Winter Loverland

Chapter 1 What I Really Think

This is the sequel to America and the Cards. However, this takes place in the coming winter after America and the Cards. And everyone is still 16.

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Sakura

I watched the snow fall to the ground, where mounds of it were starting to collect. It was early December and I was surprised at how the weather had changed so fast. It usually didn't start to snow until mid-January. It all seemed so peaceful. The romantic weather, my friends and I just sitting and eating, not a care in the world. I bit into my sandwich and smiled, watching Eli and Madison debate over a subject that wasn't even important. It amazed me how Madison cared so much about Eli, and yet as I sat there, I watched her yell at him about politics and how socialism would never work.

Li dropped his backpack down beside me and sat on his knees, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind me. I couldn't help but sigh as his kissed my neck softly. "So what are they arguing about this time?" he asked sarcastically, but I knew he thought it was funny. He hated not being able to tease Eli, but Li loved it when others did it for him.

I leaned back and rested my head in the crook of Li shoulder. It felt as if I had just confessed to him about my true feelings for him. It was hard to imagine that it had already been six months. But time didn't matter to me. We were finally together and that was what counted.

I tilted my head up to see Li's face and I smiled when I realized that he was staring back at me. I wanted to whisper to him, to tell him I loved him all over again, but I settled with a short kiss he placed on my mouth.

"Why don't you guys get a room already?" Eli questioned, raising an eyebrow. Madison giggled softly when she noticed us.

I sighed as Li quickly pulled away from me, blushing brightly. I loved Madison and Eli, I truly did. They were the best friends a teenage girl trying to capture cards could have, but sometimes I just wanted to throw them off a roof. It was the one problem with being back in Reedington - there was no privacy what so ever. True, there wasn't much privacy in America while we were there either, but I didn't need it then. I had no use for privacy. But I just couldn't get enough of Li and I wasn't getting any at all. Every time we came close to 'having a moment', Eli or Madison would show up. Or worse, Tori. Tori had only caught us kissing once, but once was enough for a lifetime with Tori.

Li had walked me home from school and we were standing by my front door. I went in for one, innocent little kiss and the front door opened so fast, it flew against the wall and the door handle ended up going through the wall. Tori wasn't happy with me, and Dad wasn't happy with either of us.

Madison sat down next to me and Eli sat down on the other side. Things were different between Madison and Eli as well, but I don't think it was for the better. Whenever they talked, they argued. And most of the time it was about the dumbest issues. Madison had told me how she felt about Eli, but she just couldn't tell him herself. As I glanced at Madison, a knot formed in my throat. She was giving me that look of jealousy - the one she gave me whenever I was with Li. She hated me now because I had gotten what I wanted and she hadn't.

I pulled my green jacket tighter around me. I hated to ugly thing, but Madison had insisted that I needed new clothes. She informed me that there was a new style this winter and so she had made me a whole new wardrobe. My green jacket wasn't my favorite item from it. However, I did favor the red, long sleeved turtle neck and silver bellbottoms that matched it. I had thrown on some silver mittens and red hair bows that I had found in the back of my closet. But the biggest difference in me was my hair. I had started to grow it out, so I didn't use the same old hairstyle I had always had. I usually let it hang in a ponytail or wore it loose. The worst part was the color.

Tori has convinced me to dye it blond. At first I wouldn't let him near me, but over the fall, I realized how much I was like my ten-year-old self. And I didn't want to be like that anymore. So by the end of October, I was a bleached blond with highlights. I must admit that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It sure had scared the crap out of Li.

"Are you feeling OK?" Li whispered in my ear. I opened my eyes, which I didn't remember closing. That was another problem I was dealing with. Frequently, I had started to space off at random times during the day about nothing. A few of those times I couldn't even remember where I was or what I was doing.

I peered down into the mug of hot chocolate I was holding in my hand. I sipped it softly and set it back down on the grass. "Sure, I'm fine. I just spaced off for a minute, I guess," I finally answered. I could sense that Li was worried about me. At first, I knew he thought that mine absent-mindedness belonged to my new development of blond hair, but Li was a smart guy and he was starting to realize that something wasn't quite right. If only I knew what it was.

Li pushed a few strands of my hair behind my ear. "Are you sure everything's all right?" Li glanced at Madison and Eli, who were eating away in silence. He dropped his voice a decibel, "I know something's wrong, Sakura, and I just wish you would share with me what it is."

"I'm not quite sure I know what you're talking about, Li. I'm fine. I just wish I wasn't here at school. I guess I wish I was somewhere else, you know. Like ice skating, but not here, having my last lunch at school until 'New Years'," I sighed.

"Well then let's go ice skating," Li told me.

I smiled, "Nah. We couldn't do that. I still have two more classes before I can leave campus and then I need to get my homework done with. You know how long it takes me to do algebra."

Li chuckled, "That I do," he agreed, "but you'll have all of break to do your homework. After school, we're going to go ice skating. Now I don't want another argument out of you because I'm not changing my mind."

I fixed a pouting looking on my face, "Well, I guess I'll have to if you're going to make me."

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Madison was rolling her eyes at me. She stood up and without even staying good-bye, she stormed off toward the main building of our high school. Eli soon followed her, finally leaving me alone with Li.

Li realized what that meant, too. Before I had a chance to say a word, his mouth was on mine. I twisted myself around in his lap, making it easier for me to kiss him. Before I had the chance to get my tongue in his mouth, the lunch bell started to ring. I groaned mentally and stood up, slinging my backpack over my shoulder. Li slipped his hand in mine and we briskly walked to our afternoon classes.

Li

The last bell of the day rang. Chairs scratched against the floor as thirty students jumped up from their desks and raced out the classroom door. I stayed behind and waited for Sakura to gather up her belongs. As I walked toward her desk, she looked up and smiled at me. I practically froze in my steps. It was amazing how a girl could make me feel the way I did. But as I sat down on the corner of her desk and watched her shove a load of crap into her backpack, it hit me that Sakura wasn't just a girl. She wasn't a girl at all. She was sixteen, and she had saved the world a dozen times or more. Sakura was a goddess. I'm just thankful Eli never heard me say that. He would have been making one remark after another. Sakura flung her backpack over her shoulder and slipped her hand in mine. As she kissed my cheek, I nearly blushed all over again. There was only one thing I needed to admit, and that was the fact that I loved her.

We didn't say a word to each other until we had reached her car. For her sixteenth birthday, her father had given her Tori's old car, which wasn't that old to begin with. It was a red sports convertible that any self respecting teenager who knew how to drive would die for. I slid into the passenger's side and closed the door. Sakura had already shut her door and managed to toss her backpack into the backseat. As soon as I had sat down, Sakura had already turned to face me. And I was ready for it. I quickly wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her into my lap. My mouth found hers quickly and I began to feel as if I had died and gone to heaven, that's how good she made me feel.

But the truth was that I wasn't in heaven at all. I was boiling in a kettle in hell. The hardest part was the fact that I hadn't told Sakura yet. Whenever I tried to bring myself to tell her, she always looked at me with those emerald eyes of hers and I could bare it. As softly as I could, I pulled away from Sakura. "We'd better get going or the skating rink in going to close." Now, we both knew that that was a bunch of BS. The skating rink didn't close until midnight on Fridays, but I just couldn't stand being so close to her. And she knew it.

Sakura climbed back over into her seat and pulled her seat belt on. As she revved the engine, I noticed that her hands were shaking. Oh God, I thought, I've just made it worse. She didn't say a word to me as she drove. At one point, I couldn't take it any longer, so I wrapped my fingers around hers, which had a death grip on the stick. The car came to a screeching halt soon afterwards and then it just sat there, idle.

"Truth?" she asked softly. It was our 'thing' that we did. When one of us wasn't comfortable, we'd say truth and just spit out what was bothering us. I tucked her hair behind her ear. "Yeah, truth," I assured her, although a part of me knew that I wasn't going to like the answer.

"I wish you wouldn't lie to me," she said quickly, turning off the engine and pulling her key out of the ignition. She rested them on the dashboard and then shifted to face me. "I know you're keeping a secret from me, and it's killing me that you won't tell me what it is!"

I didn't know what the heck I was supposed to do. I cupped her face in my hand and rubbed her check softly. I could never forget the way her skin felt. So soft and clean. It drove me crazy that I cared about something like that. But what was even worse was the sole fact that the truth even mattered. Four years ago, I would not have given one glance to the decision I was going to make. But ever since I had met Sakura, things had been different. Maybe in a good way and maybe not.

Sakura crawled back into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck, "I understand how protective you are. You've always been that way and I'd never try to change you, but don't you realize how much it hurts me? It's like you've got a cloud surrounding you so it makes it hard for me to see the real you anymore."

"It's not like you've been completely honest with me, Sakura," I pointed out. "I know something's wrong. You keep spacing out and not remembering anything. That freaks me out, but I'm not trying to force you to tell me."

Sakura let out a sigh in aggravation. She put her face closer to mine, so that our noses touch, "I know how hard it is for you to show affection, Li, don't think that I don't see it. During lunch, you looked like a tomato when Eli made that crude remark. I notice these things about you, Li," she kissed me softly, "but I want to know the truth."

I sighed and pulled her against me. Sakura turned so that the curve of her back fit exactly into my chest. I kissed the top of her head before resting my chin of her head. "My mother called me last night and requested my attendance in Hong Kong for the break. Furthermore, she told me she had some exciting news she couldn't wait to tell me about, but she wouldn't tell me over the phone."

I heard Sakura's breath catch in her throat. "But we were going to spend winter break together," she choked out. "We were going to spend it alone."

I chuckled and kissed her cheek, resting my head neck to hers. "I thought you'd be upset."

Sakura shook her head and rested her hand on mine, "I'm not upset. A little surprised, sure who wouldn't be, but I'm not upset. I am a little disappointed, however." She shivered slightly, so I rubbed one of my hands up and down her arm. "I did have an alternative though."

"And what would that be?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You could come with me. My sisters won't be there, so it'll only be my mother and me. I'm sure she'd love to have you come. After all," I told her, nibbling on her ear, "she always takes an interest in my interest."

Sakura made a quick leap back into her seat. "You know I can't do that," she insisted. "The reason you're going is to be with your mother - your family. I can't just leave for two weeks. My dad needs me and so does Tori."

"Then you can't really blame me for wanting to go home for Christmas," I reminded her.

Sakura clutched the steering wheel, "Maybe you should get out of the car now. I don't really feel like ice skating anymore."

"Sakura, please don't be like this. You know that I wanted to be with you for winter break. But right now, I just don't think that it's the best thing. My mother needs me right now and I have to be there for her. If you really needed me, you know I'd stay. But you don't right now."

"Just get out of the damn car!" She snapped at me. I was taken back by her choice of words. She never cussed and it surprised me. I had always been the one with the glares that stopped you in your place, but the vibe I was getting from Sakura made me want to run far, far away. I fumbled with the door handle and waited for her to unlock the door. By the time I got out of the car, Sakura had the engine on and the car was ready to back out of the parking space it was in. As I got out, I noticed that her eyes were shinning with tears.

Sakura

I knew is wasn't smart to be driving while crying. My sight was blurred and it was hard to distinguish different shapes. But I just had to get away from him. I had waited and waited for our time together. We had talked and talked about what we wanted to do. We had made plans, for Christ's sake and by the time one phone call was over, they were gone. Just like him.

The car jerked up into the driveway. I slammed on the breaks and got out of the car. I couldn't stand being in it. Just the image of us together was hard to bare. What if I didn't get to see him for two weeks? I didn't think I could manage it. I flung the door open and slammed it shut behind me. I needed to make all the noise I could to block out his voice. It was taunting me, the chance to truly be with him so close, but I just never managed to reach it. I threw the keys as hard as I could across the living room and out of nowhere Tori caught him. I was sure it hurt a bit, but he didn't show it.

"Hey Monster, what's eating at you?" he asked me.

I stormed up the stairs, "I don't want to think about it," I yelled back down as I made my way to my room. I tore off my jacket and shoved it into the closet. I took off my mittens and hat and tossed them onto my dresser. Then I fell back onto my bed and let all my frustration out. Tears slid down my cheeks. The occasional few reached my lips and I could taste the saltiness of them. But none of that even mattered to me. Nothing seemed to matter to me then. I just wanted to curl up in a little ball and die.

Tori came marching in my room and sat down on the end of my bed, running a hand through my hair. "If that brat did anything to you at all," he swore to himself. I sighed and turned over, facing away from him. "He's not a brat. He's a lot of nasty little names right now, but brat isn't one of them." I sat up and ran my own hands through my hair. "I just don't understand how he could decide on this without a fight. It's Hong Kong! For two weeks! I thought he cared about me, but obviously I was wrong. If he did, he wouldn't just leave me. Not with everything we had planned."

"OK, Sakura, I have no idea what you could possibly be talking about. You know I've never been good friends with Li. Actually, I've never been friends with Li. I never gave him a chance because he was the bad guy, trying to take my dear sister away from me and my father. He hurt you and I understand that. Li isn't the kind of guy you can spend your life with, Sakura. You know that as well as I do, even if you aren't the one to admit it," Tori told me, putting an arm around my shoulders for support.

"God, I know that. I just can't believe it, though. I love him, Tori. No matter how many names you call him, no matter how many times you argue with him, and no matter how many times he breaks my heart, I still love him. And I hate that. But I do. This thing that we feel for each other can't be changed by human emotions. There's a bond I feel between us and so what if things don't always work out as I planned them? I still have him."

"Do you really, Sakura?" Tori asked me, which scared me a bit. "I mean, face it Squirt. The guys going back to Hong Kong, on the other side of the sea, to visit family. You don't have him right now. Right now, you have a bunch of tears and red, puffy eyes. You heart aches and I'm sure your head does too. You can't trust him, Sakura. And that's not your fault. Sometimes things don't work out as you want them to. Sometimes they get better, even though you have to suffer a while to get there."

"So what are you getting at?" I asked, getting up off the bed to grab a tissue and blow my nose. "That I just have to stick through it no matter what and then things between Li and me will get better?"

Tori shook his head, "That's not what I'm trying to say. I'm trying to say that maybe if you just leave him and forget about him, it might hurt for a while, but then you'll finally be able to meet someone new who can be there for you and make you happy."

I wanted to cry all over again. I tossed the tissue and stood by the door, holding it open. "I can't forget about him. Things may not be perfect between us right now, but I've waited four years for this 'relationship' with Li and I can't give up on him yet. I need him right now. I won't be able to be without him right now."

"You can't stay like this, Sakura. It's not healthy. You need to learn to live on your own two feet. You shouldn't need Li for every little thing. And what's this whole thing about, anyways? I know you Sakura, and I know you aren't just upset about Li dumping all your plans. You want to know what I really think? I think it's the fact that he's going to spend Christmas with his mother. I think that you are jealous that he is still able to be with his family for the holidays."

"FINE!" I yelled. "Fine, you caught me! I hate my boyfriend because he has a mother and mine's been dead for almost 13 years! I hate him because he's leaving me to visit her. I hate him because the only reason he came here in the first place was because his mother made him. He's his mother puppet and I hate him for that. I finally get what I want, and I was thankful for that, and now it's stretching out away from my grasp. I'm jealous that he still has a mother! But I hate him most for even leaving her in the first place to come to this two star town and leaving her alone. He has a mother and he left her!"

Tori pulled me into his arms and I was caught in his strong embrace. For the longest five seconds of my life, I felt completely safe. Like the world didn't hate me like I thought it did. I felt safe and secure. "But I hate him the most because I can never stay angry with him," I finished before resting my head against my brother's chest and letting all my tears flow freely.

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Things are off to a slow start, meaning that this is a short chapter. Hopefully, I'll be able to update the next one soon. It takes me a while to edit, however, so it might take a little longer than I anticipate.