A/N- I decided to put this story up early. It's a pre/behind the scene-quel of ADIT with little to no seriousness in it. I warn you right now, there will be stuff. Enjoy!

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The Tales of Teufort

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Chapter 1

Little Miss Mary Sue

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It was just another day in Teufort. Several psychopaths brutally murdering each other multiple times in a strange game of death-tag, gunfire, and explosives. Just the usual stuff.

The two teams were tied, and whoever captured the intelligence one more time would win. BLU had already gotten the case about halfway to their Intel room, but their Scout wasn't known for his ability to survive a grenade to the face.

Long story short, BLU Heavy was head-shotted onhis way to the intelligence room by RED Sniper, who was shot by BLU Spy, who was decapitated by RED Medic, who was blown up by BLU Soldier who got the intelligence to the BLU base in the final two seconds.

Once the RED team returned to their base, they were greeted by a young girl who was no more than 15 years old. She had red hair and somehow had rainbow eyes, even though that was physically impossible. She was wearing next to nothing, and kept insisting that that was what she wore to fight. They weren't able to get much explanation as to why she was there, but she kept saying she was the tenth class.

They tried to tell her to leave, but she assumed they were being sexist and tried to pick a fight with them.

"Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't fight!" She protested.

"We don't care if you're a girl or not! You are far too young to be out here!" Scout barked.

"So? You aren't much older!"

"I'm 23! I've been to college! You're a freshman in high school!"

"So?"

Scout face-palmed, "I'm done, tell me how this works out." He said as he exited the room.

"Listen, 15 is too young to be out in a desert fighting people up to three times your age with more experience than you." Engineer explained.

"I've been trained-" she started.

"No, we do not care. You will leave now, or we will drag you out." Heavy grabbed her arm.

"No!"

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"LET ME GO!" she hollered as Soldier and Heavy dragged her outside towards a bus stop. She was tied up because she wouldn't stop struggling. Medic and Sniper were following behind, not wanting to miss anything because, let's face it, stuff around Teufort was entertaining.

"The bus will be here in an hour." Heavy said as he dropped a handful of quarters near her. "Do not come back."

"Whatever, I'll find a better job than this."

"You do realize that there are child labor laws, right?" Soldier said, showing what little intelligence he had.

"Yeah, so?"

"Can't we just shoot her?" Sniper asked.

"Zhat's your answer for everything!" Medic slapped him on the back of the head.

"That's because it's generally the best solution." Sniper glared at him.

"Quiet." Heavy growled and gave them his best 'I-will-eat-you-if-you-don't-stop' look. "We go now."

They left and didn't look back. The girl got on the next bus, wiggled out of the ropes, and left. And no one ever spoke of the sheer stupidity of that one girl ever again.