The Witness

You will never guess what happened to me today. It was straight out of a fricking movie, I'm telling you. Ok, so, there I am, on the plane, just settling into my seat, right? All pretty standard. Then this guy, this crazy blond guy, comes striding down the aisle to the woman sitting next to me. The look on her face….! You should have seen it. She looked shocked out. Of. Her. Mind. And then he starts telling her all this stuff: how messed up he is, how much he loves her, what an idiot he's been… Or, you know, words to that effect. I KNOW, RIGHT?! Can you believe it?! I swear, I did not know where to put my eyes. Normally I would have pretended not to be blatantly eavesdropping, but she was right there next to me, and, to be perfectly honest, it was all kind of loud.

The guy, though… Oh my god, he was actually crying. Like, really crying. He was so heartfelt and passionate, I basically fell in love with him myself. It was all so beautiful and tragic and dramatic; I thought she might faint at one point. I'm kind of glad she didn't, frankly, because dealing with unconscious women isn't in my fields of expertise. Thank god for flight attendants, right? She was definitely weeping, though. I tried not to stare, of course, but it was kind of hard not to, especially when the people involved are that good-looking. She told him no, and it was heartbreaking. That he was "too late" – those exact words. Somebody a few rows over emitted a muffled pained squeal. I almost cried myself. Yeah, that was bad enough, but then he got hauled off by the security people, still yelling about how much he loved her. The security guard did not look amused. God knows how the guy even got through security, which to be perfectly honest makes me question this government's ability to protect us from terrorists, but whatever.

Then the woman apologised into the general vicinity for the scene, but she didn't need to. She was too embarrassed to meet my eye; I felt so bad for her. I wanted to say something reassuring and comforting, but I didn't really know what, and the lady on the other side was already on hand with a tissue, murmuring something mom-like, so I thought maybe it was better I kept my mouth shut. I did try to look sympathetic, though. I hope she caught that. I also think I might have tried to pat her awkwardly on the shoulder, or I nearly did, I can't remember. At the end of the day, I'd like to think that if anyone ever pours their heart out to me on a crowded domestic passenger flight, and I shoot them down, Shakespeare-style, that my neighbours will help me out in a similar way, and not surreptitiously video me on their camera phones.

Well anyway. You could feel everybody on the plane just dying to start discussing the whole thing – everything was way too silent and tense - but I don't think the woman even noticed; she seemed totally lost in thought. Unsurprising, huh? I think it was at that point I plucked up the courage to offer her a mint (sucking sweets helps with popping ears, incidentally; also, I thought it might provide a good distraction), but before I could do it, she stood up and squeezed out of the row. Her handbag bumped the other lady's knee and she apologised, but the lady just said something like, "You go get him, honey" and then she kind of smiled at us, or near us, and hurried off down the aisle, head down. I think somebody behind us might have given a quiet "wooo yeah!", and I think I heard a clap, but given how the whole thing went down, it didn't really catch on. But I could feel that everybody was absolutely dying to do it. That or they were bummed our flight got so delayed. Maybe I should have started a round of reassuring and supportive applause to let her know we were on her side, I don't know. Anyway, she got off the plane. Man, I would give anything to know how that story ended. It was freakin' epic.