Title: Feeding Frenzy

Continuity: G1 Cartoon

Characters: Brawl, Kickback, Bombshell, Shrapnel

Rating: G

Genre: Comedy

Warnings: Crack. Songfic. Nonsense.

Word Count: +700

Summary: Brawl hates it when Vortex pranks him, especially when blue dog suits are involved.


Brawl made a mental note to beat Vortex. This thought was different from usual, because usually, Brawl did not need to think about beating Vortex; he just did it. However, Brawl had the Insecticons after him. Normally, he would just blast the annoying creatures, but Vortex had glued Brawl into a blue dog suit with that dratted glue gun of his, too, which put a severe hamper on accessing his weapons. Scratch that. He was not going to beat Vortex. He was going to pummel Vortex until he cried for Onslaught and then just outright mangle him for being a missile truck's boy.

Swindle needed a thrashing, too, for convincing Kickback that Brawl was full of cookies. Brawl figured that he could just grab Vortex and use him as a hammer with which to smite Swindle. Being able to perform all of this violence hinged on getting the blasted blue dog suit off, however.

Hence, in the name of returning to the Decepticon underwater base with all due speed, Brawl was swiftly becoming a sopping wet blue dog. The Insecticons could go underwater just as easily as Brawl could. His sole advantage was that he sunk like a tank, unsurprisingly.

Thus, an angry, soggy, blue dog stormed into the Decepticons' underwater base, pursued by a cackling cadre. Brawl hollered back, "I'm not made of cookies!"

"Did I say cookies? Oh no, I meant... pizza!" Kickback snapped back, leaping after Brawl.

"Pizza? Surely not. I heard fried chicken," scoffed Bombshell, his weevil snout twitching. So the Insecticons did not really believe Swindle's lie about the cookies and were just harassing Brawl for the sake of harassing him. Brawl was still going to beat Swindle senseless, anyway, on general principles.

"Our Happy Wheels toy clearly comes with the king of foods - hamburger, hamburger!" Shrapnel decreed, gesturing dramatically with an arm. Electricity lanced forth.

Brawl was struck and transfixed by Shrapnel's machine control powers. He grumbled and mentally revised his plans to also include feeding the Insecticons to each other.

Kickback transformed, bouncing up into robot mode. He cooed, "Oh, we know that you're not made of fast food. Swindle didn't need to tell us that box of barium baloney. We'd have done this anyway."

Bombshell nodded and transformed. He clapped his hands together and added, "But I would like to see you dance, heh-heh. Shrapnel, if you would?"

Shrapnel bowed, mock-modest, and commented, "I've always liked the electric slide, but, but..."

Then Shrapnel's lightning surged through Brawl, forcing him to dance as the Insecticons sang.


Can I take your order please?

Let's eat to the beat

(Chorus)
A pizza hut a pizza hut
Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut
A pizza hut a pizza hut
Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut
McDonalds McDonalds
Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut
McDonalds McDonalds
Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut

You like it you love it
You know you really want it
The voices I hear
Whenever you're around

I want it I need it
Nothing else can beat it
Hot and spicy
Whenever I'm in town (mm mm)

Enticing exciting
Aroma so inviting
And when it hits
Me, I wanna take you home

Trust me you must see
Just what you're doing to me
Driving me crazy
Hungry to the bone

I think of you and lick my lips
You've got the taste I can't resist
Can't resist - can't resist
Let's eat to the beat

(Repeat Chorus)

Would you like that to go?

Any sauces?

You're so sweet and you're neat
You knock me off my two feet
You're chunky and hunky
I'm coming back for more (Hot Dog)

Your taste all embraces
I gotta sing your praises
Just savour the flavours
Waiting at your door

I think of you and lick my lips
You've got the taste I can't resist
Can't resist - can't resist
Let's eat to the beat

(Repeat Chorus)

Does anyone fancy a shake?
Shake
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Shake it to the left - Shake it to the right - Let's shake
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

I think of you and lick my lips
You've got the taste I can't resist
Can't resist - can't resist
Let's eat to the beat

(Repeat Chorus)


Author's Note: Someone dared me to write a bad songfic involving the Combaticons and this... song and its weird blue dog video. This fic was written way back on 2006-06-08 and just tossed up here to put all my fanfic in one place.