Fillmore
Today's episode: The Slice
Act 1: Green Cum
At Principal's office, Principal, Fillmore and Ingrid are present.Principal: Do you know why I called you both in here?
Fillmore: Because I refused to spoon you last night?
Principal: No. There's something in our school that I want you both to find. It's something I don't want anyone to see... it's a certain tape.
Ingrid: Is it that tape which kills anyone who watches it?
Principal: No. It's my sex tape.
Fillmore: How is that any different from the tape that Ingrid was just talking about?
Principal: It does kill people. Instead of a week, it's about a minute after they watch it.
Ingrid: Is that so?
Principal: If you have noticed, the death rates have been higher than usual at this school. Every time someone watches it, they jerk off too much and they die.
Ingrid: Does that explain why O'Farrell hasn't been here for two days?
Principal: Who cares? I never liked that fag anyway. Now go find that sex tape.
Fillmore and Ingrid are outside the office.
Fillmore: A sex tape that kills people? Wasn't that called "A Night in Paris"?
Ingrid: I watched that sex tape. I should have died after seeing that garbage.
Fillmore: Was there anyone who survived watching that tape?
Ingrid: Well, there was that one girl that the principal told us about.
Fillmore: How come it wasn't mentioned in the beginning of this episode?
Ingrid: She's in the hospital on life support.
Fillmore: So she barely has enough seamen to survive.
Ingrid: Actually, she tried to do what Paris Hilton did in her sex tape and she got herpes.
Fillmore: Dawg.
Ingrid: But do you know what puzzles me more? That this fanfiction writer doesn't spell dog right.
Fillmore: This guy might as well be called Randy Jackson.
Ingrid: Here comes the fat boy.
Vallejo walks towards Fillmore and Ingrid, seemingly drunkVallejo: Hey, Lessmore. What's up, Second? What's the biznezz?
Ingrid: It's Fillmore and Third. The business is we are looking for a tape and...
Vallejo: A da da da da like this in the background. Don't tell me nothin' or I'll go Michael Richards on both of y'all.
Ingrid: (whispers to Fillmore) I never knew one cup of cocoa could do this to him.
Fillmore: I never knew drinking a cup of water could do this to someone. We will have to stage an intervention.
(READER'S NOTE: Next episode: The Intervention)Ingrid: (to Fillmore) Let's go before he goes on vomiting on us.
In the hospitalIngrid: Well, this is it. The hospital where the survivor is.
Fillmore: Ingrid. This isn't exactly the hospital that I was going for.
Ingrid: It's because it's not a hospital for the sick, it's a hospital for the mentally ill.
Fillmore: I never knew this tape could kill brain cells too.
Ingrid: Of course it could. Look at Bill Cosby or Tara Reid.
Fillmore: That may explain why they're so retarded. How about we leave before...
A girl, 18, walks to Fillmore and Ingrid.
Girl: Are you Fillmore and Ingrid?
Fillmore: That's what it said before your line in this script.
Girl: My name is Haley and I've been scarred after watching that sex tape.
