The Cullens and Dr. Van Helsing (part 1 of 3)

Alice and Bella are fighting over something really stupid.

Bella: God Alice you such a fucking bitch to me all the time!

Alice: I am not! You're the one with PMS! I hate that you're such a whore to me all the time!

Bella: If I am a whore then you're a FAT lazy bitch! You're so FAT that when you got your weight checked, the scale said: I want your weight not your phone number!

Alice: I am going to kill you Bella!

*Alice chase Bella with a knife through the house and when They get into the attic and Alice corners Bella, Van Helsing burst through the window and tries to stab Alice with a wooden stake, but misses and hits the blow up doll. Emmett randomly appears and grieves about the blow up doll.*

Alice: Ha, ha, ha! You can not kill me for I am a ninja!

*Suddenly Alice gets head in the back of the head with a Smirnoff bottle.*

Bella: She was saying?

Van Helsing: Good working rookie! Now we must dispose of body!

*Suddenly Alice grabs Bella's ankle and tries to brake it, but she is staked and Jasper runs up into the attic and tries to save Alice, but once again his fat ass is late. See that he is too late to save her he sobs and looks at Bella and bitchslaps her.* Jasper: I hate you!

Bella: Now you know how I feel!

Jasper: Why are you being so mean to me? Stop yelling at me! (Starts to get emotional)

Van Helsing: God! A emotional vampire! How pathetic…

The Cullens and van Helsing Part 2 of 3

*As our story goes on, Jasper and Bella are in the middle of a bitchslaping contest and Jasper ends up winning, and Bella is the Loser:'(*

Jasper: Like oh my god! I won! Yeah for me!

Bella: Hey Jasper can you do me a favor?

Jasper: Yeah sure what is it?

Bella: Shut the hell up! God you're fucking annoying! I hate you so much.

Jasper: Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Bella: I still hate you!

Jasper: Haters getting mad, cuz I got me some bacon eggs!

*Bella just shakes her sadly at the now gay and pathetic thing of a vampire*

Van Helsing: Now can I kill him?

Edward: Jasper! There's something I need to tell you!

Jasper: What is it Edward?

Edward: I love you Jasper!

Van Helsing/Bella: He's gay?!