Chapter One: Dead Beautiful
January 1st 2011
Pheonix, Arizona
"Five, six, seven and..."
Pausing, my eyes darted to the reflection. Her arms were high above her head, and held her right leg straight in the air. She was balanced on the very tip of the toes on her left foot, all her weight on those fragile toes. The position she was in should have strained her; she should never have been able to hold such an arrangement for any length of time.
My eyes fell from her. This reflection was mine. The beautiful child in the mirror was me. She was graceful and elegant as she held that uncomfortable stance with such brilliant strength, to the naked me however, no matter what I did, I could never get it perfect. My leg was not straight enough; my toes were not holding me high enough. There was no end to my own personal rehearsals, but this one step was tugging on my last nerve.
The truth was that this particular dance required a partner, and someone should have been holding me up. I was never meant to be balancing on my toes, but at least four feet in the air. Of course, I could not fly so it was next to impossible. I sighed. Inner peace and tranquility was something I found only when I danced. My balance, skill, elegance and posture were all far beyond perfect but my partner dancing could have been much, much better. I had been practicing my dancing ever since I was a human girl, when it was only a childish indulgence.
I vaguely remembered through awful human eyes a beautiful large and spacious room that was the most brilliant bittersweet orange color. The sunlight completely saturated the room from all angles and I remembered twirling into a boy's arms. The room was empty at the time but it was an important room. That memory, as blurry as it seemed, was the only human memory I had left. I did not even know how old I was anymore. I had no concept of time, because time was a human concept, and human I was not.
My patience and inner peace was lost in a moment of irritation. The girl in the mirror was nothing more than a beautiful disaster. I quickly turned the music off and lay down on the floor of my studio. I stared at the bright white lights, seeing every visible and invisible color of the spectrum there. I closed my eyes, and remembered what that dance move looked like with a partner.
My mind searched through old memories and found the right one. It was of my old friend, Jasper Whitlock and he held me in his strong arms for the second that particular dance move lasted. I paused the memory, and found Carlisle Cullen sitting on a chair watching us. We were performing for him. He had a lovely smile on his face, so warm and proud. Unintentionally, a smile played on the corners of my own lips at the thought of my old friends.
I had not seen my friends in such a long time. As I had no concept of time right then and there, I flitted at an inhumane pace from the studio, into the dark night saturated alley. I lived in an apartment on the twelfth floor of the building behind the studio I rented. Climbing the fire escape staircase, I slipped in through the window where the unused kitchen was situated. I was sure I had left my cell phone in there.
I slid up the modern contraption and I felt my eyebrows shoot up for the heavens as my eyes took in the date. January 1st 2011. I shook my head in disbelief. Had it really been so long? Had it really been almost what? Ninety-nine years since I had last seen Jasper and Carlisle?
I gulped the venom flowing freely in my mouth. I did not linger on that thought for too long, in case I came to the conclusion that they may as well be dead. After all, not every vampire in this word had the time to become such a master at evasiveness. Truth be told, I was a coward. I avoided danger like it was a deadly poison, or in my case, a really huge fire. I was scared of death, scared of never being able to wake up. That was why I was made a vampire, so I would never die.
My eyes fell to my hands which were holding the fragile cell phone delicately in their grasp. My skin was old, tired even. Whoever told me vampires never showed any physical signs of aging was a liar. The tight skin that covered my body was slightly brittle and paler than it used to be. I remembered with perfect clarity of when my skin was smooth, like I was made from marble.
I was not sure what I was made from anymore. I looked like an old statue, covered with the wear and tear of time. I was covered in scars, bites and scratches that proved my age. My onion pale skin was still as hard, but it noticeably looked old.
I was becoming more conscious of this thought more recently. I was starting to look like Aro Volturi. Ugh. My lips twitched convulsively at the thought of his name.
Self conscious, I pulled on a cardigan that was draped lazily over one of my kitchen chairs. I sat down; my mind too lost in thought to keep my muscles working to stand. I fondled idly with my hair as I wondered about Carlisle.
Where could he be, apart from heaven, that was? I could search the entire world for him; it was not like time was an issue. Unless, he was being hunted by the Volturi too. However, I could plainly remember Aro taking such a fond liking to what was mine and I could not imagine a reason of which the Volturi would even consider killing my Carlisle.
As my mind glazed over the places I had heard Carlisle wanting to live in, none of them seemed right. He would not be in Italy; he felt too distant from human life when he was living with the Volturi.
He would not be in England, as there were far too many ghosts of his past that still haunted him there.
Nowhere seemed right. Not even Chicago. The windy city was not somewhere I imagined Carlisle setting up a permanent residence. I knew him well enough that he would be somewhere small and cloudy. Somewhere completely inconspicuous.
Alaska was the first place that came into my head. I knew for a fact that Tanya was still living there. After all, she was of the Denali Coven. She had her residence set up there since she gave up her life playing with human men. She lived with her sisters, Irina and Katrina. They were strong, old vampires too, but not as old as me. Slovakian, if I remembered correctly.
The only vampires, who were close to my age, were the three key members of the Volturi and their wives. They were older than me but not by long, I guessed. When I was living with them, we told each other many human and newborn memories. We made the comparisons and decided that I was only a few centuries younger than Aro.
I knew that my creator was a Romanian vampire because I had known him for centuries before I left him. He told me that Rome was under siege by a Romanian revolt, though there was no such history of a Romanian rebellion before Christ. However, time was not recorded as well back then and neither was history. I lived at a time when Roma was just a kingdom, not an empire.
I realized that my mind had been distracted by memories rather than focusing on finding Carlisle and Jasper. I got to my feet and headed for the closet in the hall. I pulled out the step ladder and climbed up the few steps, to see the shelf and found what I had been seeking.
A telephone directory.
I had no numbers saved in my cell, because I did not know anyone. The only time I talked to another vampire like myself was when a nomad strayed into my territory.
I had claimed Phoenix as my own because it was too sunny for any vampires who wanted to settle here. I only left my home at night to hunt, so I could control the red eyed fiend that resided in my soul. They said that your eyes are windows to the soul. My eyes were crimson, and proved the existence of the beast that conquered my soul.
Did the Denali Coven even use surnames? I did not know. They would have a telephone number though, so I planned on phoning every Tanya, Katrina and Irina in Alaska, if I had too. Perhaps they just used Denali as their surname? Real inconspicuous, I thought and then was very aware of how the American English was rubbing off on me.
I sighed again, something I had a habit of doing for no particular reason. I supposed I could have just called every Cullen in America, but how did I know they were even in America? I could call every Cullen in the world and then have a telephone tab the size of Mars.
I did not have much money at all. I could not work during the day because of the sun, and could not work during the night because physically, I was too young. So I had taken to stealing small amounts of money inconspicuously from those I hunted.
I flipped through the pages, first flipping to the 'Alaska' subsection, then to the letter 'D'. There were a few Denali families in Alaska, of course. When I said a few, I meant, at least three pages. So, I started at the first 'T Denali' and worked my way down the list. I knew Tanya's voice, so if it was not her, I simply put on a Southern accent and asked for the "Meaty Feast" with a side salad and fries.
An hour and half later, after I kicked off my ballet pumps and lounged back onto the kitchen chair, with my legs thrown on the table; I still had no luck. I was on my last 'I Denali' and my last bag of donated blood. I held the phone between my ear and shoulder as I took the bag of blood out of the microwave, cut a hole in it and poured into a warm mug.
I almost laughed at myself. I felt like a human making hot coco. As I sat down and took a sip, someone picked up the phone and said, "Denali residence, Tanya speaking, how can I be of service?"
I knew that voice! I almost dropped my mug in excitement. I set it down on the table.
"Hello Tanya, how are you?" I greeted with a smile on my lips.
I could almost see the confusion on her face. My eyebrows furrowed, just a tiny bit. How could she not remember me? After all, I was not forgettable... was I? Perhaps if even Tanya could not remember me... neither would Carlisle. I did not dwell on that thought for long though.
"Isabella?" Tanya whispered after a long and silent minute. Her voice was like singing; beautiful, serene and a little shocked. Her voice gave my voice self esteem issues.
Diet had an awful lot to do with how vampires were. Basically, animal blood made a vampire more human and not as 'scary' but human blood made a vampire less human and more 'scary'.
My voice was shrill, the way I moved was distinct, catlike maybe and the way I stood too still for too long all added to my lack of humanity.
Unlike Carlisle.
I could remember him with ease. He moved everywhere at a human pace. His voice was calm, peaceful and he was always fidgeting, like a human. Tanya was more or less the same, though it had been longer since I had seen her.
"Yes," I replied, a tiny bit irritated that she had to take a moment to remember me. I did not let it slip into my voice however. I could hear her sharp intake of breath on the other end of the receiver. What was she so shocked about?
"We thought you were dead..." she said, so quietly, I had to strain my ears to hear her words. "Carlisle thought... oh dear..."
My mind did not know what to think of Tanya's words. I knew why they maybe thought that. I took a deep gulp of the blood in the mug before peering behind me. Just in case... No. It had been years. Time to forget about that. The last time I saw him, I had swum ever so quickly away from him that night, and bolted once I hit land and sprinted until the sun was high in the sky.
I knew I lost my sanity, and it took decades to get it back. I sat so still for twenty years, contemplating, after spending thirty in a depressive and angry state. My eyes filmed over, and became milky just like Aro's. I knew that it was just because I sat still too long and collected dust. My eyes would return to normal color eventually.
Well, I hoped so anyway.
"What do you mean?" I asked, playing dumb.
Tanya swallowed. "Carlisle told me when he was here, less than a decade ago, about what happened to you. He looked forever for you, as did Jasper. But you were either moving too fast or staying still for too long in one place, that your scent never lingered anywhere you went. Eventually, they both miserably and mournfully accepted you for the dead. They still believe to this day that you ended your life because of what happened on the..."
Ah. Obviously Carlisle had not told her of my black gift then.
I did not let her finish that sentence, for the sake of my sanity. I swallowed quickly and said, "Tell me where Carlisle and Jasper reside, Tanya. Please, I cannot let them go on believing me for the dead. I just cannot."
"Isabella," she said, almost like she was in pain. "Do you not think it is better for them to think of you dead, and move on with their lives?" She paused, letting me take in the words. Then she continued. "They were so broken by that pain, you would not understand. They are only starting to move on now. You broke them once; I cannot let you do it again."
"Why would I break them again?" I hissed, so frustrated and angry at her honest words. She was so right, but I was a selfish creature. I had spent centuries getting what I wanted, and it was not going to change now. "Just give me the address. How dare you presume to know of what I will and will not do?"
The déjà vu those words gave me, made me so dizzy. I heard her growl the address down the phone to me before saying, "I will not be telling them of your visit. Although, do not be astonished if your trip is not a surprise to them."
She hung up before I could have asked what she meant. I shrugged it off. I never really got along well Tanya or her sisters. We were just a little too different I guess. But most of the dislike I felt towards her was in form of jealousy. I hated the way that she was centuries younger than me and had such control.
Why could the thousand year plus, red eyed beast inside of me just crumble to dust so I could live on animal blood? Why could I not have the control necessary to just live from a coyotes or desert animals? Why could I not be more human?
Who was I kidding?
I had not been human for thousands of years. There was no humanity left inside me. Just a dim memory. Everything human inside me was lost, and the one boy who could have rekindled even a little of that humanity too was lost. A shiver rolled down my spine and I peered behind me again.
Stop it Bella.
Sighing once again, I gulped down the mug of now cold blood, feeling a little more inhumane than ever.
