Chapter 1

[Helga]

Every day is always a struggle for me; I guess I deserve all this misery that I go through every day. I have a hard ass father, an alcoholic mother, and over achieving sister and to top it off me. I hate waking up every morning and looking in the mirror to the one person I loathe the most. Hating Lila is nothing compare to hating me, how can Arnold love me if I cannot even love myself. So what if I confessed my love to him so many years ago, on the FTI roof. It all went down the drain hole when he made me take it back, I don't blame him for it, and if I were him I would have done the same. After years of torturing him what else would I expect? True I did help him find his parents in the jungles of San Lorenzo, and he did kiss me; but when Gerald interrupted I made him take it back. I used the same excuse he did, 'the heat of the moment', whatever the hell that means. He tried talking to me about it but I just always ignored the subject, he was too good for me. I would never be good enough for his love, it is better I loved him from afar and see him be happy with someone who was good enough for him. The last time I saw him it was the summer before 7th grade, he was moving to San Lorenzo with his parents. I was completely crushed, I could not function right. Why did I have to love him so much, I wish I could stop my feeling for him.

The whole gang and I have somehow managed to live without Arnold; the way he always looked on the bright side was greatly missed. He did write to everyone once or twice a month, and by everyone I mean everyone. He even wrote to me, of course I never replied back, I mean it's not like he cares or whatever. Ok so maybe I did reply once, but it was only the polite thing to do. It's not like I said much or said anything to reveling of my feelings for him. It was a very simple yet friendly letter.

Dear Arnold,

Sorry I haven't replied back, I've been really busy. I hope you like San Lorenzo and I'm glad you finally got your happy ending. It was about time Football head, you are always there for everyone and you never asked for anything in return. Anyways I'm still the same but somehow different I guess, I'm still grumpy all the time but I don't bully anymore. I have better things to do, like cleaning up after Miriam. My sister got married to some douchbag and is pregnant, Big Bob still ignores me (no surprise there) and Miriam's only love is a bottle of liquor. I have to take care of Miriam because I'm the only one that does, anyways I think that's pretty much it bucko. I hope you are happy though, well what am I saying? Of course your happy, you are finally with your parents. I hope I see you one day Football head, who would actually think I miss your optimistic, crimeny I'm losing my marbles.

Sincerely

Helga G. Pataki

Ok maybe I was a bit to sentimental but so what? That doesn't mean I'm heartless, crimeny. After my first and only letter Arnold sent me his last letter. At first the letter seem like any other letter he had sent, telling me about the jungle and how cool his parents are, promising me that my life is probably better then I make it to be, and crap like that. However the very last sentence was almost not real to me, I had to read it over and over again just to make sure my mind wasn't playing a trick on me. He wrote that he was moving back to Hillwood, because his parents wanted him to finish his senior year at an actual high school. It had been 5 years since I last saw my beloved football head, I didn't know what to do. I didn't want him to see my scars that I inflicted on myself. I didn't care if anyone else saw because they wouldn't give a shit, but Arnold was a completely different story. How am I going to hide all my scars that run along my legs and arms, each one of them was to feel actual pain than emotional pain. How could I explain to him that it was easier for me to deal with physical pain rather than emotional pain that were too strong for me to bear? How long have I waited for you to come back to me, and now that I you're here I still can't believe it. I wish my scars would disappear but they made me realize that I hate myself. I need to remember that, how can I expect Arnold to love me when I don't respect myself. I wish he could see what I feel for him, but he is too good for me. I will not corrupt Arnold just for my selfish desires. I have changed so much over the last 5 years; I am not the same Helga that once was 5 years ago. The only way to get over Arnold, I must destroy everything I have of him, even this locket that I have carried since pre-school. I must do it before I see Arnold at school next week.

[Arnold]

"Gerald!"

"My man, Arnold! Glad to have you back, welcome home!" said Gerald giving his friend their secret handshake

"It's good to be back!" It really was, as much as I loved San Lorenzo it is not home. I have been a nervous wreck since I left the airport. I don't know why I'm so nervous coming back. How different does Hillwood look? How has the gang changed? How is…Helga? I know she loved me once, but does she still love me now? I sent her letters with no response, so I assumed she moved on. However that one letter I got from her had me haywire. Is she just being nice or does it mean something more to her? God I'm a mess, she is such a complicated person.

"Your grandparents have a surprise Welcome Home party for you; your grandma however thinks it's Christmas and is making people wear Santa hats." Gerald said

"Oh I think I miss them most of all, they were so crazy yet they were the only people that made sense to me."

"Well they missed you too buddy, now go find your parents and meet me in the front, I'll go get the car."

"Thanks Gerald, is the gang at the party?"

"Yeah, and half of the Hillwood." Laughed Gerald

I wonder if Helga will be there, God I have to stop thinking about Helga. I hope she is though, I need to talk to her about….um what exactly do I need talk to her about?

"Arnold! There you are, you ready to go?" my dad asked

"Oh yeah sure dad, Gerald is waiting for us in the front, Where's mom?"

"Right here, you can't see me because I'm the one carrying the luggage!" my mom said with a smirk

"Sorry honey, do you need help?"

"I don't know does it look like it?"

"I'll help you mom, we should probably get going though."

The ride to the boarding house was quick but somehow calming. It was good to be back home, as much as I loved San Lorenzo, Hillwood would always be my home.

As I grab my backpack from the truck and open the door to the boarding house I take a deep breath and open the door.

"SURPRISE!" I hear in unison as I wear a big smile on my face

"Hey everyone! What a surprise!" I say as shocking as I could.

"Shortman, we missed you! We are so happy that you're back for good." My grandpa hugs me very tight, for being pretty old he is in very good shape.

"Kimba my dear, you must tell me how the war went. You must tell us everything." Oh dear, I sure missed my grandma calling me that. I was never really sure why she called me Kimba but I loved it never the less.

"Grandpa, Grandma I missed you guys the most. I will tell you guys everything I promise." And with that everything else was a blur; Gerald was right half of Hillwood was here. The whole gang was here, well except Helga. I was really hoping that she was here, but I guess I deserve it, she probably has moved on with her life. I don't blame her either, she has the right to move on and get on with her life. That's what I tried to tell myself anyway.

Everyone has changed but somehow I can still see the resemblance of our childhood memories in them. Rhonda, Nadine, Curly, Harold, Sid, Stinky, Phoebe, Patty, Lila, and just pretty much everyone I grew up with was gathered around me and listening to me tell my crazy San Lorenzo adventures.

We all talked and laughed, almost as if I never left; the party went on until 3am. I was getting pretty tired but I was so glad to see everyone. Sid, Gerald, and Phoebe were the last to leave since they were helping me clean up and stuff.

"Phoebe, can I ask you something?" I asked quietly

"Sure Arnold, what is it?"

"Umm…I..just wanted to know where…umm..you know…where Helga was?" I asked nervously, Phoebe must have notice because she was trying to hide her smile.

"Well I'm pretty sure she's at home Arnold." Phoebe said, I felt pretty stupid for asking because even I could have guessed that.

"Oh right, well if you see her tell her I say 'Hi' and that I want to see her soon…because she was the only one that wasn't here." I said stupidly, almost as if I was asking a question

"Got it, no problem Arnold, I'll tell her for you. Helga and me are still very good friends, despise our differences she is the only friend that gets me and vice versa. She has changed ever since you left though, she is no longer the bully she once was. Even though things at school have changed for her, life at home has only gotten worse." Phoebe said bitter-sweetly

"How is she holding up though? I wish there was something I could do for her."

"Arnold you will never change, will you?" she said warmly

"What do you mean?" I asked half curiously

"You always helping everyone, I always loved that about you. I wish you could help Helga, when she was younger she would bully people as a way to escape her pain from home but now I'm afraid she has changed tactics. It's great that she doesn't bully anymore, but I myself don't know how to help her." Phoebe said with wet eyes

"Don't worry Phoebe, I'll do everything I can to help her."

"As much as I want you to help her, I think you're the last person she would expect help from. Helga is a very strong person, but she is also weak. She wants to help herself; she denies thinking of herself as some damsel in distress."

"She has always been like that though, why is she so stubborn." I say almost a bit too loud

"It's Helga we're talking about Arnold, she is not like other girls." Phoebe says

"Yeah I suppose your right."

"Well Arnold, I'm glad your back. Text me when your free, so we can talk some more. It was great seeing you."

"Yeah for sure I will let you know. Do you want me to drive you home, it's already really late?" I say

"Thanks, but no Thanks, Gerald is taking me home along with...um Sid." Phoebe says almost like she's hiding something at the mention of Sid's name.

"Oh ok cool, thanks for helping me clean up Phoebe." I hug Phoebe good-bye "See you later, or the next time I see you" I let her go from the hug

"Good-Bye and Good night Arnold." Phoebe says as she's walking away to get Gerald and Sid

"Oh and Phoebe"

"Yes Arnold" she says as she turns around

"Congratulations, it was about time you and Gerald got together. I was starting to wonder when you guys would ever go out." I say

"Thanks Arnold" Phoebe says with a smile on her face while she goes to Gerald's car

"Have you been flirting with my girl, bro?" Gerald says jokingly

"Maybe….. No I was just asking where… umm ...where Helga was?" I say shyly

"Oh well she's probably at home, anyways got to run Arnold, I have to drive Phoebe home and Sid."

"Yeah she's taking care of Miriam again, since she stopped going to rehab." Sid said

"How do you?" I say sounding a bit angry

"Well she texted me." Sid says confused

"Oh right, well it was nice seeing you guys again. We must get the gang together for some baseball reunion." I say trying to sound as cheerful as I could

"Alright my man, see you tomorrow." Gerald says as we do our secret handshake

"Bye Arnold" Sid says as we shake hands awkwardly

And with that all three of them leave, with more questions in my head then before. Is Sid friends with Helga? What is Helga doing instead of bullying people? Man I need sleep and just try to forget about it until tomorrow.


I do not own Hey Arnold, I wish I did though

This is my first Fanfic ever so please be kind, and Review If you like it. If you don't like it review it anyway and tell me why you don't like it

I hope to finish the story before I start school so keep your fingers crossed!