basic allies throughout most of all three games. Their the guys who get on the gun turret of the warthog while you do the driving. They do their best to keep the covies busy while the Cheif gets a soda. Marines have been in use by the UNSC for a very long time. They are the primary infantry deployed by human forces against the Covenant.

Seamus: Yeah thats for sure laddie. If your wondering where the fuck the army is like I am well heres the answer. The army is gone. Earth is a friging super nation in halo good by US army it surivies only in the militas of the colonies.

Rolo'mono: Marines use all human weapons and vehicles but if pressed will use covenant technology.

Seamus: Hmmm... Does that mean I can give a marine an energy sword? I wonder what would happen?

Switch scene to a marine picking up an energy sword.

Marine 1: Holly shit! I've got a lightsaber!

Suddenly out of a strange mist comes a deep threatening Hoo-hah like laboured breathing. THe marine turns around to see Darth Vader holding his ignited lightsaber. The two fight and the marine is slowly forced back before he is forced onto a cat walk and then to a little pillar thing were he fights Vader with hand before Vader chops his arm off!

Marine 1: ARGH!!!

Vader: There is no escape boy. Give into the power of the darkside!

Marine 1: Dude this is halo not star wars!

Vader: What?

Marine 1: Halo you know three time game of the year, five best selling novels, massive fan base.

Vader: Oh sorry.

Marine 1: So can I have my hand back?

Vader: Sorry I have to go chop Luke's hand off.

Marine 1: Thats harsh man.

Vader: Later.

Marine 1: Wait come back! I want your autograph!

Seamus: Okay... that was a little to weird. Back on topic.

Rolo'mono: Marines are skilled vehicle users but are not as competetant as Master Chief.

Seamus: Hey wait a minute! If they can use any vehicle even a god damn pelican! Why on earth couldn't they drive the warthog in Halo combat evolved? The answer? None of those marines passed their drivers test. Thats right they all had learners permits. Or the guys at bungie thought the warthog in the first game kicked so much ass that only a spartan could drive it. Well thats smart. On the subject of vehicles theres a reason why human vehicles can hold up to damage better than Covenant vehicles. They are built by Ford. Except the pelican's, longswords, and hornets, those are made by Lockhead (Longsword), Boeing (Pelican), and Grumman (Hornet). Thats why the warthog looks like your uncles truck.

Rolo'mono: Again back to topic. Marines are the best normal human soldiers avaible.

Seamus: Hmmm... maybe thats because their the only normal human soldiers you ever meet in the frigin game!

Rolo'mono: Dude shut up. Marine combat skills allow them to easily handle grunts, Drones, and Jackals. However against stronger enemies they require numerical supirority, armor suport, or a spartan to cope.

Seamus: Oh please anyone can kill a grunt. There as expendable as the red shirts from star trek! Jackals are to pissed off to shoot straights and Drones take to many pills to control their flaming Flatulance to even hope on killing more than one marine! Thats why they are sent in in massive suicide waves to be slaughter in the hope that they might either A. kill all of the humans B. Kill a few of the humans or C. make the humans waste all of their ammuntion trying to kill them. Smart thinking there on the half of the prophets.

Rolo'mono: Marines also have a speacil branch known as the ODST's or the orbital shock drop troopers.

Seamus: Okay heres the ODST in a nutshell. Their half crazy people who starp on black armor and jump into little drop pods to be launched out the bottom of human warships to soften the enemy defenese's the only plus to being and ODST or Helljumper? You get free funeral service!

Rolo'mono: ODSTs have a grudge against the spartans because the spartans are their direct competition for being top dog in the UNSC.

Seamus: Really no shit? I thought they just loved hanging out with Master Chief. I mean its not like they insult him and call him a freak.

Rolo'mono: Marines have limited close combat skills.

Seamus: Really no shit? The only time I have ever seen a marine fight CQC is when the kick enimes in Halo 3. I mean it took the three games to learn melee attack! Nice work there Bungie no lazy people working there!

Rolo'mono: However as humans they are vulnerable to flood.

Seamus: Oh my god. I thought they were robots so your telling me their actual people? I didn't know.

Rolo'mono: Marines lack the proper sheilding to protect them in a prolonged engagment with the flood and require help as soon as possible.

Seamus: Really they don't have sheilds? I didn't friging now. Maybe thats why they die so fucking easily!

Rolo'mono: Look man you wanna go or something because I am getting really tired of all your backsas.

Seamus: Oh bring it on mister stating the obvious!

Ranger: Okay please stop arguing. I don't want a fight to start in chapter one.

Both ignore him.

Rolo'mono: Look I am just trying to give some basic information.

Seamus: No your not you just like to here yourself talk split lip!

Rolo'mono: Oh its on now asshole!

Rolo'mono jumps out of his little black room drawing his energy sword. He is wearing crimson armor.

Seamus: Oh its on!

Seamus comes running out of his box drawing two plamsa rifles and opens fire on Rolo'mono! He is wearing green spartan armor. Ranger comes out holding his normal long sword, ducking the stray plasma fire as the two OCs duke it out.

Ranger: Come on guys break it up!

Rolo'mono: No good bucket of bolts!

Seamus: Dickless split lip!

Ranger sighs.

Ranger: Okay a quick summary. The marines just take the shots for the Chief, steal your kills, and main the weapons on the vehicles. But all in all their only human. Well artifiacl humans. With guns. Well I'll straighten this out, hopefully. Next time! Navy dudes: Abandone ship! Read and review.