Disclaimer: I own nothing but my constantly wandering imagination - and maybe Cadmea. :)


The Madness Of Cadmea; or, The Lunatic Couturier


ONE


When Cadmea Metaxas turned fifteen, she was told by her father that she would soon be married off to the Milliner's son. The news wasn't surprising - she'd known Jefferson from her birth, and they grown up around each other. Their families had always spoken of merging their two successful businesses, her father's Clothing House and Jefferson's father's Hattery and Millinery Shop.

Cadmea was actually excited and quite pleased - she and Jefferson were good friends, they were comfortable in each other's company, had common interests, and tended to stick together at gatherings. It also did not hurt that she'd secretly been in love with him ever since the winter when she was five and he was eight.

He had been visiting with his parents, the other family sheltering with them from a sudden blizzard when Cadmea's mother went into unexpected labor with her second child, and experienced severe complications. Her mother had been dying, but the families had been trapped inside by the uncanny snow storm, unable to go for a physician to help. Jefferson had been the one to finally escape the snow-bound house, once their fathers had managed to dig a small opening through one of the windows for him to fit through. He'd always had an adventurous spirit, and hadn't shown an ounce of fear in going out into the storm, though his mother had cried hysterical tears the whole time he'd been gone. Cadmea had cried right along with her, certain her sweet boy was going to get lost and die.

Within the hour he had returned, half-frozen and scraped bloody, but with the joyous news that several villagers with shovels and the doctor were en route.

Thanks to his bravery, her mother had been saved, although she'd tragically lost the infant boy she carried.

From that day on, Cadmea had always kept an eye and ear out for him, and went out of her way to spend time with him, which he never seemed to mind. She adored his exaggerated faces, his merry, twinkling blue-eyes, both his solemn nature and his often outrageous sense of humor. She craved the casual touches of his hands, memorized his striking features, and dreamt of his voice teasing her when she slept, and upon the announcement of their future marriage, she was more than thrilled - which made it all the more shocking to her when she overheard her new fiance arguing with the parents in her father's study one day.

Creeping about and eavesdropping had been a harmless childhood pastime once - she didn't think twice about going to the polished wooden door and listening in when she was passing by and heard Jefferson's voice within. She'd smiled in anticipation at first, but quickly regretted her curiosity when she heard her sweet boy declare angrily, "Is it not my life, my choice? I have told you before I do not wish to marry Cadmea! Obviously I did not make myself clear enough!"

"Jefferson, we know you love her - "

"I do, but not amorously! I - this is ridiculous!" he paused, and Cadmea could envision him, exasperated and scowling darkly, rubbing a hand over his face. "She is like my little sister! How do you expect me to marry her and produce children when I have no physical attraction to her? You push my concerns aside so easily in your selfish race to unite your businesses! It's an insult, to me and to her. It is patently unfair!"

"Jefferson, my lad, the decision was made long ago - you are both so precious to us, our only children, and you've always been so close - we never thought to assume you would not return her affections. We always just assumed - "

"Yes, you assumed! That's the problem! You assumed I would stay in the village forever, content to work, day by day slowly poisoning myself with mercury in a boring old hattery for the rest of my life! You assumed I would happily wed whomever you wanted and never think twice about the needs or wants of my own heart! You assumed too much!"

Cadmea was stricken. He had said in that familiar, revered voice, that he did not want her.

"Jefferson, my son, what are you saying?" asked his father faintly. He sounded alarmed.

"I've been thinking about this for a long time, but I honestly haven't had the nerve to tell you until now." Jefferson sighed raggedly. "I am leaving the village. I do not wish to inherit the shop. I have no desire to waste my youth making hats and gloves...a-and annoying, squalling, useless reproductions of myself, and - "

"Jefferson!" his mother cried, aghast.

"I am barely seventeen, Mother, yet you would have me marry within the year!"

Cadmea bit the knuckle of her thumb painfully hard. She'd never heard Jefferson so hopelessly frustrated as he was in that moment, and it frightened her, made her consider that perhaps all she was hearing was real - and she just didn't know if she could bear that knowledge.

"I have seldom left this village, I've seen nothing of the worlds beyond the forest, yet you are already determined I will live and die in this place! No! I refuse! I will not stay here, I will not run the shop, and I sure as hell will not be taking that poor, deluded, ignorant girl-child to my bed!"

"You are being needlessly cruel, Jefferson," Cadmea's mother said stiffly. "Think about her feelings - do they not factor into this at all? This rejection - it's not fair to her!"

"Fair to her," Jefferson repeated darkly. "Was it fair to her to promise me to her without asking me first? Hell, did you even ask her? You offer her to me like a virgin sacrifice! You treat her as if she is cattle! Why not bring her to market then, with a sign detailing her attributes and worth - I'm sure some less-ambitious fellow than I would be glad to have her, if the businesses were offered as a generous dowry!"

A sudden loud slap echoed across the study, and the shocking silence that followed awoke Cadmea from her heartbroken stupor. As quietly as she could, she moved away from the door, and tip-toed through the hall to the kitchen to make her way up the back stairs to her room. Just as she reached the steps she heard the study door crash open, and she was thankful she hadn't tried to sneak up the main stair, or she definitely would've been caught, and she'd have died if that happened.

Cadmea reached her room without discovery and locked herself in with a shaking hand. She would have thrown herself upon the bed, but her body would not allow her to be still. She was ice-cold, teeth-chattering, shaken down to the bone. Hopelessness was a black hole in the core of her, devouring her warmth from the inside out.

She wrapped her arms around herself and paced, waiting for the blinding streams of tears that would surely come and choke her, but her wide eyes remained painfully dry, and all she could do was stare and stumble back and forth across the floor. Her thoughts were frantic and tangled.

Jefferson did not want her.

'He thinks I am dull, as complacent as the cattle in the fields…'

'Why did I never notice his contempt?'

He was too gentlemanly, too kind, he would never say such things...to her face.

'He pities me…he looks on me as a child, as a sister…he thinks I am a blind fool, and I am!'

Oh, god, the utter humiliation of it all! The wretchedness she felt!

Cadmea's strength finally left her, and she collapsed where she stood, neck unable to support her head. She gazed dumbly at the floor, sobbing out desperate breaths as she struggled to come to terms with the fact that the love of her life just simply did not want her.

"Oh, Jefferson...I swear that my love is so pure, so true," she whispered, closing her eyes. She could feel the truth of it, the warmth, a golden light surrounding her beating heart. "It is unselfish and unbreakable. I would do anything for you, I promise. Anything, my sweet boy. I will even...let you go. Take your freedom and run far from here, I wish you adventure and fulfillment, happiness and wealth. Only be safe…"

'God, please, beyond all else, please let him be safe…'

The tears finally came then, and never in her life had she been so grateful not to have her parents call her to dinner, because she could not have bluffed her way through it. She was aching and raw and if her love was unbreakable, she certainly was not.


When the morning came, Cadmea awoke to numbness, and she was grateful. She washed and dressed, and went down to breakfast as if nothing was wrong in her world. She pasted a smile onto her face, and if her mother commented on her puffy eyes and red lips it was from nothing but a bit of dust she'd accidentally raised the night before when looking under her bedstead for a misplaced book.

Her parents were assured by her act, but said nothing of Jefferson's visit the evening before. She was attempting to force down a bowl of peaches and porridge when a knock came upon the back door. Her parent's exchanged worried glances, and Cadmea's bruised heart lurched against her ribs as if trying to break free of it's cage in desperate denial.

Cadmea stood, offering to get the door nonchalantly, and walked from the small dining room into the kitchen. She stood before the wooden door, all that was separating her from the end of her innocent life, clenching her fists for courage until her nails painfully broke the skin. She threw the door open with a welcoming smile.

"Jefferson! What are you doing here so early in the morning? Business with father? Is that a new top hat? It's quite dashing!" she exclaimed cheerily at the handsome young man on the doorstep.

Jefferson's face was pale and unshaven as he expertly doffed his hat, a sleek, faintly patterned black construct with a crimson silk interior, a thick, black crepe band and a rakishly placed black crepe ribbon. He seemed tired, and there were dark smudges under his clouded, red-rimmed blue-eyes. His full lips were bright red and slick, and she could tell he'd been biting them repeatedly, she knew it was a tick of his that occurred when he was troubled. He was clearly unhappy...nervous.

She wanted to die.

"Morning, Cadmea," he mumbled quietly in greeting.

Cadmea knew what he was there for, but she was determined to make the whole pitiful experience as easy and quick as possible for him, even if it killed her. She attempted to dial her forced cheer back.

"Sweet boy - are you sick? You don't look well. Whatever is wrong?"

Jefferson bit his lip again, his tongue darting out over the friction-swollen spot, and he dropped his eyes, slowly turning his hat in his hands.

"I - Cadmea - " he cut himself off and gave a slight shake of his head, eyes shining and lips quirking in a regretful smile.

"Stay here - I'll grab my shawl and we'll step out for a walk, all right?" she said quickly, reaching out despite herself to squeeze his wrist reassuringly. She hurried away, grabbing her shawl and draping it over her shoulders as she returned to him, trying to ignore the wild tingle in her hand from touching a sliver of his warm skin. She could still feel the sparse, silky hair sliding along her palm…

They stepped outside into a chilly but sunny autumn morning, and Cadmea led him to the stone bench beneath the largest tree in her backyard.

"Please, tell me what has you so out of sorts."

Jefferson sat beside her, turning his body to face her, and continued to fiddle with his hat. He took to deftly spinning it between his fingers, steadying himself before he took a great breath and looked at her, eyes narrowing determinedly.

Cadmea's leg twitched in reaction to his nearness beneath her skirts, and bumped something - she looked down and saw a black leather traveling bag stuffed under the bench and her heart dropped. She saw his initial stamped across the strap in silver filligree and swallowed. He really was leaving.

"I-I didn't mean for you to see that," Jefferson moaned, dropping his face into one hand.

Cadmea swallowed painfully.

"You're leaving," she pointed out needlessly.

"I am," he sighed, head drooping even further.

Cadmea forced a smile. "I-it's okay, sweet boy," she said softly, then wanted to slap herself for using the endearment when he looked back at her with tears of regret swimming in his eyes.

"I think I can understand why you're here, like this."

Jefferson suddenly slid off the bench and knelt on one knee before her, new hat forgotten on the ground as he took her small, cold hands into his. He looked up at her earnestly.

"Cadmea, please, I beg you not to be hurt - it's just…" he chewed his lip, eyes flickering. "I must get away from here, from this village, it's suffocating me. I must see what's out there, beyond the forest."

Cadmea's very soul shied away at the hopeful glint in his eyes. He was so handsome, so young - she feared for him. There were dark things out there.

"I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt," she told him quietly, but she smiled again, sadly, and squeezed his hands hard before dropping them - if she did not let go now, she never would. "I'll be okay."

She stood up and took several steps away from him, before turning back and motioning for him to get up off the damp ground. He did, and retrieved his hat.

"What did your parents say?"

Jefferson looked faintly green for a moment. He looked away, couldn't meet her eyes.

"They have...disowned me." He gave a dark laugh, mindlessly spinning the hat, tumbling it to and fro - finally he tipped it back onto his dark, short spiky curls and turned to grin humorlessly at her.

"They never want to see my 'wretched face' again. They called me their greatest 'shame'." He held his arms out as if to say, 'Behold'.

Cadmea bit her lip as it trembled. "They don't really believe that," she told him. "Don't believe that, Jefferson - you are their whole world," and mine…

Jefferson lifted his hands to grasp the lapels of his simple yet stunningly-cut dark grey suit. He must have dressed to suit his mood today, because his fingerless gloves, cravat, shirt and waistcoat all matched. He wore impeccably shined short black boots with his trousers tucked into them, and his long, high-collared duster was made of a weather-proofed dark gray suede. Smooth gray leather patches covered the elbows of his coat and the knees of his trousers. He was clearly off on a journey and dressed for it.

Cadmea felt underdressed in plain yet elegant blue morning gown, button-up boots and ivory shawl. She suddenly wished she'd taken more time with her tumbled brown hair. She pushed a mass out of her eyes impatiently.

"Well," Jefferson sighed,, rocking back on his heels, "it's not exactly as if I can argue the claim. I've dishonored myself and the family name."

"You haven't. You merely take advantage of your freedom such as all young men are wont to do. There is no shame in that. You are right to follow your heart, Jefferson, don't ever doubt that."

He looked at her gratefully, and stepped forward as if to take her hands again, but she dropped her eyes and took a step back. She couldn't bear his touch again, she just couldn't, she would dissolve in sobs and tears and beg him to stay, beg him pitifully to take her with him -

He stopped short of touching her cleared his throat awkwardly.

Cadmea decided to change the subject. "So, can I know where it is you shall journey to?"

Jefferson went back to the bench and sat down, taking the handle of his valise in hand. "You more than anyone deserve to know where I'm running away to," he told her, self-loathing evident in his voice. "I'm going to the coast, perhaps to board a ship there, or not, I haven't really planned it. This all happened kind of...suddenly."

Cadmea nodded. "Of course. Jefferson, I - "

He darted a glance back up at her, head and hat tilting, dark, thick lashes surrounding eyes so blue and vulnerable they made her ache.

She licked her lips and took a deep breath and began again, hands twisting in the knotted ends of her shawl. "I have to know - was it something I did?"

He frowned. "Of course not."

"I-if I had been prettier, perhaps, or older? Maybe smarter, o-or more outspoken, would you have - " she cut herself off at the dawning dread in his eyes and shook her head.

"That...was a rude and unfair question of me to ask," she told him quietly, "Do not answer that. I apologize. This is...hard for me."

Jefferson stood up, valise in hand, and gave her look of unconstrained concern. "I know. I promise you, I'll never forgive myself for hurting you this way. You're my best friend, Cadmea."

Her name on his lips, her name in his husky voice for the last time almost broke her, but she smiled and selfishly stepped forward and went up on her toes to hug him tightly around the neck before backing away before he felt like he had to respond in kind. The warm scent of clean skin and leather teased her nose. She would fight the Dark One himself to be able to recall that smell in the hard times to come.

She ducked her head. "I will always care about you, Jefferson. Do not promise me that you'll only think of me with regret - promise me that if you ever do think of me, it will be with fondness instead. Remember that all I have ever wanted was your happiness, for you to smile at me and live. Promise me you will be careful. Be safe?" She looked up at him and her smile froze on her face.

Jefferson - the expression on his face was one of complete confusion. He had already decided to go and make his way on his own, but that look - he was suddenly, completely torn.

"Jefferson - "

He dropped the valise and took a huge stride forward, wrapping her in his arms and squeezing the breath from her. His breathing was heavy against her head, where he had tucked his nose into her hair.

"You are so brave, Cadmea Metaxas," he groaned against her ear, sending shivers up and down her spine. "I can only hope to one day be as selfless and brave as you."

"You are brave, my sweet boy," she told him adamantly, shivering.

He shook his head against her, lifting one hand to gently cradle the back of her skull. "No, I am not. If I were truly brave and selfless, I wouldn't be walking away from you."

Cadmea tried hard to turn her sudden sob of agony into a laugh.

"Only the truly brave fight so hard for what they want," she said brokenly, and then turned her head and pressed her lips to his lean, rough cheek. She ducked quickly out of his embrace, and turned away, moving back across the yard to her home. She didn't want to look back, to see him walking away from her forever, but when she reached the doorstep she automatically turned.

He was still there, valise in one hand, hat in the other, and when she looked at him he gave her a formal bow, one hand with his valise curled behind his back, the other saluting her with his hat. When he straightened, he rakishly flipped the hat back onto his head, and smiled lopsidedly. He gave her a devastating, devilish wink.

Cadmea turned blindly and staggered stupidly against the door, fumbling desperately with the knob to get it open. She threw it open at last and found her parents on the other side, both crying openly for her obvious pain.

Regretful, for they really were very good, loving parents, she took a moment and hugged them tightly, forcing yet another smile before excusing herself to the privacy of her room. That was where she proceeded to fall apart and quietly begin to lose her mind.


A/N: (That smooth bastard). This came into being because there just aren't enough Jefferson fics, damn it, and I love to hate him right now. Please forgive the presumptuousness of the dual title, I guess I just couldn't make up my mind. This will follow the original timeline of OUAT, and shouldn't diverge in any specific way.

BTW - Cadmea is pronounced K-ad-May, and her last name, Metaxas is pronounced M-et-ax-ahs. Just for the curious. Cadmea comes from Kadmeia Nike, or Cadmean Victory - 'a victory involving one's own ruin'. Her surname Metaxas is greek, and roughly means 'one who deals in fabrics/silks'. Thought it would be appropriate seeing as she is a talented seamstress, and her father is a tailor.

Thanks for reading, and be sure to watch for the next chapter - The pain in Cadmea's heart begins to affect her mind, and a near tragedy occurs. We will meet the Dark One who fully appreciates the meaning of her name, and find out how much time has passed and what Jefferson is up to. I really hope a few people will enjoy this, I had such a great time writing it! Comments are always welcome! Also, a big thank you to Logan for helping me out with the Jefferson cover art for this story. I drew it, but it wouldn't have seen the light of day without her.

P.S. This story was slightly inspired by Identity-Unknown's Alice in Wonderland (2010) fic, 'Strange Asylum', here on . An Alice/Tarrant fic, it seems as if it has been abandoned just one chapter short of its conclusion, but it didn't keep me from really enjoying it - it dealt with some darker, more serious themes, like past sexual abuse and self-harm, so just a warning, it may disturb some folks. If you like a little insanity with your romance, be sure to check it out.